March 1, 2006

The Wackest Crews Try To Dis It Makes Me Laugh, When My Track Record's Longer Than A DC-20 Aircraft


That's the word of the day, children. We will sit here and study it until we have its complete meaning entrenched in our brains.


You see, young people, this basketball team lacks any semblance of anything that could remotely be qualified as being close to consistency. Up by 10? No problem. In the time it takes to drop a shot of Double Barrel into a frothing High Life, they'll be down by 5. Up by 2 going into half time? Stay for the dog show, leave when the Wolves take the floor. Because you can bet they're down double digits by the 10:00 mark.

Have they ever been this horribly inconsistent? I don't think they have, at least not since before the Wally days. Ah yes, Walter. You remember him, right kids? And he was a model in what?


Right. Yes he was. His shots fell at a 50% clip nearly all the time. Make one, miss one, make one and wear metrosexual sunglasses. All in a day's work for Walt.

Buckets, Banks, Blunt.... wow. They explode for 15 points unanswered, then can't hit anything for the rest of the quarter. KG just goes with the flow, he can't be fazed by it. I see the look in his eyes. "What? We're down by how much? But we're just playin ball, man!" Yeah, playing ball and losing.

Look, I'm not knocking this tempo of play. Lord knows I've stood up and screamed "Oh just HAVE YOURSELF SOME, BUCKETS!!!!!!" more than enough times. But this is the ride we paid for when we got these guys, so I guess the message is; make sure you're belts are fastened and be sure you've got plenty of dramamine.

It's still fun though... I mean it's fun to watch these athletes play this game. Losing's not fun, but if you're going to lose, better to play ghetto ball then to have Marko Jaric in the game, ever.

Next year, young students, next year. Yes, we're already talking about it. Because this year is shot and it's only going to bring more pain ("Vince dunks over Blunt AGAIN!!!!! Holy cow!!!!" is coming tonight), but let's take a look at the coming years. If these guys can form a cohesive unit and somehow run actual plays instead of street ball, just once in a while, we might have something. I'll defer to my associate for more analysis of potential trades, but to be sure, I'm excited about next year, and it's March 1st. I don't know if that's good or bad, but it just is.

Oh, and also, next year, it's very possible that a certain player could return to the Wolves. He wears number 32. He is one of the best shooters in the NBA. He shook my hand and changed my life. You know what his name is?


That's right. Go now, teach the others what you have learned.

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