November 30, 2009

WWDMD!!?

What Would Doug Moe Do if he was still the coach of a team that lost to the Timberwolves?

We hit our 2-win goal for the month of November, with little time to spare! As long as they win at least 2 games a month for the rest of the season, we'll safely avoid the record for fewest wins in a season.

Gomes led the way by scoring 27 points, the most by a Timberwolves player this season. He just beat out Ole's 24 - sorry buddy!

At least we're not the Nets...

I feel like I'm going to be saying this a lot this season. We'll be scraping the bottom of the barrel, looking for snacks, and we won't get much. But the Nets. The Nets will probably go pretty hungry this year. I don't want them to, but I feel like they're going to "shatter" the single-season record for least wins in the NBA. Lawrence Frank was a pretty solid coach, pedigree or not, and now they'll have an interim head coach to clean up the mess that is this season. I wonder how happy their new Russian billionaire owner feels right about now. Maybe wins and losses don't count the same in Russia - "In Russia, game wins YOU!"

Of course, with each embarassingly souless loss, the Nets chances of landing LeBron slip futher into the toilet. The guy already saved one franchise, I can't imagine he's going to want to try and do it again. For less money. Even if Jay-Z does have LBJ's ear, who in their right mind would want to wander into that mess. The Knicks look better and better every day - and that is saying something.




Speaking of Interim Coaches...

Have you seen the face that's now coaching the New Orleans Hornets? It's a face that screams "Gimme donuts now!," moreso than Potsy's mind thinks it.

November 17, 2009

Live Blogging the 24 hour NCAA basketball marathon - Part II

11:41 am - We're back in! Live from Siena! 5 dollars on Siena to cover 9.5! Go go go!

After a brief nap, and apparently missing Monmouth get their shit rocked, I'm beaned up and ready to rock. Hey, is this the time when most people are working? SUCKERS! I'm listening to Bill Raftery call a game in upstate New York. Life = Win.

Quick look at this afternoon's games.... AR Little Rock at Tulsa. Hmmm... line is 15.5. Do I take my own advice and just bet the dog? Regional game, similar talent pool. Going to have to crunch that one. I like Tulsa. But 16 points? They're not that good.

Binghamton v. Pittsburgh. The line is down, because I assume no one from Keewanuhowak can count that high. If this is under 30 I will jump in with both feet. Pitt is sufficiently ghetto, and early in the season they will be "learning the plays" which means "jitting buckets".

11:51 am - Siena goes into the half down 6 to Northeastern. Neither team looks good at all. I wonder if "under" isn't just the way to bet these games. I guarantee Arkansas LR is going to score less than 40. And they might win.

JAY WILLIAMS IS A COMMENTATOR FOR ESPN. Oh man. He has resurrected his career! And in his new profession, he is allowed to ride cycles! Win win!

Screw it, the money's going on AR Little Rock. They were 15-3 in the Sun Belt last year. Screwed in the tournament by South Alabama. They'll keep it within 16.

Sun Belt.

12:00 pm - Alright, the bets are in and the coffee's up. I'll be back in an hour or so, assuming Siena makes this a game. Get there with Wu Wear.

1:02 pm - Oh Sienna. You are so close to covering. But Northeastern just won't give in. They cut it to 7 with 10 seconds left. Not going to happen.

Live Blogging the 24 hour NCAA basketball marathon

My very first thought of the evening: "I hope Sportsinteraction is ALSO open for 24 hours tonight". Not likely.

We are beaming in live from East St. Paul, a mile from the loop, on the good side as Dickfer would say. So this obviously won't be much of a "live blog", as that would imply people are reading it as it is posted. Think of it more like a diary. A diary that features me staying up all night to watch MY Bows out in Honolulu, and don't you ever, ever forget about the kids from Drexel.

Welcome to the Terrordome. I've just put the kettle on. It's 2:15am and we're off and running.

Let's recap what we've already seen so far tonight, with gambling for spice.

1. Western Kentucky's going to BE THERE again this year.

They got business handled against Milwaukee. They looked rusty so they didn't cover. They're going to cover these games later in the year. Line was 8, they made 4. No worries. Milwaukee is tough, yes, and they will be a monster in their own right, but W. Kentucky's got it going. Looks like they've got a few games against SEC teams, but they don't play UK this year, so no real test going into the tournament. I'll tell you right now... they're going to get a 7 or 10 seed, and they're going to end up taking out California or whoever in the second round. Book it.

2. Indiana = same as it ever was.

Well, I'd like to say I saw something out of them, but when USC comes to town, and it's not OJ Mayo but rather SOUTH CAROLINA UPSTATE, you've got to take them out by more than 15. Nope. Same old Indiana. Let's take a look at that schedule: Maryland, Pitt and Kentucky, all go to Bloomington. OH OK HOW GOOD IS MY CREDIT AROUND HERE? And the best part? After those three games they've got a home tilt against North Carolina Central. I SMELL A COVER. Pfff, Indiana, whatever.

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2:27 am - Ok, St. Mary's. I understand basketball is boring after midnight, but let's try to hold this lead, hmmm?

2:29 am - FUCK OFF SPORTSINTERACTION. While the Bows get ready to tip against Northern Colorado, some jagoff in Keewaunoawaouk sleeps comfortably in his moose skin pj's. All action is closed. They better be open by Monmouth. Canadians are early risers by trade.

Alright, back to the previous post...

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3. As a rule, when betting early season games, if you know nothing about the two teams other than that they are "average" to "below average", and the spread is more than ten, just grab the underdog.

Eastern Washington? Whatever. Even Duke couldn't cover Coastal Carolina. Colgate EASILY covered v. Uconn. And Kentucky went to the dick with Miami of OH. Which should say something about regional rivalries this time of year. BET THE DOGS. They're playing with pride, and they've been practicing all summer. Guys from UK and Memphis have been stealing laptops. Big difference in preparedness.

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2:34 am - SPORTSINTERACTION MUST READ THIS BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bows favored by 5.5. (quickly reads alumni newsletter, Rainbows Of Today) Gotta go with the home crowd on this one. Bows will win, and we all know they make their throws at the end. Let's put 5 on it and let it ride.

(hesitant pause)

June Jones still coaches them, right?

2:38 am - St. Mary's still rocking the 14 point lead. They only need to win by 6. I thought this line looked too low, and it turns out that it is, for now. The Gaels were pretty good last year, and I never saw anything from San Diego State, at least not anything memorable. St. Mary's looks like they play in an armory. Do they clear this out for the Flint Tropics after the game? San Diego State has a LOT of very large men with lots of tats. St. Mary's has a lot of spindly white guys who can shoot the snack from outside. It's college basketball, so I'll let you guess who's dominating the game.

2:41 am - FUN. DA. MENTALS.

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So the Gophers won by 40 today. Surely in this 24 hour marathon, one of the teams above them is bound to crap their pants. Hmmm, let's check the schedule: Gonzaga is unranked? Wow. And Michigan State is #2? Well ok. State will win, but Zaga might cover that spread. Wish I could see what it is. Moving along, TENNESSEE IS NUMBER 11?!?!?!? That will last for exactly 4 more days. They are hosting UNC Asheville, who used to have a guy who was like 8 feet tall but then had to have his foot amputated. Sad. Volunteers will win big. Memphis at Kansas? DID SOMEONE SAY OVER? Kansas is winning by 40. Memphis will look like more like the Grizz than the Tigers. Ok, so maybe the Gophs won't move up right away. But they will.

They are balanced as HELL now. Sampson looks tougher inside, which you knew he would, because he literally could not get any meeker. And this recruiting class? I read on ESPN that it was top 5 in the country. THE COUNTRY. Oh thank you Tubby. Thank you for restoring prestige to this program. Or should I say "bringing" prestige.... lord knows we haven't had anything legit since the days of McHale and Saunders.

(Gaels run the lead to 20, and it's party time in ESP. That's East St. Paul for those not in the know)

I'm legitimately excited about the Gophers this year.... there is more optimism there than there has been since... what '07 with the Twins? '04 with the Wolves? And we all know how those years turned out. So it's cautious, as it always is in this part of the country, but it's there... a real expectation to do well. A few 40 point wins will do that. I know it's against the Rucker Park all-stars, but hey, 40 points is a hell of a lot. It shows competent defense AND offense. Dig it. And the Big 10 isn't going to be very good this year. Sure, at the top they're alright. But Purdue is WAY overrated, Michigan State is a few ticks up from where they should be, and don't even talk to me about Wisconsin or Ohio State. We'll deal with those scumbags when we see them.

Oh, and Michigan? Two words for you, and it also happens to be the second album from Ol' Dirty.

(Gaels now by 23. Sometimes money just comes easy.)

Is there a reason I should not be this excited about the Gophs? Is a let down coming? Well, let's put it this way: 3 players are on indefinite suspension, including 2 hot-shot recruits. And they're beating ass WITHOUT them. When/if they come back? I can't imagine it's going to hurt. Anyway, someone tell me I'm wrong. Because I don't see it. I think we can grab a 4 or 5 seed this year. And play games in Chicago or something. And possibly win two of them.

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So UCLA pooped the bed earlier tonight. Fullerton looked tough, but UCLA looked like they enjoy playing the game with runny BM down their shoes. It's early. But they were double digit favorites. Regional game. I didn't see it, but now my eyes are wide open. Tomorrow is a new day. Or should I say, this morning. In 4 hours.

2:56 am - San Diego State's coach. UH OH. That is an AGED man. Looks like a retired CPA. Probably is. (quick check)

HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD IT'S STEVE FISHER. HE IS ALIVE, AND DRAWS BREATH. Take a look at that Wikipedia picture. Someone looks "hunched" and is "laboring" on the sidelines. Wow. My mind is officially blown. It is 3am. I'm sitting here stunned. It's like finding out Clem has resurfaced at Directional Oregon Tech and is coaching under an assumed name and nobody knows it. Seriously, do they know this is the same Steve Fisher? The guy who's entire Wikipedia page is just littered with various academic violations that happened to his Michigan teams? You know, the ones that they had to TAKE DOWN EVERY STAT AND RECORD FROM EVERY GAME THEY PLAYED BECAUSE CHRIS WEBBER IS A HORRIBLE GODDAMNED CHEATER?

I just have to block quote this:

While the discoveries have not impacted Fisher's career with San Diego State (and no new allegations have occurred in conjunction with that program), they have caused his reputation to be tarnished in the eyes of some, as is true for other coaches whose schools were found guilty of major NCAA rules violations.


Are you kidding? He's the fucking KING. I mean, Clem never went to the championship game. Clem never had TWO different corrupt teams.

Wow. Ok, back to real life.

3:03 am - And we're in to Honolulu. Thank god. We will soon see Vili. Oh it makes me happy to see that ocean. I'm there in 4 weeks. Looks like good seats available at the stadium. I can't wait. I will go to a Bows game if it kills me. Or if it gets me fired. Either way.

Hawaii fans want this one. They're on the big stage and they know it. This is as close as they get to the tournament. Bring it home, guys. I've got 5 whole dollars riding on it.

Dwain Williams. Dwain. Makes the first bucket. Goes out and gits his bucket. It's going to be that kind of party. They passed the ball around for 32 seconds and then just ghettoed it up. Good to see the Bows are still the Bows. Get ball, score ball.

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So, Dickfer, who's getting the money for the long bet this year? Kansas? BORING. Kentucky? Not likely. I've got the sleeper that will allow for massive hedging... Villanova. They were in it to win it last year. No, seriously, I don't know what I'm talking about. But betting on UNC, Duke or Kentucky to win it is stupid. And Texas? Whatever. Better to put the money on a team that will definitely make the Elite 8. That does not include Duke or UNC.

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Since it's just so random and rambling, not to mention quarter after 3 in the morning, I'll just say this about the Wolves... they REALLY weren't kidding when they said it would be a long season. I predicted 20-25 wins. Ok, now I have officially entered the "10 Win Watch" mode, just hoping they don't top the Sixers for worst record of all time. They don't deserve THAT, but they do deserve to lose a lot of games. They are not good, they are not talented, they are outmatched at every position, possibly including coach, to nearly every team in the NBA. Expecting wins against anyone is folly. Will they surprise some people? Sure. But so will Memphis. Point is they are going to be really tested this year as far as losing is concerned. Hey, how do you guys handle feeling like you'll never win another game as long as you are alive? Because you're going to feel that most of the year. But, yes, confidence is still there for the future. 1. Rubio. 2. Draft picks. 3. Cap money. Kahn! has at least done two of those things right in his short time. And he may end up doing all three. So this team will look different next year, almost certainly better. That's what I tell myself as we continue to piss games away against Portland.

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Dwain Williams is ghetto with a capital G. LOVE IT. He comes from Providence, where he played for two years until their coach was fired. He wears a mohawk.

3:21 am - Ummmmmmmmmm, but he plays like God Shammgod, and not in a good way. Hey, who's gotta dribble faster than the other team? Is it you, Dwain?

Bows down by 5. Can we just run the offense please?

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Alright, the games coming up.... Monmouth at St. Peters. Don't know the line, Keewanauawak sleeps comfy. They are playing at 6am local time. SIX AM?!??! That's got to be an over. You think anyone wants to slap the floor and play defense? Anyone taking a charge at 6am? No way. Both teams are mediocre, low-level mid-major teams.

(by the way, if "mid-major" means "every conference other than the ACC, Big 10 and etc.", then is there anything lower than "mid-major"? Like, the Horizon league. They let North Dakota State in. That's not "mid" anything. That's small time. Have you ever been to NDSU? It's like a giant bar, with different school buildings that have no purpose. They play in a dome as big as this two story rambler. Anyway..........)

Both Monmouth and St. Peters have lost to Seton Hall. Supposedly the Pirates aren't that bad this year... or at least not "absolute garbage of the Big East" bad. St. Peters are the Peacocks. Good mix of upper to lower classmen. Wow, they haven't been good in... forever. Monmouth has made a tournament in the last 5 years. St. Peters hasn't won a MAAC tournament game in that long. Hmmmmmmmmm..... this is going to take some research. Luckily I have until 5am to make that call. I'm sure I can run both the lats AND the plats before then.

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3:37 am - Note for future: HAWAII IS GANG-STER. If they ever play at Stanford, giddy up. Let's look at that schedule.... nope, nothing big. I will bet them over if they EVER play a competent team. Northern Colorado is not bad, but they are herky jerky, just like the Bows. This game is going to be to and fro until the final whistle. At which point Hawaii will be up by 7. Hopefully.

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3:44 am - Apparently Rick Pitino used to coach the Bows. See, this is shit I just would never have found out, ever. Staying up until the wee hours pays dividends again. Next up, a glimpse at Utah State's head coach, Dean Smith.

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This is a surreal experience..... I've watched marathon basketball in my day, but that's on tournament day, when ADD is just commonplace. "OH GOD DAYTON IS WINNING BUT WHAT ABOUT GREEN BAY PLEASE SWITCH TO THAT GAME THANK YOU WHAT ABOUT BELMONT???" In this, you're stuck watching one game at a time, which is fine, but it's fucking Hawaii v. Northern Colorado. I have literally never watched a game with either of these two teams in them, and god willing, I never will again. Next up is Monmouth. Last I've seen of them it was a ticker on the bottom of the screen.... "UNC 96 - Monmouth 43". And then couple all THAT with the fact that it's bearing down on 4am. And I've ALREADY been through 8 hours of ball. It's just awesome is all.

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3:50 am - There it is Dickfer. The first mention of Siena of the evening. According to "Mark", he says Siena "owns the east right now". What, the east side of Albany? The eastern portion of the stadiums they play in? Didn't they get rocked by Louisville last year? But yeah, name.

3:53 am - Halftime. Highlights of Kentucky-Miami. UK is as ghetto as could be expected. Hey Wall, you going to miss those throws like you were Chris Douglas-Roberts? YES. They'll get bounced from the tournament by Ohio State or some shit.

Wow, conversation at this halftime is LOOSE. Lots of laughing uncontrollably. Guys, it's just Kentucky. No need to double over. Of course, I myself am laughing right now, for no reason. So yeah.

Highlights of UConn. Colgate kept it within 14. UConn is a notorious non-cover. They won't do it until game 20. Giddy up.

Coastal Carolina v. Duke. Oh, it's a "tournament" and Duke gets to play it at home. Gee, that doesn't sound familiar. Duke wins by 25 but they don't cover. I don't know what to take from that. Duke will play this season literally exactly like they have every one for the last 5 years. They will be 2nd or 3rd in the ACC, they will get a ridiculously high seed in the tournament because they are fuckfaces, and they will be BOUNCED THE FUCK by Buffalo or Milwaukee. It's a guarantee.

4:00 am - ENTERPRISE RENT A CAR WILL GET YOUR WIFE TO HAVE INTERCOURSE WITH YOU.

4:09 am - Announcer just said Hawaii is dictating "pace and tempo". Thank you.

4:22 am - Oh. Kay. I just saw a commercial for something called "Dave and Buster's". Did you know this exists? Take a look at this. Yeah. "Entrees"? I don't know what Goldfingers are, but I'm sure the guy at the Knight Cap could make some up for you.

BELT BUSTERS.

4:24 am - You know, I sold Sportsinteraction short.... they've got their act together. They just put their lines up for NBA tomorrow. Impressive. Hmmmm, let's see. Chicago at Sacramento, and it's.... THE KINGS BY A POINT? No, this can't be right. It is. Ghetto State is at Cleveland. Cavs by 15.5. They haven't been the cover machine this year that they were last year. Fat Shaq has a lot to do with that. They can't run these crap teams out of the gym. But still, it's not like you're going to bet Ghetto State, ever. So just watch that as a fan.

4:28 am - Still tied. This game is just a tug of war. Except instead of strength, the two teams are using "bad shooting" to fight each other. I don't know that I've seen a team shoot worse than the Bows. Wait, Wisconsin.

4:31 am - Montreal is the ODDS ON favorite for the Grey Cup this year. You find these things out at times like this.

4:32 am - The Hawaii coach just raised his arms up in the "let's go" move to the crowd. Really? The COACH does that? Whatever, it's Oahu. I haven't seen Vili yet. But then again, I've just been clicking "random article" in Wikipedia for the last few hours. HEY DID YOU KNOW ALAN KEYES GOT LIKE 40,000 VOTES IN CALIFORNIA???

4:37 am - Northern Colorado goes up by 7, and Hawaii's ghetto ways have caught up to them. Well, lesson learned. If they play any competition, and I mean like Reno-level, I'm going hard against the Bows. Sorry, but it's true guys. You just don't have any defensive discipline at all, and everyone's gotta jit their buckits all the time. Guys like Dwain Williams are guys we would mock endlessly if he played at Iowa.

Also, the line is down for the St. Peters Monmouth game. Probably a good thing. I'm leaning towards Monmouth. But just because of the use of the word "mouth" in their name.

4:40 am - Annnnnnnnnnnnnd just like that, it's a 12 point deficit for the Bows. When they face adversity, they just get more ghetto. So Northern Colorado goes into the zone, which prompts the announcer, "Hawaii not known for being a good shooting team". You think? They are now completely out of gas and this has turned into a blowout. I paid five dollars to know to never bet on Hawaii again this season.


DONK!












4:53 am - Hawaii goes on a mini run to get it back to 8 with 1:45 to play, but I don't care about that at all. WHERE'S MY MONMOUTH LINE? NEW JERSEY, GET UP.

5:02 am - HOLY GOD. What is going on here? Hawaii was down by SEVENTEEN. Now they are within 2. Basketball is back. God bless it. I literally just fell asleep with my eyes open. Still no Monmouth line. Mad and getting madder.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS FROM DREXEL?!??!?!?!

5:07 am - Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand there it is. Hawaii fights back valiantly, but it falls short. As do I. No Monmouth for me... it's off to sleep sack. They won't let me bet on Drexel OR Siena, either. Bad idea, Sportsinteraction. Expect a letter from my lawyer.

Part two tomorrow....

November 6, 2009

Minnesota Golden Felons?

Wow, so this was supposed to be the Year of the Tubby. His first real recruiting class. His first chance to really put his stamp on the University of Minnesota basketball program. Well, an aggrivated battery charge as well as misdimeanor theft and assault charges have put an early-season dent in the armor of the 18th ranked Gophers.



Royce White decided a pair of pants and a shirt was worth risking his collegiate basketball career after he shoplifted them from the Macy's at the Mall of America. Then, to top it off, he shoved a mall security guard multiple times on his way out.



Trevor Mbakwe on the otherhand is being charged with a fellony for punching a woman in the face. Yeah, JR Rider-style. This was back in April, but still - punched her in the face? Hope whatever she did is worth the chance to spend a couple years in the clink.



Devron Bostick, not a new recruit, has also been suspended, but they aren't saying what he did, which means it's probably not criminal, which is good I guess.

So on the eve of the beginning of a season in which we were hoping to see the Gophers reach new heights, Tubby's new kids are shitting all over the program.

October 30, 2009

How Did I Miss This!!??

Mark Madsen was recently hired as an assistant coach for the Utah Flash of the NBDL. He talked about it here.

I have to say that reading this news makes me very happy. Mad Dog seems like such a great person so it's nice that he's getting an opportunity to coach - which he apparently likes very much.

So cheers Mad Dog! Good luck with the Utah Flash. The only advice I can give you is to stick to teaching them basketball and not dance moves.

October 29, 2009

Game Notes - Wolves 95 Nets 93

Halfway through the third quarter we almost left. If Condor hadn't returned to our seats carrying beers, we probably would have. And we would've been sorry we had.

For most of the first 30 minutes of the game, the new edition Wolves mostly resembled their 15-win predecessors. They seemed out-matched at every position and looked pathetically bad on the defensive end of the floor - too many lay-up, dunks, and and-ones. But then New Jersey, being the poor-quality team that they are, went to sleep and Kurt Rambis loosened the reigns on the team and - POW! What once was a 19-point deficeit turned into a 2-point victory. It really was a fun game to watch. Well, a fun fourth quarter to watch anyways. A W is a W, as they say, and since we may not see too many of those this season I'll take it. Plus it's always nice to start off the season on the right foot.

"Running" the Triangle Offense

It's pretty clear that most of the players are still pretty clueless on how the Triangle works and, with all the nuances it has, that's completely understandable. That being said, they looked uncomfortable and disjointed when trying to run plays - many of which ended up with someone taking a Kobe-esque shot with the shot clock winding down. It seemed that the two guys taking on the MJ/Kobe role in the Wolves version were Corey Brewer (Kobe) and Damien Wilkins (MJ). So, from this point on, that's how we'll be referring to those two.

"United We Run"

That's the team's slogan this year. It's not a bad slogan. It tells me, the fan, that you're going to get up and down the floor, score a lot, and probably be a pretty fun team to watch, even when it doesn't add up to wins. Of course, if you're not what you've advertised, then of course, maybe you should consider changing it. It took the Wolves almost 3 quarters to get their running game going. Usually running teams run for a MAJORITY of the game, not 30% of the game. Once they started running, they owned the game, turning a blow-out loss into a last-second win. But what sparked the change you ask?

Pressure, pressure pressure

While they were getting owned in the paint early and often, once the Wolves started successfully pressing the Nets, they started forcing turnovers - which make running much easier. They forced 22 turnovers (while only comitting 10 of their own by the way). Sure, the Nets aren't a very good team, but 22 is still a lot of turnovers. Forcing those turnovers did two things. First, it didn't allow the Nets to get into their offense - aka give the ball to Brook Lopez and let him do whatever he wants. Secondly, it led to a lot more fast-breaks and open floor plays - and LESS of the unknown Triangle offense. The youngsters benefited from that by getting a lot of easy shots, while not giving as many of them up.

Jonny Flynn can fly!

If you watched him play at Syracuse last year, you already know how quick Flynn can be. Normally that level of quickness isn't as prevalent at the NBA level, unless your name is TJ Ford. Well, add Flynn's name to that list. Once he got the nervous butterflies out he pretty much got by anyone at will, to the point where he was a little too quick for his own good. He's also a pesky defender and definitely plays the game with a TON of energy.

What you may have also noted by his performances in college - specifically the 6 OT game against Uconn - is how clutch the kid can be. Well, in his first NBA game, he scored 13 of his 18 points in the fouth quarter - 11 of which came in the final run that won the game. He was also charged with taking the game-winning shot and, even though he missed it, there was no fear in that shot. I really like what I see so far out of him.

Corey Brewer, meet Felton Spencer

I'm trying SO hard to like Corey Brewer, I really am. He's a nice kid who plays with a lot of energy, and he knows how to win. But he can't make a layup to save his life. On more than one occasion when we went in for a layup the ball came out of his hands like he had wooden blocks strapped to them - like when you go up for a layup, the ball slips out of your hand, so you try to bat it up towards the rim. It was awful. Of course, he did hit the jumper that gave the Wolves a 92-91 lead towards the end of the game, so I guess he can make them when he needs to? But enough about what he can't do.

The Wolves Kobe can get up and down the floor. He was all over the place - for better and worse. On one play he stripped the ball loose in the corner and was the first guy down the floor. He recieved a pass just inside the three line, did a nice spin dribble - right into a double-team and got his shot blocked. If he can fix the layup problems, he'll be fine - but I'm afraid that still a pretty big if.

Al Jefferson is injured

Don't let the fantasy basketball notes fool you. He is NOT healthy. No way. He was limping around the court all night, grimacing any time there was a stop in play. He was WAY behind on defense, even for Al Jefferson. He doesn't look like he can jump and spent most of the night settling for shots out of his range.

He needs to get deeper in the post, where he can be effective, and he needs to learn how to pass out of double-teams. Most of all though, he needs to be sitting on the bench, resting until that achillies is healed.

The last thing the franchise needs is it's franchise player suffering another season-ending injury.

October 28, 2009

And Here We...Go

Ahh, who DOESN'T love the start of the NBA season? A time of fresh beginnings, new starts, the evil, burnt, dead, awful, embarassing, taste of previous failure is but a faint memory. Especially when the last of the Walking Dead have been removed from your teams front office.

With a new GM, new coach, and new philosophy, our beloved Wolves move into somewhat exciting territory tonight with the opening of the 2009-10 season. There's our exciting new rookie Jonny Flynn, the return of Big Al, not to mention our new head coach Kurt Rambis - apparently the Wolves will be running the Triangle offense this year...

Of course with no players with any notable experience in the triangle offense, the depth issues everywhere but the poing guard position, not knowing how Big Al will bounce back from major knee surgery - not to mention the currently-sore achillies, it's looking like wins will be a little rare this season. The injury to Kevin Love doesn't help either.

But that's okay. We, as fans, don't expect much success from them this season - success meaning wins, playoffs, etc. We only expect to see solid effort every night, an exciting brand of basketball that is fun to watch, even when you're losing. We expect to see some growth in the games of Jefferson and Love, we hope to see Corey Brewer find something resembling a jump shot - even remotely. We expect to see Flynn get major minutes. Above all else we expect to see a team - from front office to ball boy - give 100% effort every night. We expect you to earn the money we fans pay to watch this team play. If you lose, that's fine - as long as it was hard fought.

We on this blog are excited for this season to get underway. There are going to highs and lows - and uber lows - but the offseason action has told us one, very important thing: We're heading in the right direction. And right now, that's all that matters.

So bring on the Nyets, and let's get this thing underway!

September 23, 2009

...And Here Comes the Mafia!!!

Read the following sentence and tell me it doesn't sound like that:


"Russia's richest man has a deal to buy a controlling interest in the New
Jersey Nets and nearly half of a project to build a new arena in Brooklyn."


So, a Russian billionaire is going into a business deal with a Jersey billionaire? C'mon, how can that NOT be mafia-related!?

Somewhere, Tim Donaghy just shivered...

September 21, 2009

Same old, same...wait a minute

The NCAA (that organization that claims college athletics is honest and pure while slapping a logo and advertising on EVERYTHING) made a small announcement about future tournament sites today. Seeing that it isn't basketball season, it was easy to miss the news...and even easier not to finish the article.

Much has been said - all of it fact - that the NCAA looks out for the ACC come tournament time. The farce that is "pod system" is merely in place to make sure the most North Carolina schools are still in the tournament for the sweet 16 will continue in 2011 with games in Charlotte. In 2012, there will be games in Greensboro.

But then...in what clearly has to be a mistake, comes the 2013 schedule.
NO GAMES IN NORTH CAROLINA

and...

The West Regional will be IN LOS ANGELES

How in the hell could this happen? Do they know what they've done? They've brought back NCAA tournament games to Los Angeles County (the county with the largest population in the country) for the first time since 1994. Guess the Honda Center in Anaheim was booked, huh?

No, Anaheim will have games in 2011.

Just making us wait.

September 4, 2009

Another Seemingly Good Decision By KAHN!

The Wolves signed PG Ramon Sessions to an offer sheet today for a reasonable contract worth about $4 million per season. The lead guard position is in the best condition it's been in since Sam-I-Am moved his sack-juggling act out of town. We have the youngster who has a ton of potential in rookie Jonny Flynn and we have the old, greasy veteran to help show the youngster the ropes in Chucky Atkins. Assuming Milwaukee doesn't match the Wolves offer, Sessions will give us a little mix of both youth and experience. When he's been given consistant playing time Sessions has had some success and averaged 11 points 6 assists for the Bucks last season.

With Sessions in the mix the Wolves won't have to rely on Chucky Atkins for significant minutes or worry so much about wear-and-tear or injury with Flynn. Plus, like I said, Sessions ain't half bad as a player, and he'll be eager to play and contribute. Worst case is that Milwaukee matches and we don't have to pay another point guard for 4 more years.

I can't help but push the idea that we spend a lot of time pushing on this here blog, but I've been really impressed with the decision-making abilities of Kahn! They may not all work out, but they all seem well thought out, both short and long term, and serve the betterment of this franchise.

September 1, 2009

No jersey for Dave Sniznawski... yet

Well, it's official. Mr. Rubio is staying in Spain for 2 more years. He'll be 20 when he comes to play in the Great White North, and by then, we will have gone through two horrible losing seasons.

BUT!

Kahn! knows how to draft them, and we'll be sitting pretty good with young talent and contracts, so this doesn't hurt as bad. The simple facts are that it is what it is, and we can't change it, so it doesn't do any good to talk about the "what ifs". "If Rubio came to the Wolves this year they would sell more tickets and I would eat fried ham at the fair and BURRRRRRRRR" Whatever. Tickets aren't the problem. The Marlins routinely compete for division championships in front of 300 fans. The problem is success... long-term success. People don't go to games to see the hot new rookie who can't shoot. They go to see a team who is good at basketball play another team that is good at basketball and hopefully beat them.

Kahn! handled this as best he could, and I sure would've liked to see Rubio next year, but now we know, and that's that. We'll move into the season with an untested group of young kids and see what we can do. Gone are the Antoine Walkers of the world, and that is a good thing. The roster appears somewhat set, so let's begin.

August 30, 2009

Wow, should we just hire Barkley and get it over with?

So Rambis and Kahn! have gone and stuck it in McFail's ear again, this time by hiring ANOTHER former foe - Bill Laimbeer - as an assistant coach. Oh, and Reggie Theus.

Assistant coaches really don't matter in the grand scheme of things (as we all know cough*SidneyLowe*cough) so this is, I think, purely a "name" move. Laimbeer wants to coach in the NBA one day, obviously, so this is the first step towards that (and Rambis would also like to coach in the NBA some day, too, but for now, he has to coach our NBDL team).

About the only thing I have to go on about Laimbeer is from his playing days, so it's not worth discussing. I will say that he coached championships in Detroit - granted it was with the WNBA, but still - and that's always a Good Thing. As Laettner will tell you, winners are important. And when you're going around the locker room and pointing to all the other stalls and saying "Loser, loser, loser", well, the more you can point to and say "winner" (as he did when he pointed at himself), the better.

I miss him.

August 24, 2009

B-Easy And His Little Bags of....

I read this today and got a good bit of entertainment out of it. First off, who gets their Twitter ID tattoed on their body? It gets better. The tattoo is actually his old Twitter ID, that he was forced to shut down awhile back - presumably by his employer, the Miami Heat - in the interest of preserving his image. Of course he posted the picture on his new Twitter page, which has since been shut down to, once again, try to preserve his image. Here's the picture, and a recap of the happenings of B-Easy today.

I hope rehab does him well and forces him to grow up a bit. I can't pick on him for being depressed because that is a serious problem. And I can't pick on the guy for what he does by himself behind closed doors. But son, if you're going to take a picture of yourself and put it on the Internet, FOR GOD SAKES MAKE SURE YOUR WEED IS NOT IN THE PICTURE. That's just plain stupid - and that's something I can give him a hard time about. That and the stupidity of his tattoo.

August 10, 2009

Raise your hand if you want to kiss Kahn

His second letter to Timberwolves' fans.

Our previous GM couldn't spell words correctly, ergo he could not form complete sentences, ergo he never wrote a letter to fans, ever. Instead, he would pick up a carafe of freshly-made coffee, say 3 words about being a "players' coach", and proceed to dump the entire contents down the front of his pants.

Then he would walk around all day like that, looking as though he had peed in his pants. Nobody would say anything to him, because it was normal. We were all used to the incompetence.

We haven't had intelligent leadership on this team since.... EVER.

August 6, 2009

The final middle finger to McFail

Deadzo, you have been vanquished.

The last of "your guys" is gone, gone, back back, to Cali Cali. The new coach was your infamous rival, as evidenced by the picture below. Jaric, Hudson, Mike James, Ndudi, and many, many more are all gone. In fact, only Gomes and Al Jeff remind us of KG, and Love is your only draft pick. The other one you took last year, the second rounder? He's on the roster in Miami. You sold him.

But that's it, buddy. You have been successfully excised from the team like a cancerous cyst. The surrounding skin will only grow stronger.

I am sure in my life I will both praise and curse Kahn! in various amounts, but for right now, for his early moves, he couldn't be doing better if he went and traded for KG back his damn self. What I mean is, he is cutting out all of the horrible moves that McFail made, he is remaking the roster in a different direction (one that remains to be seen exactly where it will go, but still), he is MAKING US FORGET MCFUCKO. Honestly, every trade, every signing, every little thing that is done with competence is such a lovely surprise. Such a treat to read articles where he's explaining things that make sense in basketball language, unlike McFailer, who would come out after making a terrible trade and say "we're not done yet". WELL YES YOU ARE NOW, DUMB DUMBY.

Telfair for Q? WHAT. EVER. How're we supposed to know how that plays out? Kahn! is going at this thing like a gin player, going after all the angles and seeing what pans out. Who can have any idea what the roster is going to look like in 2 months? 2 days? Al Jeff is the only safe one... you think Kahn! hasn't thought long and hard about getting value for Love? There are so many Dumb GMs out there, they would give up top dollar because he's young, cheap and can rebound and grow a weirdo beard. Kahn! knows this.

He knows a lot. He's smart. Like he should be. That's his job.

Kevin McHale doesn't live here anymore. I hope he never is involved with any team I follow ever again. I hope to never see his living face ever again. I hope every player he ever had a hand in drafting or acquiring is traded for better players. Because his tenure with the Wolves was defined by utter failure.

That failure is over. The red sun dawns on a bright future.

Go Kahn!

What Goes Around Comes Around?


















Here's hoping so!

July 29, 2009

Kahn! is making sausage

The process isn't pretty, but the end result might be tasty. At this rate, every player in the NBA might be a Woofie for a week. Hell, Sliznewski's phone might ring. He has an expiring contract doesn't he?

July 1, 2009

Your Mother Should Know

Zack Randolph was traded today. To the Grizz.

Cue Dickfer: "I don't even know what he's doing, Leo." (sadly, that video has disappeared)

Randolph is pretty much everything that is wrong about the NBA, or more succinctly, was wrong about Isaiah Thomas. He is a total knucklehead, having never behaved in a manner befitting a professional janitor, let alone basketball player. He never ever tries on defense, ever. He demands the ball and shoots whenever he touches it. He has never given a consistent effort on two consecutive nights, never, not once in his entire fucking life. In short, he is the absolute worst player to have on your team... a born loser.

Memphis getting him is a head-scratcher, not because they gave up anything (Q is literally a shell at this point), but because WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT THIS MAN ON YOUR TEAM? I can't imagine a single team in the NBA that would benefit from his presence in any way at all. Even if your team was right on the verge of winning it all, and you just needed one more guy to get 8 points a game and a few rebounds.... that's not what Zach does! He gets his points, and his rebounds, but at what a cost?

This is the inherent fallacy of viewing the NBA from a statistics-only perspective (well, any sport for that matter). Randolph averages 16.7 PPG and 8.3 RPG (and those numbers are much better if you exclude the first two years of his career). He "consistently" gets his points and boards. Yet I want you to tell me what you see when he plays. You see total playground ball, a 48 minute game of HORSE, with Zach vs. not only the other team but his own teammates as well. Look at the teams he has played for... Portland in their "Jail-Blazers" days, then to New York for a year and a half, then to the Clippers... now to Memphis. Can he get any worse? Can he find himself onto bigger loser teams? I swear, if he came to the Wolves, they would win 7 games next year.

His problem is his attitude, something that will likely never clear up. It's not an injury. It's not a hole in his game. Your mother would know it if she watched him. He's a goddamn malcontent who doesn't believe in trying to help his team win the games they play in. He sees the game of basketball differently than nearly every other player.

So.... GOOD MOVE MEMPHIS. THIS IS THE GUY WHO OJ MAYO IS GOING TO EMULATE.

June 29, 2009

I Second That Motion!

There is a bit of repeated sentiment of the last post in this post, but so be it...


David Kahn has successfully completed his first NBA Draft for the Wolves and it sort of comes as a mixed bag. He didn’t do what the Vikings like to do and miss his pick, but the picks he did make left most people scratching their heads. Taking Ricky Rubio at 5 was a no brainer, even if he doesn’t ever wear a Wolves uniform. He was the guy they had targeted, the second best talent in the draft, and he plays a position we have a dire need to fill. I’ll be really sad if we don’t get to see him in a Wolves uniform, but I won’t necessarily hold the team responsible for that – they did what they had to do. But more on that later…

Flynn at 6 is a bit more confusing. At first, when they made this pick, I was sure they were going to make a deal - Sacramento-for-Evans was tops on my list of possibilities. But it didn’t happen, which was a bit disappointing. Don’t get me wrong, I like Jonny Flynn and I think he’ll make an excellent pro, but it just doesn’t make sense to take him after selecting Rubio. Talk about sending mixed messages to fans, not to mention what that might’ve said to Rubio. But, Flynn is talented, so I’ll let it slide.

Lawson at 18 was a nice pick, even if he was another point guard, and they turned him into a probably lottery pick next year.

I am not a huge fan of Wayne Ellington, but at #28, I think he’s a great value pick. He’s like Rashad McCants, minus all the headaches. Oh, and he’s 6’5” – really 6’5”. Unless there are other moves coming, he very well could be our opening night starting 2-guard.

I’m sad they traded Nick Calathes, I really think he is going to be a player in the NBA in a couple years. He’s Mike Miller 2.0 – in a good way. He’s already got a contract in Greece, so you don’t even have to pay him while he develops his game overseas.

I only sort of understand the Henk pick – he’s Rubio’s teammate. To be fair, there was nothing useful available at #47, but I would’ve liked to have seen them try to package their two second-round picks, and move up. Sam Young, DeJuan Blair, Chase Budinger, and Jodie Meeks were on my second-round wish list.

Overall, I think that the Wolves did a solid job in the draft, as far as drafting talent and setting up future assets. Fans and experts are all confused right now but, that’s why we’re not general managers, so we’ll just have to see what eventually unfolds here.

On to a more pressing issue…


What Will Come of Ricky Rubio?

This is a question that is complex, confusing, infuriating, worrisome, and all together unanswerable at the moment. Most feel like he’ll never see the inside of a Wolves jersey, and the arguments are understandable. Moving countries at 18 years old is a huge change. Hell, moving 5 hours south to Iowa for four years felt like a massive life change at 18. I can’t even imagine what switching continents would be like. Minneapolis isn’t as glamorous as New York, Los Angeles, or even Chicago. We’re a liberal “little” community, but we don’t have the Spanish influence that a bigger, more diverse, city might be able to offer young Ricky and his family. Plus, it’s cold here and, even though I think it’s a weak argument used as an excuse in place of a real reason, it’s definitely a concern. So it makes sense why he might not want to play here – or rather thinks he doesn’t want to play here.

I’ve been pretty high on Rubio for quite some time, so I’m comfortable waiting a year or two while he finishes playing out his contract in Spain – he’s not going to get any worse in the next two years. What I don’t want to happen is for him to become the next Fredric Weis – yes, the guy who Vince Carter did this to. He was a lottery pick who told the NBA team to bite it and never came over to the U.S. to play basketball. I don’t believe Rubio would do it. He wants to play in the NBA too badly to skip out on the Wolves, thus forfeiting his chance to play in the NBA. But it is a possibility, one that worries me a bit.

“But Dave, he could just say he doesn’t want to play here and demand a trade.”

That’s true. He could do that. I don’t think he’ll publicly do that, but it’s certainly a possibility – probably the most likely of them all. So what could we get for him? Quite a bit I think, from the right buyer at least. Sacramento passed on drafting him at #4, but on the same day, they made a trade to get Sergio Rodriguez, his back court mate on the Spanish National team. And who in their right mind believes that Beno Udrih is mentally strong enough to develop into a starting quality point guard on a consistent basis? Not I. Unlikely scenario, but you never know, maybe the Kings are having second thoughts on their selection.

D’Antoni is said to be hard up for Rubio, but the Knicks have nothing but total garbage to offer. The experts keep talking about Wilson Chandler and either David Lee or Nate Robinson in a sign-and-trade. I want NOTHING to do with ANY of that garbage. Sure, they’re all nice players, but we don’t need another undersized power forward, or another shoot-first point guard.

The nice thing about the situation is that the Wolves don’t have to be in any kind of hurry to make a decision. Rubio is only going to get more valuable over the next two years if for no other reason than his current contract is up in two years, relieving the contract buyout issue and making him a considerably cheaper asset. In two years he’ll be 20 years old, effectively a college sophomore, and even more mature and developed as a player and a person. After everyone called him crazy, Kahn is looking like he could still end up with the last laugh since he’s put the Wolves in a very powerful position regarding Ricky Rubio.



The winds of change are blowing through Minneapolis and they bring with them the pleasant scent of hope.

June 27, 2009

Don't Know Where, Don't Know When

First of all, this is a great article about Kahn! and how he's actually holding all the chips in this Rubio stare-down... which is apparently contrary to what every sportswriter in this town thinks.

Now, my take on all this echoes the TrueHoop article, namely, let's assume that Rubio doesn't want to come to the Wolves this season, or even next. Well, if anything, that puts his value HIGHER, because New York would then think they could convince him to play there, and they would give up pieces accordingly. In their minds, he is not coming to the NBA strictly because it's Minnesota... not because he has to go into his own pocket for damn near 6 million dollars.

But here's the thing... and don't forget this.... NEW YORK HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO OFFER THAT WOULD BE ANYWHERE NEAR RUBIO'S VALUE.

AND!

(this is going to feel really good to type)

DAVID KAHN IS SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT NEW YORK DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH TO OFFER

You could not make that statement about our previous GM, "AssHead" McHale. He would look at the situation and be like "OH NO! Rubio won't sign here! I better trade him for Charles Oakley, because he's a ballplayer and I used to be a ballplayer so HEY SOMETHING SHINEY I WILL NOW DRINK OUT OF THE DOG BOWL." Kahn is playing this like a smooth smoothey. Draft rights are a hell of a thing, and ol' Rick's about to figure that out. Remember Danny Ferry? Drafted by the Clip Ship and fled the country to play in Italy instead... hey how'd that career turn out? You gonna be remembered for your game, or for surrounding LeBron with a team full of pranksters? I'm sayin, this isn't the NFL, where you can hold a team hostage. And like that TrueHoop article says... so what if he doesn't play this year? The Wolves are looking at just over 20 wins, as is, and if he plays, he might get them to 30. But let's not kid ourselves AT ALL. The kid is 18. His overall impact on the team this season would be low. It would definitely be nice to have him, just to teach him and get used to playing in the TC and all that, but if he wants to play in Spain, hey, go for it. Between Flynn and Telfair, I think we're going to be ok. At least we didn't pay out the ass for Rafer Alston.

Here are a couple of scenarios, and what I think of them:

1. Rubio plays this year in Minnesota.

We all go pee in our pants and watch every game. We get tickets and buy jerseys and praise the franchise that just a few months ago I openly pleaded with to leave town and never come back. This would be happy happy joy-joy. Now, if this happened, we might have to trade Flynn for a bench player... but so what? IT'S RUBIO. (note, this is the least likely scenario)

2. Rubio plays in Spain this year, but after negotiating for an entire winter, Kahn! convinces him to come to MN in 2010.

See above. We get a season of Jonny Flynn cold knocking them in from half court and yelling at everyone, Telfair ups his value, and we move one of them at year's end, commence the peeing in pants. Meanwhile Kevin Love turns 21 and celebrates at Spin (he just seems like he would like that place)

3. Rubio holds out indefinitely, frustrating the Wolves privately, but on their public face, they are cool as a cucumber and never give anything away. Meanwhile the Knicks fail for another season and offer their entire team for Rubio, which the Wolves turn down, then the Knicks sign LeBron and offer HIM for Rubio, which we accept.

Ok, the second half of that probably won't happen, but the first is a likely scenario. Here's the deal with that though... as the Knicks "ratchet up the pressure" and "seriously inquire about Rubio"... that's only driving the price up for teams that, you know, can actually get him. Say New Jersey wants a run at him... well the Knicks' blundering in the process has just raised the bar. Point being, even in this option, clearly the biggest "doomsday" scenario, I'm ok with it, because of Kahn!. You think he's going to submit to the pressure and make a panic move?

Let's put it this way: everyone out there (well, fat lazy sportswriters) assumed the Wolves made a "panic move" by drafting Flynn and then Lawson. THEY WERE WRONG. It was the opposite. They traded Lawson because, as Kahn! says, they didn't think a guy at the 18th pick pay slot could impact their team this season or in the future, and they wanted a higher pick next year. GOOD LOGIC. And as far as drafting Flynn? Not only is that not a panic move, it's about the coolest move he could make... it gives him a TOTAL backup scenario, and when teams start calling about Rubio (which I'm sure that phone won't stop ringing until November), Kahn's got Flynn in his back-pocket, able to tell all other GMs, "Hey, we're cool, we don't need to move Ricky, we've got our point guards". AND IT'S TRUE.

You ask me? I think it's a genius move. I've ruminated on it for a few days, and I couldn't be happier. Starting lineup of Telfair/Flynn, Ellington, Brewer/Gomes, Jefferson and Love? That's a raw, young lineup, but it's exciting and better than last year. That's all we can do, right? Get better than last year? Well, done.

June 26, 2009

Immediately read this letter from Kahn!

The draft, explained.

I have to echo one of the commenters... I really love this transparency and honesty by the front office. They are willing to accept that Rubio may not be here next year, or even the year after that, but they can wait, and they are building the pieces for sure. That run down of the ages of our current players makes me absolutely giddy.

June 25, 2009

Immediate Draft Reaction (part 1)

Who would've thought that the most difficult thing Kahn! would have to deal with in his first season as GM is not trades or contracts, but rather, convincing Ricky Rubio to come play in Minnesota. Clearly, his success in this draft rests solely on getting RR to actually, you know, sign a contract and play with this team.

They did draft his teammate, a man named Henk, from the Netherlands, so a good first sign. But this is going to be a nervous few days as we find out what Ricky's really made of. And Kahn!

Henk


So What Now?

An issue that I haven’t really addressed yet is that Kevin McHale is no longer with our organization. I think, based on the response from my fellow Wolves bloggers, you have already gathered that we’re all very ecstatic about his departure. The cloud of failure is beginning to clear, the sun has started to breath life back into Minnesota’s professional basketball team. After inhaling the beautiful fresh air, us Wolves fans are now looking across a beautiful new horizon. The possibilities seem endless. We have a couple of good, young players, a fresh attitude in the front office, and a plethora of draft picks with which to build around our core.

There’s one thing missing at this point: Who the hell is going to lead this blossoming group of youngsters? I have to admit McHale did a good job last year on the bench, considering he didn’t want to be there and his best two players were hurt for most of the season. But it’s not like he’s got big shoes that need to be filled – well, except with cement, over an open body of water. Alas, you can’t kill a walking corpse, but I digress. So who then will lead this young troupe of basketeers? There are a lot of names out there – a lot of proven guys, who’ve done some great things. There are some up and comers – diaper dandies, as a certain basketball talker might say. I just don’t know!! “But Dave,” you say, “you must have an opinion, a light to shine on this chasm, filled with coaching options…” Oh, but of course I do – when don’t I! So let’s get into this mess.

P.J. Carlesimo, Sam Mitchell, and Jeff Van Gundy are all out there. They’ve all had success at the NBA level, this we know. Of course we also know that all three have been involved in some sort of physical altercation with their players – PJ got choked by Spree, Mitchell threw punches at Skip To My Lou, and we all remember watching JVG cling to Zo’s leg for dear life while he and Grandmama failed repeatedly to hit each other with their fists. Probably not a good trait for a coach to have while trying to teach youngsters how to act. So they’re out.

There are a few other ex-coaches out there like Mo Cheeks, Eddie Jordan, and Eric Musselman. Not much success in that group – I actually think Eric Musselman is a “pro” blogger for some janky basketball website (like me, but smarter, and more well paid).

There are also a number of ex-players who are serving as assistants right now that are on their way up in the coaching world. Kurt Rambis is fresh off a title with the Los Angeles Lakers and has already turned down overtures from the Sacramento Kings. Mario Elie, Patrick Ewing, and Ty Corbin are all considered to be on their way to head jobs eventually. Don't forget Bill Laimbeer – he who said, “I don’t fight, I agitate and walk away” – won a title as the head coach of the WNBA’s Detroit Shock. I just don’t see the youngsters as ready for the big time quite yet, and Laimbeer isn’t a “people person.”

I’d be interested in Kurt Rambis but there’s no way he’s about to pick up and leave L.A. when he’s considered the heir-apparent to the ship that Phil built. Tom Thibedeaux, the defensive master in Boston, has been a hot name the past couple years but I’m not convinced he wants to be a head coach at all, and certainly not before they’re done winning titles in Boston.

So that’s a lot of people who are out there. There’s a lot of people who are available. But who’s out there, available, and desirable? Realistically, not many, sad to say.

Mark Jackson is one of the names most often mentioned in connection with the Wolves head coaching vacancy. He and Kahn do share an Indiana connection, although I don’t think they were there at the same time. He was a tough-as-nails point guard who had no problems starring at Madison Square Garden night in and night out. Jackson has been flexing his basketball knowledge with ABC and ESPN, calling games, with most “pundits” thinking he’ll easily make the transition to the bench successfully. I’m not totally sold on him, but I wouldn’t be sad if he got his first shot with us.

Terry Porter hasn’t had much luck, or success, since his early days in Milwaukee. He was cut loose after a philosophy shift in Cheesetown and got the axe amidst the Phoenix Suns debacle of a year ago. He is an ex-Wolf, but not in any way part of McHale’s Sinking Navy. I have to think he’s an outside shot at best, although his knack for coaching defense keeps him in the mix.

Avery Johnson is a name that has been mysteriously absent from all the coaching changes over the past year. I haven’t even heard his name since he was being considered in Phoenix and Chicago before last season. It strikes me as strange that a guy, considered by many to be one of the up and comers in NBA coaching, has not been mentioned at all regarding the open jobs in Sacramento, Phoenix, or Minnesota – two of which have filled now. It makes you wonder what happened. He fits what the Wolves are said to be looking for: a young, tough coach, who can teach. I wouldn’t be surprised if they announced him as head coach with not so much as a breath of a rumor beforehand.

Reggie Theus is another young coach with some talent and experience. He was in a difficult situation in Sacramento which required him to perform with nothing on his roster, in a tough Western Conference, and for demanding ownership. He had a good amount of success at New Mexico State prior to getting his first gig in Sacto, but is he ready for a second shot? It’s hard to say. I love him as a lead assistant, which would give him a chance to learn some more, and then give him another shot at the head spot. That said, I think he’d be a good fit in Minnesota, if for no other reason than they have a ton more talent than Sacramento did two years ago and he seems to communicate well with the players.

See what I mean about it being pretty thin? There are names, guys you know, but not anyone I’d really be excited about having as my head coach. I spent the better part of today looking at all the ex-coaches, ex-players, current assistants, and college coaches, to see what I could find for candidates for the Wolves. There are a lot of names out there, but not many I can make too compelling an argument for.

There was, however, one name that consistently kept surfacing – almost stubbornly so. It’s not a name you would expect me to put on this list, quite the opposite in fact. He hasn’t had a lot of success at the pro level, although he definitely has some experience, including some in the playoffs. He has consistently done well in the college ranks, although he’s embroiled in a bit of controversy at the moment. I know, you’re thinking Calipari aren’t you? Good guess, but not him. And it’s not Pitino either, although he’s not really in any kind of trouble. For now. Think further west. Got it? That’s it, it’s Tim Floyd. Hey, before you stop reading, let me explain, because lord knows I’m as surprised about this as you are.

He’s relatively young, he’s demanding of his players (on the court anyways), and he’s proven he can successfully adjust to major roster changes year in and year out. Losing your star player every single year has got to be tough. USC has sort of become an NBA-Player factory, so we can assume he knows how to manage this generation of NBAers (on the court). He can coach talent, we know that for sure.

“Jesus Dave, have you even looked as his NBA record?”

Yes. I have. And it’s not very good. He even admitted he was terrible. But look at more than just the numbers. He was the guy that followed Michael and Scottie and Phil Jackson in Chicago. He was forced to coach an expansion team in a city that expected, no, DEMANDED, a champion. Not to mention the lock-out shortened season and a crazy owner. So three seasons in, he’s toast, and had moved on to New Orleans. A 41 win season, a first-round exit in the playoffs, and another philosophical change within the organization spelled his doom there. What I wouldn’t do for a .500 season and a return trip to the playoffs right now.

So he’s now five years wiser and maybe ready for a return to the NBA. The situation he’d be coming into carries much less pressure than his beginning in Chicago. The roster is pretty loaded (well, after the draft anyways) with solid, young talent, which he proved he could manage at USC. He’s a player’s coach who knows the game of basketball and showed he could handle the glitz and glam of Los Angeles just fine - so he'll be fine in the media-friendly city of Minneapolis. I’m not saying he’s the answer but I’m not saying he isn’t either.

Call me crazy if you will but, if it were my team, I’d give Floyd a good, long look.

June 24, 2009

Mock Draft 6.Durrrr!

I had full intentions of doing my own mock draft this year but just haven't been able to put in the time to take a good enough look at everything to be able to put something together. I do have a lot of ideas regarding the draft this year. I'll pop through some picks here and give a short, sweet, and probably not very accurate prediction of what will happen.

1. The Clippers take Blake Griffin. Yeah, this is stupid. I almost left this one off because no one in their right mind is going to do anything else BUT take this man #1. Not even the Clip Ship can gag this one up.

2. There is some rumor here that the Wolves are trying to move up to this spot to assure themselves Ricky Rubio. It seems feasible but unlikely. We just don't have anything that Memphis wants, atleast that isn't both our top-10 draft picks. They have no need for a PG, and it sort of sounds like Rubio doesn't want to play there, so he's out. OJ Mayo was their guy last year and Rudy Gay is their star, so they don't need any of the other wing players that are available. They'll take Thabeet, they'll be happy with that pick, until he has a foot injury in year 2 and has to call it a career by year 5. Sorry Hasheem, I hope I'm wrong, but I just don't see it working out for you.

3. There is a lot of talk about what OKC is going to do here. They technically have a PG in Russell Westbrook, although I think he can play off the ball as well. Nobody thinks it's going to be Rubio here, but I'm not holding my breath. Dick Vitale is more than happy to give you his opinion on what they should do with this pick (it starts at the 2:40 mark). I'll go on record right now and say I disagree but I guess I don't see why not. James Harden is a good option here too.

4. This is where it gets interesting. The Kings have a scoring guard in Kevin Martin - and he's signed to a stupid-long, crazy-expensive, Rashard Lewis-type contract. They committed a decent amount of money to Beno Udrih, although I wouldn't hesitate to put him on the bench behind Rubio. If they don't take Rubio here, I would say that Jordan Hill makes sense here. He's big, althletic, and can score in bunches. Some also are saying Johnny Flynn here.

5. If Rubio is here, the Wolves take him. No doubts. If he's not? Then they take Tyreke Evans, and lord knows I'm a big fan of this kid. He's a legitimate 6-5 2-guard who has the body, and skills, to be a solid defender within a year or two. Oh, and he's already ready to be a dominant scorer and playmaker. If he's not here then that means James Harden or Jonny Flynn are available, both would be good fits in Minnesota. I'm an especially big fan or Harden if Rubio or Evans aren't available.

6. In a dream world, Rubio was available at 5, with Evans still on the board. Boo-yaa! Of course, this is the Wolves - and their luck - we're talking about, so it probably won't roll out that way. I expect to get one of Rubio, Evans, or Harden at #5. If the other two are not available at this point, the Wolves can't pass on Thabeet - I know, I just told you how I think his career is going to go down. He's just too big and fills a very big need for the Wolves, not to mention the lack of blow-your-mind talent available in this draft. I would also look at Terrence Williams here - if you watched the Dicky V interview video above you may have noticed his athleticism. Watch it again and tell me he doesn't look impressive. I would probably take a look at Stephen Curry here too, although mostly just to try to dupe the Knicks into doing something stupid - like swapping picks and giving us their first round pick in the draft next year too.

And that's really all I care about for now. The Wolves have the #18 and #28 picks, with Sam Young and Chase Budinger being my top choices at those two spots, but I'm not so sure they'll actually be making those picks (rumor has it they're possibly selling #28 to the Knicks).

"Hey dude, but what about who the Bulls are going to take - that dude from the Duke Blue Doops!"

Sorry Big Gregg, I just don't care. Not this year. I have much too much on my plate to care about regarding the Wolves this year to be too worried about how New Jersey, Charlotte, and Indiana are going to screw up in the draft this year - In BIG ways I tell you, BIG ways.

Of course, with more than a full 24 hours before the actual draft, situations may change in ways my mind cannot comprehend, so buckle up folks. We're about to go for a ride, and this sucker don't end til the sun goes down tomorrow.

It's going to be fun!

June 23, 2009

Wow. Start With a Bang Much?

There's too much to think about right now to do this post any justice at all - so I'll have to revisit this, possibly after Thursday, since it's draft day.

This deal tells me a few things.

One, there's no way he's done. No way. What the hell are we going to do with 4 first round picks - two of them back-to-back? Nope, no way this isn't the last deal. Moving up to take Rubio? Making a move to get a player like Stoudemire? (God I hope not!)

Two, I don't think they'll draft Thabeet. Well, let me rephrase. They won't be trading up to take him, but would probably still take him if he fell to 5 or 6. Etan Thomas, when healthy, is a serviceable big guy who can do the one thing no one on the Timberwolves can do. He can play defense, specifically, body someone up in the post. I know, I'm getting ahead of myself, but, he IS in a contract year, so hopefully he'll bring some energy to the floor with him and give the Wolves a defensive presence in the middle.

Three, they'll be drafting a G for sure with one of those two picks, if not both. If they can't manufacture some way to get Rubio, then I pray to God we get a shot at Tyreke Evans and/or James Harden. If we got both? I'll crap. All over myself. Hey opposing backcourts, good luck staying infront of anyone! Oh, but you'll get yours on the other end, so no worries for you.

I also think that Kevin Love may not be a member of our basketball team much longer. There was a rumor that we were going to trade him to Memphis for their pick, but that's not going anywhere - why would Memphis do that? But what if we were to package Love with the #5 pick for the #2 pick? The we take Rubio there, and possibly Evans or even Stephen Curry at 6? I just peed my pants a little bit thinking about a Rubio/Evans backcourt.

Don't get me wrong though, I really like Kevin Love. I think that trade (OJ Mayo for Love, et all), if he remains in a Wolves uniform for the majority of his career, will go down as McHale's second best move. Well, third best. "Leaving" us will go down as his best move, by far.

I have to say, I like the move on first looksee. I like the players we're losing, but realistically they weren't going to be taking us anywhere in the next few years, so why not roll the dice to possibly get a kid who could?

More on this later. God the draft, seriously, this is getting exciting again.

Deep inside, you wish you had the pop hit

The Trade: Randy Foye and Mike Miller for Oleksiy Pecherov, Etan Thomas, Darius Songalia and the #5 pick in this year's draft

Woah boy. Welcome to town, Kahn!

First, let's start with this.... IT'S A TRADE. OUR GM MADE A MOVE THAT DIDN'T INVOLVE MARK BLUNT OR MARKO JARIC. It's not a safe trade by any means. It's a roll of the dice. A ballsy move. Start there... acknowledge that it's a move that is a risk, and we're off to a good start. McFail never did anything like this, ever. He traded the best athlete in Minnesota history for Gerald Green.

Now, salaries:

Foye was in the last year of his rookie contract, and then he had the "qualifying offer" which would be accepted by both sides, undoubtedly. So he's got two more years at very cheap (because of his low service time)

Miller is making damn near TEN million this year, his last on the contract. He'll get nowhere near that next summer, but I suppose he wasn't THAT overpaid, considering the other terrible contracts out there (Ben Wallace, UP!). Miller was the second highest paid player on the Wolves, which is funny. Now it drops off after Jeff to... Oh dear god. Brian Cardinal.

Etan Thomas is in the last year of his deal as well, making 7.5 million. Nice to see that one come off the books at year's end.

Darius Songalia is still in his "rookie" contract, though that's kind of misusing the word. He's played in Russia, so yeah. He's on the hook for this next year at 4.5 million (not bad at all), and then has a player option for 2010-11 for 4.8.... which I would exercise if I were him. Though you never know.

And then Pechy... He makes 1.5 this year and has a team option for 2010... at 2.3. This is a total toss up... I guess we'll see him play and decide if he's worth it. He's the 11th guy on the bench anyway. But cheap, I suppose.

So, contract-wise, a fairly even trade for the Wolves... they have almost as much coming off the books as they did before the trade, just with Etan Thomas in his last year versus Mike Miller. Who's going to play harder for that contract money? (psst, answer: MIKE MILLER) But the smaller pieces are all a washout.

But, of course, you can't evaluate this trade on contracts alone. There is a pick involved here. A rather large pick.

The Timberwolves now possess FOUR first round picks in this year's draft. There are reports that they are trying to package 5 and 6 to move up. And of course, there's the news that Rubio had a workout with Sacramento and they aren't too hot on him at #4. This is a lot to happen two days before the draft.

OK, first of all, if Rubio falls to the Wolves, DEAR SWEET JESUS THANK THE LORD ABOVE. I'm not saying it's KG, but the way that everyone is suddenly scared of taking this guy reminds me of Big Ticket. Like, he was hyped a few months ago, and since then, it's been a steady fall. I will say this, Ricky Rubio will be 14 times better than Hasheem Thabeet. Why? Because he can jump and handle the basketball without looking like a confused child. And Rubio's younger. Thabeet will be good, when he's 25. And even then, he'll never be great. You have to have post moves better than "dunk rebounds" in the NBA.

I think for this to be a successful draft for the Wolves, they have to walk out with a quality guard, preferably a point guard (Rubio is the dream, but I'll be happy with Holiday or Tyreke), and then a scorer (which most everyone on the draft board is, to varying degrees, except Man-Child Thabeet). But here's the deal... they have two more picks after that! Talk about stocking up.

Man, if Fred is involved in this draft, color me excited. I can't wait to see what they do. Gee, you think they got enough for Amare NOW?

Oh my god.... he's... he's coming to the Timberwolves





PECHY

Oleksiy Pecherov.

He is going to play for the Timberwolves.






2009 NBA Draft

Let's talk about it. Get there, Kahn. Let's go. Wheel and Deal. Buy low sell high*. Can we get Rubio and Tyreke? How 'bout Thabeet? Do we just draft people because they are tall with this new crew?

*I don't know what I am talking about.

June 17, 2009

THE GREATEST POST OF THIS BLOG'S HISTORY

"Idiot" McHale, aka "Dumbshit" aka "Horse's Ass" aka "Traded the franchise for spare parts" aka "SOMEONE has to get rebounds, so it might as well be Kevin Love even though he's like the 251st best rebounder in the NBA" aka "The reason Drew Boatman and literally thousands of fans just like him gave up on the Timberwolves"... HAS. BEEN. FIRED.

Look for sweeping changes to come to this blog in the next few days. The dark days are just a little brighter today.

May 31, 2009

A closer look...

Dickfer, you absolutely made my day.

Let's get a little deeper on this trio:



Man On Left: Periwinkle sport coat, available at your nearest Fashion Barn. Open collared robin's-egg-blue striped shirt. Missing gold chains. Definitely a guy betting the 4:40 at Hollywood Park ("GET THERE, FIVE!"). "Knows" certain outcomes of low-level sporting contests. Connected in ways we can only dream.

Man In Middle: Wide tie and curly locks busting out from awkwardly placed hat. Looks Australian. He is the grease man for Man On Left. He cuts the deals, cleans up the messes.

Man On Right: Can't physically wear a collared shirt or tie. They don't make them for people of his... carriage. He'll go with Hanes tee under sport coat from Men's Warehouse. Enormous mustache just takes attention off triple chin. A man who knows one thing about coaching basketball: "Let the bangers bang and the shooters shoot." LOVES hot sauce. Is kind of dumb.

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Other comments?

Pro Basketball in the state of Florida


First, a little catching up. I didn't know Eric Estrada was the coach of the Heat. Second, I would have bet my life the Cavs would have won game 6. That being said, we now have Jebus vs. Kobe. Fine, go Jebus. HOWEVER, in the post game, when the trophy was handed out, I saw him. Research says he is the owner of the Magic. Amway billionaire. Most confused with the trophy. Let's go over that periwinkle sport coat, shall we. I haven't seen something that awesome since the Plaza sportsbook when someone reported in the morning to conduct business.

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UPDATE: Video

May 25, 2009

The 2009 NBA Draft

We know the Clip Ship could sink in a driveway, but I hadn't thought of this. The first two comments sum it all up.

May 22, 2009

I don't know that I've ever seen a worse game from NBA officials

HOLY DEAR GOD.

There have been at least 5 calls that would rank as top 10 worst calls I've ever seen in all my days, right here in this game. Team Stern is out in full force. There is NO WAY they are letting the Magic win this game.

EDIT:

I posted too soon. There have been three calls since my posting that have left the Orlando players simply smiling. As if to say "OK, so we're playing against not only the Cavs, but the refs as well? Ok."

May 19, 2009

Elgin Baylor wasn't even there!!!

God, I wonder how they'll balls this up. Step one, drafting Australopithecus instead of Ricky Rubio, who is going to be a MUCH better pro. But hey, Oklahoma, get some.

DerMarr DerRozan (is that enough mid-name capitalizations?) should be available though. Choose wisely.

May 17, 2009

Team Stern

Already in the 2nd quarter there have been 3 absolutely incorrect calls going against the Magic. Team Stern has realized that Orlando has the nuts to win this game, and they simply can't have that. Did you see the clearout foul call? They waited a full 3 seconds until Lewis had an easy layup until they called it... it was like "No, that's not a foul... oh wait a minute, it led to an easy Magic basket, WHISTLE".

I fucking hate this shit. Just call it fair for once.

"The vote was 1-0."

Hey David, I think the Lakers and Rockets last played on Thursday. Same with the Celtics and Magic. Why are we waiting until Sunday to play the game?



"Uh TV and DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR."


Dumbshit.

May 14, 2009

What are the odds that Orlando will win game 7 in Boston against Team Stern?

1. No
2. Not really
3. Same as the Celtics would have against Cleveland... if the officials call the games fairly, which they will not
4. Same as Stan Van Gundy's team trying to take a shot that is not a three pointer
5. No

Orlando and Free Throws

Just don't mix.

May 11, 2009

NBA's Flagrant Officiating

Let me get this straight...

Any foul where the shooter moves his head even slightly, indicating soft contact, counts as a flagrant foul now? Which is two shots and the ball? And this happened when? Last week?

I thought the officials couldn't get any worse. Then they started calling this horseshit.

May 8, 2009

I Hook The Funky Beat With The Loop And The Feature



OH MY DEAR GOD. I can think of only one man in the universe, 0nly one soul dark enough to warrant even MORE hate than Deadzo were he to become the Wolves GM, and that man is Bill Simmons.

My Worst Nightmare, indeed.

Here's the thing... we all have great ideas about personnel moves. The old "tell me why this trade doesn't work!" argument is a real fun one to have when you're 4 deep at the Bulldog and the Lagunitas keeps coming like rain. Mr. Bliznawski and myself have gone through the ringer of "shit if they can dump Hudson for a bag of Earl's and a case of Fanta, we're in the pink!" or "Big Swerve is a tradeable asset!!!!!!!!" conversations. But here's the thing: we're idiots. And so is everyone else. We have good ideas sometimes, and sometimes we have bad ones, and sometimes we are EXCITED TO HAVE RICKY DAVIS ON OUR TEAM BECAUSE WE HATE OURSELVES.

The point is that Bill has the wonderful job of being able to write whatever he wants about the NBA and that includes possible trades that may work. As such, he gets some right. And he also gets some horribly wrong. He rolls the dice, thinking (maybe rightly) that he is smarter than most GMs. This I do not debate. There is no question in my mind I could defeat Kevin McHale in a game of trivial pursuit. Hell, I could beat him at NBA THEMED trivial pursuit. So could my 7 year old niece. That's not the issue. The issue is being a member of that club, of having to be the one out there actually doing these things... I can guarantee this is a business that looks MUCH easier from the outside than it is on the inside. And taking wild chances and going for broke NEVER WORKS, EVER. You may come up with a few good moves, but mostly you come up with garbage. Every GM has 3-4 terrible players on their roster... they know they're terrible and they are constantly trying to spin it that no, they are not in fact terrible. Bill Simmons would be the one taking these terrible players on. He's the one that would pop his nut to get Kevin Durant. He's the one who pimped Bobby Simmons so hard... until he went to Milwaukee and started playing more like Freddie Jackson.

We all think we could run an NBA team. And we all could run it better than McHale. The problem is that there are other MUCH MORE QUALIFIED candidates than Bill, guys who actually could put a decent team together, other than just following feelings about certain players and acting on "hunches". For every "trust me, Rajon Rondo, this kid is going to be something" there's the inevitable "Michael Olowokandi can still contribute, the trade for Mark Blount will pay dividends". When you're an NBA GM, you don't get to write a "my bad" column. You have to live with Marko Jaric for 5 years, because you are a loser.

He's been putting this out there for years... first it was the Bucks and now it's the Wolves. Dear god, I could not envision a situation in which the new GM was more hated than Deadzo. Congrats Bill, you just did it. Seriously, if they hired Isaiah fucking Thomas, I would at least laugh at the sideshow that was coming to town. With Bill, there will be no laughter. Only tears.

May 7, 2009

Man, Veetle.com rules

Now that I'm able to watch all of these games - thanks to someone jacking the ESPN feed and broadcasting it illegally on the world wide whatever - I can share some things I've noticed about the Cleveland Cavaliers.

1. LeBron is the best player in the NBA since Michael Jordan.

2. Perhaps I was wrong about Mike Brown... or maybe Atlanta is just that bad. Either way, I saw the Cavs running some pretty neat plays, getting guys open, and taking what the Hawks were giving them. Which wasn't very much, but still.

3. Atlanta would be a team that would be VERY easy to hate, if they were any good. Mike Bibby still likes to put on the piss-face, and Josh Smith is a whiny bitch who will stop to whiny bitch in the ear of an official instead of play defense. And then there's Zaza. GAME SEVEN, GAME SEVEN! He took a swing at KG last year, so that's cool, but his face, dear god, the face. It smells.

4. Joe Johnson has been diagnosed with a "severe ankle sprain". OH MY GOD THE CAVS WILL WIN THE REMAINING GAMES BY A COMBINED 100 POINTS. He is the only one capable of trying on the Hawks.

5. I really can't overstate how good the Cavs are... their game is so easy and free, yet they hardly ever show signs of being out of tune... contrast that with the Celts who just throw the ball around and eventually Ray falls away into a three or Eddie House makes one from his ass and it's PARTY TIME FOR KG! Of course the Cavs are playing some pretty dogshit teams, but they are absolutely destroying them, something neither the Celts nor the Lakers did last year. I don't even really know that the Cavs have a "homecourt advantage". They're good everywhere, and their fans aren't really that wild. I would say they are average. They don't know playoff basketball though... or at least they don't act like they do. Celtics fans pop nuts when Rondo makes a good pass to Fat Baby, but the Cavs hardly twitter unless LeBron is on a run-out. Wally makes a runner? Yawn. I'm just saying, they're so good they could win the championship this year even if they played in Minnesota.

6. I am really going to miss Ben Gordon in these playoffs, and next year when he signs with some dogshit team that overpays him and he misses the playoffs for the next 10 years. He grabbed his sack as he ran down the floor, right there, in prime time, on ABC. He grabbed it to show you how big it is. Sammy C did it, but not in front of the world. That was against the Clips.

7. Ron Artest became Ron Artest again last night, after he fouled Kobe he went after him like a complete nut trying to explain to Kobe that yes, indeed, it was Kobe who fouled him, not the other way around, and why aren't you listening and MOTHERFUCKER I WILL BLADE YOU IN THE STANDS. WATCH YOUR BACK WHEN YOU GET OUT THE SHOWER TONIGHT, SWEET PRINCE.

8. Violet Palmer is reffing this Cavs game. I don't possibly have anything productive to say about that, other than to ask: isn't the playoffs when you use your BEST refs? Because the only thing she's the best at is being the worst. Of ever.

April 26, 2009

NBA Officials Are Garbage

FIRST QUARTER

We're live from Chicago, and the real question today is "how exactly will the referees give this game to Chicago?"

Jeff Van Gundy, backing me up... "The Celtics start 3 young guys too... people forget this" Thanks. The concept that the Celtics are this "aging, gruff team" is patently false. That team plays in San Antonio.

Ok, the Bulls? This team is as bad at defense as Golden State. They just don't score as much and have as many scores in the 260s. So they win games 111-109. They are fairly solid at rebounding, I'll give them that, but otherwise, they don't believe in staying home on shooters. Ray can just shoot when he wants.

KG cheering on the bench. Look at that intensity. He's like Mark Madsen. A slight bit less intense.

Salmons misfires, again, he's 0-4. And this is when the Bulls lose by 20. If they can't score, they're nothing. I don't know exactly what plays they run, but it seems like it's "give the ball to one of our guards and let them do whatever they want". Hey, if I had Ben Gordon I would do the same.

OH MY GOD THE PATRICK EWING SNICKERS AD. DO YOU THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO DO AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR SNICKERS CANDY BARS WHEN THE NUMBER ONE THING YOU'VE DONE SINCE RETIREMENT IS "EAT SNICKERS BARS"?

Doc Rivers gives an interview on Vinny Del Negro's playing style. Let's talk "coaching style" in this game. It seems to be "do whatever" vs. "do whatever, including travel because we're at home"

Here's the big difference between these two teams. Boston behaves as though they have ever played a playoff game before. Chicago does not. Noah turns it over on a botched alley-oop, and Heinrich reaches in on the fast break for the easiest foul call of all time. Without their two guards, Chicago is virtually nothing.

Kendrick Perkins.... if only he would've been traded to the Wolves. Then he would have gained 15 more pounds and have been out of basketball by now. He's an unfit man who is also unmotivated. Good thing he plays for a champion.

OK JEFF WE GET IT, CHICAGO IS LAZY ON TRANSITION DEFENSE. YOU COULD SAY THE SAME THING ABOUT 70% OF NBA TEAMS.

Joakim Noah is like Dennis Rodman, only every single thing he does is incorrect.

Here's our first BS call against the Celtics... a moving screen. Now is this the point that Clark Kellogg comes in and says "Yeah, the officials are calling that this year" for the hundreth time? Are we in college? The next possession, Ben Gordon comes down the court and draws 10 times the contact and makes a basket, and there is no call. I think it's because the ball went in the basket. Officials just want good things to happen, so if there is a made shot, they lay off the whistles. I wish there were a joke here, but it's the truth.

A T Mobile ad. I didn't think they let Charles in these anymore. You know, after he was arrested for drunkenly driving to visit a whore for sexual favors.

SECOND QUARTER

And here we are, early in the second quarter, and Rose can finally make a shot. It's funny... they've got the momentum right now, but it reminds me of a baseball team who is getting by on dink singles... or like Delmon Young. Eventually, the other team's going to figure out how to stop it, and you've got nothing else in your tank. The Bulls could easily lose this game by 15 or 20, yet they're rolling now, so whatever.

IS THAT DEL HARRIS ON CHICAGO'S BENCH??? This series just shifted.

Kirk Heinrich goes after a loose ball, and because he's "scrappy", the fact that he's absolutely mugging Eddie House doesn't elicit a call. Then, two seconds later, a touch foul is called in the paint. Hey, that's consistent.

Kendrick Perkins winds up to shoot like Aldrich from Kansas... only slower.

The Bulls lead a 3 on one break, and one of the three is Brad Miller, a man who is tall. They get three chances at a lay up. They do not score.

Boston hits three 3s in a row to take the lead, and nobody on Chicago even wants to inbound the ball. This is what happens.

Chicago comes down the floor after a block in a three on three situation. Since one of these three for Boston is Brian Scalabrine, he feels the need to commit the foul to "slow up" the Bulls. Good work, kid.

Paul Pierce drives to the basket, and I count three fouls in the act of shooting. But he plays for the wrong team, so no call.

Has Kirk Heinrich been growing that grease-o beard for the playoffs, or since the beginning of the season?

We go to the half with Ray Allen making a wide open three. Quote Jeff Van Gundy: "Bad Defense". Yeah, I would say most defense involving Tyrus Thomas is bad. He didn't play D in college, so why would he play it now? But hey, he can dunk, so get there. That's better than most guys on the Wolves.

HALFTIME

First thing I hear coming out of the half: Bill Wennington is a broadcaster for the Bulls. Is Luc Longley the color guy? Where does Jud Buechler fit into this.

Glen Davis "muscles" his way to another offensive rebound. Davis and Perkins are WAYYYYYYYYYYY fatter than anyone Chicago can throw out there. I think I can get Oliver Miller's number, if they need it.

The referees are "letting them play" right now. I wonder who that favors. Also, I would bet a million dollars that they will not "let them play" at the end of the game.

Brad Miller bats the ball out of bounds. But Rajon Rondo was near him. So it's Chicago ball.

I don't know that I've seen a team play as sloppy as the Bulls are playing right now. They look like my fifth grade team, the Runnin Rebels of River Heights elementary. But we at least made our lay ups.

Kirk Heinrich... what happened man? I guess you've got to make way for Rose, but it sucks that Heinrich is coming off the bench now. He gets a pick at the top of the key, drives to his left, pulls up, and all alone drains a long two. That's his game. I've seen him do that so many times, get that wide open long shot and drain it. All I'm saying is, can't the Wolves put together a package? I'm sure the Bulls could use Corey Brewer. His old buddy Joakim is already there!!!! Come on Fred or Jim or Kevin or whoever happens to be in charge of the Wolves this week, let's go!

Brian Scalabrine needs a clock in the chops so hard. I don't even hear him talk, his face is driving me crazy.

Tyrus Thomas fouls Ray Allen on a three point attempt. Oh my god, he is so bad at defense. The only time that he actually tries, he fouls. Ray Allen. On a three. I would take him out and never put him back in.

Wow. The Celtics score 12 straight points to end the third quarter. The Bulls are just not good at basketball... they are far too streaky to be taken seriously. Yeah Bill, this sure has been a "classic" series. I can't wait to see what happens next! Which Bull will dribble out of bounds?!?!? How will Brian Scalabrine turn it over next????

FOURTH QUARTER

We start the 4th with the Bulls on a mini-run. Oh sure, this will last as long as they make every one of their jump shots.

Nice to see Joakim Noah still shoots free throws like an 8th grade girl.

It's funny how hatred works in the NBA. I used to hate Brad Miller almost as much as life itself. Now, as he steps to the line to make two throws after being fouled by Fat Baby, I pull for him to make them both. It's that old White Sox idea.... I don't care which team it is... Red Sox, Yankees, any of the teams I hate, any player I despise - when they go against the White Sox, I wish them success. Here we are with Boston.

Every time Perkins commits a foul he looks as though he doesn't enjoy playing basketball. Like he's going to give up the game right there.

Back and forth we go, until the Bulls have a two point lead. Tyrus Thomas gets the rebound, and instead of passing to someone who can make free throws, he keeps it himself. He misses the first one. Ray Allen ties it. There may be something to this "classic" designation after all. If by classic you mean "sloppy" and "to and fro".

OVERTIME

Holy god almighty, there have been 45 fouls in the overtime session, and not a single one has been called. I guess they're "letting them play". Which means "letting the Celtics win".

Ben Gordon has to get decapitated in order for a foul to be called. He goes to the line for two and.......... JESUS LORD ALMIGHTY AM I WATCHING THE MEMPHIS TIGERS SHOOTING THE FREE THROWS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

HOLY SHIT, BEN GORDON JUST HIT A THREE AND GRABBED HIS SACK AS HE WAS RUNNING DOWN THE FLOOR. Sammy C, eat your heart out. Ben's got the biggest one of them all.

SECOND OVERTIME

We're going to double overtime. I don't understand any of this. The game should've been won hours ago. Stuart Scott keeps checking in and telling us not to worry because the Cavs-Pistons game is coming up "just as soon as this game is over". Why the hell would we want to see that? Did you know that in the history of the NBA, no team has ever been down 3-0 and won the 4th game? That's insane.

Tony Allen in the game. I'm not saying the pressure is on, but if something should happen to the Bulls, da-da-da-dot, his family, etc.

Ben Gordon has gone into full on "my sack is bigger than yours" mode. He's shooting every time he's got it. Is he Troy Hudson? Makes one big shot, and yes, he'll be taking the next 10.

Fat Baby looking... ummm.... "tired" here.

There are some gigantic whale-like people at this Chicago game wearing "See Red" t-shirts. Yeah, you'll see red, when you keel over after your 4th dog of the day.

Each of KG's earrings cost more than I will make in my 30s. Truth hurts.

When is the nickname "Big Baby" going to be shed? I mean, when he's 38 and playing for Tel Aviv or whatever, isn't that going to be kind of insulting?

Every single time the Bulls are in the "one more basket and we clinch this thing" situation, they balls it up. This time, Rose damn near dribbles it off his feet, a la Zach Randolph, and fires an ill advised shot.

"If the Bulls hit their free throws, they're going to win this game." THE SAME COULD BE SAID ABOUT EVERY SINGLE GAME EVER.

I missed it at the time, but at the end of the first overtime, I heard the announcer say "Stephon Marbury inserted for defensive purposes." Holy shit. In other news:

Shaq inserted for his free throw shooting.

Mark Madsen in the game to give his team the deep ball threat.

Vin Baker in the game to provide his team with a steady hand.

Funny how KG, Stephon and Ray Allen all ended up 'playing' on the same team. Of course, by 'playing', I mean one of them is old but can still shoot, one is old and may not ever play again, and the other doesn't like playing with other players on the court, and will someday go to Italy and come off the bench.

The Bulls have literally pissed this game away 10 times today. I just can't see how they can win, having given up the lead so many times.

John Salmons to the free throw line. CLENCHING TEETH. Holy moses, he cans them both. Unheard of so far today.

After Pierce hits a three, we see Doc drawing up a play, and KG is standing by, quietly. Not a good idea. If I'm the Celtics, just give Kevin the keys at this point. Doc is only going to get in the way.

Salmons back to the line. I can't believe it... he makes them both again.

And that "play" that Doc drew up? Was it "Rondo hold the ball 10 seconds too long, pass to Pierce, who is blanketed by Salmons, have Pierce throw up a prayer that is blocked, and never pass to Ray Allen during the play at all, because that would be too smart"?