December 17, 2008

The Mockhounds are About!

Yeah, the season is not even 1/3 done and we've got the 2009 Draft Hounds out and rolling - much to my enjoyment. Nothing like thinking about the future when there is nothing in the present. So, as I wandered onto and checked the mock lottery, the Wolves ended up with the second pick - just like their second-worst record would indicate. Who did they have us selecting? Hasheem Thabeet from Connecticut. Think poor-mans Dikembe Mutombo, except he looks like the kid from the first season of The Wire.

He rebounds like a crazy man and blocks shots like he was peelin' caps, but he's a major concern on the offensive end, and he's built like a taller version of KG - 7'3" 265lbs. - minus the strength. Okay, if we didn't have Al Jefferson and Kevin Love already, I might be behind that pick. However, we've already got two guys who are going to need major minutes at the 4 and 5, and other GLARING weaknesses. I'm not saying we don't need a guy like Thabeet, but there are other weaknesses that need attention first.


The player taken after our pick? Ricky Rubio, PG from Spain. Jose Calderon, Sergio Rodriguez, Rudy Fernandez. Who are they you ask? Other Spanish point guards, all of whom are quality NBA players. Take all those young men, pour in an equal part Pete Maravich, and you have Ricky Rubio. Do EVERYTHING IT TAKES to get this kid on our team. He's an amazing basketball player and - Glen Taylor may like this part - he's probably the most popular player in Spain! Wouldn't it be fun to sell Wolves jerseys around the world? Plus, he's an exciting player - unlike Thabeet - and those guys tend to put butts in the seats.



December 15, 2008


Last Play: 8:36 Brian Cardinal missed 3-pt. Jump Shot (MIN)

NO SHIT?!?!?!?

Who fires Deadzo?

Does he fire himself? How does that work? Is he in his sweet spot right now? No one to answer to. You think Owner cares? Will 10k show up to see Lebron? Notice I said show up. I have to watch this team the rest of the year, just so I can see how bad it can get. They're a trainwreck.

December 8, 2008

Firing Randy Wittman and installing Kevin McHale as coach is most like which of the following scenarios?

1. Throwing lawn chairs off the deck of the Titanic.

2. Putting down hot wings and reaching for a mayo-burger.

3. Robbing Peter to pay Paul.

4. Robbing the fans of the Timberwolves to pay the ego of the owner of the Timberwolves.

5. Not being able to decide between Ranch and Blue Cheese, so telling the waitress you want them "both on the side".

6. Just dumping them both on your salad anyway.

7. Dropping out of Brown College and taking online courses at Capella University.

8. Firing a dumb idiot coach who has no business whatsoever even pouring drinks at the Bulldog let alone coaching millionaires in a sport and replacing him with an animated corpse, one so fucking dumb and incompetent that he somehow replaced ISAIAH FUCKING THOMAS as the dumbest, most inept GM in all of sport, a man who traded the franchise away like he makes a cup of coffee, with a tremendous amount of fucking-up, a man who broke the only thing that was good about Basketball in Minnesota, and then assembled the most awful team he could, a man who should've been fired 6 years ago, when he ballsed up the Joe Smith signing, a man who is grossly incompetent, a bad coach, a horrible GM, a dumb human being, the bane of my existence and the reason that I don't even like the fucking sport of basketball anymore.


Happy guessing!

December 5, 2008

Liveblogging Wolves/Nets

I also will be checking in on the more important MAC Championship between Ball St. and Buffalo.

OK, here we go. Mike Miller is wearing a suit and tie I wore for band rehearsal in Jr. High. New uniforms, they look like warm-ups. Izod Center. Izod . . . the cheap polos? Announcers keep on saying "Yi" for some reason. Good courtside rows still available. Crowd only cares when Vince has the ball. Check that, good Izod Centers still available for this game. Oh god Lopez. Child still coaches the Nets. Vince might scored 90 this game. So, the Izod Center. Izod . . . where did you get the money? Or is this a sign of the times. Bombs away for the Nets. I have seen Al Jefferson play for 5 minutes and it is a shame he plays for the Wolves. He is better than that. Yi from 3, good. Yi for 3, good. Lopez. Whatever worked in college, not so much in the pros. McCants with the tatts. It is just Foye and Jefferson for Wolves offense, everyone else wants the game to be over. 31-17 end of the 1st. It is not that the Wolves are bad, they don't care (less Jefferson). The Nets are now playing "who can hit the longest 3?". With the score 34-17, announcer says, "Wolves have yet to find their equilibrium." Really? Jesus, just disband Wolves. Do everyone a favor. Oh Christ, there is a guy in a yellow suit, Monday night football style, selling tickets for Wolves games in a commercial. Priceless shot of Wittman with a face palm. Madsen dribbling. The Nets are losing interest.

They need to pick it up in the football game, you know?

Lopez will be a Wolve someday. He is destined. Another missed shot by Lopez, awkward player. Don Overbeck commercials are kind of cool. Yi from 3, good.

The first half is over and was very painful to watch. I will now watch this game while splitting time with MAC football and Mich./Michigan St. hockey. Again, very painful to watch the Wolves.

The Nets only try when the Wolves get within 7 or so. Yi from 3, good. Devin Harris isn't bad. 70-51 Nets. Announcer says, "Wolves are teetering right now". I'm out.