June 15, 2007

Blueprint, Ultimate Legit Sting International, Stone Love Classical, Comin Back, To Attack In Black Fatigue, Wu-Tang and Junior Reid


"We have more stuff we're planning on doing," McHale said. "So I'm sure I'll be talking to you guys again very soon."

God, I love it when people are delusional. Last year, our baseball team, the Minnesota Motherfucking, wrapped up one of the most fun professional seasons I had ever witnessed, culminating in a final-day clinching of the central division title. They went to the playoffs and were defeated in the first two games, playing like small children who had wandered unaware onto a diamond. Before the third game, many sportswriters, most of whom earn FAR MORE than me, and who can eat MUCH MORE COW than anyone who reads this, proclaimed that the Twins could feasibly turn it around and if they won game three, then they could pitch Johan on short rest, and then if Brad could make a start and GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....

Of course, they lost game three. I don't think they lead at all in the entire series. They hadn't even won A game, let alone many games that would allow them to take the series. But yet, everyone looked forward, everyone just threw out the what-ifs, as if we were all hiding from the truth: that they just weren't going to win, no matter what. "Hey, if they can just..." That's not how the world works. You have to go step by step. They hadn't taken a quality at bat for two straight games (except for Big RoRo White, get at me dogg!), and all of a sudden we were talking about who was going to start game 5 back at the dome.

Now, you didn't come here to read about the Twins. They are a professional team that is fun to watch. You came here for the pain.

It's funny to hear Deadzo say this, it really is. "More stuff we're planning on doing"? I just have to ask... what? There isn't anything he CAN do! Short of swapping picks for cash, which is what may happen with the Cavs this year, so I'm told, how can you make a move?

Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that a move can't be made with the Wolves, but McFail ain't gonna be the one to do it.

There are some pieces on this team that could be given away to struggling teams looking for upgrades at specific positions. Obviously package deals are out. You'd be lucky to find one team willing to take on Ricky Davis, don't press your luck and try to throw T-hud into the mix. If a team calls about Mark Blount PLEASE JESUS JUST GIVE HIM AWAY FOR A BAG OF FUNYONS. With that known, it very well COULD be an interesting off-season, but the problem here always comes back to who is calling the shots. He can't execute a successful trade. I'm telling you, it's not possible. The two trades that have worked out for the Wolves in the past - Sam and Spree - literally fell into his lap. Spree was pissed in New York and they had Zeppo the Clown running the show, so they were just looking to get rid of him. Atlanta desperately needed cap space. Terrell Brandon was making north of 10mil, so it was so easy, even Deadzo could do it. Then Milwaukee calls and says they have a two-time NBA champion who needs a wheelbarrow to carry his nuts around, but SURPRISE SURPRISE he and George Karl didn't get along, and now he wants out. Oh, and they only want Joe Smith - he of the "Wow he can really take a charge and also not ever rebound or score points" fame - and Anthony Peeler, aka "I'm going to punch KG in the face because... why again?". I bet McHale had to flip a coin to decide that one.

The point of it all is that him saying that, him being all cocky and saying "I'll be seeing you guys real soon" is just stupid. Who else does shit like this? You make the trades and you keep working. You work the phone lines like you're collecting for Verizon (Hey, wait a minute, that's maybe a good job for ol' Deadzo). You have to try to give away any and every player on this team besides KG, Foye, McCants and Big Craig.

And while you're on the phone with other teams, why don't you do us all a favor and ask if they want to trade GMs. Just ask. Seriously.

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