December 6, 2005

Kandi Land: An Essay In Photographs






Michael Olowokandi. He's bad at life and bad at basketball. Like here, you see Kandi playing horrible defense. He's letting AK-47 get a layup and fouling him at the same time. Awful. ....................................................................................................................................

Here, you see Kandi playing more bad defense. He's letting an old smoker make a hook shot after he fouled him because he's busy complaining to the officials. Mike, your expression matches the one I have when I realize you're on my team. ...............................................................................................................................

In this photo, Mike's offense was so bad, Nene decided to punch him. It's sad when the other team thinks you're so bad they feel sorry for you so they try to hurt you to keep you from embarrassing yourself. ......................................................................................................................

Remember when you tried to guard Shaq? No? That's because you didn't. You tried to foul him and failed. He then dunked on you and made the free throw because you're so bad. ...........................................................................................................................

Then, on the next play, you fell down and lost the ball out of bounds. When you tried to get up, you fell down again, and Shaq stepped on you. Then, after you finally got up, you went down to the other end and got "posterized" by Kobe Bryant. ....................................................................................................................



So, here's to you, Michael Olowokandi. Here's to your complete and utter failure, in all aspects of life. Remember when you got hit with a couple tasers? Yeah, that's pretty much as good as you're going to get. I hope that you find what you're looking for, cuz it ain't in this life.

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