November 15, 2010

The 2nd Annual 24-hour Basketball Marathon Live-Blog

10:52PM - Hola amigos! We are live!

Just a brief procedural announcement - in case you missed it last year HA HA HA HA no one was here - anyway, I try to keep this all contained in one post, but of course I may have to break it up as I add pictures and so forth. So for anyone out there who wants to contribute in anyway, feel free to just live-edit this post as it stands. If it ends up looking confused, I'll fix it later.

Anyway, Welcome to Memphis, where they love their Tigers (and cheating)!

11:21PM " The mohawk on Garcia from Memphis looks like the kind of thing you find when you clean out your shower" - Trip Darvez has entered the Sportsbook, and has already forced out an older couple on hand to cheer on Memphis.

11:32PM - Memphis and Miami like to git their buckets. There's many ways to accomplish this, but the one most often used is "recklessly attack the hoop and hope for a sicko dunk". The over for this game was at 142 to begin... and you can see why. They are capable of scoring 10 points in 20 seconds when they are motivated. A very fun night lies ahead...

Hey, must be different age-of-consent laws for tattoos in Florida, because that man just...

11:36PM - So the Barn tonight:

My attorney and I were there more for "scouting" than for enjoyment, but it turned out to be quite the game. The Siena coach wants his team to do well, and he lets them know this by screaming into their scared faces. Beautiful.

11:43PM - UCLA center Joshua Smith. 6'10" - THREE HUNDRED AND FIVE POUNDS. Is that "pre-season" weight? I like Diddy Riese cookies in Westwood as much as the next guy, but stick to the 3 for a buck.

11:36PM - The ad at center court in Memphis "It's time to start using the stairs" - why taunt these people, Blue Cross? Pulled Porkwich? That's what the vendors are for.

11:53PM - Memphis plays just like they used to with Calipari, but they don't pay their players anymore, so they aren't... quite... as good. They so want to be ghetto though... you can see the Barton brothers trying to emulate Chris Douglas-Roberts in all his glory, but they can't finish for shit. Miami meanwhile, they don't care at all. Lots of scoring guys, that's all we're looking for.

12:00AM - We head to the new day with a halftime score of 38-37. Well on pace here guys. Keep it up.

So Dickfer, we're gonna get SIU-Edwardsville to a #1 ranking within 5 degrees. They play Kennesaw State, at home, who beat Georgia Tech today. Tech will beat Maryland, who will inevitably beat Duke, and there you go. Start writing the article now. We could get this thing to UM-BC before all is said and done.

12:05AM - UCLA's victory has lead Laura to sing Kool and the Gang's song "Get Down On It" - I ask if this is because she doesn't want to do homework. "I'm not doing homework."

12:15AM - Getting back to the Barn tonight.... I don't know what to expect this year with the Gophs. Last year I expected a lot and I didn't get very much. They ended up right where they belonged, which I guess you can't really complain about, but still. This year they look good, they are more experienced at key positions, but man, that Big Ten is tough. The best they can hope for any year is just above .500 in conference play. So I suppose it's a big old wait and see. Though I did read somewhere that just by virtue of them taking a stronger non-conference schedule, they will get a higher NCAA rank. Which is bullshit, but it's something we all know. So what if you don't actually win the games, they say, just make sure you play the tough teams. It's why Duke and UNC consistently pull down 1 and 2 seeds even when they clearly shouldn't be. "Oh but they played Syracuse!!!!" Fuck off.

12:17AM - Bill Raftery is on cup of coffee #2...I'm highly anticipating cup #6 by overtime and Bill found standing on the scorer's table.

12:31AM - This game has gone ice cold. That's the problem with betting truly ghetto teams to go over... no one on the floor can shoot consistently. So even though they love dunking and throwing the ball to the other team, there will be periods of 4 minutes without scoring. So that kills the over. Oh well, the hedges were there, I ignored them. I've seen enough out of each of these teams to know that they're going to play Git Buckets the rest of the season, they're just going to have to match up well with their opponent. Miami v. UNC? I don't think so.

12:40AM - I have a question. I know why Kobe drives to the hoop even when he has little chance of making the shot... it's because he can get fouled and then get 2 free points. But if you play for Memphis, you have no interest in learning to shoot free throws. So why do you drive errantly to the basket and throw up a prayer? Because even if you are fouled, you will come up empty. I just... I wish I knew the answers.

12:36AM - Let's take a look at some early pre-season favorites. And by favorites, I'm meaning names.

Central Connecticut State is 2-0. One of their players is named Shemik Thompson. SHEMIK. He scored 25. Will they fare as well against Maryland - Baltimore County?

Cleveland State defeated Urbana tonight. Is that in Illinois? Well, this is their athletic director:

Everyone knows that the Blue Knights have their work cut out for them going against Cleveland State. But don't discount the football program. Here's one of their press nuggets:

"Senior running back Boise Moon rushed for 226 yards and 2 TDs in the football team's 42-25 win over conference opponent Missouri S&T last Saturday. Today, Moon has been named the Family Dentistry Student-Athlete of the Week."

There's not enough time in the day...

12:58AM - Miami has cut the lead to 1, but so far this season, they already played a game. Against who?


Wait, 1 person?

No, Barry. The Barry Buccaneers. Miami Shores, FL.

It's tough going for the Bucs. "Bucs fall short to Florida Memorial." "Get out there. BE A COP!"

1:03AM - "I've always found Miami to be a more patient team at 1 in the morning." Sean starting to get loopy.

1:11AM - St. Mary's underway!

And, as far as Miami is concerned.... we're gonna need overtime here, guys. And then some.

1:22AM - It wasn't really a prediction, but I was secretly hoping for overtime out there...just to see Bill delirious. Alas, Memphis gets the win and Miami a very sleepy flight home. Delta won't charge for the blankets overnight, will they?

1:31AM - A St. Mary's player was just fouled INTO THE POST, IN MID-AIR. Somehow, he gets up. Might be a smart time for a commercial. Well done, ESPN. I know this was an intentional foul, but the refs are aware that it's 2:30AM in New York right now, home of the "Red Storm." Not that late nights have ever been a problem for Slick Sidelines.

1:37am - CHRIS MULLIN SIGHTING AT ST. MARY'S Oh then, now the night has begun.

1:43 AM - Alternate names for Steve Lavin:
Greaser McGee
Slick McWhip
Serge Sleaze-Handle
Grease ChinGrease
Browngrease Chinslick
Slickhead Shinez
"Leaking on the Floor" Lavin

Should I stop all of this because Steve's parents are there? HAHA - of course not! Of course, his team is leading, and he's "extending the zone" all the way to half court.

1:56 AM - You know your body is starting to wind down when the See's Candy Holiday catalog is holding your attention more than live basketball. I know about your Bridge's no "secret" to me. What am I saying? I've only SENT See's as gifts, but maybe eaten a piece of candy from them once or twice in my 10+ years in CA. What's going on with the game? Gaels with a pass to the 3rd row...ok good, so it's not just me. Steve with the lead at the half, and enough time to re-apply the VO5.

2:14AM - Watching basketball for 24 hours.... well, let's just go with a frame from Chopping Mall:

2:14AM - ESPN's ad inventory? Schick Shadel Alcohol Treatment Center. Pat O'Day, the legend of Seattle radio, does the ad. "Who I am doesn't really matter." Please! No coincidence that the center is also in Seattle. But the audience for this game must be high...or the degenerates awake at this hour are the same - the site is crashed. Pat's busy selling real estate in the San Juan

2:32AM - Hawaii's next opponent is the Central Arkansas Bears. Names?

JaDarius Davis
Dewan Clayborn
Mike Pouncy
Jacquan McClinton (didn't he play bass for Isaac Hayes?)
Imad Qahwash

Get there, Bears.

2:35AM -

2:43AM - Pop quiz!

This man just:

a) Killed your family in their sleep
b) Ate a bucket of sand
c) Made a basket in a sporting contest

2:46AM - So last year I bet on the Gaels and the Bows... this year, let's just say there's nothing new under the sun. Neither bet is making me too happy right now, but there's always time. Until there isn't.

So who's the big team this year? Michigan State? Eh, whatever. Duke? That would be like trying to predict who's ass smells the worst. Not Villanova, of course. Texas A&M still on the board! Kansas State is a flash in the pan. I'm going to go with Florida. Why? Because it's almost three in the morning and I'm about to watch two hours of basketball featuring the Central Michigan Chippewas. I am invincible.


3:04AM - The Gaels just do what they do, and run the lead to 10. Now let's just hold it boys. Your coach is losing the Grease Battle, but you can still win the war.

Taking a look at the Gophers non-conference schedule... Western Kentucky, NDSU, SDSU (no, not the Aztecs), Virginia, St. Joe's. Not bad at all. A good mix of mid-level talent that will do enough to impress voters if they go 9-9 again. The thing to remember is that when in doubt, the dumbfuck committee will ALWAYS go with a school like Minnesota over Milwaukee or St. Mary's. It makes sense in so many ways (except the one about, you know, picking the better team). So kudos to Tubby. But eventually, that would be really neat if they could compete for the Big 10 title. I know, I know. Give it time. But am I wrong to just want Blake to go back to shooting it from his ass?

(de-evolution of an idea: complete)

Greaser McFaceStain is going to have to teach some of these kids to shoot the basketball. Remember guys, you get that ball up over your forehead, and look through the window. Pick out the three hooks on the front of the rim, and aim for the middle one. Follow through. No, not every shot can be a dunk.

St. Mary's making their throws, man that's nice to see. I would've doubled the over in the Memphis game if they believed in practicing. Well, it's like my attorney said, "You don't walk off the island." And apparently, you don't shoot free throws out of Queens.


3:28am - Ahhhhhhhhhh, the Aloha State. I'm not sure what I'm in store for from the Bows, but any B-roll you can run of the North Shore sure would make my day. We weren't supposed to leave! We have to go back!

No HD cameras for this one, huh ESPN? Well that's not a surprise. Remember like 2 years ago when the entire US converted to over-the-air digital signal? And we all had to get those converter boxes, and the government gave us rebates, and so forth? Yeah? HAWAII DIDN'T DO THAT. They saw what was happening, and decided "No, our TV is good enough". And ain't a damn thing you can do about it, Obama.

You really should've seen that local coverage of the impending tsunami. Let's just say I've seen higher production value out of Channel 13 in Eau Claire, WI. They would cut to "experts", who of course are experts because they have lived on the island their whole lives, and have seen "stuff like this back in 62". The analysis was something along the lines of "If there's big waves, run". But really, the whole thing is a microcosm for life there. Tsunamis and traffic and the occasional murder... they don't mean anything. Life endures. The news is just a constant reminder that life on the island is fucking great.


So Ron Artest changed his jersey number again this year. He did this because he's absolutely bat-ass insane. But it makes you think.... how was he ever able to harness that immense physical ability with what is obviously a psychotic brain? How did he not end up in an institution with "talking doctors"? He took a shot in a game after everyone in the stadium, including his own teammates, were screaming at him to NOT SHOOT. He shot anyway, and when he was asked about it, he said "Just play basketball, man." He made Craig Sager say "Queensbridge" during an interview after he just hit the winning shot. The first thought he had in his head when he won the championship was to thank his psychiatrist (which makes perfect sense). When will he sign up for the NBDL, just because they have "nicer nets"?

4:10AM - Did you know we're coming to you live from "the island of Hawaii"? I was not aware this was being played on the Big Island. Oh, what's that you say? DumbFuck BrownStone doesn't know where he is? He thinks Hawaii is one big island and also that soda cans are too difficult to operate? Well, that makes sense.

They don't allow outside banks to operate in Hawaii. You can search all you want for a US Bank ATM, even in the heart of Waikiki, and you will find nothing. We joined First Hawaiian, and it was the best bank in the world. Our branch shared a parking lot with Pat's Pizza.

They just showed b-roll of Molokai, specifically the sea cliffs. I have climbed those cliffs. They zip over them in a helicopter and it's breathtaking how sun-drenched and green they are. Yeah, not when you are walking up behind ass-dropping burros. Then it all just looks like shit.

Did you also know about Hawaii that...............


9:43AM - We're awake on the Pacific Coast, and before we start our day, let's check in on the games. I hear cheering...South Illinois with the lead. I don't care where you are - Missouri Valley basketball before 8AM isn't good for your health. Good crowd for a breakfast game, though. Have the concessions adjusted? Can you still get a dog? Or is it all donuts. Now there's an idea. Shit, I have to get ready for work.

10:12AM - Dave Sliznewski here. Thought it was time I checked in. Better late than never.

A few things. This page may need a section dedicated to Barry basketball. Who doesn't want to cheer for Barry - single person or team?

Secondly, Mike Pouncy.

I sure was hoping he was fat - I had a pouncing-on-donuts joke all loaded up and ready to go. Oh well. Great name anyways.

I have to say the Gophers are looking like they may actually have a team this year. And by that I mean a team that might be able to at least compete in the Big Ten. With Mbakwe, they have enough size up front to keep any post scorers at bay - Ryan Rossiter, Siena's big fella, didn't do much damage. Of course, the Gophs still can't stop any wing players, so Kalen Luca will score 40 on them before they blink. But hey, the fat guy that's playing center for Sparty won't do much but eat donuts. Good. Got that donut joke in there.

11:05AM - (chugs coffee, grunts, opens Veetle, sighs)

Marist? +29 against Villanova? WELCOME BACK SWEET GAMBLING ADDICTION!!! If Siena can play with MN for 25 minutes, I've got to believe Villanova doesn't win by more than 20. Here's some money to back up that claim. We're back.
11:20 am. Dickfer with observations. Watching the heated rivalry of Southern Illinois and Northeastern. Might go double OT. No one wants this. The coaches, players, fans, announcers . . . they just want to go home. Fans are cheering . . . to go home. OH GOD CHRIS WEBBER TIMEOUT. Whoops, SIU. Any energy to make throws. Yes, the first one. Not the second. SIU can't do anything. Nap time for all.

Sliz says: 5 total points in OT, huh? Yeah Dickfer, nobody wanted to be there.

11:39AM - The great thing about surfing around to different teams on is that you get to see the most recent video highlight that they produced for said team. Now, most of these, like Duke for example, had a video made of them yesterday... highlighting the challenges for the season, etc. But not the little guys. Take, for example, Maryland-Eastern Shore. That highlight? January of 2009. Blake Griffin, stone cold rocking it. I'm pretty sure we could find a video produced in the 90s if we dig hard enough. Coppin State? You gonna show Toby Bailey, errrrrrrrr?

FOUND IT: Winston-Salem. Yeah, you know, the Rams? That video that is linked to in the sidebar? DECEMBER 19, 2006. That was the last time that a major sports outlet even thought to air your "highlights". Of course, it is a game where you lost by FIFTY ONE to Kansas, but hey, git buckets.

11:58AM - Sliz back. Couldn't help but notice the offensive "heavyweights" that punched it out in West Long Branch, NJ this fine morning. They scored 100 points. No, not each. The Stonybrook Seawolves took it to the Momouth Hawks 51-49. That's less than half of the points scored in the average NBA game these days. I mean, the Wisconsin football team almost scored that many points this weekend.

More interestingly though, evey Monmouth player managed to score, including center Nick DelTufo (from Jersey of course). He managed to net 1 point in 14 "solid" minutes of play. Nobody scored more than 9 points, but hey - they all got buckets.

12:05PM - Trip here. I had good luck with Barry, so I'm scanning through tonight's games: Ap State has...Montreat College??? Is that a spelling error?'s a school in the "Blue Ridge Mountains." But what conference are....NAIA. Come on Appalachian State! What, all the high schools are booked? Maybe it was because Neumann was booked. They play Navy.

Neumann’s student-athletes play to win, but not only on a field, court or rink. With the guidance of their coaches and team chaplains, Neumann student-athletes learn to balance their athletic schedules with their coursework. They gain experience handling the pressure to perform on and off the court, bear the scrutiny of the media, and represent the good name and reputation of their university at other schools.
The scrutiny on the school is they're able to manage the stress is a mystery.

Sliz says: I didn't realize Chief's cat played hoops...

1:35PM - First of all, THAT'S the Golden Hurricane basketball we've been waiting for. T-U-L-S-A. Tulsa, Tulsa, heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Canes!!! (that is absolutely not their fight song)

Second of all, when you mention the college of Neumann, you just give me clearance to post this pic:

Notice how Newman, much like the student athletes, is having a problem figuring out just where the appropriate place to go to the bathroom is. It's not there, stupid!!!

I missed out on this Baylor bet. But I can't bet a team of murderers. At least not in NCAA basketball. The Ravens, yes....

2:52PM - The Sniz just got done watching a few minutes of the Baylor Felons, err Bears and the La Salle whatevertheyares (read: too lazy to look it up).  Baylor does two things. Ghetto and Ghatto. First off they are tall and it is very apparent that they don't practice shooting (Ghetto).  Well, I guess if the dunk shot is considered practice....  Secondly, their stud, LaceDarious Dunn, isn't going to be playing for a few games due to a felony charge (Ghatto). But hey, charges were eventually dropped. That's like innocent...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

English language is not my primary language, yet I can understand it while using google translator. Amazing publish, keep them coming! Regards!