Sorry, but that doesn't happen, not on the road. Instead, you crumple to the ground and get to be on a poster.
Next time, don't fucking flop.
May 4, 2011
See if you can find my car keys while you're down there
Sorry, but that doesn't happen, not on the road. Instead, you crumple to the ground and get to be on a poster.
Next time, don't fucking flop.
April 21, 2011
Breaking down "Ballin Is My Hobby" by Rashad McCan't-Score-The-Basketball-Consistently
Let's kick this up a notch.
First of all, I'd like to point out how this thing has really become a phenomenon... people are reposting this video all over the web and mocking it (rightfully so), only to be called out on Twitter by Rashad himself. It started with a blurb in the Star Trib, sort of a "where are they now" piece, and now it's seeping everywhere. So, in order to be out front (and hopefully warrant a call-out from Rashad on Twitter! Come on buddy, give us the coverage!), I decided to break down the lyrics of his new song, in a way that only a long-suffering Timberwolves fan can. Let's begin:
First of all, I have to point out the utter perfectness of the title and common refrain of this song. Yes, it sure is a hobby. It was clear that it was a hobby from his first day here. The problem is that while playing basketball can be a cool hobby if you are, you know, in college, by the time you get to the pros it takes a little bit more dedication to stick around. Rashad played with KG and suffered from lack of motivation. Hmmm... I don't know how that's possible. *I* make sure I'm sitting straight up when KG looks at me - through the TV.
Well, he called out his first NBA player, so let's do a comparison:
When you search for "Amare Stoudemire Dunks" on Youtube, you get:
That's a hundred dunks.
When you do the same for McCants:
Video game.
Rashad and Chris Paul had similar college careers... Chris played 2 years at Wake Forest before being drafted 4th overall. Rashad played 3 years, won an NCAA title, and was drafted 14th by the Wolves. The difference in the pro game?
Chris Paul - 7936 points, 4228 assists, 1951 rebounds
Rashad McCants - 2479 points, 331 assists (you like passing, or?), 506 rebounds
They were drafted the same year.
Larry Bird once shot 43% from 3 point range.
Rashad McCants once shot 27%.
I'm not sure about the lyrics here (Big Meat Style??? You sure this wasn't written by Oliver Miller?), but he mentions the Miami Heat. What exactly is going on with the Miami Heat? Because Rashad's average of 1.3 assists per game for his career would put him juuuuuuust ahead of Jamal Magloire for 5th best on the team.
Lots of talk about money, and that goes with the territory. I don't think anyone ever begrudged Rashad his money, or would make fun of him for having made 7.5 million dollars during his playing days (it's going to take me 3 or 4 lifetimes to make that much). But he could've been so much more, if it wasn't just a "hobby" to him. You know who was drafted 3 picks after Rashad in the same year? Danny Granger. And ballin', to him at least, isn't just a hobby. He works at it, and has improved every year he's been in the league. He made 10 million dollars... last year. He's made over 27 million in his 6 year career. And he was drafted to a dog-shit Pacers team, same as McCants. So, yeah, go ahead and git money, but when players actually, you know, work hard and improve, they usually shine a lot brighter than a christmas tree.
Numbers!
Well, I don't think that Rashad could actually beat the Dream Team. Over the course of their career, the starters averaged:
Magic: 19.5 PPG
Michael: 30.1 PPG
Admiral: 21.1 PPG
Mailman: 25.0 PPG
Larry: 24.3 PPG
That totals 120 points per game. Rashad? He's at an even 10.
So, is there any one player he could beat on the Dream Team?
John Stockton? Nope, 13 PPG. Plus, you know, 10.5 assists. Chris Mullin? Despite the flat-top, Mullin was good for 18 a game.
Come on, you and I both know there was one player on that Dream Team that McCants might have a chance to beat... Mr. Winner, Christian Laettner.
McCants: 10.0 PPG, 2.0 Rebounds, 1.3 Assists, 43% shooting for his career
Laettner: 12.8 PPG, 6.7 Rebounds, 2.6 Assists, 48% shooting for his career
OUCH. Just absolutely done in by Laettner. And money? Christian made over 61 million dollars in his career, pulling in 5.5 million in his 12th season. Rashad didn't last 5 seasons in the NBA.
So, that Dream Team proclamation.... I'm not buying it.
----------------------------------------------------------
I wouldn't care about this at all, not one bit, if I hadn't sat with Mr. Bliznewski and watched Rashad McCants and those like him (non-trying, offense-only knuckleheads) slowly drag our Timberwolves down into the muck over the late 00's. Sure, it's McFail's fault for drafting them... so all of the BS rolls uphill, but it still would've really been nice if one or two of these guys would've worked out. Just for one of them to have a Ray Allen career (and I'm talking before the championships). Hell, it would've been nice just to see ONE of the guys actually GET BETTER. But it never happened. Look at McCants' career... his "best" season was 07-08 (after you-know-who was traded). He averaged 14.9 points per game, but committed 2.3 turnovers. NICE. He was traded the next year.
So, to Rashad, I find your budding rap career to be semi-entertaining, but only because you choose to use basketball metaphors in between talking about how much money you have. But really, I just wish you had tried to play defense with Kevin Garnett, and that you had given your maximum effort on every night, because you really were talented, and you wasted your NBA career. It's that simple.
Thanks for reading though!
First of all, I'd like to point out how this thing has really become a phenomenon... people are reposting this video all over the web and mocking it (rightfully so), only to be called out on Twitter by Rashad himself. It started with a blurb in the Star Trib, sort of a "where are they now" piece, and now it's seeping everywhere. So, in order to be out front (and hopefully warrant a call-out from Rashad on Twitter! Come on buddy, give us the coverage!), I decided to break down the lyrics of his new song, in a way that only a long-suffering Timberwolves fan can. Let's begin:
Ballin' is my hobby (repeat)
First of all, I have to point out the utter perfectness of the title and common refrain of this song. Yes, it sure is a hobby. It was clear that it was a hobby from his first day here. The problem is that while playing basketball can be a cool hobby if you are, you know, in college, by the time you get to the pros it takes a little bit more dedication to stick around. Rashad played with KG and suffered from lack of motivation. Hmmm... I don't know how that's possible. *I* make sure I'm sitting straight up when KG looks at me - through the TV.
Ballin' is my hobby
I be dunking like Amare
I'll be riding Masarati
Or the cherry red Bugati
Well, he called out his first NBA player, so let's do a comparison:
When you search for "Amare Stoudemire Dunks" on Youtube, you get:
That's a hundred dunks.
When you do the same for McCants:
Video game.
Chris Paul and I be ballin' like it's Mardi Gras
I'm married to my money, motherfucker, like it's common-law.
Rashad and Chris Paul had similar college careers... Chris played 2 years at Wake Forest before being drafted 4th overall. Rashad played 3 years, won an NCAA title, and was drafted 14th by the Wolves. The difference in the pro game?
Chris Paul - 7936 points, 4228 assists, 1951 rebounds
Rashad McCants - 2479 points, 331 assists (you like passing, or?), 506 rebounds
They were drafted the same year.
Quick draw, quick trigger like I'm Sugar Ray,
Shootin' long range, Larry Bird, nigga, fly away.
Takin' off on you niggas like I'm Dr. J
Dr. Dre beats on my ear lettin' shots spray.
Larry Bird once shot 43% from 3 point range.
Rashad McCants once shot 27%.
Yeah I'm ballin' bitch, ballin' in Miami Beach,
Big meat-style fightin' blue (??) with the Miami Heat.
I'm not sure about the lyrics here (Big Meat Style??? You sure this wasn't written by Oliver Miller?), but he mentions the Miami Heat. What exactly is going on with the Miami Heat? Because Rashad's average of 1.3 assists per game for his career would put him juuuuuuust ahead of Jamal Magloire for 5th best on the team.
I'm fabulous, and it's pourin' outta me,
Ballin' is my hobby, you can see it in my salary.
Tragedy, tragedy, you isn't me,
Cause ballin' is my hobby, I be shining like a christmas tree.
Lots of talk about money, and that goes with the territory. I don't think anyone ever begrudged Rashad his money, or would make fun of him for having made 7.5 million dollars during his playing days (it's going to take me 3 or 4 lifetimes to make that much). But he could've been so much more, if it wasn't just a "hobby" to him. You know who was drafted 3 picks after Rashad in the same year? Danny Granger. And ballin', to him at least, isn't just a hobby. He works at it, and has improved every year he's been in the league. He made 10 million dollars... last year. He's made over 27 million in his 6 year career. And he was drafted to a dog-shit Pacers team, same as McCants. So, yeah, go ahead and git money, but when players actually, you know, work hard and improve, they usually shine a lot brighter than a christmas tree.
See me in the club, make it rain like I'm by ya bitch,
Ballin' is my hobby, gettin money is a compliment.
Thank you very much, thank you now, thank you later,
I be lovin' all the haters while I'm gettin all this paper.
I be lovin' all this cash, this cake and this cream,
Ballin' is my hobby, I can beat the Dream Team.
Numbers!
Well, I don't think that Rashad could actually beat the Dream Team. Over the course of their career, the starters averaged:
Magic: 19.5 PPG
Michael: 30.1 PPG
Admiral: 21.1 PPG
Mailman: 25.0 PPG
Larry: 24.3 PPG
That totals 120 points per game. Rashad? He's at an even 10.
So, is there any one player he could beat on the Dream Team?
John Stockton? Nope, 13 PPG. Plus, you know, 10.5 assists. Chris Mullin? Despite the flat-top, Mullin was good for 18 a game.
Come on, you and I both know there was one player on that Dream Team that McCants might have a chance to beat... Mr. Winner, Christian Laettner.
McCants: 10.0 PPG, 2.0 Rebounds, 1.3 Assists, 43% shooting for his career
Laettner: 12.8 PPG, 6.7 Rebounds, 2.6 Assists, 48% shooting for his career
OUCH. Just absolutely done in by Laettner. And money? Christian made over 61 million dollars in his career, pulling in 5.5 million in his 12th season. Rashad didn't last 5 seasons in the NBA.
So, that Dream Team proclamation.... I'm not buying it.
----------------------------------------------------------
I wouldn't care about this at all, not one bit, if I hadn't sat with Mr. Bliznewski and watched Rashad McCants and those like him (non-trying, offense-only knuckleheads) slowly drag our Timberwolves down into the muck over the late 00's. Sure, it's McFail's fault for drafting them... so all of the BS rolls uphill, but it still would've really been nice if one or two of these guys would've worked out. Just for one of them to have a Ray Allen career (and I'm talking before the championships). Hell, it would've been nice just to see ONE of the guys actually GET BETTER. But it never happened. Look at McCants' career... his "best" season was 07-08 (after you-know-who was traded). He averaged 14.9 points per game, but committed 2.3 turnovers. NICE. He was traded the next year.
So, to Rashad, I find your budding rap career to be semi-entertaining, but only because you choose to use basketball metaphors in between talking about how much money you have. But really, I just wish you had tried to play defense with Kevin Garnett, and that you had given your maximum effort on every night, because you really were talented, and you wasted your NBA career. It's that simple.
Thanks for reading though!
April 19, 2011
March 25, 2011
Order. Has. Been. Restored.
Jalen Rose was recently talking about Duke and basically said that he grew up despising them and everything they represent. He said they always represented something that he could never have, and therefore was taught at a young age to dislike their method of operating. I'm right there with him. See, I've been a fan of the Razorbacks since Todd Day. And even though we eventually climbed that mountain-top (and damn near did it TWICE), those early days always ended with me hating Duke. They were the anti-Arkansas, to my mind, but really, aren't they the anti-Everyone? There is no other program in the country that comes close to Duke basketball. I remember a friend in middle school once told me that even the name of the university sounded like a disease. Like AIDS. "Hey man, just got back from the clinic... Yeah, my Duke test came back positive." You can talk about sports hate all you want, and certainly there are valid explanations for despising the Yankees, Cowboys, Red Sox, Lakers, etc. But those are pro teams. College programs usually have a healthy dose of regional hate ("It will die. You think I care? ROLL DAMN TIDE."), but the Duke hate reaches a true national level. Seriously, EVERYONE likes to see them lose. It's one of the most enjoyable experiences we share as a nation of sports fans.
Now then, this post isn't about hate. It's about gambling. So get on with it.
I suppose the John Nash in me will never quiet down. Sure, when I see free money on the table, I grab my satchel and git all I can, but I never stop looking for that pattern. I like a framework, however loose, to guide my gambling decisions. Look, this is not Simmons' manifesto - which is so overwrought, conflicting and often just incredibly WRONG - it's a guide to general principles of gambling on a specific sport. Let me tell you of a few things that would constitute a framework of gambling in various sports:
College Football
We start here because it's the easiest. It's literally the safest way to make money outside of having a job... and even then, it's safer than your retirement plan. The plan goes like this: identify a handful of teams that are good enough to contend for a BCS bowl game, but don't happen to play for one of the DS'ing conferences. These are teams like TCU, Boise State, Utah, Nevada, etc. They are the class of their conferences, but they get absolutely no respect from voters, because Fats Turkeyroll will always vote Alabama #1 because every goddamn game is a rivalry. So how do they get votes? THEY EARN THEM BY SCORING 80 POINTS ON IDAHO. So the game is simple - identify these teams and ride them into the ground. We learned very much from our dear leader this season, and those lessons will last a lifetime.
Professional Football
It's tougher, because there are no votes to be had, but simple axioms do apply. During the regular season, it's pretty much all about who needs the game more. The Skins can beat the Eagles if doing so means keeping hopes alive for one of the teams. Also, in games that really matter, it's all about coaching and preparation. Anyone alive knew that the Jets had spent their entire playbook to beat the Patriots and would have nothing left for Pittsburgh. So there are a few rules to follow, but nothing too concrete.
Professional Basketball
First, it's easy to bet the playoffs once you see which refs are calling the games, and what they mean. Oh, the Celtics have fallen behind 3-2 and they need a win to force Ratings 7, I mean Game 7? TO THE BAVETTA PHONE! During the season, I generally follow the "Ghetto Ball" model, the summary of which is to find teams that play horrible ghetto ball (GOLDEN STATE'S BEEN DOING IT FOR 15 YEARS) and hammer them when the time is right. Orlando is one of those wild card teams... against Boston they are probably going under, but you stay away. Against Toronto? GO GO GO. Still though, ghetto ball is hard to read for most teams... like the Wolves don't like playing defense, but they also don't like scoring. So tread lightly.
Professional Hockey
Bet the over or under on the Grand Salami if you are drunk in Las Vegas and need more action because you are a degenerate. Spend 2 minutes thinking about stats, and then just pound a white russian and flip a coin. Hockey is stupid.
And that brings us to College Basketball. Besides the obvious "Bet Duke to lose in the tournament if they have to play west of the Mississippi, no matter who they are playing even if it is NJIT", I've always had a hard time with the league.
First, you have to throw out the law of transitive properties. Who cares if Wisconsin lost to Iowa? They are going to destroy Belmont (LEARNED THAT ONE A LITTLE LATE, EH DREW?). And, although it's fun to get down to Friends University, it clearly doesn't matter when isolated to one game. For example, Florida State lost to AUBURN. But look at them now. So you can't get caught up in single-game performances. Any team can take a game off and still make a run. Unless they are the Gophers.
Another example of what NOT to do is to bet program history. This seems like it would be obvious, and of course it is, but I find myself betting histories and past success more often than not. Oh, Pittsburgh? That's an over! But still, you have to research, and break down the matchup. When you don't, you might as well be betting hockey.
So, what's the solution? Well, one thing I've found is betting regional matchups. The theory goes like this: let's say you're betting the MAAC (and why wouldn't you?). When an underdog is at home to a favorite from the top of the conference, hammer that underdog. They'll be 8 point dogs at home and it will go down to the wire. Why? Well, first, IT'S THE MAAC. But second, you have to bet into the parity. Bet into the fact that even though Rider is good, they aren't THAT good. Basketball is one of those sports where the home crowd truly sways both the officiating and flow of the game. That home crowd for Niagara is going to BRING IT.
Also, style of play matters in the tournament. If a team is plodding, methodical and sound on defense, they are likely going to beat a team that dunks a lot. If a team makes their throws, and plays ball control, the only type of team that can upend them is another team that does that just a little bit better. HOWEVER, in the case of Arizona/Duke, there's this fun thing that happens when the underdog starts ghettoing all over the favorite, just dunking down their throat at every opportunity, and once that happens, all bets are off. So pay attention to the location of the game, and the potential for ghetto fun, but bet coaches and styles.
And really, that's what it's all about... not knowing what's going to happen but betting into the unknown. This last Duke game gave me a little glimpse at something resembling a theory forming in my head... but I still need more work. Every sport has an angle by which you can penetrate to the gambling core. I will find it in basketball. I have a beautiful mind.
Now then, this post isn't about hate. It's about gambling. So get on with it.
I suppose the John Nash in me will never quiet down. Sure, when I see free money on the table, I grab my satchel and git all I can, but I never stop looking for that pattern. I like a framework, however loose, to guide my gambling decisions. Look, this is not Simmons' manifesto - which is so overwrought, conflicting and often just incredibly WRONG - it's a guide to general principles of gambling on a specific sport. Let me tell you of a few things that would constitute a framework of gambling in various sports:
College Football
We start here because it's the easiest. It's literally the safest way to make money outside of having a job... and even then, it's safer than your retirement plan. The plan goes like this: identify a handful of teams that are good enough to contend for a BCS bowl game, but don't happen to play for one of the DS'ing conferences. These are teams like TCU, Boise State, Utah, Nevada, etc. They are the class of their conferences, but they get absolutely no respect from voters, because Fats Turkeyroll will always vote Alabama #1 because every goddamn game is a rivalry. So how do they get votes? THEY EARN THEM BY SCORING 80 POINTS ON IDAHO. So the game is simple - identify these teams and ride them into the ground. We learned very much from our dear leader this season, and those lessons will last a lifetime.
Professional Football
It's tougher, because there are no votes to be had, but simple axioms do apply. During the regular season, it's pretty much all about who needs the game more. The Skins can beat the Eagles if doing so means keeping hopes alive for one of the teams. Also, in games that really matter, it's all about coaching and preparation. Anyone alive knew that the Jets had spent their entire playbook to beat the Patriots and would have nothing left for Pittsburgh. So there are a few rules to follow, but nothing too concrete.
Professional Basketball
First, it's easy to bet the playoffs once you see which refs are calling the games, and what they mean. Oh, the Celtics have fallen behind 3-2 and they need a win to force Ratings 7, I mean Game 7? TO THE BAVETTA PHONE! During the season, I generally follow the "Ghetto Ball" model, the summary of which is to find teams that play horrible ghetto ball (GOLDEN STATE'S BEEN DOING IT FOR 15 YEARS) and hammer them when the time is right. Orlando is one of those wild card teams... against Boston they are probably going under, but you stay away. Against Toronto? GO GO GO. Still though, ghetto ball is hard to read for most teams... like the Wolves don't like playing defense, but they also don't like scoring. So tread lightly.
Professional Hockey
Bet the over or under on the Grand Salami if you are drunk in Las Vegas and need more action because you are a degenerate. Spend 2 minutes thinking about stats, and then just pound a white russian and flip a coin. Hockey is stupid.
And that brings us to College Basketball. Besides the obvious "Bet Duke to lose in the tournament if they have to play west of the Mississippi, no matter who they are playing even if it is NJIT", I've always had a hard time with the league.
First, you have to throw out the law of transitive properties. Who cares if Wisconsin lost to Iowa? They are going to destroy Belmont (LEARNED THAT ONE A LITTLE LATE, EH DREW?). And, although it's fun to get down to Friends University, it clearly doesn't matter when isolated to one game. For example, Florida State lost to AUBURN. But look at them now. So you can't get caught up in single-game performances. Any team can take a game off and still make a run. Unless they are the Gophers.
Another example of what NOT to do is to bet program history. This seems like it would be obvious, and of course it is, but I find myself betting histories and past success more often than not. Oh, Pittsburgh? That's an over! But still, you have to research, and break down the matchup. When you don't, you might as well be betting hockey.
So, what's the solution? Well, one thing I've found is betting regional matchups. The theory goes like this: let's say you're betting the MAAC (and why wouldn't you?). When an underdog is at home to a favorite from the top of the conference, hammer that underdog. They'll be 8 point dogs at home and it will go down to the wire. Why? Well, first, IT'S THE MAAC. But second, you have to bet into the parity. Bet into the fact that even though Rider is good, they aren't THAT good. Basketball is one of those sports where the home crowd truly sways both the officiating and flow of the game. That home crowd for Niagara is going to BRING IT.
Also, style of play matters in the tournament. If a team is plodding, methodical and sound on defense, they are likely going to beat a team that dunks a lot. If a team makes their throws, and plays ball control, the only type of team that can upend them is another team that does that just a little bit better. HOWEVER, in the case of Arizona/Duke, there's this fun thing that happens when the underdog starts ghettoing all over the favorite, just dunking down their throat at every opportunity, and once that happens, all bets are off. So pay attention to the location of the game, and the potential for ghetto fun, but bet coaches and styles.
And really, that's what it's all about... not knowing what's going to happen but betting into the unknown. This last Duke game gave me a little glimpse at something resembling a theory forming in my head... but I still need more work. Every sport has an angle by which you can penetrate to the gambling core. I will find it in basketball. I have a beautiful mind.
March 18, 2011
March 17, 2011
Let's start the day off with this...
Listen to Jim Nantz and Clark Kellogg. Just buffoons. Gus Johnson would've been dead by halftime.
Particularly, skip to the 5:40 mark. I swear, Jim actually flipped into Master's Mode, thinking he had to keep quiet lest he be yelled at for disturbing the concentration of the holy athlete. IT'S A CHAMPIONSHIP BASKETBALL GAME. And he whispers "Butler has no timeouts".
Here's to another year!
March 15, 2011
March 5, 2011
Stop everything, I've got a new rule for this blog
Ok, so from now on, I must insist that whenever we post anything along the lines of "This Timberwolves team is a failure" or "This guy the Timberwolves drafted pulled a gun on his moms" or "Looks like Rubio's going to stay in Spain until he's 30", then we need to post this image:
Because I've got to tell you, nothing we could ever say or do could speak more volume to the failure of this franchise than the fact that if you go to Cub foods and buy 4 cans of vegetables, you get two tickets to a Wolves game. NOTHING.
Thank you, carry on.
Because I've got to tell you, nothing we could ever say or do could speak more volume to the failure of this franchise than the fact that if you go to Cub foods and buy 4 cans of vegetables, you get two tickets to a Wolves game. NOTHING.
Thank you, carry on.
March 3, 2011
Brigham Young University Athletics Are Bullshit
Ok, so a guy on the BYU basketball team dipped his wick, and we're all just going to freak the fuck out. That's fine.
But this really only pulls back the curtain a tiny bit on the unbelievable amount of bullshit that BYU slings on a daily basis. For years, I thought Notre Dame was the most detestable Division I program due to their complete stubbornness to ever join a conference and be forced to play football against, you know, good teams to prove themselves. No. They would beat Michigan, Michigan State and fucking walk to the dance because they also played Army, Navy and Wayne State. Hey great. Everyone stacks their non-conference schedule. But what if your WHOLE SCHEDULE was non-conference? And the NCAA let this happen, because why? Because they are Notre Dame, and when their program pulls down the pants to take a piss, scented bath soap comes out instead.
But here comes BYU. Now, I don't have a problem with rules. Different programs institute different rules, I get that. You're not going to have the same curfew at Loyola Marymount as you will at Miami. And lord knows that academic violations at Yale are a bit more frowned upon than at Cincinnati. That's fine. And this isn't even one of those posts that points and laughs at BYU because they don't let their athletes drink coffee. Again, when you look at the inmates-running-the-asylum mentality of a LOT of NCAA programs throughout the country (does UNLV even have classes? Do they have buildings? Or does every single student just git buckets?), I think quite a few of them would do well to institute some more rules. Royce White stole a fucking laptop from a dorm, then stole shit from Mall of America. A laptop? Dude, they're like 300 bucks. And I'm pretty sure computer labs are open 24 hours a day during finals week, you know, if you need to finish up that research paper....
No, the reason BYU is bullshit is because they refuse to play games on Sunday. In all sports. Even intramurals.
Now, if you are, say, Friends University, fine. Go ahead and say that you will not play on Sunday. And then everyone will laugh at you and we'll go about our business. But how the fuck is this fair to an NCAA tournament field? They refuse to play on Sunday... so the NCAA bends over backwards to accommodate them. I looked at the history - they've been to the NCAA tournament 14 times in the last 24 years. Guess how many opening round games they played on Friday? Not a goddamn one. Every single year they were scheduled for Thursday.
Ok, so what's the point? Well, let's look at some recent history:
2010 - 7 seed West
2009 - 8 seed West
2008 - 8 seed West
2007 - 8 seed South
2004 - 12 seed West
2003 - 12 seed South
Now, every single one of those opening round games was on a Thursday (big surprise). And, there is no formula to when seeds play. For example, before the tournament begins, we have no idea if the 1 seed is going to play on Thursday or Friday (that is all determined during selection sunday). So, one year, the 7 seed plays on Thursday... the next year it plays on Friday.
And all this means is that the NCAA selection committee is absolutely on their knees to BYU.
The one consistency throughout the years is that despite the seeds switching what day they play, they always play in "pods". Meaning, the 1-16 always falls on the same day as the 8-9. They do this, presumably, so that they can lock in those matchups (the teams would instantly know who they were going to play next... and could even be in the same building to watch them on their game day). So if the 1 seed plays on Thursday, you're damn sure the 8-9 will be on Thursday too.
Now think about BYU in this scenario.... first of all we have to put aside the bullshit regional aspects of this. Because why does BYU consistently play in the South and West bracket, even when they draw 8 and 12 seeds? Because fuck the committee, that's why. But that happens everywhere, so we'll move on. Ok, the ONLY team in the country that has scheduling sensitivity is BYU... I searched and I could find no example of another school being morally opposed to playing on Sunday. So no matter where the NCAA seats them, they have to play on Thursday. And then, of course, they have to seat them the NEXT Thursday too, if they happen to get out of the first round. And, of course, they pull 3 other teams with them the first round, and 3 more then next round... pretty much the ripples touch the entire tournament. I imagine the NCAA selection committee on Sunday - "Ok guys, let's start - like we always do - with BYU... where are we seeding them and we've got to make sure they don't play on Sunday because - HEY IS THAT A HAM-STEAK BUFFET?!?!?!"
In reality, of course, this has little bearing. Teams don't care when they play, and there is no demonstrable advantage to playing Thursday v. Friday (and based on BYU's history in the tournament, Thursday ain't treating them too hot). But it's just an example of horseshit. One team - ONE TEAM - will not play on a certain day, and they have to adjust the entire schedule according to them. And come on, you can't tell me ratings don't then play into the seeding. Let's do a hypothetical: UCLA is the one seed in the West, and BYU is around a 8 or 7 seed. If they go 8, then they have to play on Thursday, which means UCLA does too. Let's see, how do we maximize ratings? When do more people watch... Thursday or Friday? GREASE THE POCKETS, CHARLIE.
The fucking tournament seeding is a joke... we've all seen Duke pull a 5 seed and have their first 4 games within 30 minutes of their campus while USC plays on the other side of the country with a 2 seed. We all know it's sleaze central, and I guess this is just one more example.
It's bullshit, but it's always been bullshit, and we'll keep watching. Damn you.
But this really only pulls back the curtain a tiny bit on the unbelievable amount of bullshit that BYU slings on a daily basis. For years, I thought Notre Dame was the most detestable Division I program due to their complete stubbornness to ever join a conference and be forced to play football against, you know, good teams to prove themselves. No. They would beat Michigan, Michigan State and fucking walk to the dance because they also played Army, Navy and Wayne State. Hey great. Everyone stacks their non-conference schedule. But what if your WHOLE SCHEDULE was non-conference? And the NCAA let this happen, because why? Because they are Notre Dame, and when their program pulls down the pants to take a piss, scented bath soap comes out instead.
But here comes BYU. Now, I don't have a problem with rules. Different programs institute different rules, I get that. You're not going to have the same curfew at Loyola Marymount as you will at Miami. And lord knows that academic violations at Yale are a bit more frowned upon than at Cincinnati. That's fine. And this isn't even one of those posts that points and laughs at BYU because they don't let their athletes drink coffee. Again, when you look at the inmates-running-the-asylum mentality of a LOT of NCAA programs throughout the country (does UNLV even have classes? Do they have buildings? Or does every single student just git buckets?), I think quite a few of them would do well to institute some more rules. Royce White stole a fucking laptop from a dorm, then stole shit from Mall of America. A laptop? Dude, they're like 300 bucks. And I'm pretty sure computer labs are open 24 hours a day during finals week, you know, if you need to finish up that research paper....
No, the reason BYU is bullshit is because they refuse to play games on Sunday. In all sports. Even intramurals.
Now, if you are, say, Friends University, fine. Go ahead and say that you will not play on Sunday. And then everyone will laugh at you and we'll go about our business. But how the fuck is this fair to an NCAA tournament field? They refuse to play on Sunday... so the NCAA bends over backwards to accommodate them. I looked at the history - they've been to the NCAA tournament 14 times in the last 24 years. Guess how many opening round games they played on Friday? Not a goddamn one. Every single year they were scheduled for Thursday.
Ok, so what's the point? Well, let's look at some recent history:
2010 - 7 seed West
2009 - 8 seed West
2008 - 8 seed West
2007 - 8 seed South
2004 - 12 seed West
2003 - 12 seed South
Now, every single one of those opening round games was on a Thursday (big surprise). And, there is no formula to when seeds play. For example, before the tournament begins, we have no idea if the 1 seed is going to play on Thursday or Friday (that is all determined during selection sunday). So, one year, the 7 seed plays on Thursday... the next year it plays on Friday.
And all this means is that the NCAA selection committee is absolutely on their knees to BYU.
The one consistency throughout the years is that despite the seeds switching what day they play, they always play in "pods". Meaning, the 1-16 always falls on the same day as the 8-9. They do this, presumably, so that they can lock in those matchups (the teams would instantly know who they were going to play next... and could even be in the same building to watch them on their game day). So if the 1 seed plays on Thursday, you're damn sure the 8-9 will be on Thursday too.
Now think about BYU in this scenario.... first of all we have to put aside the bullshit regional aspects of this. Because why does BYU consistently play in the South and West bracket, even when they draw 8 and 12 seeds? Because fuck the committee, that's why. But that happens everywhere, so we'll move on. Ok, the ONLY team in the country that has scheduling sensitivity is BYU... I searched and I could find no example of another school being morally opposed to playing on Sunday. So no matter where the NCAA seats them, they have to play on Thursday. And then, of course, they have to seat them the NEXT Thursday too, if they happen to get out of the first round. And, of course, they pull 3 other teams with them the first round, and 3 more then next round... pretty much the ripples touch the entire tournament. I imagine the NCAA selection committee on Sunday - "Ok guys, let's start - like we always do - with BYU... where are we seeding them and we've got to make sure they don't play on Sunday because - HEY IS THAT A HAM-STEAK BUFFET?!?!?!"
In reality, of course, this has little bearing. Teams don't care when they play, and there is no demonstrable advantage to playing Thursday v. Friday (and based on BYU's history in the tournament, Thursday ain't treating them too hot). But it's just an example of horseshit. One team - ONE TEAM - will not play on a certain day, and they have to adjust the entire schedule according to them. And come on, you can't tell me ratings don't then play into the seeding. Let's do a hypothetical: UCLA is the one seed in the West, and BYU is around a 8 or 7 seed. If they go 8, then they have to play on Thursday, which means UCLA does too. Let's see, how do we maximize ratings? When do more people watch... Thursday or Friday? GREASE THE POCKETS, CHARLIE.
The fucking tournament seeding is a joke... we've all seen Duke pull a 5 seed and have their first 4 games within 30 minutes of their campus while USC plays on the other side of the country with a 2 seed. We all know it's sleaze central, and I guess this is just one more example.
It's bullshit, but it's always been bullshit, and we'll keep watching. Damn you.
February 18, 2011
Handicapping Tougaloo's chances at a #1 seed
A few years ago - inspired by that infamous Gopher poster depicting why they deserved to be crowned national champions because they had defeated Wisconsin or something - Mr. Dickfer and I chased down a long thread of extrapolation to declare that Savannah State indeed did deserve a #1 seed in the NCAA tournament. It took a grand total of 10 minutes of back-breaking research, and our reward was that we spend time looking at Savannah State's website, which is always good fun.
Our problem, clearly, was that we didn't go deep enough.
And that brings us to Tougaloo College. Located in Madison County (no, not that Madison County), Mississippi, this small liberal arts college boasts such alumni as Aunjanue Ellis and Robert Honeysucker. With an enrollment of 900, it's hard to see how they could compete with Duke. But by the simple Law of Transitive Properties (which is something we all know is a real thing), the Bulldogs should indeed be squaring off with the likes of North Dakota State in the first round.
You see, Tougaloo defeated Southern University.
Southern then beat Alabama State.
Alabama State beat Kennesaw State.
The Owls picked up a huge win against Georgia Tech (THE MISSING LINK).
Georgia Tech beat Virginia Tech.
The Hokies defeated Florida State.
And, of course, Florida State defeated Duke on January 12th.
So there you have it....
--------------------------------------------------
When you make the jump down into the NAIA, the world opens up into a flood of beauty. Because from Tougaloo, it's not a far jump to Haskell Indian Nation University. In 1884, it was formed as one of the first Indian Boarding Schools, which were pretty much responsible for the final death blow to Indian culture in America. Indian children were taught only English and were instructed to forget their Indian heritage. So, positive beginnings. They are currently governed by the Bureau of Indian Affairs, which is a government organization that gave rise to groups like AIM strictly for the purpose of opposing them.
Oh, and also:
Well then. I think even Huggy Bear graduated more at Cincinnati.
But this year, Haskell lost an important game to Bethel. Nope, not that Bethel. This one is in Kansas. And has 500 students. Bethel is located in a town called North Newton. That's a town of 1,500 people.
Oh, and I'm sorry, did I fail to mention that Bethel College is a MENNONITE COLLEGE?
When I was in 10th grade or so, I was at a Burger King out on the edge of town (isn't that a Merle Haggard tune?), and I watched a family walk in from the truck stop in the adjoining building. The mother was wearing clothes that were hand-made and looked to be from 1870. The father had the beard that went down to his stomach. There were two children, both looking like they had literally been working the fields behind the plow-steer all day. I had just been studying about Mennonites for a class (as well as Israeli Kibbutz!) and now I was seeing them in the flesh, for the first time. I just had to know... so I walked up to one of the children and asked them if they were Mennonites. She said yes, and they all smiled and I smiled back and we parted ways.
And clearly folks, I have no bias against the Mennonites. They are goddamned dedicated to peace, and I respect that. I respect it so much that I will now joke about it.
First of all, does the team make their own uniforms with needle and thread? Do they practice by candlelight? Does some rogue edit their season's highlights into a DVD? Because if so, who will watch it? When you go to play the Mennonites in basketball, is there really any competition, or are you all just happy and shaking hands and helping each other up the entire game? I think the Mennonites would actually be happier with losses... that would play more into their religious beliefs. So long as they worked as hard as they could, of course.
And so it's really no surprise that Bethel College was handily defeated by Friends University.
There is a university in Wichita, Kansas that goes by the name of Friends University. No, it's not named after Edward Friend or whatever. It's just Friends. As in, friendship.
Look at that picture. This building clearly used to be a bank. Or a Pizza Hut. Or both.
"GOING TO COLLEGE IS FUN AND MY NAME IS ROMAN. YOU WANNA RIDE BIKES?"
When you go to the Athletics page on their website, the first link you see is for Cross Country. So we know the priorities are in order.
Also, take a look at the NAMES.
Denzel Goudeau (is that a cheese?)
Thomans Bland (not Thomas. Thomans.)
Eli Applegate ("Tis a fine barn, but sure it is no pool, English!")
Cody AND Colton Rausch (oh god someone find me a picture)
Zak Vanlooy (hey, who smokes grass on the team bus?)
When Friends University faced off against Bethel, the final score was 55-35. It may as well have been 1-0. Or just call it a tie. Because, come on, there are no losers in life. We're all standing in that sunlight, going for that Glory.
And finally, to just wrap this all up, if you're not going to give Friends University a #1 seed, then at least consider giving it to a team that showed they really have what it takes when they defeated the Falcons in overtime: Bacone College.
Mmmmm, I get hungry just thinking about it.
Our problem, clearly, was that we didn't go deep enough.
And that brings us to Tougaloo College. Located in Madison County (no, not that Madison County), Mississippi, this small liberal arts college boasts such alumni as Aunjanue Ellis and Robert Honeysucker. With an enrollment of 900, it's hard to see how they could compete with Duke. But by the simple Law of Transitive Properties (which is something we all know is a real thing), the Bulldogs should indeed be squaring off with the likes of North Dakota State in the first round.
You see, Tougaloo defeated Southern University.
Southern then beat Alabama State.
Alabama State beat Kennesaw State.
The Owls picked up a huge win against Georgia Tech (THE MISSING LINK).
Georgia Tech beat Virginia Tech.
The Hokies defeated Florida State.
And, of course, Florida State defeated Duke on January 12th.
So there you have it....
--------------------------------------------------
When you make the jump down into the NAIA, the world opens up into a flood of beauty. Because from Tougaloo, it's not a far jump to Haskell Indian Nation University. In 1884, it was formed as one of the first Indian Boarding Schools, which were pretty much responsible for the final death blow to Indian culture in America. Indian children were taught only English and were instructed to forget their Indian heritage. So, positive beginnings. They are currently governed by the Bureau of Indian Affairs, which is a government organization that gave rise to groups like AIM strictly for the purpose of opposing them.
Oh, and also:
The academic quality of the university was called into question after receiving a #9 ranking on the 2010 Top 50 Dropout Factory list from Washington Monthly in their College Guide.
The ranking was based on the 9% graduation rate reported to the Department of Education.
Well then. I think even Huggy Bear graduated more at Cincinnati.
But this year, Haskell lost an important game to Bethel. Nope, not that Bethel. This one is in Kansas. And has 500 students. Bethel is located in a town called North Newton. That's a town of 1,500 people.
Oh, and I'm sorry, did I fail to mention that Bethel College is a MENNONITE COLLEGE?
When I was in 10th grade or so, I was at a Burger King out on the edge of town (isn't that a Merle Haggard tune?), and I watched a family walk in from the truck stop in the adjoining building. The mother was wearing clothes that were hand-made and looked to be from 1870. The father had the beard that went down to his stomach. There were two children, both looking like they had literally been working the fields behind the plow-steer all day. I had just been studying about Mennonites for a class (as well as Israeli Kibbutz!) and now I was seeing them in the flesh, for the first time. I just had to know... so I walked up to one of the children and asked them if they were Mennonites. She said yes, and they all smiled and I smiled back and we parted ways.
And clearly folks, I have no bias against the Mennonites. They are goddamned dedicated to peace, and I respect that. I respect it so much that I will now joke about it.
First of all, does the team make their own uniforms with needle and thread? Do they practice by candlelight? Does some rogue edit their season's highlights into a DVD? Because if so, who will watch it? When you go to play the Mennonites in basketball, is there really any competition, or are you all just happy and shaking hands and helping each other up the entire game? I think the Mennonites would actually be happier with losses... that would play more into their religious beliefs. So long as they worked as hard as they could, of course.
And so it's really no surprise that Bethel College was handily defeated by Friends University.
There is a university in Wichita, Kansas that goes by the name of Friends University. No, it's not named after Edward Friend or whatever. It's just Friends. As in, friendship.
Look at that picture. This building clearly used to be a bank. Or a Pizza Hut. Or both.
"GOING TO COLLEGE IS FUN AND MY NAME IS ROMAN. YOU WANNA RIDE BIKES?"
When you go to the Athletics page on their website, the first link you see is for Cross Country. So we know the priorities are in order.
Also, take a look at the NAMES.
Denzel Goudeau (is that a cheese?)
Thomans Bland (not Thomas. Thomans.)
Eli Applegate ("Tis a fine barn, but sure it is no pool, English!")
Cody AND Colton Rausch (oh god someone find me a picture)
Zak Vanlooy (hey, who smokes grass on the team bus?)
When Friends University faced off against Bethel, the final score was 55-35. It may as well have been 1-0. Or just call it a tie. Because, come on, there are no losers in life. We're all standing in that sunlight, going for that Glory.
And finally, to just wrap this all up, if you're not going to give Friends University a #1 seed, then at least consider giving it to a team that showed they really have what it takes when they defeated the Falcons in overtime: Bacone College.
Mmmmm, I get hungry just thinking about it.
February 15, 2011
Tough Times in the SWAC
King of a castle made out of Styrofoam..."What if we say 'Metroplex?'"...Reliant Stadium is a "facility"
These are not easy days for the basketball teams of the schools of the SWAC. The schools in Texas, Mississippi, Alabama and Arkansas were used as fodder for others' pre-seasons. They entered their conference schedule battered and worn. Hell, who wouldn't be? We may never know because so often, the strong refuse to play the strong on anything less than their own home court. Why give ground and prove yourself? The "big schools" coast and do their thing until they lose in the NCAA's to a school from a small conference. Problem is, it won't be to one of these schools.
Conference leader Texas Southern promotes their athletic department with "experience the game!" That's what those in Houston are attempting to do, brushing aside their local competition from Houston and Rice. The football team has a promising future ahead, with a new stadium being built that will be shared by Houston's MLS team. The basketball team? It toils away at something called the HP&E Arena. But the team has won all their conference games there. It has yet to play at Reliant Stadium, which is apparently ready for an overflow crowd.
On Valentine's Day, the Tigers traveled to Louisiana to play at Grambling. The TSU Tigers (not the Grambling Tigers) hit a lay-up with 3 seconds to go to win the game. It was a close, exciting contest that nearly sent the ESPNU announcers to sleep! What do you expect - nearly everyone was either romancing their lady or getting a jump start on their drinking...and if the game is on TV, no need to show up. The Grambling Tigers are a common example of life in the SWAC: all but ONE non-conference game was on the road. Florida Gulf Coast will play anywhere (they lost a tough one at West Kentucky last night) so that explains that. They weren't all losses, either. But it's a long drive back to Louisiana when you're having to deal with a loss of 30 or more, which unfortunately happened 3 times. Don't worry, Grambling, the school got a hefty check. The home team announcers said how you play with pride as they shoot for 3 up 25 with 2 minutes to go.
The SWAC tournament was advertised on last night's game as being in "The Dallas Metroplex." Hmmm...well, American Airlines Arena (or Center, whichever one isn't the Miami arena) is out. Is Reunion Arena still around? Hold on...I don't think it's IN Dallas. Deep digging found that the game will be in Garland, TX. It also includes a list of restaurants to, you know, save time.
P.E. Squad, travelling men..."Home of the Torii Hunter Baseball and Softball Complex"...the students voted, we are the Lions
Make that Golden Lions, which sounds like a bar, or a fraternal organization, or a cigarette brand in the 1950s. But it's who they are, despite the dust-mite looking logo.
These are not easy days for the basketball teams of the schools of the SWAC. The schools in Texas, Mississippi, Alabama and Arkansas were used as fodder for others' pre-seasons. They entered their conference schedule battered and worn. Hell, who wouldn't be? We may never know because so often, the strong refuse to play the strong on anything less than their own home court. Why give ground and prove yourself? The "big schools" coast and do their thing until they lose in the NCAA's to a school from a small conference. Problem is, it won't be to one of these schools.
Conference leader Texas Southern promotes their athletic department with "experience the game!" That's what those in Houston are attempting to do, brushing aside their local competition from Houston and Rice. The football team has a promising future ahead, with a new stadium being built that will be shared by Houston's MLS team. The basketball team? It toils away at something called the HP&E Arena. But the team has won all their conference games there. It has yet to play at Reliant Stadium, which is apparently ready for an overflow crowd.
On Valentine's Day, the Tigers traveled to Louisiana to play at Grambling. The TSU Tigers (not the Grambling Tigers) hit a lay-up with 3 seconds to go to win the game. It was a close, exciting contest that nearly sent the ESPNU announcers to sleep! What do you expect - nearly everyone was either romancing their lady or getting a jump start on their drinking...and if the game is on TV, no need to show up. The Grambling Tigers are a common example of life in the SWAC: all but ONE non-conference game was on the road. Florida Gulf Coast will play anywhere (they lost a tough one at West Kentucky last night) so that explains that. They weren't all losses, either. But it's a long drive back to Louisiana when you're having to deal with a loss of 30 or more, which unfortunately happened 3 times. Don't worry, Grambling, the school got a hefty check. The home team announcers said how you play with pride as they shoot for 3 up 25 with 2 minutes to go.
The SWAC tournament was advertised on last night's game as being in "The Dallas Metroplex." Hmmm...well, American Airlines Arena (or Center, whichever one isn't the Miami arena) is out. Is Reunion Arena still around? Hold on...I don't think it's IN Dallas. Deep digging found that the game will be in Garland, TX. It also includes a list of restaurants to, you know, save time.
P.E. Squad, travelling men..."Home of the Torii Hunter Baseball and Softball Complex"...the students voted, we are the Lions
Make that Golden Lions, which sounds like a bar, or a fraternal organization, or a cigarette brand in the 1950s. But it's who they are, despite the dust-mite looking logo.
Pine Bluff has endured something also experienced by Mississippi Valley State this season: playing ALL non-conference games on the road. Spending that much time away from school presents a double edged sword for the student and the school. A good way to improve your ability is to play teams better than you. (This applies to college sports only) You learn, you see your weaknesses, and celebrate any success against these better teams.
As a result, Pine Bluff hit the endless black ribbon. But do they feel they have to without getting anyone (hell, Arkansas or Arkansas State) to come to them? Sure, the school gets the paycheck mentioned above, the guys get to see Chicago, Hawaii, San Francisco...they lose (in some cases by an obscene amount) and pack their bags. Could it be worse? You're showing them the country, and the students are ambassadors of a school many have never heard of beyond basketball losses.
But is that what they are playing for, free travel? Do the Golden Lions take the losses in stride and show everyone pictures? Do the fellow students look at it realistically? Does a player's Facebook album of the time leading up to the Hawaii game trump the final score? Maybe there isn't a better way to see the country for free, if you can fit the description. Or maybe it's just how basketball is in the SWAC.
Bad Days in Baton Rouge..."Or Mini-Dome for short"...the who-now?
The school that's having the toughest time is the one that didn't exactly have the hardest road. I'd like to highlight some of Southern's non-conference foes, and the result.
November 19th, 2010
Tougaloo 71
Southern 58
Tougalou? The dance? Wait, hold on. Tougaloo College, in Tougaloo, Mississippi. The Bulldogs are NAIA (oh my). Their very minimal athletics page doesn't even mention the Southern game. Hey guys, YOU WON! Hell, Southern mentions the loss; they admit it. Their page features photos that may or may not be from the school. And yet, they took care of a D-I school on the road.
December 20th, 2010
Xavier (LA) 72
Southern 58
Being stupid, I though this was some sort of college out west I didn't know. I was wrong - it's the Xavier University in Louisiana, not Ohio. Did Southern think they were playing the boys from Cincy? Xavier calls their basketball arena "The Barn" which immediately gives them points. Xavier plays Tougaloo, and also lost to them, so maybe we should cut Southern some slack.
Consider those two losses and then note that Tulane, an actual D-1 school, visited and escaped with a 3 point win. Analyzing this would make your brain explode, so I'll stop here.
But, come March, someone from the SWAC is going to dance in madness. That dance itself will be tough, and likely not last very long. No matter which school, a SWAC representative will show up. The result, though anticipated, will be tough either way.
February 9, 2011
Bigg Gregg's Gang o' Dunkers meeting convenes in 3... 2.... 1....
HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Hands off the Boggs Lite, sonny, this is going down the trap-shoot!
(drinks entire beer, spits dip of Skoal cherry into red plastic cup)
Ben vernidos, hombres! Name of Greg. Big Greg. When you'ns google for "Big Greg", my picture comes up. So I'm going to write on this blog now, and then I'm going to go shit in my pants. TRY AND STOP EITHER ONE!
You needed some new blood around here, and I'm it. You have all fallen into complacency.... Dave Bliznawski mostly writes about athletes being tased and/or hit with paternity suits, Trip Darvez sees the game from the angle of "how many used Subarus can the coach of Utah State sell you before the deadline?", Dickfer can only stammer out rose-colored memories of Miles Tarver, and the only time Drew Boatman writes anything of value is when he stays up until 5am writing about the Bows (and even then, he just researches Barry University until he falls asleep at his desk). SO HERE I AM! BIGG GREGG WITH YOUR TOURNAMENT PREVIEW!!!!
Now, I come from Granbury, TX, which leads the nation in back-scratchers and boa-skin boots. And as such, I don't come here to talk about the Ohio States and Pittsburghs. Hell no. HOW'S COASTAL CAROLINA GOING TO DO, GREGG??? is what you are asking me and yourself right now. So let it begin:
Let's start with the Chanticleers. They're pulling an RPI of 60 despite a 22-2 record. They are undefeated in the Big South, which features other stalwarts such as Gardner-Webb and Radford. But they won at LSU... and took out East Carolina (who are both in better conferences). So, does Coastal have what it takes? Well, they ain't lost in conference yet, and they've swept 2nd place Liberty this year. They don't play another ranked opponent the rest of the way... and they should walk in their tournament. They are just ranked outside the top 25, and if they run the table they should sniff it by the end of the year. But they haven't played much top-shelf competition, and that makes them unpredictable. GREG SAYS THIS NEEDS MORE RESEARCH.
Everyone's talkin' San Diego State this year, but how about St. Mary's? I watched these guys pull a non-cover against St. John's (who has since gone on to win their banquet game), but that was early. They have an RPI of 35 and they are very close to being ranked. BUT HOO BOY, LOOK AT THAT SCHEDULE COMING UP. Of the 6 games remaining, they've got Santa Clara, San Francisco, Gonzaga (those are 2nd, 3rd, and 4th in conference) AND they have to play Utah State. Time is going to tell on the Gaels... they've got massive potential, and if they can go 4-2 down the stretch, with a good tournament run, they'll pull a 5 seed. They love to score, and they can hang with any team come tourney time. BIG GREG SAYS GO GAELS IF THEY DON'T STUMBLE.
There is some HOT action in the Missouri Valley Conference (isn't there always?) Wichita State and Northern Iowa are going to be fucking DANG-erous if they sneak in. The Shockers have an RPI of 38, and they'll definitely go if they can not pee the pants. The rest of their schedule looks easy, but that tournament may not be. Northern Iowa is of course a fan-favorite 'round these parts, and with good reason. They are yanking a 63 RPI, but this Saturday, they go head to head with Wichita State. HUGE. If they can pull that out, or can get George Mason on the 19th, look for them to shoot up into contention. They are more of a grind-it-out team this year, but they make their throws and don't turn the ball over. BALL CONTROL = TOURNAMENT SUCCESS. BOOK IT.
I have to go change now. Goin' to Spanky's for pizza buffet. Bye.
February 8, 2011
Fuck You Spike Lee
Lee, a celebrity Knicks fan, told ESPNNewYork.com that Garnett cursed him out "for no reason" during Boston's visit to Madison Square Garden on Dec. 15 and suggested that Garnett "needs to calm the [expletive] down."
Really, Spike? After you spent YEARS doing nothing but talk shit to Reggie Miller, Michael Jordan, and anyone not wearing a Knicks jersey?
Shut the fuck up and try to get back to making watchable films.
February 4, 2011
There are SNAILS on her PLATE
Bring the cheese sandwich things!
Oh, Clippers. As you know, I did my best trying to follow this team...and the usual ineptitude made it nearly impossible. Anyone who says otherwise is either the smelly guy yelling to himself at Ralphs or lying. (I remember Bill Simmons years ago saying he bought Clippers tickets, but I haven't read him in 5 years) I'll admit, watching Blake Griffin is a joy. But, he can't play all 5 positions at the same time...and, as it happens, despite a strong run at home, the team is 10 games below .500. That's a game out of the 8 spot in the East but does them no good now. Their problem, one of many, is that they are shit on the road. And, as thus, I continue to wait (as some of LA does...they'll never get the whole city) for them to make me care. There's no moral victories in pro sports. (Especially when your owner has no morals - ZING!) Better than usual means "not good enough."
The Golden Rats...that performance in Indiana can be summed up in 1 stat. I know, it's more than stats, but I'm a researcher. Bear with me. Forget about how many guys are injured, or the lack of depth.
Free Throw %
MN: 50%
IN: 87%
HOOOOOOWEEEEEE! Did Clem come back and coach and I didn't hear about it? What the fuck was that?!
OK, now quick bounce pass: we're early, but since I won't be in Halewia, HI for another late night session of drinking and discussing those NCAA "sleepers" (used for free picks and not gambling, of course) let's take a look at some that Hogg McHonk for the NY Daily News seems to miss while only watching the Big East:
(and we're doing some digging here, ok?)
Colonial Shakedown: George Mason (18-5, 10-2 in CAA) vs. OLD DOMINION (18-5, 9-3 in CAA)
Sum bitch, this is one hot match-up. The likelihood that both schools will make the tourney is a possibility. If this happens, it would send Billy Packer to a 30 minute monologue to his waitress at Denny's. But these are two strong teams. With a record like that, and an RPIs in the 30s, GM and OD are getting no love.
GM as a team is looking good. Of note is a 41% 3-point percentage, helping them expand leads in close conference games. OD's man is Frank Hassell, who nearly averages a double-double this season. OD won this meeting at home earlier this season, and Hassell put up 18 pts and 9 rebounds. He's going to have to get those boards if they're going to win tomorrow.
Names:
George Mason: Ventrail Vaughns, Paris Bennett, Rashad Whack
Old Dominion: Kent Bazemore, Trian Illadis, Marquel De Lancey
Prediction: George Mason
Ivy League "Don't Give Me This Studying Bullshit" Battle: Harvard (15-3, 4-0) vs. Princeton (14-4, 2-0)
The Ivy League plays games on Friday nights, which for whatever reason just seems wrong. And, Ivy being Ivy, doesn't have photos to show you these guys actually exist. But it would appear either of these schools will finally unseat Cornell this year.
The Crimson's Keith Wright is doing a good clean-up job, averaging 14.7 points and 8 rebounds. But this the Ivy League is all about the extra pass, and Harvard is doing that better than anyone else. 4 guys average double figures, which happens when there's a lot of passing.
Princeton's stats are nearly identical to that of their opponent, so how do they win? Well, like Harvard, they have 4 guys averaging double figures. (For Princeton, it's 13.0+ a game) They make extra passes. So how do they win? Beats the shit outta me.
Names:
Harvard: Laurent Rivard, Ugo Okam, Dee Giger
Princeton: Ian Hummer, Mack Darrow, John Comfort
Prediction: None, but Princeton is at home, and has someone named Noonan. Good luck making the free throws with that name, son. (Then again, Noonan made the put)
Just Because: South Mississippi (17-5, 6-3)
According to Hogg McHonk, this is a Memphis-only conference. But look closer, and you'll see UTEP and Southern Miss making deals. I choose the Golden Eagles because of Gary Flowers:
He averages 20 points a game, nearly 50% from 3 point range. He put up 27 points in 25 minutes vs. Houston. With his size, can score from multiple ranges. He can also turn the ball over at the wrong time...which is likely why he's not thought of higher. (6 TO's against Memphis in the 1 point loss; no help there). It may come down to UTEP and SM, and the NCAA might take both if it works out that way.
South Mississippi Names:
Devonte Newbill, Josimar Ayarza, Sai'Quon Stone, Torye Pelham (1-2-3), Kayland Partee
Plenty O Big games this weekend, folks. Get a can of Old Sconnie and enjoy before the Super Bowl hits you in the food tank.
Oh, Clippers. As you know, I did my best trying to follow this team...and the usual ineptitude made it nearly impossible. Anyone who says otherwise is either the smelly guy yelling to himself at Ralphs or lying. (I remember Bill Simmons years ago saying he bought Clippers tickets, but I haven't read him in 5 years) I'll admit, watching Blake Griffin is a joy. But, he can't play all 5 positions at the same time...and, as it happens, despite a strong run at home, the team is 10 games below .500. That's a game out of the 8 spot in the East but does them no good now. Their problem, one of many, is that they are shit on the road. And, as thus, I continue to wait (as some of LA does...they'll never get the whole city) for them to make me care. There's no moral victories in pro sports. (Especially when your owner has no morals - ZING!) Better than usual means "not good enough."
The Golden Rats...that performance in Indiana can be summed up in 1 stat. I know, it's more than stats, but I'm a researcher. Bear with me. Forget about how many guys are injured, or the lack of depth.
Free Throw %
MN: 50%
IN: 87%
HOOOOOOWEEEEEE! Did Clem come back and coach and I didn't hear about it? What the fuck was that?!
OK, now quick bounce pass: we're early, but since I won't be in Halewia, HI for another late night session of drinking and discussing those NCAA "sleepers" (used for free picks and not gambling, of course) let's take a look at some that Hogg McHonk for the NY Daily News seems to miss while only watching the Big East:
(and we're doing some digging here, ok?)
Colonial Shakedown: George Mason (18-5, 10-2 in CAA) vs. OLD DOMINION (18-5, 9-3 in CAA)
Sum bitch, this is one hot match-up. The likelihood that both schools will make the tourney is a possibility. If this happens, it would send Billy Packer to a 30 minute monologue to his waitress at Denny's. But these are two strong teams. With a record like that, and an RPIs in the 30s, GM and OD are getting no love.
GM as a team is looking good. Of note is a 41% 3-point percentage, helping them expand leads in close conference games. OD's man is Frank Hassell, who nearly averages a double-double this season. OD won this meeting at home earlier this season, and Hassell put up 18 pts and 9 rebounds. He's going to have to get those boards if they're going to win tomorrow.
Names:
George Mason: Ventrail Vaughns, Paris Bennett, Rashad Whack
Old Dominion: Kent Bazemore, Trian Illadis, Marquel De Lancey
Prediction: George Mason
Ivy League "Don't Give Me This Studying Bullshit" Battle: Harvard (15-3, 4-0) vs. Princeton (14-4, 2-0)
The Ivy League plays games on Friday nights, which for whatever reason just seems wrong. And, Ivy being Ivy, doesn't have photos to show you these guys actually exist. But it would appear either of these schools will finally unseat Cornell this year.
The Crimson's Keith Wright is doing a good clean-up job, averaging 14.7 points and 8 rebounds. But this the Ivy League is all about the extra pass, and Harvard is doing that better than anyone else. 4 guys average double figures, which happens when there's a lot of passing.
Princeton's stats are nearly identical to that of their opponent, so how do they win? Well, like Harvard, they have 4 guys averaging double figures. (For Princeton, it's 13.0+ a game) They make extra passes. So how do they win? Beats the shit outta me.
Names:
Harvard: Laurent Rivard, Ugo Okam, Dee Giger
Princeton: Ian Hummer, Mack Darrow, John Comfort
Prediction: None, but Princeton is at home, and has someone named Noonan. Good luck making the free throws with that name, son. (Then again, Noonan made the put)
Just Because: South Mississippi (17-5, 6-3)
According to Hogg McHonk, this is a Memphis-only conference. But look closer, and you'll see UTEP and Southern Miss making deals. I choose the Golden Eagles because of Gary Flowers:
He averages 20 points a game, nearly 50% from 3 point range. He put up 27 points in 25 minutes vs. Houston. With his size, can score from multiple ranges. He can also turn the ball over at the wrong time...which is likely why he's not thought of higher. (6 TO's against Memphis in the 1 point loss; no help there). It may come down to UTEP and SM, and the NCAA might take both if it works out that way.
South Mississippi Names:
Devonte Newbill, Josimar Ayarza, Sai'Quon Stone, Torye Pelham (1-2-3), Kayland Partee
Plenty O Big games this weekend, folks. Get a can of Old Sconnie and enjoy before the Super Bowl hits you in the food tank.
January 12, 2011
Just because it's January...
...doesn't mean we can't talk about horseshit NBA officials.
So, the internet is passing around this clip of Ken Mauer calling 5 Technicals on the Wolves in 10 seconds. Not that such inane officiating is unique to Ken, or the NBA at large. This is just a reminder that it happens all year long, not just during Stern's (soon to be) 4 month run to the finals.
But let's take a look at Ken. You know, Ken did hard time. 5 months in jail for tax evasion among other counts. So, you know, a felon is out there calling your games. Stern has NO PROBLEM IN ANY WAY with OFFICIALS BEING CRIMINALS, JUST PLAYERS. Sorry, that was CAPS overload...but I want to stress those points. The disparity of an actual real, sane world and the one David sits in gets wider by the day.
Hey, wait a minute. Didn't I once write a post about another shitty NBA ref who was guilty of the same thing, but never missed a game? I sure did. Good to see very little has changed in the Association.
So, the internet is passing around this clip of Ken Mauer calling 5 Technicals on the Wolves in 10 seconds. Not that such inane officiating is unique to Ken, or the NBA at large. This is just a reminder that it happens all year long, not just during Stern's (soon to be) 4 month run to the finals.
But let's take a look at Ken. You know, Ken did hard time. 5 months in jail for tax evasion among other counts. So, you know, a felon is out there calling your games. Stern has NO PROBLEM IN ANY WAY with OFFICIALS BEING CRIMINALS, JUST PLAYERS. Sorry, that was CAPS overload...but I want to stress those points. The disparity of an actual real, sane world and the one David sits in gets wider by the day.
Hey, wait a minute. Didn't I once write a post about another shitty NBA ref who was guilty of the same thing, but never missed a game? I sure did. Good to see very little has changed in the Association.
November 18, 2010
KD The Next MJ?
Here's the deal sealer.
He was drafted after a high profile center that turned out to be an injury-plagued bust. Speaking of...
Portland is having some issues
Greg Oden may not play 100 games in his career. Brandon Roy's, and I quote, "most athletic days are behind him," according to him. He's 26. Joel Przybilla is out indefinitely and rookie Elliot Williams is out for the season with a knee injury. Even their big offseason acquisition, Fabricio Oberto, had to retire due to heart problems.
Bill Walton disease strikes again.
Blog Rewind
With Kevin Love and Mike Beasley gettin' some over the past few weeks, I was reminded of a blog post from way back when those crazy kids played college ball:
Kids To Watch
Michael Beasley is going to show up early and often here because I think he's going to be KD 2.0. In two games this week he's averaging 31 points, 19 rebounds - setting a Big 12 record with 24 rebounds in one game. This kid does it all over the floor. I know he was sad when Huggins left, but I think staying at K-State will further ensure his status as a top-5 draft pick next year.
Kevin Love will also show up here often. His UCLA Bruins, ranked #2 in the country, went 2-0 this past week behind two solid performances by the freshman center. He averaged 21.5 points and 11 rebounds per game. I don't think he's going to throw up Beasley's gaudy numbers but I think he'll average a workmans double-double and be a factor in every game this year. (Love had 19 points and 9 rebounds last night too)
I have to say I'm pretty impressed with what I see out of these two so far this season. They definitely bring some hope to this team - especially with B-Easy knocking down a game winning jumper with 2 ticks left on the clock last night.
November 15, 2010
The 2nd Annual 24-hour Basketball Marathon Live-Blog
10:52PM - Hola amigos! We are live!
Just a brief procedural announcement - in case you missed it last year HA HA HA HA no one was here - anyway, I try to keep this all contained in one post, but of course I may have to break it up as I add pictures and so forth. So for anyone out there who wants to contribute in anyway, feel free to just live-edit this post as it stands. If it ends up looking confused, I'll fix it later.
Anyway, Welcome to Memphis, where they love their Tigers (and cheating)!
11:21PM " The mohawk on Garcia from Memphis looks like the kind of thing you find when you clean out your shower" - Trip Darvez has entered the Sportsbook, and has already forced out an older couple on hand to cheer on Memphis.
11:32PM - Memphis and Miami like to git their buckets. There's many ways to accomplish this, but the one most often used is "recklessly attack the hoop and hope for a sicko dunk". The over for this game was at 142 to begin... and you can see why. They are capable of scoring 10 points in 20 seconds when they are motivated. A very fun night lies ahead...
Hey, must be different age-of-consent laws for tattoos in Florida, because that man just...
11:36PM - So the Barn tonight:
My attorney and I were there more for "scouting" than for enjoyment, but it turned out to be quite the game. The Siena coach wants his team to do well, and he lets them know this by screaming into their scared faces. Beautiful.
11:43PM - UCLA center Joshua Smith. 6'10" - THREE HUNDRED AND FIVE POUNDS. Is that "pre-season" weight? I like Diddy Riese cookies in Westwood as much as the next guy, but stick to the 3 for a buck.
11:36PM - The ad at center court in Memphis "It's time to start using the stairs" - why taunt these people, Blue Cross? Pulled Porkwich? That's what the vendors are for.
11:53PM - Memphis plays just like they used to with Calipari, but they don't pay their players anymore, so they aren't... quite... as good. They so want to be ghetto though... you can see the Barton brothers trying to emulate Chris Douglas-Roberts in all his glory, but they can't finish for shit. Miami meanwhile, they don't care at all. Lots of scoring guys, that's all we're looking for.
12:00AM - We head to the new day with a halftime score of 38-37. Well on pace here guys. Keep it up.
So Dickfer, we're gonna get SIU-Edwardsville to a #1 ranking within 5 degrees. They play Kennesaw State, at home, who beat Georgia Tech today. Tech will beat Maryland, who will inevitably beat Duke, and there you go. Start writing the article now. We could get this thing to UM-BC before all is said and done.
12:05AM - UCLA's victory has lead Laura to sing Kool and the Gang's song "Get Down On It" - I ask if this is because she doesn't want to do homework. "I'm not doing homework."
12:15AM - Getting back to the Barn tonight.... I don't know what to expect this year with the Gophs. Last year I expected a lot and I didn't get very much. They ended up right where they belonged, which I guess you can't really complain about, but still. This year they look good, they are more experienced at key positions, but man, that Big Ten is tough. The best they can hope for any year is just above .500 in conference play. So I suppose it's a big old wait and see. Though I did read somewhere that just by virtue of them taking a stronger non-conference schedule, they will get a higher NCAA rank. Which is bullshit, but it's something we all know. So what if you don't actually win the games, they say, just make sure you play the tough teams. It's why Duke and UNC consistently pull down 1 and 2 seeds even when they clearly shouldn't be. "Oh but they played Syracuse!!!!" Fuck off.
Sliz says: I didn't realize Chief's cat played hoops...
1:35PM - First of all, THAT'S the Golden Hurricane basketball we've been waiting for. T-U-L-S-A. Tulsa, Tulsa, heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Canes!!! (that is absolutely not their fight song)
Second of all, when you mention the college of Neumann, you just give me clearance to post this pic:
Notice how Newman, much like the student athletes, is having a problem figuring out just where the appropriate place to go to the bathroom is. It's not there, stupid!!!
I missed out on this Baylor bet. But I can't bet a team of murderers. At least not in NCAA basketball. The Ravens, yes....
2:52PM - The Sniz just got done watching a few minutes of the Baylor Felons, err Bears and the La Salle whatevertheyares (read: too lazy to look it up). Baylor does two things. Ghetto and Ghatto. First off they are tall and it is very apparent that they don't practice shooting (Ghetto). Well, I guess if the dunk shot is considered practice.... Secondly, their stud, LaceDarious Dunn, isn't going to be playing for a few games due to a felony charge (Ghatto). But hey, charges were eventually dropped. That's like innocent...
Just a brief procedural announcement - in case you missed it last year HA HA HA HA no one was here - anyway, I try to keep this all contained in one post, but of course I may have to break it up as I add pictures and so forth. So for anyone out there who wants to contribute in anyway, feel free to just live-edit this post as it stands. If it ends up looking confused, I'll fix it later.
Anyway, Welcome to Memphis, where they love their Tigers (and cheating)!
11:21PM " The mohawk on Garcia from Memphis looks like the kind of thing you find when you clean out your shower" - Trip Darvez has entered the Sportsbook, and has already forced out an older couple on hand to cheer on Memphis.
11:32PM - Memphis and Miami like to git their buckets. There's many ways to accomplish this, but the one most often used is "recklessly attack the hoop and hope for a sicko dunk". The over for this game was at 142 to begin... and you can see why. They are capable of scoring 10 points in 20 seconds when they are motivated. A very fun night lies ahead...
Hey, must be different age-of-consent laws for tattoos in Florida, because that man just...
11:36PM - So the Barn tonight:
My attorney and I were there more for "scouting" than for enjoyment, but it turned out to be quite the game. The Siena coach wants his team to do well, and he lets them know this by screaming into their scared faces. Beautiful.
11:43PM - UCLA center Joshua Smith. 6'10" - THREE HUNDRED AND FIVE POUNDS. Is that "pre-season" weight? I like Diddy Riese cookies in Westwood as much as the next guy, but stick to the 3 for a buck.
11:36PM - The ad at center court in Memphis "It's time to start using the stairs" - why taunt these people, Blue Cross? Pulled Porkwich? That's what the vendors are for.
11:53PM - Memphis plays just like they used to with Calipari, but they don't pay their players anymore, so they aren't... quite... as good. They so want to be ghetto though... you can see the Barton brothers trying to emulate Chris Douglas-Roberts in all his glory, but they can't finish for shit. Miami meanwhile, they don't care at all. Lots of scoring guys, that's all we're looking for.
12:00AM - We head to the new day with a halftime score of 38-37. Well on pace here guys. Keep it up.
So Dickfer, we're gonna get SIU-Edwardsville to a #1 ranking within 5 degrees. They play Kennesaw State, at home, who beat Georgia Tech today. Tech will beat Maryland, who will inevitably beat Duke, and there you go. Start writing the article now. We could get this thing to UM-BC before all is said and done.
12:05AM - UCLA's victory has lead Laura to sing Kool and the Gang's song "Get Down On It" - I ask if this is because she doesn't want to do homework. "I'm not doing homework."
12:15AM - Getting back to the Barn tonight.... I don't know what to expect this year with the Gophs. Last year I expected a lot and I didn't get very much. They ended up right where they belonged, which I guess you can't really complain about, but still. This year they look good, they are more experienced at key positions, but man, that Big Ten is tough. The best they can hope for any year is just above .500 in conference play. So I suppose it's a big old wait and see. Though I did read somewhere that just by virtue of them taking a stronger non-conference schedule, they will get a higher NCAA rank. Which is bullshit, but it's something we all know. So what if you don't actually win the games, they say, just make sure you play the tough teams. It's why Duke and UNC consistently pull down 1 and 2 seeds even when they clearly shouldn't be. "Oh but they played Syracuse!!!!" Fuck off.
12:17AM - Bill Raftery is on cup of coffee #2...I'm highly anticipating cup #6 by overtime and Bill found standing on the scorer's table.
12:31AM - This game has gone ice cold. That's the problem with betting truly ghetto teams to go over... no one on the floor can shoot consistently. So even though they love dunking and throwing the ball to the other team, there will be periods of 4 minutes without scoring. So that kills the over. Oh well, the hedges were there, I ignored them. I've seen enough out of each of these teams to know that they're going to play Git Buckets the rest of the season, they're just going to have to match up well with their opponent. Miami v. UNC? I don't think so.
12:40AM - I have a question. I know why Kobe drives to the hoop even when he has little chance of making the shot... it's because he can get fouled and then get 2 free points. But if you play for Memphis, you have no interest in learning to shoot free throws. So why do you drive errantly to the basket and throw up a prayer? Because even if you are fouled, you will come up empty. I just... I wish I knew the answers.
12:36AM - Let's take a look at some early pre-season favorites. And by favorites, I'm meaning names.
Central Connecticut State is 2-0. One of their players is named Shemik Thompson. SHEMIK. He scored 25. Will they fare as well against Maryland - Baltimore County?
Cleveland State defeated Urbana tonight. Is that in Illinois? Well, this is their athletic director:
Everyone knows that the Blue Knights have their work cut out for them going against Cleveland State. But don't discount the football program. Here's one of their press nuggets:
"Senior running back Boise Moon rushed for 226 yards and 2 TDs in the football team's 42-25 win over conference opponent Missouri S&T last Saturday. Today, Moon has been named the Family Dentistry Student-Athlete of the Week."
There's not enough time in the day...
12:58AM - Miami has cut the lead to 1, but so far this season, they already played a game. Against who?
Barry.
Wait, 1 person?
No, Barry. The Barry Buccaneers. Miami Shores, FL.
It's tough going for the Bucs. "Bucs fall short to Florida Memorial." "Get out there. BE A COP!"
1:03AM - "I've always found Miami to be a more patient team at 1 in the morning." Sean starting to get loopy.
1:11AM - St. Mary's underway!
And, as far as Miami is concerned.... we're gonna need overtime here, guys. And then some.
1:22AM - It wasn't really a prediction, but I was secretly hoping for overtime out there...just to see Bill delirious. Alas, Memphis gets the win and Miami a very sleepy flight home. Delta won't charge for the blankets overnight, will they?
1:31AM - A St. Mary's player was just fouled INTO THE POST, IN MID-AIR. Somehow, he gets up. Might be a smart time for a commercial. Well done, ESPN. I know this was an intentional foul, but the refs are aware that it's 2:30AM in New York right now, home of the "Red Storm." Not that late nights have ever been a problem for Slick Sidelines.
1:37am - CHRIS MULLIN SIGHTING AT ST. MARY'S Oh then, now the night has begun.
1:43 AM - Alternate names for Steve Lavin:
Greaser McGee
Slick McWhip
Serge Sleaze-Handle
Grease ChinGrease
Browngrease Chinslick
Slickhead Shinez
"Leaking on the Floor" Lavin
Should I stop all of this because Steve's parents are there? HAHA - of course not! Of course, his team is leading, and he's "extending the zone" all the way to half court.
1:56 AM - You know your body is starting to wind down when the See's Candy Holiday catalog is holding your attention more than live basketball. I know about your Bridge Mix...it's no "secret" to me. What am I saying? I've only SENT See's as gifts, but maybe eaten a piece of candy from them once or twice in my 10+ years in CA. What's going on with the game? Gaels with a pass to the 3rd row...ok good, so it's not just me. Steve with the lead at the half, and enough time to re-apply the VO5.
2:14AM - Watching basketball for 24 hours.... well, let's just go with a frame from Chopping Mall:
2:14AM - ESPN's ad inventory? Schick Shadel Alcohol Treatment Center. Pat O'Day, the legend of Seattle radio, does the ad. "Who I am doesn't really matter." Please! No coincidence that the center is also in Seattle. But the audience for this game must be high...or the degenerates awake at this hour are the same - the site is crashed. Pat's busy selling real estate in the San Juan Islands...wow.
2:32AM - Hawaii's next opponent is the Central Arkansas Bears. Names?
JaDarius Davis
Dewan Clayborn
Mike Pouncy
Jacquan McClinton (didn't he play bass for Isaac Hayes?)
Imad Qahwash
Get there, Bears.
2:35AM -
2:43AM - Pop quiz!
This man just:
a) Killed your family in their sleep
b) Ate a bucket of sand
c) Made a basket in a sporting contest
2:46AM - So last year I bet on the Gaels and the Bows... this year, let's just say there's nothing new under the sun. Neither bet is making me too happy right now, but there's always time. Until there isn't.
So who's the big team this year? Michigan State? Eh, whatever. Duke? That would be like trying to predict who's ass smells the worst. Not Villanova, of course. Texas A&M still on the board! Kansas State is a flash in the pan. I'm going to go with Florida. Why? Because it's almost three in the morning and I'm about to watch two hours of basketball featuring the Central Michigan Chippewas. I am invincible.
------------------------------------------------------------
3:04AM - The Gaels just do what they do, and run the lead to 10. Now let's just hold it boys. Your coach is losing the Grease Battle, but you can still win the war.
Taking a look at the Gophers non-conference schedule... Western Kentucky, NDSU, SDSU (no, not the Aztecs), Virginia, St. Joe's. Not bad at all. A good mix of mid-level talent that will do enough to impress voters if they go 9-9 again. The thing to remember is that when in doubt, the dumbfuck committee will ALWAYS go with a school like Minnesota over Milwaukee or St. Mary's. It makes sense in so many ways (except the one about, you know, picking the better team). So kudos to Tubby. But eventually, that would be really neat if they could compete for the Big 10 title. I know, I know. Give it time. But am I wrong to just want Blake to go back to shooting it from his ass?
(de-evolution of an idea: complete)
Greaser McFaceStain is going to have to teach some of these kids to shoot the basketball. Remember guys, you get that ball up over your forehead, and look through the window. Pick out the three hooks on the front of the rim, and aim for the middle one. Follow through. No, not every shot can be a dunk.
St. Mary's making their throws, man that's nice to see. I would've doubled the over in the Memphis game if they believed in practicing. Well, it's like my attorney said, "You don't walk off the island." And apparently, you don't shoot free throws out of Queens.
3:12AM - THE BOWS HAVE STARTED AND I'M SITTING HERE WATCHING FREE THROWS. Fix it, Veetle.
3:28am - Ahhhhhhhhhh, the Aloha State. I'm not sure what I'm in store for from the Bows, but any B-roll you can run of the North Shore sure would make my day. We weren't supposed to leave! We have to go back!
No HD cameras for this one, huh ESPN? Well that's not a surprise. Remember like 2 years ago when the entire US converted to over-the-air digital signal? And we all had to get those converter boxes, and the government gave us rebates, and so forth? Yeah? HAWAII DIDN'T DO THAT. They saw what was happening, and decided "No, our TV is good enough". And ain't a damn thing you can do about it, Obama.
You really should've seen that local coverage of the impending tsunami. Let's just say I've seen higher production value out of Channel 13 in Eau Claire, WI. They would cut to "experts", who of course are experts because they have lived on the island their whole lives, and have seen "stuff like this back in 62". The analysis was something along the lines of "If there's big waves, run". But really, the whole thing is a microcosm for life there. Tsunamis and traffic and the occasional murder... they don't mean anything. Life endures. The news is just a constant reminder that life on the island is fucking great.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
So Ron Artest changed his jersey number again this year. He did this because he's absolutely bat-ass insane. But it makes you think.... how was he ever able to harness that immense physical ability with what is obviously a psychotic brain? How did he not end up in an institution with "talking doctors"? He took a shot in a game after everyone in the stadium, including his own teammates, were screaming at him to NOT SHOOT. He shot anyway, and when he was asked about it, he said "Just play basketball, man." He made Craig Sager say "Queensbridge" during an interview after he just hit the winning shot. The first thought he had in his head when he won the championship was to thank his psychiatrist (which makes perfect sense). When will he sign up for the NBDL, just because they have "nicer nets"?
4:10AM - Did you know we're coming to you live from "the island of Hawaii"? I was not aware this was being played on the Big Island. Oh, what's that you say? DumbFuck BrownStone doesn't know where he is? He thinks Hawaii is one big island and also that soda cans are too difficult to operate? Well, that makes sense.
They don't allow outside banks to operate in Hawaii. You can search all you want for a US Bank ATM, even in the heart of Waikiki, and you will find nothing. We joined First Hawaiian, and it was the best bank in the world. Our branch shared a parking lot with Pat's Pizza.
They just showed b-roll of Molokai, specifically the sea cliffs. I have climbed those cliffs. They zip over them in a helicopter and it's breathtaking how sun-drenched and green they are. Yeah, not when you are walking up behind ass-dropping burros. Then it all just looks like shit.
Did you also know about Hawaii that...............
(asleep)
9:43AM - We're awake on the Pacific Coast, and before we start our day, let's check in on the games. I hear cheering...South Illinois with the lead. I don't care where you are - Missouri Valley basketball before 8AM isn't good for your health. Good crowd for a breakfast game, though. Have the concessions adjusted? Can you still get a dog? Or is it all donuts. Now there's an idea. Shit, I have to get ready for work.
10:12AM - Dave Sliznewski here. Thought it was time I checked in. Better late than never.
A few things. This page may need a section dedicated to Barry basketball. Who doesn't want to cheer for Barry - single person or team?
Secondly, Mike Pouncy.
I sure was hoping he was fat - I had a pouncing-on-donuts joke all loaded up and ready to go. Oh well. Great name anyways.
I have to say the Gophers are looking like they may actually have a team this year. And by that I mean a team that might be able to at least compete in the Big Ten. With Mbakwe, they have enough size up front to keep any post scorers at bay - Ryan Rossiter, Siena's big fella, didn't do much damage. Of course, the Gophs still can't stop any wing players, so Kalen Luca will score 40 on them before they blink. But hey, the fat guy that's playing center for Sparty won't do much but eat donuts. Good. Got that donut joke in there.
11:05AM - (chugs coffee, grunts, opens Veetle, sighs)
Marist? +29 against Villanova? WELCOME BACK SWEET GAMBLING ADDICTION!!! If Siena can play with MN for 25 minutes, I've got to believe Villanova doesn't win by more than 20. Here's some money to back up that claim. We're back.
12:31AM - This game has gone ice cold. That's the problem with betting truly ghetto teams to go over... no one on the floor can shoot consistently. So even though they love dunking and throwing the ball to the other team, there will be periods of 4 minutes without scoring. So that kills the over. Oh well, the hedges were there, I ignored them. I've seen enough out of each of these teams to know that they're going to play Git Buckets the rest of the season, they're just going to have to match up well with their opponent. Miami v. UNC? I don't think so.
12:40AM - I have a question. I know why Kobe drives to the hoop even when he has little chance of making the shot... it's because he can get fouled and then get 2 free points. But if you play for Memphis, you have no interest in learning to shoot free throws. So why do you drive errantly to the basket and throw up a prayer? Because even if you are fouled, you will come up empty. I just... I wish I knew the answers.
12:36AM - Let's take a look at some early pre-season favorites. And by favorites, I'm meaning names.
Central Connecticut State is 2-0. One of their players is named Shemik Thompson. SHEMIK. He scored 25. Will they fare as well against Maryland - Baltimore County?
Cleveland State defeated Urbana tonight. Is that in Illinois? Well, this is their athletic director:
Everyone knows that the Blue Knights have their work cut out for them going against Cleveland State. But don't discount the football program. Here's one of their press nuggets:
"Senior running back Boise Moon rushed for 226 yards and 2 TDs in the football team's 42-25 win over conference opponent Missouri S&T last Saturday. Today, Moon has been named the Family Dentistry Student-Athlete of the Week."
There's not enough time in the day...
12:58AM - Miami has cut the lead to 1, but so far this season, they already played a game. Against who?
Barry.
Wait, 1 person?
No, Barry. The Barry Buccaneers. Miami Shores, FL.
It's tough going for the Bucs. "Bucs fall short to Florida Memorial." "Get out there. BE A COP!"
1:03AM - "I've always found Miami to be a more patient team at 1 in the morning." Sean starting to get loopy.
1:11AM - St. Mary's underway!
And, as far as Miami is concerned.... we're gonna need overtime here, guys. And then some.
1:22AM - It wasn't really a prediction, but I was secretly hoping for overtime out there...just to see Bill delirious. Alas, Memphis gets the win and Miami a very sleepy flight home. Delta won't charge for the blankets overnight, will they?
1:31AM - A St. Mary's player was just fouled INTO THE POST, IN MID-AIR. Somehow, he gets up. Might be a smart time for a commercial. Well done, ESPN. I know this was an intentional foul, but the refs are aware that it's 2:30AM in New York right now, home of the "Red Storm." Not that late nights have ever been a problem for Slick Sidelines.
1:37am - CHRIS MULLIN SIGHTING AT ST. MARY'S Oh then, now the night has begun.
1:43 AM - Alternate names for Steve Lavin:
Greaser McGee
Slick McWhip
Serge Sleaze-Handle
Grease ChinGrease
Browngrease Chinslick
Slickhead Shinez
"Leaking on the Floor" Lavin
Should I stop all of this because Steve's parents are there? HAHA - of course not! Of course, his team is leading, and he's "extending the zone" all the way to half court.
1:56 AM - You know your body is starting to wind down when the See's Candy Holiday catalog is holding your attention more than live basketball. I know about your Bridge Mix...it's no "secret" to me. What am I saying? I've only SENT See's as gifts, but maybe eaten a piece of candy from them once or twice in my 10+ years in CA. What's going on with the game? Gaels with a pass to the 3rd row...ok good, so it's not just me. Steve with the lead at the half, and enough time to re-apply the VO5.
2:14AM - Watching basketball for 24 hours.... well, let's just go with a frame from Chopping Mall:
2:14AM - ESPN's ad inventory? Schick Shadel Alcohol Treatment Center. Pat O'Day, the legend of Seattle radio, does the ad. "Who I am doesn't really matter." Please! No coincidence that the center is also in Seattle. But the audience for this game must be high...or the degenerates awake at this hour are the same - the site is crashed. Pat's busy selling real estate in the San Juan Islands...wow.
2:32AM - Hawaii's next opponent is the Central Arkansas Bears. Names?
JaDarius Davis
Dewan Clayborn
Mike Pouncy
Jacquan McClinton (didn't he play bass for Isaac Hayes?)
Imad Qahwash
Get there, Bears.
2:35AM -
2:43AM - Pop quiz!
This man just:
a) Killed your family in their sleep
b) Ate a bucket of sand
c) Made a basket in a sporting contest
2:46AM - So last year I bet on the Gaels and the Bows... this year, let's just say there's nothing new under the sun. Neither bet is making me too happy right now, but there's always time. Until there isn't.
So who's the big team this year? Michigan State? Eh, whatever. Duke? That would be like trying to predict who's ass smells the worst. Not Villanova, of course. Texas A&M still on the board! Kansas State is a flash in the pan. I'm going to go with Florida. Why? Because it's almost three in the morning and I'm about to watch two hours of basketball featuring the Central Michigan Chippewas. I am invincible.
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3:04AM - The Gaels just do what they do, and run the lead to 10. Now let's just hold it boys. Your coach is losing the Grease Battle, but you can still win the war.
Taking a look at the Gophers non-conference schedule... Western Kentucky, NDSU, SDSU (no, not the Aztecs), Virginia, St. Joe's. Not bad at all. A good mix of mid-level talent that will do enough to impress voters if they go 9-9 again. The thing to remember is that when in doubt, the dumbfuck committee will ALWAYS go with a school like Minnesota over Milwaukee or St. Mary's. It makes sense in so many ways (except the one about, you know, picking the better team). So kudos to Tubby. But eventually, that would be really neat if they could compete for the Big 10 title. I know, I know. Give it time. But am I wrong to just want Blake to go back to shooting it from his ass?
(de-evolution of an idea: complete)
Greaser McFaceStain is going to have to teach some of these kids to shoot the basketball. Remember guys, you get that ball up over your forehead, and look through the window. Pick out the three hooks on the front of the rim, and aim for the middle one. Follow through. No, not every shot can be a dunk.
St. Mary's making their throws, man that's nice to see. I would've doubled the over in the Memphis game if they believed in practicing. Well, it's like my attorney said, "You don't walk off the island." And apparently, you don't shoot free throws out of Queens.
3:12AM - THE BOWS HAVE STARTED AND I'M SITTING HERE WATCHING FREE THROWS. Fix it, Veetle.
3:28am - Ahhhhhhhhhh, the Aloha State. I'm not sure what I'm in store for from the Bows, but any B-roll you can run of the North Shore sure would make my day. We weren't supposed to leave! We have to go back!
No HD cameras for this one, huh ESPN? Well that's not a surprise. Remember like 2 years ago when the entire US converted to over-the-air digital signal? And we all had to get those converter boxes, and the government gave us rebates, and so forth? Yeah? HAWAII DIDN'T DO THAT. They saw what was happening, and decided "No, our TV is good enough". And ain't a damn thing you can do about it, Obama.
You really should've seen that local coverage of the impending tsunami. Let's just say I've seen higher production value out of Channel 13 in Eau Claire, WI. They would cut to "experts", who of course are experts because they have lived on the island their whole lives, and have seen "stuff like this back in 62". The analysis was something along the lines of "If there's big waves, run". But really, the whole thing is a microcosm for life there. Tsunamis and traffic and the occasional murder... they don't mean anything. Life endures. The news is just a constant reminder that life on the island is fucking great.
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So Ron Artest changed his jersey number again this year. He did this because he's absolutely bat-ass insane. But it makes you think.... how was he ever able to harness that immense physical ability with what is obviously a psychotic brain? How did he not end up in an institution with "talking doctors"? He took a shot in a game after everyone in the stadium, including his own teammates, were screaming at him to NOT SHOOT. He shot anyway, and when he was asked about it, he said "Just play basketball, man." He made Craig Sager say "Queensbridge" during an interview after he just hit the winning shot. The first thought he had in his head when he won the championship was to thank his psychiatrist (which makes perfect sense). When will he sign up for the NBDL, just because they have "nicer nets"?
4:10AM - Did you know we're coming to you live from "the island of Hawaii"? I was not aware this was being played on the Big Island. Oh, what's that you say? DumbFuck BrownStone doesn't know where he is? He thinks Hawaii is one big island and also that soda cans are too difficult to operate? Well, that makes sense.
They don't allow outside banks to operate in Hawaii. You can search all you want for a US Bank ATM, even in the heart of Waikiki, and you will find nothing. We joined First Hawaiian, and it was the best bank in the world. Our branch shared a parking lot with Pat's Pizza.
They just showed b-roll of Molokai, specifically the sea cliffs. I have climbed those cliffs. They zip over them in a helicopter and it's breathtaking how sun-drenched and green they are. Yeah, not when you are walking up behind ass-dropping burros. Then it all just looks like shit.
Did you also know about Hawaii that...............
(asleep)
9:43AM - We're awake on the Pacific Coast, and before we start our day, let's check in on the games. I hear cheering...South Illinois with the lead. I don't care where you are - Missouri Valley basketball before 8AM isn't good for your health. Good crowd for a breakfast game, though. Have the concessions adjusted? Can you still get a dog? Or is it all donuts. Now there's an idea. Shit, I have to get ready for work.
10:12AM - Dave Sliznewski here. Thought it was time I checked in. Better late than never.
A few things. This page may need a section dedicated to Barry basketball. Who doesn't want to cheer for Barry - single person or team?
I sure was hoping he was fat - I had a pouncing-on-donuts joke all loaded up and ready to go. Oh well. Great name anyways.
I have to say the Gophers are looking like they may actually have a team this year. And by that I mean a team that might be able to at least compete in the Big Ten. With Mbakwe, they have enough size up front to keep any post scorers at bay - Ryan Rossiter, Siena's big fella, didn't do much damage. Of course, the Gophs still can't stop any wing players, so Kalen Luca will score 40 on them before they blink. But hey, the fat guy that's playing center for Sparty won't do much but eat donuts. Good. Got that donut joke in there.
11:05AM - (chugs coffee, grunts, opens Veetle, sighs)
Marist? +29 against Villanova? WELCOME BACK SWEET GAMBLING ADDICTION!!! If Siena can play with MN for 25 minutes, I've got to believe Villanova doesn't win by more than 20. Here's some money to back up that claim. We're back.
11:20 am. Dickfer with observations. Watching the heated rivalry of Southern Illinois and Northeastern. Might go double OT. No one wants this. The coaches, players, fans, announcers . . . they just want to go home. Fans are cheering . . . to go home. OH GOD CHRIS WEBBER TIMEOUT. Whoops, SIU. Any energy to make throws. Yes, the first one. Not the second. SIU can't do anything. Nap time for all.
Sliz says: 5 total points in OT, huh? Yeah Dickfer, nobody wanted to be there.
Sliz says: 5 total points in OT, huh? Yeah Dickfer, nobody wanted to be there.
11:39AM - The great thing about surfing around to different teams on ESPN.com is that you get to see the most recent video highlight that they produced for said team. Now, most of these, like Duke for example, had a video made of them yesterday... highlighting the challenges for the season, etc. But not the little guys. Take, for example, Maryland-Eastern Shore. That highlight? January of 2009. Blake Griffin, stone cold rocking it. I'm pretty sure we could find a video produced in the 90s if we dig hard enough. Coppin State? You gonna show Toby Bailey, errrrrrrrr?
FOUND IT: Winston-Salem. Yeah, you know, the Rams? That video that is linked to in the sidebar? DECEMBER 19, 2006. That was the last time that a major sports outlet even thought to air your "highlights". Of course, it is a game where you lost by FIFTY ONE to Kansas, but hey, git buckets.
11:58AM - Sliz back. Couldn't help but notice the offensive "heavyweights" that punched it out in West Long Branch, NJ this fine morning. They scored 100 points. No, not each. The Stonybrook Seawolves took it to the Momouth Hawks 51-49. That's less than half of the points scored in the average NBA game these days. I mean, the Wisconsin football team almost scored that many points this weekend.
More interestingly though, evey Monmouth player managed to score, including center Nick DelTufo (from Jersey of course). He managed to net 1 point in 14 "solid" minutes of play. Nobody scored more than 9 points, but hey - they all got buckets.
11:58AM - Sliz back. Couldn't help but notice the offensive "heavyweights" that punched it out in West Long Branch, NJ this fine morning. They scored 100 points. No, not each. The Stonybrook Seawolves took it to the Momouth Hawks 51-49. That's less than half of the points scored in the average NBA game these days. I mean, the Wisconsin football team almost scored that many points this weekend.
More interestingly though, evey Monmouth player managed to score, including center Nick DelTufo (from Jersey of course). He managed to net 1 point in 14 "solid" minutes of play. Nobody scored more than 9 points, but hey - they all got buckets.
12:05PM - Trip here. I had good luck with Barry, so I'm scanning through tonight's games: Ap State has...Montreat College??? Is that a spelling error? No...it's a school in the "Blue Ridge Mountains." But what conference are....NAIA. Come on Appalachian State! What, all the high schools are booked? Maybe it was because Neumann was booked. They play Navy.
Neumann’s student-athletes play to win, but not only on a field, court or rink. With the guidance of their coaches and team chaplains, Neumann student-athletes learn to balance their athletic schedules with their coursework. They gain experience handling the pressure to perform on and off the court, bear the scrutiny of the media, and represent the good name and reputation of their university at other schools.The scrutiny on the school is stifling...how they're able to manage the stress is a mystery.
Sliz says: I didn't realize Chief's cat played hoops...
1:35PM - First of all, THAT'S the Golden Hurricane basketball we've been waiting for. T-U-L-S-A. Tulsa, Tulsa, heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Canes!!! (that is absolutely not their fight song)
Second of all, when you mention the college of Neumann, you just give me clearance to post this pic:
Notice how Newman, much like the student athletes, is having a problem figuring out just where the appropriate place to go to the bathroom is. It's not there, stupid!!!
I missed out on this Baylor bet. But I can't bet a team of murderers. At least not in NCAA basketball. The Ravens, yes....
2:52PM - The Sniz just got done watching a few minutes of the Baylor Felons, err Bears and the La Salle whatevertheyares (read: too lazy to look it up). Baylor does two things. Ghetto and Ghatto. First off they are tall and it is very apparent that they don't practice shooting (Ghetto). Well, I guess if the dunk shot is considered practice.... Secondly, their stud, LaceDarious Dunn, isn't going to be playing for a few games due to a felony charge (Ghatto). But hey, charges were eventually dropped. That's like innocent...
I Appreciate a Good Clown
Clowning.
I know it's only one small event (and a super corny one at that), but I think we can all agree that this is something that would've NEVER happened under the old regime. Could you see McHale doing this? I mean, we all thought his Frankenstein impersonations were funny, but I don't think he really meant to be funny. Stupid corpse.
Glen and the boys have been losing money and now it seems that they're trying a new approach to marketing this team: Keep it light and fun. Just like a certain baseball team did a few years ago.
I'm not ready to say they're there yet, but this is a nice little preview of what could be, as far as an attitude shift in our NBA franchise's front office.
Plus, it helps that the basketball seems to be a bit better. Or at least more fun to watch.
November 9, 2010
Fearing the Greyhounds
It could be that Bruce Pearl has too much on his mind right now. Consider all that's going on:
- The whole "providing false information" to an NCAA investigation
- The hefty salary cut as a result of that misleading information
- Hitting the town, looking for ladies
So, would any or all of those be an excuse to lose to the Indianapolis Greyhounds? (Editor's note: the Indianapolis Greyhounds are NOT IUPUI, a minor league hockey team, or a fictional roller derby team from the 70s sitcom "The Roller Girls") The final score was 79-64. Does that make it an upset in basketball if the win is that large? It wasn't a last second trick play, or a full-court heave. It was a better team defeating a lesser team. Kind of reads like business as usual.
Indy coach Stan "Point" Gouard played under Bruce at Southern Indiana (PARTY SCHOOL) and claimed, as a result, that he knew Bruce's game plan inside and out. Sure seems like it. Maybe Bruce took this "exhibition" too lightly. Or maybe, as a coach under some serious shit from the NCAA, he shouldn't say the following things in a post-game press conference:
"They were better coached. They knew exactly what they wanted to do and how to execute their game plan."
Bruce you might want to lay low for a while...stay with a friend...'till the heat wears off.
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