May 22, 2007

Uncompleted Missions, Throwin Your Best-Known Compositions, Couldn't Add It Up If You Mastered Addition

Christ, it's not going to happen tonight, so let's not even talk about that. We're looking at the 7 or 8, and the only thing that comes up good in the 7 or 8 spot is when you have 7 or 8 pancakes and a whole mess o' boysenberry.


Brandan Wright

He's a freshman forward from UNC. You know what that means? He plays "Forward", definitely not to be confused with "Power Forward". He's going to be lanky, and scared. KG will make him cry. He won't possess a killer attitude, he won't have any sort of discernable personality, and above all, he'll be another little wiry fucker without power.

God I hate UNC.

Corey Brewer

Obviously, I spent the entire college basketball season in a country only a few thousand miles from Antarctica, so I didn't see anything from Florida (or anyone else, for that matter). But, luckily, I WAS around to see last year's team, and as I am to understand, this year's team was very similar. Anyway, I probably could've gave a shit about Corey Brewer... that is until I just saw him on OH DEAR LORD THIS MAN HAS A MENTAL DEFICIENCY. I hope to god that he smoked at least a bowl before the camera went on, because he made Corky sound like a Rhodes Scholar. There's no reason to ever employ someone who talks that slowly, in any profession.

Yi Jianlian

1. His name is pronounced "Yee". As in "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

2. He only recently came to America, which means nobody knows anything about him. Oh, and he's working out by himself, naturally. Translation: he is WAY too slow to go up against NBA talent. I mean, when he faked out his trainer and took him to the rack??!?! Sweet as, bro! But against a proper defender? NO THANKS.

Joakim Noah

(no reason need be given)

Spencer Hawes

Please god almighty don't take the Bogut/Montross/Bowie/McCullough/Reeves clone in this year's draft. 7 foot tall white guys not from Europe DON'T. PLAY. OUT.


So who should the Wolves take?

Greg Oden. And if he's not available, how about Kevin Durant?

No comments: