NBA Draft, Huh?

Immediate Impressions

I know I'm not the only one who feels like the draft was fixed this year. No, it's not because the Wolves didn't get the first pick - they were lucky to only move down one pick in the draft. And frankly, I'm happy they didn't get the first pick

So Cleveland, less than one year removed from losing the only athelete to ever don a Cavs jersey - sorry Daughtery and Ehlo - and they end up with the first pick in the draft? Oh, and to top it off, it was the Clippers pick that did it. 2.8% chance. You guys gonna take Penny, errrrr?

Not sold yet?

So instead of showing up himself, Dan Gilbert sends his 14-year old child who, sadly, has a neurological disorder that causes tumors to grow wherever and whenever in his body? And the kid steals the show?

Hmmm.

I can't really get any further into it because it makes me so mad. I cannot express how happy I am for Cleveland and their fans - and Nick Gilbert - but this "turn of events" that David Stern is in the middle of orchestrating is so blatantly obvious that I can't sit back and just watch any more. It's too picture "perfect" for me.

Celtics and Knicks are relevant again huh? Hmm. $20 says Chris Paul ends un a Knick and Dwight Howard ends up in LA - their team is sliding a little bit now too. Oh, and not on the Clippers either, even with their luck of "winning" the lottery - nice work lottery-protecting that pick, dumbasses.

The Wolves of Woe

Did you happen to see the sports page of the Star Tribune the day the draft lottery was decided?

No? Here it is:

It's the second greatest Wolves-related sports page I've ever seen. It shows us everything we need to know about the Wolves and their draft history, excluding KG. The only way it's better is if they could've worked in a pop can full of smoked schwag and Laettner wearing a Charlie Sheen shirt. Or have Cheorkee Parks and Brian Davis high-fiving over Ndudi Ebi in the background.

So the real question that arises now, and needs to be answered before June 23, is what the hell should the Wolves do with their two pick: #2 and #20.

Let me tell you that, most of the options I came up with make me want to punch myself in the face.


#2 Pick. Trade down and take Jimmer Fredette.

I know, I want to punch both him and me in the face as hard as I can, but it makes too much sense.

The biggest question for this next season is 'Will Rubio Come?'...no, to the Wolves I mean. If he does, we have a log jam at point guard and no shooters for him to pass to. If he doesn't, we could really use a third poing guard and, oh yeah, we still don't have any shooters - sorry Wayne, you just don't cut it. Fredette covers both scenarios for us. He's a pure shooter who really knows how to do one thing really well: Git Buckets. But in a much less only-me way than Ricardo Davis III. Plus, in a pinch, he could eat up some minutes at PG, ala Freddy Hoiberg 2004 Western Conference Finals. As much as it pains me to say it, the kid can play, and can shoot and score better than anyone else in college basketball. I know, J.J. Redick and Adam Morrison could do those things, but nothing about Jimmer says J.J. Morrison. For one, he didn't cry on the court after they lost - and then made a commercial about it. Oh, and yeah Adam, people more people did cry. They're called the Charlotte Bobcats and they cried because they drafted you. But I digress...

If they don't take Jimmer - fucking stupid name anyway - then I'd look at Michael Thompson's kid, Klay Thompson. He's a solid baller and he can shoot lights out. He's also 6'6" and apparently impressed the scouts at the combine - as much as that means.

#20 Pick - trade it down (Drew, I'm sorry in advance about this one)

And take another guy who needs five knuckles to the face. Kyle Singler. We already have two small forwards, but I'm not taking any bets on Martell Webster staying healthy for the year - Michael Williams, anyone? Singler is a very smart forward who played at Duke and, for the most part, those guys tend to stick around the league - especially when they drop in the draft.. Remember a year ago? This kid was a top-10 pick - and this is supposedly a down year for the draft. I just don't want us taking Blasikov Macgolicovickuoisludla just because he's 18 and lit it up in the Egyptian pro league in their 14-game season. Singler played a lot of games in a tough conference, under a very good - and face-punchable - coach. He'll be second round pick so, if he can't take a fist to the lips, you don't have to keep him - he's guarenteed to be better than the former Gopher KG face-punched, right?

It must not be the Rapture - the Wolves didn't get the first pick. I'm just saying.

Just because it's January...

...doesn't mean we can't talk about horseshit NBA officials. 

So, the internet is passing around this clip of Ken Mauer calling 5 Technicals on the Wolves in 10 seconds.  Not that such inane officiating is unique to Ken, or the NBA at large.  This is just a reminder that it happens all year long, not just during Stern's (soon to be) 4 month run to the finals.

But let's take a look at Ken.  You know, Ken did hard time.  5 months in jail for tax evasion among other counts.  So, you know, a felon is out there calling your games.  Stern has NO PROBLEM IN ANY WAY with OFFICIALS BEING CRIMINALS, JUST PLAYERS.  Sorry, that was CAPS overload...but I want to stress those points.  The disparity of an actual real, sane world and the one David sits in gets wider by the day.

Hey, wait a minute.  Didn't I once write a post about another shitty NBA ref who was guilty of the same thing, but never missed a game?  I sure did.  Good to see very little has changed in the Association.

Base Line / Bottom Line

How pained David Stern must be at this moment. The fact that truth - not always likable, not what he wants to say - had to come from that smelly mouth of his...it's unreal. Yet there he was, with two points.

1. He tried to tell owners what to pay players - specifically, less. Economic adjustments of which they are aware.

2. We might have too many teams.

The league wants teams in the "best available markets." Now, there's no definition to that phrase: certainly David would not provide you with one. A large market that supports a basketball team is one thing...a team simply in a large market is another. Let's not confuse the two. Would fewer teams help the NBA's bottom line? At first...but then you're hoping the rest keep things afloat. Knowing his expansion history, if teams are contracted...once things get better, he'll want expansion yet again.

There isn't enough talent to fill 24 teams, let alone the 30. Combine that with how teams are run, and it gives you a good indication of who might be first to go. Forbes updated valuation list won't arrive until December, but here's the most recent stats:

At the end of last year, both Memphis and Sacramento posted the largest yearly decline in value. Sacramento won't build the Maloof Brothers (who, you know, are poor) a new arena. California is flat fucking broke. That view certainly won't change in the state capitol. Memphis has a new arena. For Memphis, they currently post more debt than value, which is no way to run a business. That happens when you generate the lowest amount of revenue of any team. Memphis might complain of market size, but then you'd have to think: what the FUCK are they doing there if the market is "small?"

Despite a positive uptick in value, Portland posted the largest fall in operating income. History shows us that the area will support the team when it's not filled with Failblazers...and you can't say they were treated to sterling moves over the last 10 years.

Indiana might be "basketball crazy" but one thing they DO have is options. If you're a basketball fan, and you don't care what kind of basketball, why not save a few bucks? The Pacers have found this out before, and a telethon might not save them this time...continued decreases in value and income don't leave a lot of options in the Midwest economics of today.

Dallas has a wealthy, business savvy, batshit crazy owner. He hates Stern, which is entertaining. He's also posting the 2nd largest income slides of the league. Mark makes deals...don't think acing this team (he's already made PLENTY off the deal, and will if he sells whenever) hasn't crossed his mind. Plug in a mumbling know-nothing owner taking his place, and you might have David lamenting that basketball in Dallas "doesn't work" because "it's a football state." Houston is making good sugar and San Antonio is doing its thing, so he might remind everyone of that to "soften the blow." After all, people in Seattle now must root for Portland...right, David?

Speaking of...the Wolves have falling value and income, but their debt is relatively low. So is their revenue. A few more years of "the same" and...wait a minute. In my lifetime, the Wolves were already to have moved to New Orleans...would more turmoil of such affairs (moving/contraction) be any surprise?

The future for the NBA is lean and mean. If regular folk can't afford to go to a game, let alone any kind of ticket plan, that Sixers/Pacers match-up (which is on TV at the bar) is an attraction to no one. Is David finally realizing this? Hard to say - he always seemed like the kind of guy to throw away his shoes instead of cleaning up the shit in the yard.

Who's The Mack?

I'm sitting here listening to Ice Cube - you know, like every Wednesday evening - and my head is just absolutely buzzing about The Association. I don't think people understand what has occurred in recent months, both at home and abroad, and I think it's time for O'Shay Jackson to take us through it like only he can...


"You wanna leave, but Sonny start talkin fast / And it make you want to go and sell more ass"

To KAHN! Wow, he must be talkin' slick, because I still believe.

Let's just say this: at least half of the current GMs are incompetent children who could fuck up a cup of Twinnings. They put together their teams based on the philosophy of "YOU WANNA RIDE BIKES?!?!!?!" They get lucky (see: Milwaukee) or they stay perpetually unlucky (see: Clippers) which is what they deserve. We used to have utter incompetence as our GM. Just walking death. And now we've got someone who is thinking. He at least is acquiring assets. Now, these assets may amount to nothing. And this whole thing could crumble. But you know what we have until it does? HOPE. And Deadzo never ever ever gave us hope. As soon as he had an asset... oh, like say, A FIRST ROUND DRAFT PICK, HE TRADED IT FOR MARKO JARIC, SWEET JESUS CHRIST IT STILL HURTS MY HEART. Deadzo never held onto any asset... he always had to trade it for a "ballplayer". Kahn at least has goals, and works to achieve them. If he's just talkin slick, well, that make me wanna go and sell more ass.

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"You give him a dollar or a quarter and he's on his way / Then you see his sorry ass the next day"

David Stern. I never thought it would happen in my lifetime, and let me just say upfront that it hasn't happened YET, but I think we're starting to be able to have a conversation about a passing of the torch. The torch, of course, is The Commissioner Of A Professional Sports League Who Can Barely Speak For All The Owners' Ding-a-Lings In His Mouth. This, of course, has been held by Bud Selig since 1994. But now, oh boy.

David Stern lies every single day of his life. Nearly every press conference or statement, he lies. He lies about the financial situation of the league, to appease the owners. He lies about the referees and how fucked they are. He lies about "vision" of the NBA. (Pssst, here's a hint: the NBA has no vision whatsoever other than Git That Money Now And Fuck Everything) He lies about transactions and what he "would like to see". He lies when he gives out fines to Phil Jackson for saying the refereeing was "uneven". He lies to colleges when he repeatedly changes his mind (which is just the owners changing THEIR minds) about the entry age. He lies to the consumer every single time he opens his mouth by telling us that EVERYTHING IS JUST PEACHY FOLKS!

Gary Bettman could walk into a Starbucks and walk out without coffee. Tagliabue and now Goodell run their shit like this is Kiev. Bud Selig is such an obvious whore that it's not even worth a joke anymore. But Stern. He's a lawyer, so he THINKS he's putting all this over on everyone. But how long has it been since we've seen through the cracks? 4 years? 5? THEY HAD A REFEREE IN CAHOOTS WITH THE FUCKING MOB AND STERN SAID LIKE 4 SENTENCES THE ENTIRE TIME. It's such a joke.

So now we come to this Miami Go Party, and of course, Stern watches and doesn't know what to think. Why? The owners haven't told him what to think. He fired off some bullshit about how it wasn't "handled" properly, but yet nothing about collusion. Nothing about LeBron and the fact that he decided to do this two years ago. Nothing about Pat Riley, who must have photos of Stern, who gave the Wolves Michael Beasley, a #2 draft pick, for Jack and Shit. Free agency is one thing. But this amount of back-room dealing and collusion from both players and teams... it's just staggering. Are there even rules about this shit anymore? There used to be. The Wolves got their ass handed back to them with a receipt for under-thundering Joe Smith. We lost 5 draft picks. Miami? Well, just look at Riley's hair. Not any less greasy...........

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"No I didn't kill or steal or rob / Locked up for what? Cause I'm rollin with the Lench Mob"

Hey there B-Easy! Welcome to Minnesota!

So this team... I just think we're on the right path here. B-Easy is the best talent the Wolves have had since KG was traded. I would say Al Jeff was up there, but he is broken now. And he likes playing defense as much as I like getting jobs. That is to say NOT AT ALL. But let's just put on the goggles for a minute: next year, if it's Rubio, B-Easy, Brewer, Milicic, Wes Johnson, not to mention whatever we can get in a deadline deal (Josh Smith) and all that extra money to get a free agent.... hell man, that's becoming a respectable team. I'm not saying great. But it's getting there. If we can turn a few draft picks into solid pieces, and our coach turns out to be smart (which we haven't had since... oh god, Flip? In 2004? AIIIIIIIIIIIIII), we could be building a foundation. One thing that the Deadzo era made us is patient. As long as we see something, some progress towards something, we can wait. Because with Deadzo, every single year felt like a step back. Except that one year. That was fun.

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"That's why I'm sick of getting treated like a motherfuckin step-child"

Oh Cleveland. First LeBron, then Harvey Pekar? "Hey lady, I'm just a kid from the neighborhood!"

The Magic of David Stern

I have an announcement to make. There will be four days off, during a series, in-between playoff basketball games.


I know that in the past, the longest I would go within a series is three days. That is much too short. Four days it will be.

Why? Um...I couldn't tell you, beyond my own self evaluation of being dumb as shit.