I drop science like Cosby droppin babies...
I miss O.D.B.
Anyway, if you navigate to this page, you'll see the following headline:
"Bulls hold off Lakers despite Kobe's 43"
No shit? Really? They held off the Lakers even though Kobe, of all people, scored 43 points?!?!? Holy moses, I have been removed!
I don't think there will be a more repeated headline this season than "_________ (defeat) Lakers despite Kobe's _____" I've seen some funny things in the NBA this season, and I have to say that watching the Lakers play basketball is almost the funniest thing in the league. It would take the top spot if it weren't for the complete clown show happening in Toronto. We're roughly half a season away from a murder-suicide involving Rob Babcock and the rest of the Fun Squad.
Watching the Lakers play basketball is like watching one of your best friends overdose on drugs. At first, you just watch in amazement as they do things you didn't think were possible. Make no mistake, Kobe Bryant is VERY good at basketball. He pretty much scores at will most of the time. He can get to the basket whenever he wants. His jump shot just keeps getting better. And he's clutch as hell. Big Bang Baby, it's a crash crash crash, and all that. You marvel in amazement at Kobe twisting, turning, crashing his way to the rim, and then, just as you think it's completely out of control, he regains form, and places the ball softly in the basket. And one, bitch.
However, after you watch your friend flip out and hypothesize on the fundamental color of life for a few minutes, it begins to transform into some different form of entertainment. You don't sit in awe anymore, you watch with a repulsed gaze, a fleeing sense of disgust, and mostly, sympathy for everyone else surrounding your friend. You wonder just how his family holds up with him acting like this, and just what his life is truly like. It's like that with Kobe. I find myself asking "Is this really how this team plays basketball? Like, they do this all the time? This whole 'clear out for Kobe' play, is this the only one that they run?" Then, just like wondering what your friend's parents must think of his lifestyle, you think of the Lakers' coach. "So Phil is just standing there, watching this happen? And he's not trying to stop it? Wait a goddamned minute here... he's SUPPORTING this! What's going on?!?!?!"
And then it's just pity. You look at the fans (or friends) and pity them for having to watch this. You wonder if they go through the same emotions you do, only more intensely, because they watch it every game. Or you wonder if they are immune to it now. "Oh yeah, that's just Kobe. He just went to the basket, did a 360, double pumped, and hit the shot as he was falling backwards out of bounds, with a foul. That cuts the lead to 15. Maybe the rest of the guys will feel up to playing defense this time down..." And then at the end, as they drop another one to the Clips, you have to just stand back and realize that their lifestyle is ultimately destructive, and though they may be having some fun, it's just going to get worse and worse.
Just like Jordan in Washington, or your friend Rick who just scored a King Kong sized bump, it's going to end badly.