Straight out of Illtown in the early 90s, Naughty By Nature was the ultimate Catch 22 in the rap game. Specifically Treach, a gritty, sharp, wicked rhymesayer who had lived the true ghetto life in East Orange, NJ, and rapped about being homeless, growing up a "ghetto bastard" and sending about 10 minutes of shoutouts to all his 118th street posse (the song "Thankx for Sleepwalking" is essentially just one long shoutout). On the other edge of the blade, so to speak, they enjoyed IMMENSE radio and MTV airplay with OPP and later with Hip Hop Hooray. I always wondered what the driving force of the group was... obviously Treach is one of the most talented, underrated rappers of the 90s, and is still going today, but I wondered if the hooks on their tracks weren't just the perfect amount of sugar to appeal to the MTV crowd. The beat for OPP, for example, sampled directly from ABC, is a sweet bubbly hook, with Treach overtop of it going on about giggly subject matter that had the whole world asking if they were down with it. But like I say, the truth is that Treach was as ghetto as they come, rapping about bus cards and saying how he's "been through more shit within the last week, than a fly going through doo-doo on the concrete". The duality of Man, I suppose.
Regardless, I think I'm seeing the same things from the NBA finals.
On one hand, I pull for the team with potential, the team that can break expectations. The worst thing for me in sports is predictability, and though I hate negative predictability more (see Timberwolves, Minnesota), postitive predictability is also bothersome. This is why the Spurs ultimately are a disappointment to watch. They are predictably good. I would feel the same way if the Pistons would do what they had the potential to (win 3 championships in a row). I think back to the Lakers, and the Bulls before them, and the Lakers and Celtics before them. They were great, and they won multiple championships, but most importantly, they kept changing, kept pushing the limits of what they could do as a team, kept steamrolling bad opponents and stepping up to the great ones. They were DYNAMIC. The Spurs are not.
ON THE OTHER HAND, I do love properly played basketball. I enjoy seeing the Spurs take control of the floor on both ends. Tony Parker's the kind of guy who I would love to like, as is Tim Duncan, based on their games.
It's like, I know in my head that they are - simultaneously - playing great, watchable basketball, and also that they are no fun to watch.
I've thought about this a lot. I've taken quite a bit in from media sources - probably too much. I've tried it from every angle imaginable. But I still end up pulling fora guy named Boobie. And for Donyell Marshall. I know! Isn't that twisted? That I want Donyell Marshall to win an NBA championship more than Robert Horry, because nobody thinks Donyell "deserves" it? I did the same thing last year! For some reason, I wanted nothing more in the world than Jason Williams and Antoine Walker to win a title. Why? Because everyone ragged on them for their entire careers about how they couldn't make a team better and they were too selfish.
I think LeBron is out of the argument for now. I just wanted the Cavs to win because they had personality, they had flaws, they surprised the world by beating Detroit, and they were playing with house money. Their coach is undermatched, and he doesn't know how to respond. So they just go out and do whatever they can to win games, and it ends up being something with a lot more character than the Spurs plodding through yet another well-constructed win.
Christ, who bore this uneasiness in me? Where did this come from?
In the end, I think it goes back to the flopping. I don't cheer for floppers. Ever. Vlade showed me what pure hatred was, and I haven't turned back. Manu and Parker can flat out kiss it. There. There's the reason.
June 13, 2007
June 4, 2007
I Rope-a-Dope The Evil, With Righteous Bobbin' And Weavin', And Let The Good Get Even
A long time ago, I heard from some dumb dunce that the great moments in sports are when you don't know what's going to happen next, and the truly transcendant moments are when you thought you knew, but you truly had no idea. Watching Jordan carve in the 90s was like that - you didn't know what was going to happen, you thought you had seen it all, and then POW! Something brand new. Nobody cares much for the predictable, that's why we all got tired of seeing the Lakers winning a few years ago... they were doing it the same damn way every time. Oh gee, can Shaq score in the post? Oh, Kobe's really good too? Where's the fun?
Anyway, if I were a gambling man - and I am - I would put a good amount of money on our Cavaliers to take this one.
We've entered into that fun place, that "Golden State is playing on borrowed time" place where it is possible for us to soon find ourselves entering the glory land. I have a vague sense of the world completely switching gears following game 5 in Detroit, something fundamentally changing about the NBA that I won't be able to explain just yet. As with any major shift, it's improper to evaluate it right away, because it could turn out to be nothing. LeBron could very easily go back to being just a very good basketball player in the Finals, in which case the Cavs are going to LOSE LOSE LOSE.
But there's potential now. We've seen it. Things could happen.
Every team has a superstar now, that's just the way it goes. As such, usually the superstars can negate each other. "Dirk is going to be hard to contain, but what about Steve Nash???" This is different. This is the old rhetorical questions... "What if you just can't stop LeBron?" Duncan will get his (by the way, isn't that his career in a nutshell? "Duncan will get his" He always brings it. Like KG. But with a better organization and smarter owners) but the Cavs possess the super wild card.
Nobody can predict what is going to happen. It's nearly impossible. Saying that the Spurs will grind out a series win seems to be the consensus for the "safe" pick. But it's not safe. Cleveland is at 3-1 odds right now, and that's a huge surprise. I think they should be much lower, considering San Antonio has been favored to take this whole thing since knocking Phoenix off. But now bookies aren't so sure. And who can blame them? Watching LeBron seems to give everyone fits, including his own fans.
It has been an absolutely fantastic playoff run this year, and it's not letting up anytime soon. First there was Golden State, and when that faded there was SA-Phoenix, what with all the punching and shoving. Out east there was a young child named James, who decided to score every time he touched the ball. Now we've got the possibility for one of the best finals of all time.
It's there. That potential. And we're walking into it with smiles on our faces.
Anyway, if I were a gambling man - and I am - I would put a good amount of money on our Cavaliers to take this one.
We've entered into that fun place, that "Golden State is playing on borrowed time" place where it is possible for us to soon find ourselves entering the glory land. I have a vague sense of the world completely switching gears following game 5 in Detroit, something fundamentally changing about the NBA that I won't be able to explain just yet. As with any major shift, it's improper to evaluate it right away, because it could turn out to be nothing. LeBron could very easily go back to being just a very good basketball player in the Finals, in which case the Cavs are going to LOSE LOSE LOSE.
But there's potential now. We've seen it. Things could happen.
Every team has a superstar now, that's just the way it goes. As such, usually the superstars can negate each other. "Dirk is going to be hard to contain, but what about Steve Nash???" This is different. This is the old rhetorical questions... "What if you just can't stop LeBron?" Duncan will get his (by the way, isn't that his career in a nutshell? "Duncan will get his" He always brings it. Like KG. But with a better organization and smarter owners) but the Cavs possess the super wild card.
Nobody can predict what is going to happen. It's nearly impossible. Saying that the Spurs will grind out a series win seems to be the consensus for the "safe" pick. But it's not safe. Cleveland is at 3-1 odds right now, and that's a huge surprise. I think they should be much lower, considering San Antonio has been favored to take this whole thing since knocking Phoenix off. But now bookies aren't so sure. And who can blame them? Watching LeBron seems to give everyone fits, including his own fans.
It has been an absolutely fantastic playoff run this year, and it's not letting up anytime soon. First there was Golden State, and when that faded there was SA-Phoenix, what with all the punching and shoving. Out east there was a young child named James, who decided to score every time he touched the ball. Now we've got the possibility for one of the best finals of all time.
It's there. That potential. And we're walking into it with smiles on our faces.
June 1, 2007
Like Lotto, You Have To Be In It To Win It
So 24 wants out of LA? Or he wants to stay? Or he's getting nothing but hand at home, so he's calling all these radio stations all day, just to talk? Well, everyone and their mother is talking about possible deals for Kobe right now, and that's all well and good, but what about his other concern? Are the Lakers going to get better? How?
Their roster: (player, contract duration, money owed)
Lamar Odom
2 more years - 13.5mil and 14.5mil
Yeah, right. They're not trading him. What can you get for him? Average scoring, average rebounding, above-average money. And he's two years away from coming off. Unless you're talking about trading with a team who's almost there and just needs a push over the edge (Cleveland, I suppose), what can you get in return that doesn't screw up your team worse than it was with Odom on it?
Kwame Brown
One more year - 9mil
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Vladimir Radmanovic
3 more years - 5.5mil, 6mil, 6.5mil (then a player option for 7)
What the hell does he do? Why would you take this guy? 6.6 ppg? He's just a mid-level guy, which means he's not tradeable, because there's 20 of these guys every year on the market.
Chris Mihm
Free agent
He missed almost all of last season with ankle surgery. Career 10ppg scorer. Maybe you could sign and trade for a dumptruck, but only if it was half-full.
Andrew Bynum
Two more years - 2mil and 3mil, then he's a restricted free-agent
They won't trade him... for some reason they are sold on the kid. This is like the Wolves putting Foye up on the block - it would only happen for AI or guys like that. And LA isn't really in the running for guys like that.
Luke Walton
Free agent
Ah, now we're getting somewhere. Luke is steadily improving - assists, rebounds, points, minutes; they all went up last year, by a lot. He's 27 years old, and is entering a delayed peak. Of course, he's not on the Lakers payroll. They could sign and trade, I suppose. If you packaged Walton with Bynum, you'd be getting somewhere...
Jordan Farmar
Rookie - they've got him for 3 more years, for cheap
He played in almost every game last year, and improved slightly. He's got a long way to go, though. He represents potential, and that doesn't go a long way in trading for big pieces.
Brian Cook
Two more years - 3.5mil and 3.5mil (with a player option after that for 3.5)
Sure, he's only making 3.5, and his contract isn't a killer, but he plays 15 minutes a game and isn't improving. He's a nothing. You could get his production from anyone in the D-league.
Maurice Evans
It doesn't matter
Walking garbage.
------------------------------------
Ok, so that's the long and short of it. Who do you trade on this team? Well, let's see... you could put Bynum and Farmar together, sign and trade Walton, and that might be somewhat attractive, for a mid-level guy. Of course, that would leave you with total putrification. You could throw Odom in the mix to get the overall salary up, and go after a huge contract... but putting Kobe on the floor with another huge contract might sound good, however there will be no one else AT ALL on the team. Think about that. Whoever you traded those guys for, Kwame Brown becomes the third best player on the floor. And Smush Parker the 4th best. So yeah.
Face it, the Lakers are in the same boat as the Wolves, albeit with much more manageable contracts. At least the Lakers can move some smaller pieces around, and bundle them together. At least other GMs wouldn't laugh openly in their face if they tried to package their players together. "Yeah hi, this is Kevin in Minnesota, hey how do you feel about Troy Hudson? (laughter rising) Well, what if we put him in a deal with Marko Jaric? (rising) Hmm, I guess we could put Mark Blunt in a deal too... (full-on guffawing) You know what, if you absolutely have to have it, we can include Ricky Davis too. (doubled over, vomiting, screaming "make it stop")
Anyway, there it is.
Their roster: (player, contract duration, money owed)
Lamar Odom
2 more years - 13.5mil and 14.5mil
Yeah, right. They're not trading him. What can you get for him? Average scoring, average rebounding, above-average money. And he's two years away from coming off. Unless you're talking about trading with a team who's almost there and just needs a push over the edge (Cleveland, I suppose), what can you get in return that doesn't screw up your team worse than it was with Odom on it?
Kwame Brown
One more year - 9mil
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Vladimir Radmanovic
3 more years - 5.5mil, 6mil, 6.5mil (then a player option for 7)
What the hell does he do? Why would you take this guy? 6.6 ppg? He's just a mid-level guy, which means he's not tradeable, because there's 20 of these guys every year on the market.
Chris Mihm
Free agent
He missed almost all of last season with ankle surgery. Career 10ppg scorer. Maybe you could sign and trade for a dumptruck, but only if it was half-full.
Andrew Bynum
Two more years - 2mil and 3mil, then he's a restricted free-agent
They won't trade him... for some reason they are sold on the kid. This is like the Wolves putting Foye up on the block - it would only happen for AI or guys like that. And LA isn't really in the running for guys like that.
Luke Walton
Free agent
Ah, now we're getting somewhere. Luke is steadily improving - assists, rebounds, points, minutes; they all went up last year, by a lot. He's 27 years old, and is entering a delayed peak. Of course, he's not on the Lakers payroll. They could sign and trade, I suppose. If you packaged Walton with Bynum, you'd be getting somewhere...
Jordan Farmar
Rookie - they've got him for 3 more years, for cheap
He played in almost every game last year, and improved slightly. He's got a long way to go, though. He represents potential, and that doesn't go a long way in trading for big pieces.
Brian Cook
Two more years - 3.5mil and 3.5mil (with a player option after that for 3.5)
Sure, he's only making 3.5, and his contract isn't a killer, but he plays 15 minutes a game and isn't improving. He's a nothing. You could get his production from anyone in the D-league.
Maurice Evans
It doesn't matter
Walking garbage.
------------------------------------
Ok, so that's the long and short of it. Who do you trade on this team? Well, let's see... you could put Bynum and Farmar together, sign and trade Walton, and that might be somewhat attractive, for a mid-level guy. Of course, that would leave you with total putrification. You could throw Odom in the mix to get the overall salary up, and go after a huge contract... but putting Kobe on the floor with another huge contract might sound good, however there will be no one else AT ALL on the team. Think about that. Whoever you traded those guys for, Kwame Brown becomes the third best player on the floor. And Smush Parker the 4th best. So yeah.
Face it, the Lakers are in the same boat as the Wolves, albeit with much more manageable contracts. At least the Lakers can move some smaller pieces around, and bundle them together. At least other GMs wouldn't laugh openly in their face if they tried to package their players together. "Yeah hi, this is Kevin in Minnesota, hey how do you feel about Troy Hudson? (laughter rising) Well, what if we put him in a deal with Marko Jaric? (rising) Hmm, I guess we could put Mark Blunt in a deal too... (full-on guffawing) You know what, if you absolutely have to have it, we can include Ricky Davis too. (doubled over, vomiting, screaming "make it stop")
Anyway, there it is.
May 30, 2007
Shaq Part II...Well, Minus 10....
So Kobe wants out of Los Angeles, huh? Gee, I wish the Timberwolves front office had the ability to do anything about the availablity of one of the best players in the world. I would be willing to put aside my dislike of #24 if it meant KG could win a championship. I also wish that there was a chance that Kobe would want to play next to KG in Minnesota. You can wish in one hand and-I know. I just shit in my hand.
The fact that I'm a fan of one of the worst run organizations in sports means I probably won't get to watch Kobe in blue and black but it doesn't mean I can't enjoy watching teams try to acquire him while owner Jerry Buss - that's Dr. Buss to you drunky - rides GM Mitch Kupchak like a three legged pony in a mustard eating contest. Yeah, I don't know what that means either.
Anyways, on with the show...
So who has a shot at winning this seasons version of Who Wants A Laker? Let's find out!
Our contestants come to us from varying levels of interest and ability. Sure, there are some long shots but just because they have less than 1 in 1 million chances of happening, we didn't keep them out!
Sacramento Kings
Give: Ron Artest, Mike Bibby, #10 pick(Yi Jianlian / Acie Law IV)
Get: Kobe Bryant
Bibby and Artest are big enough names to be known in Hollywood and have been, in the recent past, very good players. Bibby would definitely benefit from a change of scenery and would be a good fit for the PG in the triangle offense. Two things stand in the way of this deal. One, the Maloofs refusal to trade with the Lakers based on principle would, in theory, make them reject this deal. But Kobe may be big enough for them to soften their stance a bit. The Lakers wouldn’t want Kobe to be in the same division because they’d have to face him 4 times a year, not to mention staying in the same state may take some of the Lakers fan base further North. But - hey, don't they have a coaching vacancy too? Hmmm...
New Jersey Nets
Give: Richard Jefferson, Marcus Williams, Antoine Wright, #17 pick(Josh McRoberts / Thaddeus Young)
Get: Kobe Bryant
Richard Jefferson is a fairly good name, but not huge. Both Williams and Wright are solid youngsters who could grow into solid pros. This would be a salary cap move for the most part and, looking at Mr. Buss’ past, could be a likely move if he’s going to have to move his gold coin. Plus he would only have to face an angry Kobe twice a year. New Jersey would want to do this deal because they they’d get to have Kobe and Kidd together. They would then only hope that Vince opts out and leaves. They’d win huge. Kobe in Brooklyn? I think Jay-Z just peed his pants a little bit.
Phoenix Suns
Give: Amare Stoudemire, Raja Bell, Marcus Banks, #24 pick, #29 pick
Get: Kobe Bryant
The Lakers end up with a marketable star in Stoudemire and two extra first round picks in a deep draft. But maybe most importantly they get Kobe’s nemesis in Raja Bell. That way, when they play four times a year, Buss can be on the other side of the Bryant-Bell Bitchfest. The Suns fix their supposed chemistry problem (while possibly giving themselves a new one) and give themselves an amazing piece to add to the D’Antoni puzzle. How many do you think Kobe could average with 20 extra possessions?
Indiana Pacers
Give: Jermaine O’neal, Danny Granger, and Marquis Daniels
Get: Kobe Bryant, Kwame Brown
Jermaine is a big name star who could use a change of scenery and is apparently being shopped by Indiana. Granger is a young up and comer who can play the 2-3 and even a little 4. Most importantly though the Lakers would rid themselves of Kwame Brown and could then begin to forget the mistake of trading for him. The only problem is that the Pacers have no picks this year with which to sweeten the pot and, because of the new CBA, cannot trade next years first rounder because they traded this years - that is if I interpreted that correctly which I may not have. Of course that might be a price Buss would be willing to pay to move Kobe to the Eastern Conference.
Memphis Grizzlies
Give: Pau Gasol, Rudy Gay, Hakim Warrick, #4 pick (Al Horford / Joakim Noah)
Get: Kobe Bryant, #19
This is a long shot although if I were Memphis I’d try to work something out and try to convince Jerry West to stay on in some capacity just to entice Kobe. Memphis would be fairly dumb to do the deal. Then again, you did already get screwed in the Draft Lottery so what do you have to lose? You would immediately sell out every game not to mention all the #24 jerseys you would sell right out of the gate. The Lakers get a solid star, and all-rookie performer, and a solid bench player to ease the rebuilding process. Mostly this deal comes up because it involves The Logo.
Philadelphia 76ers
Give: Andre Miller, Andre Iguodala, Kyle Korver, and #12 pick (Jeff Green / Al Thornton)
Get: Kobe Bryant, Jordan Farmar
I know, I know, the Philly fans love to boo Kobe every time he shows up but seriously, who in Philly wouldn’t want to have their hometown star back home? I don’t like Kobe but I’d be happy to have a player of his caliber on my team. After Iverson was traded to Denver last year Iguodala began to show his true abilities. He does a little bit of everything ala Shawn Marion, but at the SG spot. Sure you give up your point guard of the future but don’t forget that Andre Miller led the league in assists 5 seasons ago and has yet to get comfortable since leaving Cleveland. Korver is one of the league’s premier three-point specialists who would keep the lane open for Bynum and A.I..
Milwaukee Bucks
Give: Michael Redd, Charlie Villenueva, Mo Williams, #6 pick (Mike Conley, Jr. / Corey Brewer)
Get: Kobe Bryant
Sure this deal would be terrible, but how fitting would it be that Kobe and Kareem would have one more link between them? It’d never happen, but I couldn’t resist the history.
Miami Heat
Give: Jason Williams, Udonis Haslem, Dorell Wright, #20 pick
Get: Kobe Bryant
Oh c’mon, how can you not look at reuniting Shaq and Kobe? Then add Dwayne Wade? Sure, there might not be enough balls to go around but don’t tell me you wouldn’t watch. Not to mention that if there’s a front office executive crazy enough to try it, it’s Pat Riley. He’d probably even be able to lure Kareem out of retirement to back up Shaq instead of Zo. Clearly for the Lakers this would just be some cap work not to mention a terrible deal, but wouldn’t it be something? Just imagine: “Kobe picks Dirk’s pocket, outlet pass to Wade, lob to Shaq, OH BABY! The Diesel brings down the house!” It's like an all-star game. Every night. In Miami instead of L.A.
The fact that I'm a fan of one of the worst run organizations in sports means I probably won't get to watch Kobe in blue and black but it doesn't mean I can't enjoy watching teams try to acquire him while owner Jerry Buss - that's Dr. Buss to you drunky - rides GM Mitch Kupchak like a three legged pony in a mustard eating contest. Yeah, I don't know what that means either.
Anyways, on with the show...
So who has a shot at winning this seasons version of Who Wants A Laker? Let's find out!
Our contestants come to us from varying levels of interest and ability. Sure, there are some long shots but just because they have less than 1 in 1 million chances of happening, we didn't keep them out!
Sacramento Kings
Give: Ron Artest, Mike Bibby, #10 pick(Yi Jianlian / Acie Law IV)
Get: Kobe Bryant
Bibby and Artest are big enough names to be known in Hollywood and have been, in the recent past, very good players. Bibby would definitely benefit from a change of scenery and would be a good fit for the PG in the triangle offense. Two things stand in the way of this deal. One, the Maloofs refusal to trade with the Lakers based on principle would, in theory, make them reject this deal. But Kobe may be big enough for them to soften their stance a bit. The Lakers wouldn’t want Kobe to be in the same division because they’d have to face him 4 times a year, not to mention staying in the same state may take some of the Lakers fan base further North. But - hey, don't they have a coaching vacancy too? Hmmm...
New Jersey Nets
Give: Richard Jefferson, Marcus Williams, Antoine Wright, #17 pick(Josh McRoberts / Thaddeus Young)
Get: Kobe Bryant
Richard Jefferson is a fairly good name, but not huge. Both Williams and Wright are solid youngsters who could grow into solid pros. This would be a salary cap move for the most part and, looking at Mr. Buss’ past, could be a likely move if he’s going to have to move his gold coin. Plus he would only have to face an angry Kobe twice a year. New Jersey would want to do this deal because they they’d get to have Kobe and Kidd together. They would then only hope that Vince opts out and leaves. They’d win huge. Kobe in Brooklyn? I think Jay-Z just peed his pants a little bit.
Phoenix Suns
Give: Amare Stoudemire, Raja Bell, Marcus Banks, #24 pick, #29 pick
Get: Kobe Bryant
The Lakers end up with a marketable star in Stoudemire and two extra first round picks in a deep draft. But maybe most importantly they get Kobe’s nemesis in Raja Bell. That way, when they play four times a year, Buss can be on the other side of the Bryant-Bell Bitchfest. The Suns fix their supposed chemistry problem (while possibly giving themselves a new one) and give themselves an amazing piece to add to the D’Antoni puzzle. How many do you think Kobe could average with 20 extra possessions?
Indiana Pacers
Give: Jermaine O’neal, Danny Granger, and Marquis Daniels
Get: Kobe Bryant, Kwame Brown
Jermaine is a big name star who could use a change of scenery and is apparently being shopped by Indiana. Granger is a young up and comer who can play the 2-3 and even a little 4. Most importantly though the Lakers would rid themselves of Kwame Brown and could then begin to forget the mistake of trading for him. The only problem is that the Pacers have no picks this year with which to sweeten the pot and, because of the new CBA, cannot trade next years first rounder because they traded this years - that is if I interpreted that correctly which I may not have. Of course that might be a price Buss would be willing to pay to move Kobe to the Eastern Conference.
Memphis Grizzlies
Give: Pau Gasol, Rudy Gay, Hakim Warrick, #4 pick (Al Horford / Joakim Noah)
Get: Kobe Bryant, #19
This is a long shot although if I were Memphis I’d try to work something out and try to convince Jerry West to stay on in some capacity just to entice Kobe. Memphis would be fairly dumb to do the deal. Then again, you did already get screwed in the Draft Lottery so what do you have to lose? You would immediately sell out every game not to mention all the #24 jerseys you would sell right out of the gate. The Lakers get a solid star, and all-rookie performer, and a solid bench player to ease the rebuilding process. Mostly this deal comes up because it involves The Logo.
Philadelphia 76ers
Give: Andre Miller, Andre Iguodala, Kyle Korver, and #12 pick (Jeff Green / Al Thornton)
Get: Kobe Bryant, Jordan Farmar
I know, I know, the Philly fans love to boo Kobe every time he shows up but seriously, who in Philly wouldn’t want to have their hometown star back home? I don’t like Kobe but I’d be happy to have a player of his caliber on my team. After Iverson was traded to Denver last year Iguodala began to show his true abilities. He does a little bit of everything ala Shawn Marion, but at the SG spot. Sure you give up your point guard of the future but don’t forget that Andre Miller led the league in assists 5 seasons ago and has yet to get comfortable since leaving Cleveland. Korver is one of the league’s premier three-point specialists who would keep the lane open for Bynum and A.I..
Milwaukee Bucks
Give: Michael Redd, Charlie Villenueva, Mo Williams, #6 pick (Mike Conley, Jr. / Corey Brewer)
Get: Kobe Bryant
Sure this deal would be terrible, but how fitting would it be that Kobe and Kareem would have one more link between them? It’d never happen, but I couldn’t resist the history.
Miami Heat
Give: Jason Williams, Udonis Haslem, Dorell Wright, #20 pick
Get: Kobe Bryant
Oh c’mon, how can you not look at reuniting Shaq and Kobe? Then add Dwayne Wade? Sure, there might not be enough balls to go around but don’t tell me you wouldn’t watch. Not to mention that if there’s a front office executive crazy enough to try it, it’s Pat Riley. He’d probably even be able to lure Kareem out of retirement to back up Shaq instead of Zo. Clearly for the Lakers this would just be some cap work not to mention a terrible deal, but wouldn’t it be something? Just imagine: “Kobe picks Dirk’s pocket, outlet pass to Wade, lob to Shaq, OH BABY! The Diesel brings down the house!” It's like an all-star game. Every night. In Miami instead of L.A.
May 22, 2007
Uncompleted Missions, Throwin Your Best-Known Compositions, Couldn't Add It Up If You Mastered Addition
Christ, it's not going to happen tonight, so let's not even talk about that. We're looking at the 7 or 8, and the only thing that comes up good in the 7 or 8 spot is when you have 7 or 8 pancakes and a whole mess o' boysenberry.
GUYS I DON'T WANT THE WOLVES TO DRAFT
Brandan Wright
He's a freshman forward from UNC. You know what that means? He plays "Forward", definitely not to be confused with "Power Forward". He's going to be lanky, and scared. KG will make him cry. He won't possess a killer attitude, he won't have any sort of discernable personality, and above all, he'll be another little wiry fucker without power.
God I hate UNC.
Corey Brewer
Obviously, I spent the entire college basketball season in a country only a few thousand miles from Antarctica, so I didn't see anything from Florida (or anyone else, for that matter). But, luckily, I WAS around to see last year's team, and as I am to understand, this year's team was very similar. Anyway, I probably could've gave a shit about Corey Brewer... that is until I just saw him on espn.com. OH DEAR LORD THIS MAN HAS A MENTAL DEFICIENCY. I hope to god that he smoked at least a bowl before the camera went on, because he made Corky sound like a Rhodes Scholar. There's no reason to ever employ someone who talks that slowly, in any profession.
Yi Jianlian
1. His name is pronounced "Yee". As in "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
2. He only recently came to America, which means nobody knows anything about him. Oh, and he's working out by himself, naturally. Translation: he is WAY too slow to go up against NBA talent. I mean, when he faked out his trainer and took him to the rack??!?! Sweet as, bro! But against a proper defender? NO THANKS.
Joakim Noah
(no reason need be given)
Spencer Hawes
Please god almighty don't take the Bogut/Montross/Bowie/McCullough/Reeves clone in this year's draft. 7 foot tall white guys not from Europe DON'T. PLAY. OUT.
-----------------------------------------------
So who should the Wolves take?
Greg Oden. And if he's not available, how about Kevin Durant?
GUYS I DON'T WANT THE WOLVES TO DRAFT
Brandan Wright
He's a freshman forward from UNC. You know what that means? He plays "Forward", definitely not to be confused with "Power Forward". He's going to be lanky, and scared. KG will make him cry. He won't possess a killer attitude, he won't have any sort of discernable personality, and above all, he'll be another little wiry fucker without power.
God I hate UNC.
Corey Brewer
Obviously, I spent the entire college basketball season in a country only a few thousand miles from Antarctica, so I didn't see anything from Florida (or anyone else, for that matter). But, luckily, I WAS around to see last year's team, and as I am to understand, this year's team was very similar. Anyway, I probably could've gave a shit about Corey Brewer... that is until I just saw him on espn.com. OH DEAR LORD THIS MAN HAS A MENTAL DEFICIENCY. I hope to god that he smoked at least a bowl before the camera went on, because he made Corky sound like a Rhodes Scholar. There's no reason to ever employ someone who talks that slowly, in any profession.
Yi Jianlian
1. His name is pronounced "Yee". As in "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
2. He only recently came to America, which means nobody knows anything about him. Oh, and he's working out by himself, naturally. Translation: he is WAY too slow to go up against NBA talent. I mean, when he faked out his trainer and took him to the rack??!?! Sweet as, bro! But against a proper defender? NO THANKS.
Joakim Noah
(no reason need be given)
Spencer Hawes
Please god almighty don't take the Bogut/Montross/Bowie/McCullough/Reeves clone in this year's draft. 7 foot tall white guys not from Europe DON'T. PLAY. OUT.
-----------------------------------------------
So who should the Wolves take?
Greg Oden. And if he's not available, how about Kevin Durant?
May 11, 2007
From Oakland to Sac-Town, The Bay Area And Back Down, Cali Is With It Put They Mack Down, Gimme Love
There is something happening east of the Big Bridge, and it has nothing to do with Nick Fucking Swisher.
Ghetto Ball has returned to the NBA playoffs. And not a moment too soon.
Ok, I have been absolutely remiss on posting lately, due mostly to cramming my synapse gaps with fermented grape in the Santa Ynez Valley. But nothing lasts forever, and how long is forever anyway? I'm roaring back across the Grand Expanse to deliver a message of hope:
Golden State plays the kind of basketball that would make Hot Sauce happy.
I think it's important, after such a monumental upset in the first round, to define what I mean by "Ghetto Ball". I'll attempt to use numbers, charts and pictures, but essentially, the words will make the most sense.
Ghetto Ball is, in its purest form, a style of basketball played by 5 individuals who never pass and never run a single coherent play. It is run by a coach who, for practice, throws a few racks of balls out onto the court and says "go". It lacks a defensive system completely. It teaches and preaches offensive skills and freakish athleticism. In a nutshell, it's Baron Davis, Stephen Jackson, Al Harrington, Jason Richardson and Matt Barnes.
There is no passing. There is no offensive mindset. When the opposing team shoots, all 5 are scrambling for the rebound. Whoever gets it immediately sprints up-court for a fast break. No, it does not matter what the numbers are. I've seen Davis go one on four, and get his bucket.
Speaking of buckets, that's really all Ghetto Ball is, at the very core. Buckets. You gotta git your buckets. Why? Because if you don't, somebody else will, either on your team or whatever. When the ball is in your hand, the goal is to get it in the bucket, end of story. Passing just delays this.
Why am I so excited about Ghetto Ball? Because I love playground shit. I love shit talking for no reason other than to run your mouth (Sammy C, get at me dog!). I love Charles Oakley and Anthony Mason just going absolutely trash ball and punching people in the face. I love Ricky Davis shooting on his own basket to get a triple double. Anyone who has played the game knows that although those pickup games start out structured, eventually they devolve into gutter mouth and trying to one-up one another.
Think about this for a minute. What are some of the defining moments of your NBA fan career? I'll tell you a few of mine:
- Reggie Miller turning towards Spike Lee and just clowning him, right to his face, by throwing up the "choke" sign.
- Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen teaming up on Darrick Martin and not allowing him to cross half-court after he talked shit to them.
- Jordan against the Blazers in the Finals, when he couldn't physically miss a shot.
- Robert Horry, too many times, daggering a team at the end of a big game.
- Sam Cassell, running down the floor holding enormous imaginary testicles. And bobbing them up and down like we used to do on the playground.
- John Starks, raising hell with Jordan, then getting dunked on so much that it hurt me in Wisconsin.
- The Pistons, despite hearing non-stop that the Lakers were destined for the championship, coming out and completely destroying them in every way. Chauncey Billups hitting shots against whatever the Lakers were trying to stop him with, and dropping that cool smirk of his. Also Rasheed getting revenge on anyone who ever said a word about him.
------------------------------------------------------------------
At its core, basketball yearns to be ghetto ball. Some of the greatest performances have come because one player is just willing to get more ghetto than another one. Individuality is demonized in professional sports, when it's done for the wrong reason. That's bullshit. The NBA is completely individualized.... look at their marketing machine. It's not about the Rockets or the Wolves, it's all about McGrady, Yao, KG. Most of their success relies on their ability to get theirs when it counts. Think of this statement: "He can create his own shot". YOu know who can create their own shot? Anyone willing to stop passing to teammates for an entire game. Kobe "creates his own shot" every single time down the floor. So does Baron Davis. And Stephen Jackson. And Gary Trent.
Simmons maintains that this is a form of basketball not built for the playoffs, which I agree with, but I don't care. This is my favorite kind of basketball. The Warriors put up a hundred and goddamned twenty five points tonight. That's not "running". That's "putting the G back in Gangster" ball. You don't get 125 with an offensive plan. You get it because you can't get your guys to slow down.
-----------------------------------------
And so, in pictures:
Ghetto:
Not Ghetto:
Ghetto (both of them):
Not Ghetto:
Ghetto:
And, the King:
Ghetto Ball has returned to the NBA playoffs. And not a moment too soon.
Ok, I have been absolutely remiss on posting lately, due mostly to cramming my synapse gaps with fermented grape in the Santa Ynez Valley. But nothing lasts forever, and how long is forever anyway? I'm roaring back across the Grand Expanse to deliver a message of hope:
Golden State plays the kind of basketball that would make Hot Sauce happy.
I think it's important, after such a monumental upset in the first round, to define what I mean by "Ghetto Ball". I'll attempt to use numbers, charts and pictures, but essentially, the words will make the most sense.
Ghetto Ball is, in its purest form, a style of basketball played by 5 individuals who never pass and never run a single coherent play. It is run by a coach who, for practice, throws a few racks of balls out onto the court and says "go". It lacks a defensive system completely. It teaches and preaches offensive skills and freakish athleticism. In a nutshell, it's Baron Davis, Stephen Jackson, Al Harrington, Jason Richardson and Matt Barnes.
There is no passing. There is no offensive mindset. When the opposing team shoots, all 5 are scrambling for the rebound. Whoever gets it immediately sprints up-court for a fast break. No, it does not matter what the numbers are. I've seen Davis go one on four, and get his bucket.
Speaking of buckets, that's really all Ghetto Ball is, at the very core. Buckets. You gotta git your buckets. Why? Because if you don't, somebody else will, either on your team or whatever. When the ball is in your hand, the goal is to get it in the bucket, end of story. Passing just delays this.
Why am I so excited about Ghetto Ball? Because I love playground shit. I love shit talking for no reason other than to run your mouth (Sammy C, get at me dog!). I love Charles Oakley and Anthony Mason just going absolutely trash ball and punching people in the face. I love Ricky Davis shooting on his own basket to get a triple double. Anyone who has played the game knows that although those pickup games start out structured, eventually they devolve into gutter mouth and trying to one-up one another.
Think about this for a minute. What are some of the defining moments of your NBA fan career? I'll tell you a few of mine:
- Reggie Miller turning towards Spike Lee and just clowning him, right to his face, by throwing up the "choke" sign.
- Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen teaming up on Darrick Martin and not allowing him to cross half-court after he talked shit to them.
- Jordan against the Blazers in the Finals, when he couldn't physically miss a shot.
- Robert Horry, too many times, daggering a team at the end of a big game.
- Sam Cassell, running down the floor holding enormous imaginary testicles. And bobbing them up and down like we used to do on the playground.
- John Starks, raising hell with Jordan, then getting dunked on so much that it hurt me in Wisconsin.
- The Pistons, despite hearing non-stop that the Lakers were destined for the championship, coming out and completely destroying them in every way. Chauncey Billups hitting shots against whatever the Lakers were trying to stop him with, and dropping that cool smirk of his. Also Rasheed getting revenge on anyone who ever said a word about him.
------------------------------------------------------------------
At its core, basketball yearns to be ghetto ball. Some of the greatest performances have come because one player is just willing to get more ghetto than another one. Individuality is demonized in professional sports, when it's done for the wrong reason. That's bullshit. The NBA is completely individualized.... look at their marketing machine. It's not about the Rockets or the Wolves, it's all about McGrady, Yao, KG. Most of their success relies on their ability to get theirs when it counts. Think of this statement: "He can create his own shot". YOu know who can create their own shot? Anyone willing to stop passing to teammates for an entire game. Kobe "creates his own shot" every single time down the floor. So does Baron Davis. And Stephen Jackson. And Gary Trent.
Simmons maintains that this is a form of basketball not built for the playoffs, which I agree with, but I don't care. This is my favorite kind of basketball. The Warriors put up a hundred and goddamned twenty five points tonight. That's not "running". That's "putting the G back in Gangster" ball. You don't get 125 with an offensive plan. You get it because you can't get your guys to slow down.
-----------------------------------------
And so, in pictures:
Ghetto:
Not Ghetto:
Ghetto (both of them):
Not Ghetto:
Ghetto:
And, the King:
April 23, 2007
Yeah, Back To Compton Again, Yo, It's Either That Or The Federal Pen
Tonight, I watched two of the most predictable playoff games that could be imagined:
In the first, the Pistons walked through a victory over the Magic, playing at about 80 percent and withstanding two not-quite-enough runs. The winner was never in doubt.
In the second, it's actually still being played as I type this. But it's been predictibly BORING. I can tell you that either Houston or Utah will win this game, and that it won't matter at all, because nobody could stay awake to see the winner, including the officials.
Anyway, late last night I saw two games that peeled the paint off the roof and gave my family a permanent orange afro. CUBAN HAD TO PUT UP TRAPS, BECAUSE THE WARRIORS WERE GETTING BUNNIES ALL OVER HIS LAWN!!!!
In the first game, apparently Carmelo Anthony is a very fit basketball player now. See, I always figured him to discover hot cross buns and get up to C. Barks level, but he must've gone out and visited Dick Enrico in the offseason. Seriously, somebody call a doctor because his arms are cut. And he played possessed last night.
I think this game was lost by San Antonio, however, because they just kind of sucked offensively. I don't know if they are broken or not, but they weren't doing it last night. I was wrong about Robert Horry though, he hasn't ballooned up to a disproportionate level. He made a sicko move last night and took Nene to the snack bar. Speaking of Nene, ok, so he doesn't let rebounds get away from him? Between him and Camby, I dare say the Nuggets are strong enough inside to make a deep run. My gut tells me that these scumbags will go back to sucking, but my playoff sense wouldn't be surprised to see them go hard, and deep. That's just what Francisco Elson would want. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.
In the second game, we found ourselves at famed Rucker Park for the Puma Pumps Slam Em Jam Em Full Court 9 Foot Dunk And Sunk Challenge. G State runs. Then they run more. I think the only thought that goes through the heads of the 5 guys on the floor is "Get ball, score ball, when get ball? Score ball, run and dunk ball, shoot three, get ball, where is ball? Block ball, get ball, dunk ball." Don Nelson has them like crackheads after a day-old from Brueggers. They ran the Mavs out of the gym, just completely handcuffing them and brutalizing their sorry squad. Cuban stood up many times and yelled loudly, likely feeling confident because of his totally tubular goatee (I ain't dissin you Mark, you're my dog!), but the refs couldn't even swing this one to Dallas. Seriously, have you seen a team run around the floor with so much fervor before? So much psychotically driven energy dedicated to simply playing ghetto ball at each and every turn?
I think Don Nelson is overrated here. I think this game was about the completely ghetto factor of Golden State - who starts Stephen Jackson AND Al Harrington - and Baron Davis, who looked like he was back in Charlotte having himself some home-baked cookies with every three. I heard the announcer say something like they hadn't seen him play this well ever, but that's not true. I saw him hit like 5 threes in a row during the last year the Hornets were in the playoffs, which coincided with the last year the Hornets were in NORTH CAROLINA. He was good then, and then he had a few backiotomies, and now he's just as good. We could've had him for Spree.
78-70 Rockets. Good night.
In the first, the Pistons walked through a victory over the Magic, playing at about 80 percent and withstanding two not-quite-enough runs. The winner was never in doubt.
In the second, it's actually still being played as I type this. But it's been predictibly BORING. I can tell you that either Houston or Utah will win this game, and that it won't matter at all, because nobody could stay awake to see the winner, including the officials.
Anyway, late last night I saw two games that peeled the paint off the roof and gave my family a permanent orange afro. CUBAN HAD TO PUT UP TRAPS, BECAUSE THE WARRIORS WERE GETTING BUNNIES ALL OVER HIS LAWN!!!!
In the first game, apparently Carmelo Anthony is a very fit basketball player now. See, I always figured him to discover hot cross buns and get up to C. Barks level, but he must've gone out and visited Dick Enrico in the offseason. Seriously, somebody call a doctor because his arms are cut. And he played possessed last night.
I think this game was lost by San Antonio, however, because they just kind of sucked offensively. I don't know if they are broken or not, but they weren't doing it last night. I was wrong about Robert Horry though, he hasn't ballooned up to a disproportionate level. He made a sicko move last night and took Nene to the snack bar. Speaking of Nene, ok, so he doesn't let rebounds get away from him? Between him and Camby, I dare say the Nuggets are strong enough inside to make a deep run. My gut tells me that these scumbags will go back to sucking, but my playoff sense wouldn't be surprised to see them go hard, and deep. That's just what Francisco Elson would want. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.
In the second game, we found ourselves at famed Rucker Park for the Puma Pumps Slam Em Jam Em Full Court 9 Foot Dunk And Sunk Challenge. G State runs. Then they run more. I think the only thought that goes through the heads of the 5 guys on the floor is "Get ball, score ball, when get ball? Score ball, run and dunk ball, shoot three, get ball, where is ball? Block ball, get ball, dunk ball." Don Nelson has them like crackheads after a day-old from Brueggers. They ran the Mavs out of the gym, just completely handcuffing them and brutalizing their sorry squad. Cuban stood up many times and yelled loudly, likely feeling confident because of his totally tubular goatee (I ain't dissin you Mark, you're my dog!), but the refs couldn't even swing this one to Dallas. Seriously, have you seen a team run around the floor with so much fervor before? So much psychotically driven energy dedicated to simply playing ghetto ball at each and every turn?
I think Don Nelson is overrated here. I think this game was about the completely ghetto factor of Golden State - who starts Stephen Jackson AND Al Harrington - and Baron Davis, who looked like he was back in Charlotte having himself some home-baked cookies with every three. I heard the announcer say something like they hadn't seen him play this well ever, but that's not true. I saw him hit like 5 threes in a row during the last year the Hornets were in the playoffs, which coincided with the last year the Hornets were in NORTH CAROLINA. He was good then, and then he had a few backiotomies, and now he's just as good. We could've had him for Spree.
78-70 Rockets. Good night.
April 22, 2007
Now I'm Kickin Back, Gettin Blasted, Reminiscin How She Looked In A Casket
Our season is over, but to call it a season is really disrespectful to the rest of the NBA teams who either had success or now have the offseason and future to look forward to. I would prefer to call what the team that plays in downtown Minneapolis went through a "Winter of Suck". The Timberwolves had neither an acceptable record, nor do they have anything to look forward to. Great! This ought to be a fun couple of years!
Anyway, I'm back in The Land Of Eating now, and I am not embarrassed to admit that I've watched roughly 15 hours of playoff basketball this weekend, with 5 more to come tonight. It's been goddamned incredible. I feel reconnected with the game, seeing old friends and enemies, ingesting the sport like some people around here do but with double bacon burgers. In that vein, I've seen quite a few advertisements for this Wendy's burger where they seal the cheese and bacon and mushrooms between two burger patties. Seriously? Are you sure you can't just give me a loaded gun to shoot directly into my chest?
Ok, I'm way out there. Back to the NBA: I'm pretty excited for this postseason, and I think we've got some pretty good matchups in the first round, and down the road. Let's break down what I've seen so far in this first weekend, to the tune of NWA lyrics:
Miami Heat / "Only one way for you to pass, yo, get treated like a king and they crown your ass"
The Heat are a marked team. They are not, however, a pushover. They hung with the Bulls pretty well, and I wouldn't be surprised if they came back and won this series fairly quickly. I know, I know, the Bulls played pretty well, but I think the Heat are just so incredibly beat up, and if they start gunning and closing out, they're going to be back to last season's form. Wade is a complete monster, he's the guy that you just can't take your eyes off if you're Chicago. I wouldn't be surprised for this series to go either way, actually, but I'm predicting the Heat to win it.
Of course, keep in mind that I watched my first Wolves game this season a week ago. So, yeah.
Phoenix Suns / "Been runnin since the fired the gun and started the clock, that's when the E jumped off the starting block"
Ummm, this team is absolutely ridiculous. They can go down by 8 or 10 points then just tie it up in like 2 minutes. Steve Nash, whom many writers who earn a hell of a lot of money to make somewhat accurate predictions said should be in a back brace by this point in his career, plays the game like fucking Neo. Do his feet ever hit the ground? I've never been a huge fan of Nash, primarily because of his face and the way that it looks like what you'd look like if you finally got to the front of the line and got to pee after you had to wait for 5 hours, but he's so incredibly gifted in this offensive strategy. I'm not sure that they even run plays anymore, just Steve creating in his head.
On the other side though, Kobe Bryant is the best basketball player in the world right now. He started making shots from the elbow in today's game, then just kept going back to the same spot 3 more times and hit 2 threes. Then, before he missed one, he faked the shot and drove the lane. The result was free throws. The point is that he knows what he can get the defense to do, and he knows he is capable of scoring any time, against any set. It's just a matter of how he's going to do it.
The future of this series? I have no idea, other than that I will watch all of the games if I can, because this is goddamned good basketball.
Although, I kind of hate that Farmar guy a lot. I mean, quite a lot. He might do better if he wiped the "My sister just took away my power ranger doll that I put in a dress because I'm confused and now I need to yell to mom to get it back for me" look off his face.
Cleveland Cavaliers / "See I beat, and then I creep on a fool, keep my blood pressure high, but still stay cool"
Dumb NBA writers will keep waiting for LeBron to "take over" and "assert himself" and "begin creating his playoff legend", and I'll keep waiting for the majority of them to lose some weight. In the meantime, I'll watch this man fly up and down the court in a physical display that looks psychotically impossible. The Wizards hung in this game, and it was fun to watch, but my eyes are always just drifting towards LeBron. I can't describe his game, because it's too broad and good. I can describe what I think when he has a breakaway, and it's "DAMN!"
I do agree with the TNT crew in that this series is going to get gangster before it's all said and done. We're talking fights. And if LeBron wants to begin his playoff resume, I would suggest "Punching Antawn Jamison" as a good place to start.
Utah Jazz / "Even if Yella makes it a capella, I still express yo I don't smoke weed or cess"
Good god almighty, I don't know if I'll be able to take in the rest of this series because I'll be busy WATCHING PAINT DRY. Utah starts Derek Fisher, Mehmet Okur, and Carlos Boozer. These are the three most boring basketball players that have ever worn shoes. Jerry Sloan just wants the game to be 50-46. The Rockets jumped out to an 8-0 lead in like two minutes, but then in came the Jazz and completely mucked the game up. Watching this game was a big burst of confidence for me: even though I spent the entire season in a country where they play fucking Netball as a national sport (that's basketball but without a backboard and dribbling, and also without fun), I can still accurately handicap a Jazz game.
The Rockets will win this series, but only if they can keep Skip To My Lou awake.
New Jersey Nets / "This is what I want you to do, feel the groove, bust a move, yo yo I'm tired, what about you? Man, this is somethin to dance to!"
Did you see Vince's Breakin-esque throwdown before the game on Saturday? Oh look at him go! Dancin all crazy!!! And on the same floor that he used to play!! He's so much happier and energetic now that he's with his new team!!!!
He also looks like he should be at Gameworks on Friday nights playing DDR with four buddies who sip their beers and scan the crowd for girls that are "old enough".
The Raptors are not a very complete basketball team, and the Nets will defeat them. This much is obvious. I do, however, LOVE it when guys get booed every time they touch the ball. It reminds me of Bertuzzi. Or Bowl of Kandi, when he came back with the Celtics after the trade. Hey Mike, you see how we cheered Wally? Yeah, he's a good man, and tries. We boo you because your not made of blood and bones but rather garbage.
Anyway, yes, I think the Nets will win the series, but I also think that Sam Mitchell is not above putting a "hit" out (just ask Chaney about this) on Carter or Kidd, because I think Toronto will play dirty if they have to. Lord knows ever since Ford got dumped on his neck by Mad-Dog, he's been playing on borrowed time.
Detroit Pistons / "Murder was a dirty job to rob, a dead man was the best plan cause a dead man never ran"
And finally, the Pistons, your 2007 NBA champions. Yeah, GOOD LUCK, ORLANDO. Flip doesn't even look like he needs a cigarette, which doesn't bode well for the rest of the NBA.
---------------------------------------------
I'm watching the other two games tonight, so I'm sure I'll have some really insightful reflections on those for you later. I can tell you're holding your breath. As a prelude, I will say that Kevin Harlan rules, and that Robert Horry got fat while I was in New Zealand. Maybe he ate too many double baco-burgers. Oh, and Don Nelson... let's just say I think it's NBA regulations to have defibulators in every locker room, and they might want to think about wheeling one up to the scorer's table for tonight's game.
Anyway, I'm back in The Land Of Eating now, and I am not embarrassed to admit that I've watched roughly 15 hours of playoff basketball this weekend, with 5 more to come tonight. It's been goddamned incredible. I feel reconnected with the game, seeing old friends and enemies, ingesting the sport like some people around here do but with double bacon burgers. In that vein, I've seen quite a few advertisements for this Wendy's burger where they seal the cheese and bacon and mushrooms between two burger patties. Seriously? Are you sure you can't just give me a loaded gun to shoot directly into my chest?
Ok, I'm way out there. Back to the NBA: I'm pretty excited for this postseason, and I think we've got some pretty good matchups in the first round, and down the road. Let's break down what I've seen so far in this first weekend, to the tune of NWA lyrics:
Miami Heat / "Only one way for you to pass, yo, get treated like a king and they crown your ass"
The Heat are a marked team. They are not, however, a pushover. They hung with the Bulls pretty well, and I wouldn't be surprised if they came back and won this series fairly quickly. I know, I know, the Bulls played pretty well, but I think the Heat are just so incredibly beat up, and if they start gunning and closing out, they're going to be back to last season's form. Wade is a complete monster, he's the guy that you just can't take your eyes off if you're Chicago. I wouldn't be surprised for this series to go either way, actually, but I'm predicting the Heat to win it.
Of course, keep in mind that I watched my first Wolves game this season a week ago. So, yeah.
Phoenix Suns / "Been runnin since the fired the gun and started the clock, that's when the E jumped off the starting block"
Ummm, this team is absolutely ridiculous. They can go down by 8 or 10 points then just tie it up in like 2 minutes. Steve Nash, whom many writers who earn a hell of a lot of money to make somewhat accurate predictions said should be in a back brace by this point in his career, plays the game like fucking Neo. Do his feet ever hit the ground? I've never been a huge fan of Nash, primarily because of his face and the way that it looks like what you'd look like if you finally got to the front of the line and got to pee after you had to wait for 5 hours, but he's so incredibly gifted in this offensive strategy. I'm not sure that they even run plays anymore, just Steve creating in his head.
On the other side though, Kobe Bryant is the best basketball player in the world right now. He started making shots from the elbow in today's game, then just kept going back to the same spot 3 more times and hit 2 threes. Then, before he missed one, he faked the shot and drove the lane. The result was free throws. The point is that he knows what he can get the defense to do, and he knows he is capable of scoring any time, against any set. It's just a matter of how he's going to do it.
The future of this series? I have no idea, other than that I will watch all of the games if I can, because this is goddamned good basketball.
Although, I kind of hate that Farmar guy a lot. I mean, quite a lot. He might do better if he wiped the "My sister just took away my power ranger doll that I put in a dress because I'm confused and now I need to yell to mom to get it back for me" look off his face.
Cleveland Cavaliers / "See I beat, and then I creep on a fool, keep my blood pressure high, but still stay cool"
Dumb NBA writers will keep waiting for LeBron to "take over" and "assert himself" and "begin creating his playoff legend", and I'll keep waiting for the majority of them to lose some weight. In the meantime, I'll watch this man fly up and down the court in a physical display that looks psychotically impossible. The Wizards hung in this game, and it was fun to watch, but my eyes are always just drifting towards LeBron. I can't describe his game, because it's too broad and good. I can describe what I think when he has a breakaway, and it's "DAMN!"
I do agree with the TNT crew in that this series is going to get gangster before it's all said and done. We're talking fights. And if LeBron wants to begin his playoff resume, I would suggest "Punching Antawn Jamison" as a good place to start.
Utah Jazz / "Even if Yella makes it a capella, I still express yo I don't smoke weed or cess"
Good god almighty, I don't know if I'll be able to take in the rest of this series because I'll be busy WATCHING PAINT DRY. Utah starts Derek Fisher, Mehmet Okur, and Carlos Boozer. These are the three most boring basketball players that have ever worn shoes. Jerry Sloan just wants the game to be 50-46. The Rockets jumped out to an 8-0 lead in like two minutes, but then in came the Jazz and completely mucked the game up. Watching this game was a big burst of confidence for me: even though I spent the entire season in a country where they play fucking Netball as a national sport (that's basketball but without a backboard and dribbling, and also without fun), I can still accurately handicap a Jazz game.
The Rockets will win this series, but only if they can keep Skip To My Lou awake.
New Jersey Nets / "This is what I want you to do, feel the groove, bust a move, yo yo I'm tired, what about you? Man, this is somethin to dance to!"
Did you see Vince's Breakin-esque throwdown before the game on Saturday? Oh look at him go! Dancin all crazy!!! And on the same floor that he used to play!! He's so much happier and energetic now that he's with his new team!!!!
He also looks like he should be at Gameworks on Friday nights playing DDR with four buddies who sip their beers and scan the crowd for girls that are "old enough".
The Raptors are not a very complete basketball team, and the Nets will defeat them. This much is obvious. I do, however, LOVE it when guys get booed every time they touch the ball. It reminds me of Bertuzzi. Or Bowl of Kandi, when he came back with the Celtics after the trade. Hey Mike, you see how we cheered Wally? Yeah, he's a good man, and tries. We boo you because your not made of blood and bones but rather garbage.
Anyway, yes, I think the Nets will win the series, but I also think that Sam Mitchell is not above putting a "hit" out (just ask Chaney about this) on Carter or Kidd, because I think Toronto will play dirty if they have to. Lord knows ever since Ford got dumped on his neck by Mad-Dog, he's been playing on borrowed time.
Detroit Pistons / "Murder was a dirty job to rob, a dead man was the best plan cause a dead man never ran"
And finally, the Pistons, your 2007 NBA champions. Yeah, GOOD LUCK, ORLANDO. Flip doesn't even look like he needs a cigarette, which doesn't bode well for the rest of the NBA.
---------------------------------------------
I'm watching the other two games tonight, so I'm sure I'll have some really insightful reflections on those for you later. I can tell you're holding your breath. As a prelude, I will say that Kevin Harlan rules, and that Robert Horry got fat while I was in New Zealand. Maybe he ate too many double baco-burgers. Oh, and Don Nelson... let's just say I think it's NBA regulations to have defibulators in every locker room, and they might want to think about wheeling one up to the scorer's table for tonight's game.
April 19, 2007
Sometimes Great Seats Can Save A Season
Watching Randy Wittman stalk the sidelines with an angered look on his face while is team is down 20 in a game against the worst team in the league, on the final night of a forgettable season, was almost funny. It almost seemed like he was trying to prove that he wasn't tanking, even if the rest of the franshise was. He almost had me convinced. Then Justin Reed started shooting...and shooting...and shooting...and shooting. It was no Mad Dog three-point-athon, but it was close. On no less than three occasions Reed was taking a 17-foot jumper with 23 seconds on the shot clock. He took 12 shots, missed 9 of them - 7 were layups, and committed 5 fouls in a heavy 28 minutes of action. It was fairly clear that he'd been given the green light by coach. Again, it wasn't Madsen jackin' threes, but it wasn't that far removed either. Aside from that, the game was just an ugly slugfest of bad teams playing poor basketball. Even Sid had a hard time stomaching the game last night - he didn't even eat all his chocolate covered raisins.
There were some highlights though.
- Two guys were "escorted" out of the building because they refused to put away their 'Fire McFail' signs. I agree with their sentiment, but I felt bad for the usher - poor guy looked like he might have a heart attack(is that cheese sauce in your mustache?).
- From the seats we had - row 9 behind the basket - we could hear everything Dahntay Jones and Buckets were saying to whoever they were saying it to. Dahntay Jones made a point to point and yell at 5 empty seats after he made a 7-foot jumper over no one. He's real classy.
- Randy Foye had himself a very good game with 26 points, 8 rebounds, and 6 assists on 10-15 shooting. It was a quiet night for the numbers he put up. Mike James played fairly well too.
- Local "sports writer" Sid Hartman was so displeased with the game that he decided to wander up and chat with Fred Hoiberg and Rob Babcock. He left his chocolate covered raisins behind after he put in all that hard work to get the box of candy open in the first place. What a waste...
- I got to shake Fred Hoiberg's hand. Well, it was more of a high-five, but I wished him luck in the upcoming draft. He's such a stand up guy and, based on Craig Smith, I'm comfortable going into the draft knowing he has a hand in our selections.
For being such a bad basketball game, it was a good time had by all. Having great seats really does make being at a terrible game a much better experience. I would've liked to have seen them atleast try to make it look like they weren't trying to lose the game, but beggars can't be choosers can they?
April 16, 2007
Now, with all due respect...
If you asked Ricky Bobby the meaning of that phrase, it suggests you may say whatever you want about a person because you're doing it with respect.
With that said, I had good intentions in narrowing down to a list of, oh, 3-4 who were truly terrible...the worst referees in the NBA. But then, my list mushroomed to a dozen, and it was difficult really narrowing it down. We could talk about Steve Javie, Violet Palmer, or even their leader Stu Jackson...but the more I researched this idea, the more depressed I became. Why? I know that the playoffs will begin and some numskull will start calling fouls at random...see some things and not others, and in general ruin the game.
I want the NBA to prove me wrong. It won't. And this, this is our future. Fuck, I give up.
(The attempt of this article comes from Trip hearing a network TV announcer calling a particularly awful ref "one the greats of all time" right after he made back-to-back horseshit calls. This announcer needs to realize that he's not being paid by the NBA, but a broadcast...er, cable network.)
With that said, I had good intentions in narrowing down to a list of, oh, 3-4 who were truly terrible...the worst referees in the NBA. But then, my list mushroomed to a dozen, and it was difficult really narrowing it down. We could talk about Steve Javie, Violet Palmer, or even their leader Stu Jackson...but the more I researched this idea, the more depressed I became. Why? I know that the playoffs will begin and some numskull will start calling fouls at random...see some things and not others, and in general ruin the game.
I want the NBA to prove me wrong. It won't. And this, this is our future. Fuck, I give up.
(The attempt of this article comes from Trip hearing a network TV announcer calling a particularly awful ref "one the greats of all time" right after he made back-to-back horseshit calls. This announcer needs to realize that he's not being paid by the NBA, but a broadcast...er, cable network.)
April 5, 2007
There Was A Hardy Boy Mystery You're Trying To Solve, Can't Understand Why You Got Involved
Clue number two, you give up? I figured, it was K La Boss on the cut...
Ok, so I'm still in the Land of the Long and White, but I read something that caught my eye: Marc Stein's interview with KG over at ESPN. Now, apparently sometime early this season Simmons wrote something about saving KG from the "mediocrity" of Minnesota. I didn't read that because Bill Simmons' views about the NBA outside of Boston and LA have become extremely one dimensional and are lacking proper research. If I've said it once I've said it a hundred times: no sports writer in the entire country can properly evaluate KG and his place in the Minnesota sports world without living here or being closely connected to him. And KG doesn't let people get close to him. So opinions like that fall on deaf ears. Except for all the other horses out there who are reading him and taking it all as gospel.
Anyway, reading this interview really pulled back a little of the curtain with respect to KG, and I think we're moving towards something big with the organization. Now, as a disclaimer, let me again state that I have watched a total of two NBA games this season. TWO. And neither of them had anything to do with the Timberwolves. However, I have watched KG like no other athlete in my lifetime, and have more respect for him than I have for any other. And because of this, I believe that things are going to work out.
His analysis of the house that he has built is vintage KG. He is the most loyal superstar to ever grace the Minnesota sports scene. If you want to compare him to Kirby, let's not forget that Kirby almost had a contract signed with Boston before re-upping with the Twins in 93. I mean, he says in his autobiography that it was 50-50. I've never heard KG say anything remotely like that. KG knows that the Wolves have rewarded him financially and the fans have rewarded him with unending, unwavering adoration. He knows that he has rewarded us with unrelenting hard work and phenomenal play. What more can he do? In order to leave this team, he has to look himself in the mirror and admit that the desire to win is stronger than his loyalty to fans who have cared for him since his rookie year. In AI's case, I think it's different. I mean, that's Philly. The fans there are unlike any others in the world. They are positively the meanest, loudest, most negative-minded fan base for all of their sports teams. Leaving Philly is no problem. Especially if you know you're going to end up in Denver, the sister-city to Minneapolis. But for KG to leave this place means that he has to forcibly break ties to an incredible group of fans. And that may sound sentimental, but it's the truth.
Look at the average existence of a superstar in the NBA. There are literally dozens of issues that determine where they want to play, and essentially, how their career is shaped. There's coaches, fans, management, teammates, city life, and above all else, money. With KG, you literally throw all those issues out the window. Just watch:
Coaches
KG is too smart of a basketball player to know that he doesn't know it all. He has relied on coaches for development and knowledge since his days in Mauldin. Flip Saunders made him into a superstar, but not because Flip was an incredible coach. He just let KG develop what was already there. KG knows that the coach is basically responsible for directing the rest of the team. KG's going to do his thing, because he's good enough. The problem that rises so often is when coaches have to come in and "control" players, or "reign them in". When that happens, you never see good results. No coach ever will change KG's style, because he's so goddamned good.
Oh, and KG is incapable of butting heads with a coach. It will never happen. That little sleight he gave Casey in the ESPN interview was honestly the most pointed thing he's ever said about a head coach.
Fans
Fans are not an issue with KG. Nobody in Minnesota has ever asked for him to leave. Nobody has ever thought that we would be better off dumping him for draft picks. It doesn't work that way. We love him, he fills the Target Center (or at least, gets it close). Kids idolize him to the degree of Kirby. It will never stop.
Management
HA HA HA. Here is the real problem. Let's come back to this one.
Teammates
Again, KG rises above. You don't butt heads with KG, because you will lose. You don't challenge him for control of the team, because you will lose. You talk to him, he'll talk back for 10 times longer. You make a move, he'll make a better one. Like Nicky in Casino: you beat him with fists, he comes back with a bat. You beat him with a bat, he comes back with a knife. It's impossible for me to comprehend KG having a problem with his teammates that he doesn't immediately take care of.
City Life
This is close to fans, but it's more of the geography and lifestyle of the city. KG has no problem with Minneapolis. He lives in Orono, secluded from all the publicity and hounding that would normally drag him down in a bigger city. A lot of superstars want constant adoration everywhere they go. Not KG. He could care less that it's cold in the winter, he could care less that there's not a glut of night clubs and strip clubs all over downtown. He isn't that kind of man. Yeah, he goes out to Best Buy to buy a DVD and he gets surrounded, of course. But at least he can sleep in peace and quiet, without groupies and posse members constantly harassing him.
MONEY
It's so big it needs to be capitalized. It's the biggest issue facing NBA players, especially up and coming superstars. Money dictates all else. Why do you think LeBron and Carmelo signed IDENTICAL deals this past summer? Because they know they set the market, and whoever goes first loses. I've said this before, but allow me to repeat one of my theories about professional sports:
To almost every superstar in professional sports, the actual dollar figure they earn means very little. What really matters is respect.
Ok, you think KG cares if his contract is for 100 million or 110 million? What in the hell is 10 more million going to buy? He and his accountant know that the amount of money isn't the issue. He'll never have to want for anything for the rest of his life, and neither will his family and close friends. An extra few million here or there isn't going to change that. The issue is respect. Superstars want a fair deal. It's not greed. It's pride. If someone else who isn't as good as you is making the same amount of money as you, you feel disrespected. And if you tell KG "Well, we're going to give you Paul Pierce money", he would say that's bullshit. He's better than Paul Pierce. A LOT BETTER. And so, that's how it works. If you are one of the elite players in the NBA, you deserve elite money. If you don't get it, there are usually problems. With KG, if he gets it, he's happy. You'll never hear KG dunk a basketball and turn to Glen Taylor during a pre-season game and yell "You gonna pay me now?!?!?". But Shaq did that during his last year with the Lakers. And he's viewed as a goddamned saint.
Really, the only issue that faces KG every day and at every turn is that of management. And it's hard. It's a quagmire, it really is. What can he do? Kevin McHale is one of the worst executives in the NBA, and there are some really shitty ones. Is it possible for KG to demand that Deadzo be fired? No, because Glen and him are dogs from back in the day. Is it possible for KG to demand that Glen sell the team, or just buy it himself? Yeah, in a magical mystery universe that guys who read Pat Reusse believe is possible with just a sprig of fairy dust. He can't do anything. His hands are tied.
If he wants to leave, nobody will ever hold it against him (hopefully). But I don't believe that he ever wants to leave, no matter how bad this team is. Eventually, the Wolves will make another run at things. Eventually some trades will fall into their lap like Spree and Sam. I have faith it will happen again. Lord knows Deadzo isn't going to orchestrate it. In the world of inept GMs, the nice thing to remember is that someone could just call up McHale and drop a little present in his lap, because they're dumber than him.
He built this house, he built up an entire fan base around hard work and spectacular ability. And he's not going to cut and run. I love KG, and he loves all of us back. You give him some decent supporting cast, and you won't hear this talk ever again.
Let's just do that soon, eh?
Ok, so I'm still in the Land of the Long and White, but I read something that caught my eye: Marc Stein's interview with KG over at ESPN. Now, apparently sometime early this season Simmons wrote something about saving KG from the "mediocrity" of Minnesota. I didn't read that because Bill Simmons' views about the NBA outside of Boston and LA have become extremely one dimensional and are lacking proper research. If I've said it once I've said it a hundred times: no sports writer in the entire country can properly evaluate KG and his place in the Minnesota sports world without living here or being closely connected to him. And KG doesn't let people get close to him. So opinions like that fall on deaf ears. Except for all the other horses out there who are reading him and taking it all as gospel.
Anyway, reading this interview really pulled back a little of the curtain with respect to KG, and I think we're moving towards something big with the organization. Now, as a disclaimer, let me again state that I have watched a total of two NBA games this season. TWO. And neither of them had anything to do with the Timberwolves. However, I have watched KG like no other athlete in my lifetime, and have more respect for him than I have for any other. And because of this, I believe that things are going to work out.
His analysis of the house that he has built is vintage KG. He is the most loyal superstar to ever grace the Minnesota sports scene. If you want to compare him to Kirby, let's not forget that Kirby almost had a contract signed with Boston before re-upping with the Twins in 93. I mean, he says in his autobiography that it was 50-50. I've never heard KG say anything remotely like that. KG knows that the Wolves have rewarded him financially and the fans have rewarded him with unending, unwavering adoration. He knows that he has rewarded us with unrelenting hard work and phenomenal play. What more can he do? In order to leave this team, he has to look himself in the mirror and admit that the desire to win is stronger than his loyalty to fans who have cared for him since his rookie year. In AI's case, I think it's different. I mean, that's Philly. The fans there are unlike any others in the world. They are positively the meanest, loudest, most negative-minded fan base for all of their sports teams. Leaving Philly is no problem. Especially if you know you're going to end up in Denver, the sister-city to Minneapolis. But for KG to leave this place means that he has to forcibly break ties to an incredible group of fans. And that may sound sentimental, but it's the truth.
Look at the average existence of a superstar in the NBA. There are literally dozens of issues that determine where they want to play, and essentially, how their career is shaped. There's coaches, fans, management, teammates, city life, and above all else, money. With KG, you literally throw all those issues out the window. Just watch:
Coaches
KG is too smart of a basketball player to know that he doesn't know it all. He has relied on coaches for development and knowledge since his days in Mauldin. Flip Saunders made him into a superstar, but not because Flip was an incredible coach. He just let KG develop what was already there. KG knows that the coach is basically responsible for directing the rest of the team. KG's going to do his thing, because he's good enough. The problem that rises so often is when coaches have to come in and "control" players, or "reign them in". When that happens, you never see good results. No coach ever will change KG's style, because he's so goddamned good.
Oh, and KG is incapable of butting heads with a coach. It will never happen. That little sleight he gave Casey in the ESPN interview was honestly the most pointed thing he's ever said about a head coach.
Fans
Fans are not an issue with KG. Nobody in Minnesota has ever asked for him to leave. Nobody has ever thought that we would be better off dumping him for draft picks. It doesn't work that way. We love him, he fills the Target Center (or at least, gets it close). Kids idolize him to the degree of Kirby. It will never stop.
Management
HA HA HA. Here is the real problem. Let's come back to this one.
Teammates
Again, KG rises above. You don't butt heads with KG, because you will lose. You don't challenge him for control of the team, because you will lose. You talk to him, he'll talk back for 10 times longer. You make a move, he'll make a better one. Like Nicky in Casino: you beat him with fists, he comes back with a bat. You beat him with a bat, he comes back with a knife. It's impossible for me to comprehend KG having a problem with his teammates that he doesn't immediately take care of.
City Life
This is close to fans, but it's more of the geography and lifestyle of the city. KG has no problem with Minneapolis. He lives in Orono, secluded from all the publicity and hounding that would normally drag him down in a bigger city. A lot of superstars want constant adoration everywhere they go. Not KG. He could care less that it's cold in the winter, he could care less that there's not a glut of night clubs and strip clubs all over downtown. He isn't that kind of man. Yeah, he goes out to Best Buy to buy a DVD and he gets surrounded, of course. But at least he can sleep in peace and quiet, without groupies and posse members constantly harassing him.
MONEY
It's so big it needs to be capitalized. It's the biggest issue facing NBA players, especially up and coming superstars. Money dictates all else. Why do you think LeBron and Carmelo signed IDENTICAL deals this past summer? Because they know they set the market, and whoever goes first loses. I've said this before, but allow me to repeat one of my theories about professional sports:
To almost every superstar in professional sports, the actual dollar figure they earn means very little. What really matters is respect.
Ok, you think KG cares if his contract is for 100 million or 110 million? What in the hell is 10 more million going to buy? He and his accountant know that the amount of money isn't the issue. He'll never have to want for anything for the rest of his life, and neither will his family and close friends. An extra few million here or there isn't going to change that. The issue is respect. Superstars want a fair deal. It's not greed. It's pride. If someone else who isn't as good as you is making the same amount of money as you, you feel disrespected. And if you tell KG "Well, we're going to give you Paul Pierce money", he would say that's bullshit. He's better than Paul Pierce. A LOT BETTER. And so, that's how it works. If you are one of the elite players in the NBA, you deserve elite money. If you don't get it, there are usually problems. With KG, if he gets it, he's happy. You'll never hear KG dunk a basketball and turn to Glen Taylor during a pre-season game and yell "You gonna pay me now?!?!?". But Shaq did that during his last year with the Lakers. And he's viewed as a goddamned saint.
Really, the only issue that faces KG every day and at every turn is that of management. And it's hard. It's a quagmire, it really is. What can he do? Kevin McHale is one of the worst executives in the NBA, and there are some really shitty ones. Is it possible for KG to demand that Deadzo be fired? No, because Glen and him are dogs from back in the day. Is it possible for KG to demand that Glen sell the team, or just buy it himself? Yeah, in a magical mystery universe that guys who read Pat Reusse believe is possible with just a sprig of fairy dust. He can't do anything. His hands are tied.
If he wants to leave, nobody will ever hold it against him (hopefully). But I don't believe that he ever wants to leave, no matter how bad this team is. Eventually, the Wolves will make another run at things. Eventually some trades will fall into their lap like Spree and Sam. I have faith it will happen again. Lord knows Deadzo isn't going to orchestrate it. In the world of inept GMs, the nice thing to remember is that someone could just call up McHale and drop a little present in his lap, because they're dumber than him.
He built this house, he built up an entire fan base around hard work and spectacular ability. And he's not going to cut and run. I love KG, and he loves all of us back. You give him some decent supporting cast, and you won't hear this talk ever again.
Let's just do that soon, eh?
March 29, 2007
Not to worry, I've put the gun away. For now...
I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that the Wolves couldn't beat one of the worst teams in the league while they were missing one of their best players. The fact that they blew a 25 point lead is painful enough, but this is also the second time in a week that they've blown a lead against Seattle without Ray Allen in the lineup. In checking to see how we ended the season matchup against the Sonics I also noticed that the Wolves had lost to Seattle earlier this season, that time without Rashard Lewis in the lineup. That got me thinking. I dug through all their losses this season and determined who, if anyone was injured or racked up a DNP against the Wolves. Obviously in the NBA, there are a ton of players who don't play, most of which are insignificant - Ronnie Brewer not playing may not crush the Spurs. So I went through and marked down players who have played a significant role for their teams this season, usually including the five starters and the sixth man, assuming he's a contributor.
Of their 41 losses this year, 21 of them were to teams that were missing a starter or a sixth man. 11 of the 21 losses were to teams who's winning percentage was below .500. 10 of the 21 losses were to teams that were missing one of their stars. Here's the list with the stars in bold.
Team, Player Not Playing, Winning %
Sacramento, Sharif Abdur-rahim, .429
LA Lakers, Kwame Brown, .535
LA Lakers, Lamar Odom, .535
Orlando, Grant Hill, .458
Cleveland, Larry Hughes, .597
New Orleans, Peja Stojakovic, .444
Houston, Yao Ming, .639
Milwaukee, Charlie Villenueva, .357
Toronto, Chris Bosh, .549
New Jersey, Nenad Krstic, .465
Atlanta, Tyronne Lue, .370
Atlanta, Joe Johnson, .370
Phoenix, Boris Diaw, .757
Utah, Matt Harpering, .662
Seattle, Rashard Lewis, .408
Seattle, Ray Allen, .408
Seattle, Ray Allen, .408
Washington, Antawn Jamison, .543
Charlotte, Sean May, .375
Boston, Wally Szczerbiak, .310
Miami, Dwayne Wade, .535
Obviously each player has a different effect on each game, but it seems like the Wolves go to sleep when their opponents best players are not in uniform - especially against teams that are already bad. I can understand a Cleveland beating the Wolves missing Hughes because of LeBron, or even Houston missing Yao, because of McGrady. But Atlanta without Joe Johnson? Toronto without Chris Bosh? SEATTLE WITHOUT RAY ALLEN/RASHARD LEWIS!? It's ludicris. And to do it over and over again! It's like losing to the Wolves without Kevin Garnett - it shouldn't happen. I realize it does, just as a 12 seed beats a 5 seed, but it's not something that should happen more often than not. Not unless you're Atlanta, or Charlotte, or Seattle, or Milwaukee, or Philly, or Boston....
Which brings me to my sad conclusion: The Wolves have scratched the surface on that status. They're scraping the bottom of the NBA barrell, but in such a way that they cannot benefit from their failure. Atleast Boston's record is so bad that they have a reasonable shot at the #1 pick, not to mention having a draft pick at all. Charlotte is barely a toddler when it comes to the age of the franchise - still have draft picks though, don't they? Atlanta is mired in a hellish ownership/front office situation - hey just like us! Oh. Wait. They have draft picks. We don't. Not to mention the lack of salary cap room, dedicated players, or managment. Our franchise player is getting up in years and yearns to be in the playoffs, to win a championship, and to go out a winner. It's not happening. Not any time soon anyways. He's getting frustrated. Now we're testing his loyalty, his desire to put up with a franchise that has given him no support on the floor and no sign that they care to deliver a winning product. Or, more accurately, hasn't shown the ability to make the right decisions to put together the parts of a winning product. Yes, KGs contract effects that to an extent, but not the way a bunch of bums with bad contracts do.
I'm preparing myself for a return to the dark hole this franchise was burried in until the arrival of The Kevins. I just hope Glen Taylor gets rid of the right one before we lose them both.
Of their 41 losses this year, 21 of them were to teams that were missing a starter or a sixth man. 11 of the 21 losses were to teams who's winning percentage was below .500. 10 of the 21 losses were to teams that were missing one of their stars. Here's the list with the stars in bold.
Team, Player Not Playing, Winning %
Sacramento, Sharif Abdur-rahim, .429
LA Lakers, Kwame Brown, .535
LA Lakers, Lamar Odom, .535
Orlando, Grant Hill, .458
Cleveland, Larry Hughes, .597
New Orleans, Peja Stojakovic, .444
Houston, Yao Ming, .639
Milwaukee, Charlie Villenueva, .357
Toronto, Chris Bosh, .549
New Jersey, Nenad Krstic, .465
Atlanta, Tyronne Lue, .370
Atlanta, Joe Johnson, .370
Phoenix, Boris Diaw, .757
Utah, Matt Harpering, .662
Seattle, Rashard Lewis, .408
Seattle, Ray Allen, .408
Seattle, Ray Allen, .408
Washington, Antawn Jamison, .543
Charlotte, Sean May, .375
Boston, Wally Szczerbiak, .310
Miami, Dwayne Wade, .535
Obviously each player has a different effect on each game, but it seems like the Wolves go to sleep when their opponents best players are not in uniform - especially against teams that are already bad. I can understand a Cleveland beating the Wolves missing Hughes because of LeBron, or even Houston missing Yao, because of McGrady. But Atlanta without Joe Johnson? Toronto without Chris Bosh? SEATTLE WITHOUT RAY ALLEN/RASHARD LEWIS!? It's ludicris. And to do it over and over again! It's like losing to the Wolves without Kevin Garnett - it shouldn't happen. I realize it does, just as a 12 seed beats a 5 seed, but it's not something that should happen more often than not. Not unless you're Atlanta, or Charlotte, or Seattle, or Milwaukee, or Philly, or Boston....
Which brings me to my sad conclusion: The Wolves have scratched the surface on that status. They're scraping the bottom of the NBA barrell, but in such a way that they cannot benefit from their failure. Atleast Boston's record is so bad that they have a reasonable shot at the #1 pick, not to mention having a draft pick at all. Charlotte is barely a toddler when it comes to the age of the franchise - still have draft picks though, don't they? Atlanta is mired in a hellish ownership/front office situation - hey just like us! Oh. Wait. They have draft picks. We don't. Not to mention the lack of salary cap room, dedicated players, or managment. Our franchise player is getting up in years and yearns to be in the playoffs, to win a championship, and to go out a winner. It's not happening. Not any time soon anyways. He's getting frustrated. Now we're testing his loyalty, his desire to put up with a franchise that has given him no support on the floor and no sign that they care to deliver a winning product. Or, more accurately, hasn't shown the ability to make the right decisions to put together the parts of a winning product. Yes, KGs contract effects that to an extent, but not the way a bunch of bums with bad contracts do.
I'm preparing myself for a return to the dark hole this franchise was burried in until the arrival of The Kevins. I just hope Glen Taylor gets rid of the right one before we lose them both.
March 28, 2007
I Can't Invest Anymore, We're Talking Great Depression Here!
If I told you the Wolves scored 71 in the first half, had a lead as high as 25, shot 52.5% from the floor, and KG's line was 20-13-9, what would you guess the outcome of the game was? Oh, and it was against Seattle - without Ray Allen.
If you said they'd lose, you'd be right....
a 25 point lead? to SEATTLE!!!!????
I've taken the perverbial gun and put it in my mouth. C'mon guys, lose to Charlotte by 25!! I DARE you!!!
If you said they'd lose, you'd be right....
a 25 point lead? to SEATTLE!!!!????
I've taken the perverbial gun and put it in my mouth. C'mon guys, lose to Charlotte by 25!! I DARE you!!!
March 23, 2007
Gophers Take Over
After 114 days of sitting around waiting for Maturi to make a decision with regards to the mens basketball coach, he pulls Tubby Fucking Smith out of his ass. Yeah, as in Tubby "I coached at UK for 10 years" Smith. 263 wins in those 10 years. And he lands in The Barn. Un-fucking-believable.
With Amaker out the door at Michigan and Alford leaving Iowa, the Gophers chances of grabbing anything but leftover coaching scraps were grim. I mean, if you were a coach, where would you rather go? NOT Minnesota. Even so, we land Tubby.
He signed a 7-year deal worth about $1.7 million per year. The most the U has ever spent on a football or basketball coach. And yet, for the possible effect it should have on the basketball program, it's a steal. A God damned steal. The whole state is excited about it. They sold 103 season tickets in the hour following the announcement of the rumor. A fucking RUMOR! I think they sold a total of 253 more before the press conference today. I realize that doesn't seem like a big number, but the Gophs only had two games that the attendance was over 12,000 or something like that.
Maturi is apparently good buddies with Tubby's agent, which is how the talks apparently got started - back in December! I don't think Maturi is anything other than a lucky idiot - see Kevin McHale drafting Kevin Garnett - but I'm not complaining about him falling ass backwards into one of the premier names in college basketball coaching. They won't win alot early, but you damn well know that The Barn will be hopin' this year, which will immediately add 2 wins on its own - not to mention Tubby's coaching influence and some of the new kids coming into the program next year.
It's an amazingly exciting time for the Gophers basketball program - ala that pesky Final Four that seemed to have disappeard on us. Tubby, by the numbers, is as good a coach as there is in college basketball. He came across relatively humble and down to earth in the press conference, saying all the right things - what would you expect though. He seems to be focused, like head football coach Tim Brewster, on keeping local kids and graduating kids. He plans on working with the highschool coaches on trying to get kids from Minnesota to attend the U. Plus maybe steal some kids from neighboring states. He has no black marks on his resume - unless you consider only 1 national championship a black mark - and is well regarded in the coaching ranks.
Oh, and his first name is really Orlando. He apparently got his nickname Tubby from being a bathtub hog as a kid. And he has 16 siblings.
I even looked into season tickets today, but due to my general trend of failing at life, I'm not in a financial situation to do so, but if I was, I'd be sitting lower bowl in The Barn for twenty-plus nights for the next few years.
It's going to take a couple years for Tubby to get his system installed and get some real talent recruited again here in Minnesota, but I can't tell you how great this is for Gopher basketball, it's fans, the school, the city, the state, and everyone who gives a damn about Minnesota basketball.
Now, in Minnesota, it's no longer an insult to be called Tubby. I know I'll carry that title proudly from now on!
With Amaker out the door at Michigan and Alford leaving Iowa, the Gophers chances of grabbing anything but leftover coaching scraps were grim. I mean, if you were a coach, where would you rather go? NOT Minnesota. Even so, we land Tubby.
He signed a 7-year deal worth about $1.7 million per year. The most the U has ever spent on a football or basketball coach. And yet, for the possible effect it should have on the basketball program, it's a steal. A God damned steal. The whole state is excited about it. They sold 103 season tickets in the hour following the announcement of the rumor. A fucking RUMOR! I think they sold a total of 253 more before the press conference today. I realize that doesn't seem like a big number, but the Gophs only had two games that the attendance was over 12,000 or something like that.
Maturi is apparently good buddies with Tubby's agent, which is how the talks apparently got started - back in December! I don't think Maturi is anything other than a lucky idiot - see Kevin McHale drafting Kevin Garnett - but I'm not complaining about him falling ass backwards into one of the premier names in college basketball coaching. They won't win alot early, but you damn well know that The Barn will be hopin' this year, which will immediately add 2 wins on its own - not to mention Tubby's coaching influence and some of the new kids coming into the program next year.
It's an amazingly exciting time for the Gophers basketball program - ala that pesky Final Four that seemed to have disappeard on us. Tubby, by the numbers, is as good a coach as there is in college basketball. He came across relatively humble and down to earth in the press conference, saying all the right things - what would you expect though. He seems to be focused, like head football coach Tim Brewster, on keeping local kids and graduating kids. He plans on working with the highschool coaches on trying to get kids from Minnesota to attend the U. Plus maybe steal some kids from neighboring states. He has no black marks on his resume - unless you consider only 1 national championship a black mark - and is well regarded in the coaching ranks.
Oh, and his first name is really Orlando. He apparently got his nickname Tubby from being a bathtub hog as a kid. And he has 16 siblings.
I even looked into season tickets today, but due to my general trend of failing at life, I'm not in a financial situation to do so, but if I was, I'd be sitting lower bowl in The Barn for twenty-plus nights for the next few years.
It's going to take a couple years for Tubby to get his system installed and get some real talent recruited again here in Minnesota, but I can't tell you how great this is for Gopher basketball, it's fans, the school, the city, the state, and everyone who gives a damn about Minnesota basketball.
Now, in Minnesota, it's no longer an insult to be called Tubby. I know I'll carry that title proudly from now on!
February 27, 2007
So...what'chu got?
Hell, I don't know, we have a few weeks to go before they even announce who---
I'm thinking possibly 7 from the Big East. Take them and 5 from the ACC, you have the East bracket right there.
Well, sure, maybe. But we'll see after the--
How many will the Big Ten get? 4?
Shit.
As a college basketball fan, it's obvious knowing the big steak dinner comes in late March. We wait for it, if not that patiently...like a hefty man who devoured his potato skins with the arrogance of King Kong swatting airplanes, as if to say "Fine. You put cheese covered taters in front of me, I'm gonna eat them, but that's not why I'm here." Me? Well, I can't get into college basketball's pre-season...watching North Carolina play at home for the millionth time against Southern West Delaware doesn't do a thing for me. So, I wait as the games get better and more important. When there's more at stake, the more exciting it gets.
Did you say steak? Dude, what's Missouri Valley? How many wins do they have?
Time, my human rotunda. Sure, I'd like the tournament to start right fucking now, but that's not how it works. By this time next week we're pulling for Wright St. to sneak in. We're seeing Championship games being played in front of hundreds while arena workers scramble to turn off the lights in the upper deck. But then...then...when the brackets are there, and when Billy Packer gets angry about being irrelevant AGAIN...when Potsy has Oral Roberts in the Sweet 16...that is when the steak will be served. It will be tempting to devour this 64 oz. immediately, but it's best to take your time. Because, before you know it, it's April; you have no steak, and no desert. From there it's a long road to another meaningful college basketball game. You're talking 2008. That's a whole world from now, and who knows what the world holds for us. Larger dippin' sauce cups, perhaps?
Sweet - do they have Ranch?
Yes, they do. But give it time...the feast will be here soon enough.
I'm thinking possibly 7 from the Big East. Take them and 5 from the ACC, you have the East bracket right there.
Well, sure, maybe. But we'll see after the--
How many will the Big Ten get? 4?
Shit.
As a college basketball fan, it's obvious knowing the big steak dinner comes in late March. We wait for it, if not that patiently...like a hefty man who devoured his potato skins with the arrogance of King Kong swatting airplanes, as if to say "Fine. You put cheese covered taters in front of me, I'm gonna eat them, but that's not why I'm here." Me? Well, I can't get into college basketball's pre-season...watching North Carolina play at home for the millionth time against Southern West Delaware doesn't do a thing for me. So, I wait as the games get better and more important. When there's more at stake, the more exciting it gets.
Did you say steak? Dude, what's Missouri Valley? How many wins do they have?
Time, my human rotunda. Sure, I'd like the tournament to start right fucking now, but that's not how it works. By this time next week we're pulling for Wright St. to sneak in. We're seeing Championship games being played in front of hundreds while arena workers scramble to turn off the lights in the upper deck. But then...then...when the brackets are there, and when Billy Packer gets angry about being irrelevant AGAIN...when Potsy has Oral Roberts in the Sweet 16...that is when the steak will be served. It will be tempting to devour this 64 oz. immediately, but it's best to take your time. Because, before you know it, it's April; you have no steak, and no desert. From there it's a long road to another meaningful college basketball game. You're talking 2008. That's a whole world from now, and who knows what the world holds for us. Larger dippin' sauce cups, perhaps?
Sweet - do they have Ranch?
Yes, they do. But give it time...the feast will be here soon enough.
February 4, 2007
Plus When They're All Dead, I Can Cut That Jerry Juice And Get A Bald Head
Woah there horsey! What's all this? Posts from across the blue???? Well, I finally found a fairly reliable place to watch ESPN, and they saw fit to give me Bulls-Sonics. I have no idea when these games are being played. I type these posts on my laptop and then port them directly to email at the internet cafe, leaving me completely in the dark about the timeframe. Whatever. If this game happened two weeks ago, just bear with me. I'm a day ahead of you anyway...
Here's what I see with these two teams:
Bulls - Wow, these cats are good this year. Does Big Ben Wallace fit with them though? He looked pretty sulky coming off for halftime. Guys like Gordon and Duhon straight ghetto the game up, and Heinrich's got sick hands like Johnny Chan (OH POKER REFERENCE WHAT!!!!). The big boys know their place, but they seem soft in the middle, besides Big Benjamin. And we all know how he plays offense. Not at all. So they rely on Deng and PJ Brown... that's not going to do it. But otherwise, wow, they're ballers. Tyrus Thomas definitely shows potential. I'd look up their record, but of course, that would cost me another two dollars in internet time. Let's just say they are "good".
Oh, and who knew that PJ Brown was that old? And speaking of old, Ray Allen's boyish looks are starting to be creepy. For the most part, he's still Jesus Shuttlesworth, age 18. But then he bows his head and looks puzzled, like he didn't understand what Ben Gordon just said to him, and you realize he's over 30 and the legs might not carry him for much longer. Strange is all I'm saying.
Sonics - They aren't nearly as shite as I was expecting. Maybe it's the home crowd. Collison is a walking talking bastard of a ballplayer. Allen is entirely and completely comfortable in his game... he's a short KG, always knowing what he can do and always getting his numbers, even in a shooting slump. Ridnour is damn solid. I think the problem is their defense, in that it sucks big time. Chris Wilcox: WOW. He's somehow gotten more ghetto since I last checked in. Who knows what's in that duffel bag.
Earl Watson is not a very good basketball player. Sure, come on in here and give me the stats, but he just doesn't gel with this team, and I don't think he ever has. Ok, can you ever say you were scared of Earl Watson? Has he ever given a defender "fits"? From what I can tell, Earl has spent his career being a short, quick point guard who lacks passing skills, and jacks up ill-advised shots at a Troy-Hudson-like clip. What I don't understand is why Ridnour is riding the bench. You ask me, I'd point to that as their big mistake this year. Watson's got a rep, and lord knows we all got excited about the trade rumors last year (hey, it beats Anthony Fuck Carter), but I'm glad he's not on our team. He jacks up threes and he's an awful shooter. His defense isn't great. I think he sticks around with teams because of his scoring, but it's not everything it's cracked up to be. Just name me an Earl Watson team that others were scared of.
Wait a second, they just said Minnesota vs. Dallas on Saturday night, christ I hope that means this saturday. Which will actually mean Sunday here. Which is tomorrow. Oh man, if they're not lying to me, and this game isn't being presented in a time vortex, then I am a lucky man. I mean, even if not, I watched the sun set into the ocean tonight, so I guess luck is a relative thing.
Both of these teams have guys who can shoot, and I think they're both fairly consistent. Seattle has really evened out from two years ago when they missed 6 shots all season, and from last year when Ray played the season with a constant stream of the mellow yellow running down his leg. Bob Hill however, wow he's pathetic. Scott Skiles (who is looking an awful lot like a college wrestling coach these days) is at least a decent tactician. I think Bob Hill's job is to just look surprised at calls and misfortunes as much as possible.
The Sonics ride the home crowd to recover from a 10 point deficit, but they can't pull it together at the end, due in large part to some pretty horrible decisions by Earl Watson and Another Wilkens. Christ, is this Nique's second nephew? Anyway, for awhile Ridnour was raining down like Thom Yorke, but the Bulls held them off at the end. Tom Tolbert said "To close out games on the road, you need to do two things: defensive stops and make your free throws". Right. I think that applies to every team, home or away. As well as "score more points than the other team". They credited Bob Hill with a smart decision going with a smaller line-up, as if he had a choice. His small line-up meant taking Chris Wilcox out. I'm guessing that's a good decision no matter what. All right, I'm out for now. Like I said, any time I can watch an NBA game, I'm posting, even if they're showing games from last season. I don't care. I'll watch Junior Reed's coming out party against Atlanta again.
Here's what I see with these two teams:
Bulls - Wow, these cats are good this year. Does Big Ben Wallace fit with them though? He looked pretty sulky coming off for halftime. Guys like Gordon and Duhon straight ghetto the game up, and Heinrich's got sick hands like Johnny Chan (OH POKER REFERENCE WHAT!!!!). The big boys know their place, but they seem soft in the middle, besides Big Benjamin. And we all know how he plays offense. Not at all. So they rely on Deng and PJ Brown... that's not going to do it. But otherwise, wow, they're ballers. Tyrus Thomas definitely shows potential. I'd look up their record, but of course, that would cost me another two dollars in internet time. Let's just say they are "good".
Oh, and who knew that PJ Brown was that old? And speaking of old, Ray Allen's boyish looks are starting to be creepy. For the most part, he's still Jesus Shuttlesworth, age 18. But then he bows his head and looks puzzled, like he didn't understand what Ben Gordon just said to him, and you realize he's over 30 and the legs might not carry him for much longer. Strange is all I'm saying.
Sonics - They aren't nearly as shite as I was expecting. Maybe it's the home crowd. Collison is a walking talking bastard of a ballplayer. Allen is entirely and completely comfortable in his game... he's a short KG, always knowing what he can do and always getting his numbers, even in a shooting slump. Ridnour is damn solid. I think the problem is their defense, in that it sucks big time. Chris Wilcox: WOW. He's somehow gotten more ghetto since I last checked in. Who knows what's in that duffel bag.
Earl Watson is not a very good basketball player. Sure, come on in here and give me the stats, but he just doesn't gel with this team, and I don't think he ever has. Ok, can you ever say you were scared of Earl Watson? Has he ever given a defender "fits"? From what I can tell, Earl has spent his career being a short, quick point guard who lacks passing skills, and jacks up ill-advised shots at a Troy-Hudson-like clip. What I don't understand is why Ridnour is riding the bench. You ask me, I'd point to that as their big mistake this year. Watson's got a rep, and lord knows we all got excited about the trade rumors last year (hey, it beats Anthony Fuck Carter), but I'm glad he's not on our team. He jacks up threes and he's an awful shooter. His defense isn't great. I think he sticks around with teams because of his scoring, but it's not everything it's cracked up to be. Just name me an Earl Watson team that others were scared of.
Wait a second, they just said Minnesota vs. Dallas on Saturday night, christ I hope that means this saturday. Which will actually mean Sunday here. Which is tomorrow. Oh man, if they're not lying to me, and this game isn't being presented in a time vortex, then I am a lucky man. I mean, even if not, I watched the sun set into the ocean tonight, so I guess luck is a relative thing.
Both of these teams have guys who can shoot, and I think they're both fairly consistent. Seattle has really evened out from two years ago when they missed 6 shots all season, and from last year when Ray played the season with a constant stream of the mellow yellow running down his leg. Bob Hill however, wow he's pathetic. Scott Skiles (who is looking an awful lot like a college wrestling coach these days) is at least a decent tactician. I think Bob Hill's job is to just look surprised at calls and misfortunes as much as possible.
The Sonics ride the home crowd to recover from a 10 point deficit, but they can't pull it together at the end, due in large part to some pretty horrible decisions by Earl Watson and Another Wilkens. Christ, is this Nique's second nephew? Anyway, for awhile Ridnour was raining down like Thom Yorke, but the Bulls held them off at the end. Tom Tolbert said "To close out games on the road, you need to do two things: defensive stops and make your free throws". Right. I think that applies to every team, home or away. As well as "score more points than the other team". They credited Bob Hill with a smart decision going with a smaller line-up, as if he had a choice. His small line-up meant taking Chris Wilcox out. I'm guessing that's a good decision no matter what. All right, I'm out for now. Like I said, any time I can watch an NBA game, I'm posting, even if they're showing games from last season. I don't care. I'll watch Junior Reed's coming out party against Atlanta again.
February 2, 2007
Who Were Found Bound, Gagged, And Shot, But They Blast The Spot, Victims Took Off Like Astronauts
Lucy, I've got some 'splainin to do.
Tonight, as I sit here in a rented flat in Blenheim, New Zealand, I am watching my first NBA game since I left the Land of Guns in November. So, I apologize for that, I really do. Anyone who is still checking this blog - and I assume that is not one soul - has been grossly neglected. I offer only the excuse that I am 8000 miles away, in a land where there are 10 times as many sheep as people.
I'm watching the Jazz play the Spurs on ESPN, a game that probably happened a week ago and they don't tell me. They broadcast these games on Sky Sports, which is the New Zealand sports network. Basically, they jack the ESPN feed and edit out all the halftime and timeout banter, keeping only the game. So that means I get 15 minutes of action, then we go to commercial, I see an ad about snowboarding in Queenstown, and we're back... sometimes with a different score than we left. Whatever. I'm getting the fix, even though it's with two remarkably boring teams.
Ok, and I don't know if this is just this country, but they occaisionally run ESPN-sponsored commercials "explaining" american football. I can't even paraphrase this, but I'll try... they are saying things like "Unlike soccer, there are 15 minutes per period, and once the clock runs out, the game is over" and "Often, the team with a lead late in the game will try to run the football, which keeps the clock running. On the contrary, the team who trails will often pass the ball, and try to get out of bounds, extending the game." I'm honestly not making that up. Is that just here, or is ESPN running ads for invalids and fundamentalists who just happen to have a yearning for american football that has recently been awakened? What soul has ever tuned into ESPN and not known the rules for american football? Whatever... them explaining the sport just makes me think it's stupider.
Ok, so basketball then, or?
Here's what I'm thinking:
Jazz - what the fuck? Who are these guys? AK is having a shit game, but these other unshaven gravediggers are giving the Spurs all they can handle. What is this, 1991? Is Sean Elliot checking in soon? Anyway, Deron Williams is getting some big boys, and Mehmet Okur just jacks up threes when he feels like. I guess the ring gives him the nuts to do that. I don't know about this guy named Milsap, but he scores a lot and looks like he fits right in with the Jazz, which is to say he looks dumb and like I would never want to cheer for his success.
And Derek Fisher? WHEN DID THIS SHIT HAPPEN???? And he gets playing time? And they are kicking ass? Guys, guys, seriously. If the Wolves can't put something together and make the playoffs, I don't know what's going on anymore.
Spurs - What else is new? Tony Parker might be the most effective "first step" point guard of all time.... I'm sure someone will come in and shoot that down, but I went to the beach today, so I'm better than you. No, but he's a fierce son of a bitch, that's what. And then there's Timmy D, sporting an Ice Cube beard, with a bit of hate in the old eyes. Duncan is indescribable, one of the all time greats at his position, and so horribly consistent that it hurts to think about. All of this you already know. Which makes watching the Spurs like watching a lamb try to screw a dog. Sure, it's exciting, but you know what's going to happen, eventually.
Enough about this game though. It's giving me a headache. Hubie's helping, but not enough. Can't they pick a better color scheme in Salt Lake City? Christ, enough with the blue.
Now, when it comes to the Wolves, I honestly can't comment on anything. I haven't seen one minute of action, only been reading box scores and recaps. There was quite a sniff-up about AI, which of course didn't happen because Nice Things aren't allowed to happen to the Wolves. I honestly don't understand how they could've ever made a fair deal to Philly... what, were they throwing in Madsen? Anyway, it looks like Denver has turned the corner thanks to that trade, and rightfully so. I think the Wolves are finding quite a bit of talent in that young Foye character. He could be quite a gamer, from the stats I've seen and comments by Mr. Bliznewski. When in doubt, I rely on good NBA knowledge, and he definitely has it. Anyway, is there potential here? Is the team sufficiently ghetto enough to enjoy a run? I don't think so, but we still have Buckets (unless he's been traded in the week it took for this game to beam across the Pacific), so we still have the potential for an afro. Don't count them out yet.
March Madness is almost upon us, and Wisconsin... christ I can't even fake my way through it. You know I'll be drinking on St. Pat's day, but should I have a choice between swimming with dolphins and 12 hours of round-ball, I'm going to have to reach for my wetsuit.
They have basketball here, it's especially big in Auckland, being played in a fairly large stadium and attended by big audiences. I don't recognize any of the players, but they can ball pretty well. It's not really a dumping ground for NBA failures as much as a rec league by guys who are wickedly athletic but for some reason have been turned away by the rugby clubs.
Hubie just talked about power forwards in the western conference, and he threw out Duncan and KG, then said "and Carlos Boozer and Zach Randolph, who do it every year". Do what? Fail horribly at life and all of its trials? Cry while they sit on the toilet? Slip roofies into skanks' drinks?
Wow! Jerry Sloan raising his voice! This game's getting loud. Unfortuanetly, I am running out of patience for this, and I'm on a nearly empty battery. I can say though, before I blink out, that they still love their basketball in Utah, and it seems like this crowd is going to deliver a victory to the Boozer-less Jazz. Whatever, it's not like anyone's reading anyway.
I'll sign off for now, but honestly for anyone stumbling upon this blog, feel free to make comments or send me an email and I'll give you post access. I don't want this thing to die out, and I promise that for every game I am able to watch, a post is not far behind. And it will be undoubtedly as funny and riveting as this one.
In closing, they don't tip here, and at any bar that you see TVs, you can bet on sports through the bartender. And they only rake 8 percent. Take that, Stardust.
Oh.
Tonight, as I sit here in a rented flat in Blenheim, New Zealand, I am watching my first NBA game since I left the Land of Guns in November. So, I apologize for that, I really do. Anyone who is still checking this blog - and I assume that is not one soul - has been grossly neglected. I offer only the excuse that I am 8000 miles away, in a land where there are 10 times as many sheep as people.
I'm watching the Jazz play the Spurs on ESPN, a game that probably happened a week ago and they don't tell me. They broadcast these games on Sky Sports, which is the New Zealand sports network. Basically, they jack the ESPN feed and edit out all the halftime and timeout banter, keeping only the game. So that means I get 15 minutes of action, then we go to commercial, I see an ad about snowboarding in Queenstown, and we're back... sometimes with a different score than we left. Whatever. I'm getting the fix, even though it's with two remarkably boring teams.
Ok, and I don't know if this is just this country, but they occaisionally run ESPN-sponsored commercials "explaining" american football. I can't even paraphrase this, but I'll try... they are saying things like "Unlike soccer, there are 15 minutes per period, and once the clock runs out, the game is over" and "Often, the team with a lead late in the game will try to run the football, which keeps the clock running. On the contrary, the team who trails will often pass the ball, and try to get out of bounds, extending the game." I'm honestly not making that up. Is that just here, or is ESPN running ads for invalids and fundamentalists who just happen to have a yearning for american football that has recently been awakened? What soul has ever tuned into ESPN and not known the rules for american football? Whatever... them explaining the sport just makes me think it's stupider.
Ok, so basketball then, or?
Here's what I'm thinking:
Jazz - what the fuck? Who are these guys? AK is having a shit game, but these other unshaven gravediggers are giving the Spurs all they can handle. What is this, 1991? Is Sean Elliot checking in soon? Anyway, Deron Williams is getting some big boys, and Mehmet Okur just jacks up threes when he feels like. I guess the ring gives him the nuts to do that. I don't know about this guy named Milsap, but he scores a lot and looks like he fits right in with the Jazz, which is to say he looks dumb and like I would never want to cheer for his success.
And Derek Fisher? WHEN DID THIS SHIT HAPPEN???? And he gets playing time? And they are kicking ass? Guys, guys, seriously. If the Wolves can't put something together and make the playoffs, I don't know what's going on anymore.
Spurs - What else is new? Tony Parker might be the most effective "first step" point guard of all time.... I'm sure someone will come in and shoot that down, but I went to the beach today, so I'm better than you. No, but he's a fierce son of a bitch, that's what. And then there's Timmy D, sporting an Ice Cube beard, with a bit of hate in the old eyes. Duncan is indescribable, one of the all time greats at his position, and so horribly consistent that it hurts to think about. All of this you already know. Which makes watching the Spurs like watching a lamb try to screw a dog. Sure, it's exciting, but you know what's going to happen, eventually.
Enough about this game though. It's giving me a headache. Hubie's helping, but not enough. Can't they pick a better color scheme in Salt Lake City? Christ, enough with the blue.
Now, when it comes to the Wolves, I honestly can't comment on anything. I haven't seen one minute of action, only been reading box scores and recaps. There was quite a sniff-up about AI, which of course didn't happen because Nice Things aren't allowed to happen to the Wolves. I honestly don't understand how they could've ever made a fair deal to Philly... what, were they throwing in Madsen? Anyway, it looks like Denver has turned the corner thanks to that trade, and rightfully so. I think the Wolves are finding quite a bit of talent in that young Foye character. He could be quite a gamer, from the stats I've seen and comments by Mr. Bliznewski. When in doubt, I rely on good NBA knowledge, and he definitely has it. Anyway, is there potential here? Is the team sufficiently ghetto enough to enjoy a run? I don't think so, but we still have Buckets (unless he's been traded in the week it took for this game to beam across the Pacific), so we still have the potential for an afro. Don't count them out yet.
March Madness is almost upon us, and Wisconsin... christ I can't even fake my way through it. You know I'll be drinking on St. Pat's day, but should I have a choice between swimming with dolphins and 12 hours of round-ball, I'm going to have to reach for my wetsuit.
They have basketball here, it's especially big in Auckland, being played in a fairly large stadium and attended by big audiences. I don't recognize any of the players, but they can ball pretty well. It's not really a dumping ground for NBA failures as much as a rec league by guys who are wickedly athletic but for some reason have been turned away by the rugby clubs.
Hubie just talked about power forwards in the western conference, and he threw out Duncan and KG, then said "and Carlos Boozer and Zach Randolph, who do it every year". Do what? Fail horribly at life and all of its trials? Cry while they sit on the toilet? Slip roofies into skanks' drinks?
Wow! Jerry Sloan raising his voice! This game's getting loud. Unfortuanetly, I am running out of patience for this, and I'm on a nearly empty battery. I can say though, before I blink out, that they still love their basketball in Utah, and it seems like this crowd is going to deliver a victory to the Boozer-less Jazz. Whatever, it's not like anyone's reading anyway.
I'll sign off for now, but honestly for anyone stumbling upon this blog, feel free to make comments or send me an email and I'll give you post access. I don't want this thing to die out, and I promise that for every game I am able to watch, a post is not far behind. And it will be undoubtedly as funny and riveting as this one.
In closing, they don't tip here, and at any bar that you see TVs, you can bet on sports through the bartender. And they only rake 8 percent. Take that, Stardust.
Oh.
December 20, 2006
Wow
So, no Iverson, and the Wolves come out like THAT?
I just see a box score, and it's a horseshit box score.
I just see a box score, and it's a horseshit box score.
December 15, 2006
Another Possibility
To continue with my AI speculation and idea suggestions, here's another one.
Teams involved: Toronto, Philadelphia, Minnesota
The Deal: Minnsota gets Iverson and Ivan McFarlin. Philly gets Foye, Mike James, Morris Peterson, and Pape Sow. Toronto gets Ricky Davis.
The Raptors are said to be looking for a proven scorer at either the SG or SF spot, and Ricky Davis can score - 20ppg with Minnesota last year. Philly gets a couple expiring contracts, a star in the making, and a point guard who can atleast play in a bad system. James is the shortest and least painful of the contracts the Wolves have to get rid of and probably the most likely of those contracts that Philly would cave on. I don't really know why Toronto has fallen out of love with Mo Pete or if they're less in love with Ricky Davis, but it's a possibility.
Teams involved: Toronto, Philadelphia, Minnesota
The Deal: Minnsota gets Iverson and Ivan McFarlin. Philly gets Foye, Mike James, Morris Peterson, and Pape Sow. Toronto gets Ricky Davis.
The Raptors are said to be looking for a proven scorer at either the SG or SF spot, and Ricky Davis can score - 20ppg with Minnesota last year. Philly gets a couple expiring contracts, a star in the making, and a point guard who can atleast play in a bad system. James is the shortest and least painful of the contracts the Wolves have to get rid of and probably the most likely of those contracts that Philly would cave on. I don't really know why Toronto has fallen out of love with Mo Pete or if they're less in love with Ricky Davis, but it's a possibility.
December 14, 2006
To Continue My Rant...
I know, I said I was done, but that was only after three quarters. Again in the fourth, like the start of the third, Casey watched James and Davis continually screw up and did nothing to change the team on the floor. Foye had just finished up a fairly long stint in the game - and played fairly well - so he wasn't really an option when James was struggling. But where was Hudson? I never thought I'd say this - and this marks the second time this season I've said it - but I was begging for Troy to be on the floor instead of James. His defense was horrid and he did nothing but stagnate the offense. There needed to be a change in the game for the Wolves and Casey didn't do anything.
However...
James isn't soley responsible for how badly he played because the Spurs defense really keyed in on him and made it difficult to do much with the guys they had on the floor. His shot wasn't falling, he had a tough defensive assignment, and he looked utterly confused when it came to running the teams offense. If I were the coach and was watching my point guard having a tough time, I may not have pulled him, but I would've made a substitution to change his role on the floor - like bring in Troy Hudson at the point and move James off the ball. Turn him into a catch and shooter, an outside threat, and run your offense though KG in the post. Change something so that the Spurs have to adjust to what you're doing instead of beating your head against a sharp, brick wall. Or - hey - try bringing in some guys who can run the floor, bang around on the boards, and general give you a fresh spark of energy. Say, maybe, Justin Reed? Anything to make the Spurs shift out of what they're very clearly comfortable defending.
Now, I'm obviously very upset with the lack of good, consistant basketball that Casey claims his team is playing - they're not - but there were some good things in the game last night.
Defense - When this team is playing well on defense, they're very hard to score on. They seem to communicate well and are helping eachother out. Marko and Hassell are tough on the perimiter and Blount has proved he can actually play a little D when he's in the mood. Ricky comes in flashes and Randy Foye, while showing he's still a rookie, has been fairly dependable on the defensive end of the the floor
Mark Blount - When we traded for Blount I was excited because we got rid of Kandi and got a guy who atleast looked like he tried sometimes. Then, as I watched his game over the last half of last season, I realized he was soft and really liked to shoot too much. He was getting beaten to rebounds by the likes of Earl Boykins, Spudd Webb, and Mugsy Bogues. This year however, he's looking like he really cares about rebounding and defense. I heard some stat while watching the game that over the past 5 games he and KG are combining for 4 blocks a game, with KG at 2.2 and Mark at 1.8. That's a huge help to the perimiter guys defensively. He also had 19 points, 8 rebounds, and 2 steals last night. Watching him play yesterday, I've decided that, while I'd rather have a big banger, I'm comfortable with Blount as our starting center.
Craig Smith - It seems that every time I watch a Wolves game, I'm more and more impressed with this kids game. Yes, he's young and he's made a few mistakes, but when it comes to hustle and smarts, there's no question he's one of the better in those categories on the team. That and he's built like a brick wall. Whether it was Hoiberg or Chapman that clued McHale onto this kid, it's nice to see that the team can atleast get something out of a second round draft pick.
However...
James isn't soley responsible for how badly he played because the Spurs defense really keyed in on him and made it difficult to do much with the guys they had on the floor. His shot wasn't falling, he had a tough defensive assignment, and he looked utterly confused when it came to running the teams offense. If I were the coach and was watching my point guard having a tough time, I may not have pulled him, but I would've made a substitution to change his role on the floor - like bring in Troy Hudson at the point and move James off the ball. Turn him into a catch and shooter, an outside threat, and run your offense though KG in the post. Change something so that the Spurs have to adjust to what you're doing instead of beating your head against a sharp, brick wall. Or - hey - try bringing in some guys who can run the floor, bang around on the boards, and general give you a fresh spark of energy. Say, maybe, Justin Reed? Anything to make the Spurs shift out of what they're very clearly comfortable defending.
Now, I'm obviously very upset with the lack of good, consistant basketball that Casey claims his team is playing - they're not - but there were some good things in the game last night.
Defense - When this team is playing well on defense, they're very hard to score on. They seem to communicate well and are helping eachother out. Marko and Hassell are tough on the perimiter and Blount has proved he can actually play a little D when he's in the mood. Ricky comes in flashes and Randy Foye, while showing he's still a rookie, has been fairly dependable on the defensive end of the the floor
Mark Blount - When we traded for Blount I was excited because we got rid of Kandi and got a guy who atleast looked like he tried sometimes. Then, as I watched his game over the last half of last season, I realized he was soft and really liked to shoot too much. He was getting beaten to rebounds by the likes of Earl Boykins, Spudd Webb, and Mugsy Bogues. This year however, he's looking like he really cares about rebounding and defense. I heard some stat while watching the game that over the past 5 games he and KG are combining for 4 blocks a game, with KG at 2.2 and Mark at 1.8. That's a huge help to the perimiter guys defensively. He also had 19 points, 8 rebounds, and 2 steals last night. Watching him play yesterday, I've decided that, while I'd rather have a big banger, I'm comfortable with Blount as our starting center.
Craig Smith - It seems that every time I watch a Wolves game, I'm more and more impressed with this kids game. Yes, he's young and he's made a few mistakes, but when it comes to hustle and smarts, there's no question he's one of the better in those categories on the team. That and he's built like a brick wall. Whether it was Hoiberg or Chapman that clued McHale onto this kid, it's nice to see that the team can atleast get something out of a second round draft pick.
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