November 29, 2008

An Occurance In The Association

Consult your zodiacs for more information, but last night, two teams that I refuse to recognize as professional basketball organizations played each other in Okla-fucking-homa.

The game was as meaningless as the parties involved. Huzzah!

November 19, 2008

The Sideshow Grinds On

(I don't mean to double post for this blog today, but the Wolves did win, which can give some of you regulars a brief smile. But this has been brewing and I have to beat Dave to it)

I can write this in the grandstands, surrounded by eager audience members. They are all enjoying the entertainment in the center ring as they usually do. None of them know why I am here or what notes I'm taking. It's just that, as they stare at the lion and other acts in the ring...I'm looking off to the side. There's a show to the side, despite the little attention it draws. I wonder if anyone else is noticing this act. I'd say a snarky comment to someone near me, but it's fairly clear that they aren't looking at the sideshow. I fear I'll catch the eye of the sideshow's performers. We'll only lock eyes for a second - not even a moment - but that will do plenty. Much like the scene in The Warriors when the disco prom kids get on the train, our shared view of each other says more than a string of words ever could.

Fried foods and an overall toxic atmosphere surrounded your writer when I was at the circus the other night. It was during a rare miscue for the center ring. I brought up the sideshow, just to see what they'd say. Of course, they had NO thoughts. They aren't interested (and larger groups of people pretending to be interested) in anything else but the center ring.

The sideshow has been right there every year the circus has been in town. This decade, it's been right next to the center ring. It's closer by location though, not by talent. I often wonder if those in the sideshow feel any guilt. Perhaps there is a weather-beaten pride that exists that someone IS watching and that someone does care. This is a lonely feeling, I can only guess. They aren't getting paid in this circus to fail or to not entertain. Instead they are getting paid while poorly doing their job. And so, before the circus came to town this year fanfare was made - the "ringmaster" (something that deserves quotes for a sideshow if anything ever has) was removed from his duties. This hardly seems like the big solution, or the one thing preventing those in the sideshow to move to the center ring. (Or take it over, when you consider the owner of the sideshow is more concerned that you purchase a high rise condo in a nowhere neighborhood because there's "only 85 left!" and they're "priced to sell!")

Just watching failure makes anyone uncomfortable. It can be avoided: channel changed, eyes away or closed. It's selfish to say "I'm going to pay attention to the circus, maybe even go a few times, once it's good." But the center ring and the sideshow owe you nothing unless you have paid your own money to see the entertainment in person. Strange, isn't it, that I can find very little news about the sideshow. There's no travelling writer for the sideshow in the largest newspaper where this circus calls home. There is also no "blog" in this paper's website for the sideshow. As a matter of fact, the news of a stupendously unimpressive feat of strength in a barnstorming town received little fanfare. This newspaper printed an anonymous story from the Associated Press.

Whenever the weather gets colder (and we're told it will, eventually and for only a brief period) it is fair for this prognostication: the sideshow will remain a curio. It will be left to its own and ignored. Not out of shame, but indifference. Like that grocery store you visit because it's so odd, knowing full well they won't have what you need. I plan on giving sideshow reports from time to time. This will occur only so I shall remember that it exists at all.

The Timberwolves Are Leading At The Half

I think we all see where this is going.

November 14, 2008

“With The First Pick..."

In the 2008 Development League draft the Tulsa 66ers select: Chris Richard.”

Wow. Here's to a wonderful new "career."

Ouch. Didn't get into the first round the first time around, but he's #1 now.

November 8, 2008

Live Blogging Tonight's Wolves Game vs. Portland

1. The game begins.

2. The Wolves aren't losing by 20 at the half.

3. I'm very curious to see how the Wolves are going to balls this up.

4. Oh. There you go.

Two statements:

The list of Wolves players who can make a fucking shot is - Mike Miller and Mike Miller.

Kevin Love doesn't look like he's used to losing. Give it some time, Kev.

November 6, 2008

All Alone, No One To Be With, Stepped Off The D Train At 205th

I'm going to need a little Slick Rick and a whole lot of Gentleman J-Bomb to get me through another season of this garbage. I have completely lost my love of the NBA as an institution, barely hanging on to a slight enjoyment of even PLAYING basketball at this point. THANKS GLEN! I think it's the incompetence that was building my dislike of the Association, like some festering sore, a blooming stink-plant. And then of course it was Deadzo's Big Decision that iced it, it was like cutting the power on a small town... I wandered out into the dark streets and realized it was all just a lie, all of this light. I looked to the skies and saw all I needed to get by. Gone was the illusion, here forevermore was The Truth. The simple facts that the NBA was being run by men barely competent enough to pee into a urinal, let alone guide a franchise towards any sort of sustained success. Simmons has the pizza analogy (the idea that running a successful NBA franchise is like making a frozen pizza, a fairly simple concept, and yet most GMs just can't wait for the pizza to be done, so they pull it out while it's still cold, or they pull it out and eat it right away, not letting it cool properly, and they burn their mouth. Despite everyone telling them to simply be patient, add the cheese at this time, take it out and set it to cool, then slice it, then serve it, they all inevitably rush into stupidness and ruin a simple procedure), but I'll go one better. Most NBA GMs could fuck up a glass of ice water with ice. Their shit would come out Kool Aid.

Anyway, that's pretty much what did it for me. To this day I have still heard no justification that would ever make me think that trading KG was not a horribly stupid move. I'm still open to that discussion. But my emotion runs strong... I have inner dialogue on it, and you will never understand what I say to myself when the lights are out. Everyone seems to have accepted it, some sort of twisted Minnesotan version of passive anger, watching another star leave amidst lies and dumbness, and we go to preseason games to cheer Corey Brewer because he's like, good enough to be the 8th man, or something. It's all just a joke anyway. Before I watch a Wolves game, I'm checking to see if the Wild are on. Yeah. That's goddamned pathetic, I know. But there you are.

Still though, even a child could come in with observations for this year, and that's what I aim to do, soldier:


The Oklahoma Supersonics (we won't be referring to them by any other name this year) Are Dogshit Terrible, Like The Bobcats, But Unlike The Bobcats, They Have A Coach Who Is Both Good At Choking AND At Getting Choked

Does anyone see any hope for this wayward franchise? Are they trying to syphon thunder (ughhhhhhhhhhhhh) off of the Texas Triangle? Hey, Kevin Durant is a good scorer, except sometimes he goes 3-20, and that's when you think about stealing that franchise in the first place.

Improvement In The East, Except Not

Does adding AI put Detroit into the mix? Does Brand make the Sixers a contender? Do the Cavs have what it takes? Let me tell you something, when opposing teams go up against the Boston Celtics, they all seem to forget that the Celtics are run by a coach who puts on his shoes backwards in the morning. Yet somehow, every single team seems to play scared, and the Celtics run roughshod over all of them. Part of it is ghetto ball, and I of course give props to guys like Rondo for that, for he is a man who Knows No Set Plays. Which makes him perfect for Doc, because Doc can't call his voicemail, let alone a play. All of these developments in the East aren't going to matter until a team can go into the Fleet Bank Wachovia West America Bank Arena formerly known as The Garden and actually COMPETE with the Celtics. Until then, I see nothing in the way of a repeat.

Meanwhile In The West, Basketball Is Still Played Consistently Good

I'd be lying if I could tell you what to expect out of the West this year... the Spurs just had to go to double OT to take out the Lady Gophers, the Lakers look as tough as they ever had, and the Hornets came damn close to doing it last year. The Lesser Teams on the west coast have all gotten more ghetto, and the Rockets are supposedly all that. Then the Nugs go out and have themselves some, but they're still coached by Ronnie Roundbelly, so I wouldn't count on anything to develop there. Each team has a few flaws, but the level of play is pretty high, and there is quite a lot of proven talent out there. Which leads me to...

I Turned Down Free Timberwolves Tickets So I Could Go Home And Watch "Mannequin"

I look at this team, and honestly, I think they're worse than last year. At least last year, there were a bunch of hungry guys competing for playing time and a paycheck. So now they've jettisoned the extra pieces, and now everyone knows they're getting their touches, and there is NO REASON TO TRY AT ALL. The defense is a terrible joke, the kind that is told in mixed company, ends in a racial slur and uncomfortable silence. The coach is the worst coach in NBA history, just consult his record for confirmation of that. Sure, there's presence inside. But the draft was fucked up worse than a spilled cup of Maxwell House. And the wing players are only good at one element of the game, and deficient in all others. I'm not kidding about "Mannequin" either. It's got Andrew McCarthy in it. And I watched it rather than go to a Wolves game for free. And I was downtown at the time.

Stephon Marbury

I figure we should at least end this with a smile.