April 21, 2011

Breaking down "Ballin Is My Hobby" by Rashad McCan't-Score-The-Basketball-Consistently

Let's kick this up a notch.

First of all, I'd like to point out how this thing has really become a phenomenon... people are reposting this video all over the web and mocking it (rightfully so), only to be called out on Twitter by Rashad himself.  It started with a blurb in the Star Trib, sort of a "where are they now" piece, and now it's seeping everywhere.  So, in order to be out front (and hopefully warrant a call-out from Rashad on Twitter!  Come on buddy, give us the coverage!), I decided to break down the lyrics of his new song, in a way that only a long-suffering Timberwolves fan can.  Let's begin:

Ballin' is my hobby (repeat)

First of all, I have to point out the utter perfectness of the title and common refrain of this song. Yes, it sure is a hobby. It was clear that it was a hobby from his first day here. The problem is that while playing basketball can be a cool hobby if you are, you know, in college, by the time you get to the pros it takes a little bit more dedication to stick around. Rashad played with KG and suffered from lack of motivation. Hmmm... I don't know how that's possible. *I* make sure I'm sitting straight up when KG looks at me - through the TV.

Ballin' is my hobby
I be dunking like Amare
I'll be riding Masarati
Or the cherry red Bugati

Well, he called out his first NBA player, so let's do a comparison:

When you search for "Amare Stoudemire Dunks" on Youtube, you get:

That's a hundred dunks.

When you do the same for McCants:

Video game.

Chris Paul and I be ballin' like it's Mardi Gras
I'm married to my money, motherfucker, like it's common-law.

Rashad and Chris Paul had similar college careers... Chris played 2 years at Wake Forest before being drafted 4th overall. Rashad played 3 years, won an NCAA title, and was drafted 14th by the Wolves. The difference in the pro game?

Chris Paul - 7936 points, 4228 assists, 1951 rebounds
Rashad McCants - 2479 points, 331 assists (you like passing, or?), 506 rebounds

They were drafted the same year.

Quick draw, quick trigger like I'm Sugar Ray,
Shootin' long range, Larry Bird, nigga, fly away.
Takin' off on you niggas like I'm Dr. J
Dr. Dre beats on my ear lettin' shots spray.

Larry Bird once shot 43% from 3 point range.
Rashad McCants once shot 27%.

Yeah I'm ballin' bitch, ballin' in Miami Beach,
Big meat-style fightin' blue (??) with the Miami Heat.

I'm not sure about the lyrics here (Big Meat Style??? You sure this wasn't written by Oliver Miller?), but he mentions the Miami Heat. What exactly is going on with the Miami Heat? Because Rashad's average of 1.3 assists per game for his career would put him juuuuuuust ahead of Jamal Magloire for 5th best on the team.

I'm fabulous, and it's pourin' outta me,
Ballin' is my hobby, you can see it in my salary.
Tragedy, tragedy, you isn't me,
Cause ballin' is my hobby, I be shining like a christmas tree.

Lots of talk about money, and that goes with the territory. I don't think anyone ever begrudged Rashad his money, or would make fun of him for having made 7.5 million dollars during his playing days (it's going to take me 3 or 4 lifetimes to make that much). But he could've been so much more, if it wasn't just a "hobby" to him. You know who was drafted 3 picks after Rashad in the same year? Danny Granger. And ballin', to him at least, isn't just a hobby. He works at it, and has improved every year he's been in the league. He made 10 million dollars... last year. He's made over 27 million in his 6 year career. And he was drafted to a dog-shit Pacers team, same as McCants. So, yeah, go ahead and git money, but when players actually, you know, work hard and improve, they usually shine a lot brighter than a christmas tree.

See me in the club, make it rain like I'm by ya bitch,
Ballin' is my hobby, gettin money is a compliment.
Thank you very much, thank you now, thank you later,
I be lovin' all the haters while I'm gettin all this paper.
I be lovin' all this cash, this cake and this cream,
Ballin' is my hobby, I can beat the Dream Team.


Well, I don't think that Rashad could actually beat the Dream Team. Over the course of their career, the starters averaged:

Magic: 19.5 PPG
Michael: 30.1 PPG
Admiral: 21.1 PPG
Mailman: 25.0 PPG
Larry: 24.3 PPG

That totals 120 points per game. Rashad? He's at an even 10.

So, is there any one player he could beat on the Dream Team?

John Stockton? Nope, 13 PPG. Plus, you know, 10.5 assists. Chris Mullin? Despite the flat-top, Mullin was good for 18 a game.

Come on, you and I both know there was one player on that Dream Team that McCants might have a chance to beat... Mr. Winner, Christian Laettner.

McCants: 10.0 PPG, 2.0 Rebounds, 1.3 Assists, 43% shooting for his career
Laettner: 12.8 PPG, 6.7 Rebounds, 2.6 Assists, 48% shooting for his career

OUCH. Just absolutely done in by Laettner. And money? Christian made over 61 million dollars in his career, pulling in 5.5 million in his 12th season. Rashad didn't last 5 seasons in the NBA.

So, that Dream Team proclamation.... I'm not buying it.


I wouldn't care about this at all, not one bit, if I hadn't sat with Mr. Bliznewski and watched Rashad McCants and those like him (non-trying, offense-only knuckleheads) slowly drag our Timberwolves down into the muck over the late 00's. Sure, it's McFail's fault for drafting them... so all of the BS rolls uphill, but it still would've really been nice if one or two of these guys would've worked out. Just for one of them to have a Ray Allen career (and I'm talking before the championships). Hell, it would've been nice just to see ONE of the guys actually GET BETTER. But it never happened. Look at McCants' career... his "best" season was 07-08 (after you-know-who was traded). He averaged 14.9 points per game, but committed 2.3 turnovers. NICE. He was traded the next year.

So, to Rashad, I find your budding rap career to be semi-entertaining, but only because you choose to use basketball metaphors in between talking about how much money you have. But really, I just wish you had tried to play defense with Kevin Garnett, and that you had given your maximum effort on every night, because you really were talented, and you wasted your NBA career. It's that simple.

Thanks for reading though!