September 21, 2005

"Who you starting this week?"

Now, before you answer this, you need to be made aware of the consequences. What? What do you mean? It's such an innocent question. Very true. In the real world that is. In the context of fantasy sports however, it is crucial. The way you answer this question will determine whether you're a Beater or The Beaten. Are you the drunk step father after watching your Dallas Cowboys lose to those "girls from Arizona?" Or are you the redheaded kid that takes a half full beer off the side of the head after some Cowboy QB not named Aikman throws an interception? See? It's important. It defines you as a person! So. Which is it?

"Hey you gonna start Duncan...err, I mean Daunte..."

And there it is. In the shadow of it's step dad, the NBA fantasy season has reared its red little head. Look! There's a tuft of strawberry poking up over the couch! The NFL season is barely two weeks old, but they've been preparing their draft boards for months. Ever since the Super Bowl ended, the little crackheads have been plotting. The NBA kids have also been plotting. They've just been doing it a little more quietly, keeping a watchful eye out for the flying can of Bud heavy headed in their direction.


"Hey, who you gonna start for fantasy? You gonna start Kobe, err? What about Shaq, you gonna start Shaq? Who you gonna draft first? LeBron errr? Maybe KG err?"

It has begun. As teams put the finishing touches on their rosters, the draft boards are opening. Fantasy NBA is here and it's not even October. Training camps haven't even begun and yet, the kids are out there compiling their draft lists. On various dedicated websites the debates rage on. KG or LeBron? Kobe or Shaq? Amare or Duncan? Everyone talks like they've got an inside edge, some tidbit of insight that will allow them to choose correctly when their time comes. Which rookies will contribute? No, I'm not talking about their teams, I'm talking about my fantasy team. Which of the injuries from last year is going to come back strong? "cuz lord knows they probably won't get drafted, except whoever I draft because I'm smarter than everyone and have a keen eye for gems."

That's pretty much what it's like. There's a lot of people trying to convince themselves that their team is good by over analyzing and arguing with their mates. I'm not gonna lie, I'm right there with them. Maybe not as flamboyant, but I'm there. Curled up quietly in my little corner gazing lovingly at my fantasy team, rolling it over and over in my little hands, just like Golum. Making sure to stay clear of the drunkard sitting in his arm chair yelling at a runningback not named Emmit Smith for fumbling on the goal line. There I am. There we are. My superstar, my little stat sheet filler, my hidden gem, my little gold nugget of fantasy victory. You are mine. My precious.

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