May 7, 2009

Man, rules

Now that I'm able to watch all of these games - thanks to someone jacking the ESPN feed and broadcasting it illegally on the world wide whatever - I can share some things I've noticed about the Cleveland Cavaliers.

1. LeBron is the best player in the NBA since Michael Jordan.

2. Perhaps I was wrong about Mike Brown... or maybe Atlanta is just that bad. Either way, I saw the Cavs running some pretty neat plays, getting guys open, and taking what the Hawks were giving them. Which wasn't very much, but still.

3. Atlanta would be a team that would be VERY easy to hate, if they were any good. Mike Bibby still likes to put on the piss-face, and Josh Smith is a whiny bitch who will stop to whiny bitch in the ear of an official instead of play defense. And then there's Zaza. GAME SEVEN, GAME SEVEN! He took a swing at KG last year, so that's cool, but his face, dear god, the face. It smells.

4. Joe Johnson has been diagnosed with a "severe ankle sprain". OH MY GOD THE CAVS WILL WIN THE REMAINING GAMES BY A COMBINED 100 POINTS. He is the only one capable of trying on the Hawks.

5. I really can't overstate how good the Cavs are... their game is so easy and free, yet they hardly ever show signs of being out of tune... contrast that with the Celts who just throw the ball around and eventually Ray falls away into a three or Eddie House makes one from his ass and it's PARTY TIME FOR KG! Of course the Cavs are playing some pretty dogshit teams, but they are absolutely destroying them, something neither the Celts nor the Lakers did last year. I don't even really know that the Cavs have a "homecourt advantage". They're good everywhere, and their fans aren't really that wild. I would say they are average. They don't know playoff basketball though... or at least they don't act like they do. Celtics fans pop nuts when Rondo makes a good pass to Fat Baby, but the Cavs hardly twitter unless LeBron is on a run-out. Wally makes a runner? Yawn. I'm just saying, they're so good they could win the championship this year even if they played in Minnesota.

6. I am really going to miss Ben Gordon in these playoffs, and next year when he signs with some dogshit team that overpays him and he misses the playoffs for the next 10 years. He grabbed his sack as he ran down the floor, right there, in prime time, on ABC. He grabbed it to show you how big it is. Sammy C did it, but not in front of the world. That was against the Clips.

7. Ron Artest became Ron Artest again last night, after he fouled Kobe he went after him like a complete nut trying to explain to Kobe that yes, indeed, it was Kobe who fouled him, not the other way around, and why aren't you listening and MOTHERFUCKER I WILL BLADE YOU IN THE STANDS. WATCH YOUR BACK WHEN YOU GET OUT THE SHOWER TONIGHT, SWEET PRINCE.

8. Violet Palmer is reffing this Cavs game. I don't possibly have anything productive to say about that, other than to ask: isn't the playoffs when you use your BEST refs? Because the only thing she's the best at is being the worst. Of ever.

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