November 23, 2005

I'll Give You 2 Liccorice Snaps For That Tootsie Pop...

I love trade rumors. I love reading about them, rolling them over in my mind, and spitting out what I think about them. I love reading the crazy shit that some Chicago beatwriter comes up with while neck deep in a bottle of sour mash. The Bulls are gonna trade for Shaq! HOLY SHIT DUDE! And then someone else, somewhere else, reads the article and puts it to fact and then someone else and someone else and blah blah blah blah. Then I read it and laugh about it, say "oh man, that'd be crazy," and even sometimes catch myself spouting the rumor as fact - hey, I know it so lay off the cookies.

Sure, some of them come to be, but most never see the light of day. The crazy ones are hilarious, the resonable ones are fun to think about, but never do I get upset - well, not very often anyways - or do these rumors make me nervous. Unless of course I hear something regarding my squad, no matter how crazy they seem. Wolves trading KG? In the back of my mind, scares the shit out of me. It would force me to make a horribly difficult choice. Who would I follow? KG or the Wolves? On one hand, I've bled blue and green since the teams inception and have never stopped cheering on my boys, even through the 15-67 year. I watched Bill Mussleman destroy our rookies, Doug West drink himself right out of the NBA, and Scott Roth go 0 for 10 on a regular basis. Still, I was there. Watching, cheering, hoping. Hoping the Wolves would get the next superstar. Laettner didn't pan out due to being a perennial role player. JR Rider was too busy hittin' pop cans in the back of a jeep and Starbury was just a little too much of a bitch to make it.

Then, on blind luck, it happened. Magic Johnson decides he wants to play again and the Wolves drafted a little, skinny highschool kid with the #5 pick. It dawned a whole new era for the Wolves. He was the first kid in 20 years to be drafted right out of highschool. I have never cheered harder or with more hope and passion since the arrival of KG. There is nothing that makes me more proud to be a fan of the Wolves than KG. He softens the blows the team regularly deals. You know, Deadzo and company's inability to attract good players or draft or really, run a basketball franchise anywhere but into the ground. KG made it easier to deal with the whole Sam/Spree debacle of last year/offseason. He even makes it easier to watch Wally play defense. KG and the Timberwolves are synanamous to me (didn't I read that somewhere in here?).

If KG was dealt, I would be very, very bitter. Glen Taylor would become my new Isaiah Thomas, and Deadzo would go down in history as the stupidest person to ever walk the planet - yeah, he'd be dumber than Chris Kaman looks. I would hate the management and the organization for doing something so unfathomably stupid. I would cry when the papers railed on KG and made him the scapegoat of the team's lack of success(I swear I've read that somewhere...). I would cry because I'd no longer get to watch KG play a game he loves, in a jersey he loves, in a city he loves, all of which I love. The depth of my reaction would depend on what KG was dealt for. Here are some I've heard and what my reaction would be:

KG and Wally to the Knicks for Penny and Antonio Davis - I would probably kill myself. Who wants those cast offs? Sure, I loved Lil' Penny as much as anyone did, but when that's the highlight of your career....

KG to Detroit for Sheed and Darco - I would immediately consider suicide bombing the Target Center, but then realize that maybe - a big maybe - Darco would become a star.

KG + to Golden State for Jason Richardson, Troy Murphy, Ike Diogu, and 2 first rounders - I'd be really sad to see KG go and would be mad as hell for awhile, but then I'd realize that Mullin gave up a rediculous amount and the 2 first rounders would eventually sell me on the deal. But I'd become a much bigger Warriors fan than I already am.

Now, again, If the Wolves traded KG I would be outraged and would want nothing more than Deadzo's head on a stick. The severity of my reaction would depend on what they got in return.

But then of course a KG trade is rediculous and not even something I should be worried about, right?


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