May 30, 2007

Shaq Part II...Well, Minus 10....

So Kobe wants out of Los Angeles, huh? Gee, I wish the Timberwolves front office had the ability to do anything about the availablity of one of the best players in the world. I would be willing to put aside my dislike of #24 if it meant KG could win a championship. I also wish that there was a chance that Kobe would want to play next to KG in Minnesota. You can wish in one hand and-I know. I just shit in my hand.

The fact that I'm a fan of one of the worst run organizations in sports means I probably won't get to watch Kobe in blue and black but it doesn't mean I can't enjoy watching teams try to acquire him while owner Jerry Buss - that's Dr. Buss to you drunky - rides GM Mitch Kupchak like a three legged pony in a mustard eating contest. Yeah, I don't know what that means either.

Anyways, on with the show...

So who has a shot at winning this seasons version of Who Wants A Laker? Let's find out!

Our contestants come to us from varying levels of interest and ability. Sure, there are some long shots but just because they have less than 1 in 1 million chances of happening, we didn't keep them out!

Sacramento Kings

Give: Ron Artest, Mike Bibby, #10 pick(Yi Jianlian / Acie Law IV)
Get: Kobe Bryant

Bibby and Artest are big enough names to be known in Hollywood and have been, in the recent past, very good players. Bibby would definitely benefit from a change of scenery and would be a good fit for the PG in the triangle offense. Two things stand in the way of this deal. One, the Maloofs refusal to trade with the Lakers based on principle would, in theory, make them reject this deal. But Kobe may be big enough for them to soften their stance a bit. The Lakers wouldn’t want Kobe to be in the same division because they’d have to face him 4 times a year, not to mention staying in the same state may take some of the Lakers fan base further North. But - hey, don't they have a coaching vacancy too? Hmmm...

New Jersey Nets

Give: Richard Jefferson, Marcus Williams, Antoine Wright, #17 pick(Josh McRoberts / Thaddeus Young)
Get: Kobe Bryant

Richard Jefferson is a fairly good name, but not huge. Both Williams and Wright are solid youngsters who could grow into solid pros. This would be a salary cap move for the most part and, looking at Mr. Buss’ past, could be a likely move if he’s going to have to move his gold coin. Plus he would only have to face an angry Kobe twice a year. New Jersey would want to do this deal because they they’d get to have Kobe and Kidd together. They would then only hope that Vince opts out and leaves. They’d win huge. Kobe in Brooklyn? I think Jay-Z just peed his pants a little bit.

Phoenix Suns

Give: Amare Stoudemire, Raja Bell, Marcus Banks, #24 pick, #29 pick
Get: Kobe Bryant

The Lakers end up with a marketable star in Stoudemire and two extra first round picks in a deep draft. But maybe most importantly they get Kobe’s nemesis in Raja Bell. That way, when they play four times a year, Buss can be on the other side of the Bryant-Bell Bitchfest. The Suns fix their supposed chemistry problem (while possibly giving themselves a new one) and give themselves an amazing piece to add to the D’Antoni puzzle. How many do you think Kobe could average with 20 extra possessions?

Indiana Pacers

Give: Jermaine O’neal, Danny Granger, and Marquis Daniels
Get: Kobe Bryant, Kwame Brown

Jermaine is a big name star who could use a change of scenery and is apparently being shopped by Indiana. Granger is a young up and comer who can play the 2-3 and even a little 4. Most importantly though the Lakers would rid themselves of Kwame Brown and could then begin to forget the mistake of trading for him. The only problem is that the Pacers have no picks this year with which to sweeten the pot and, because of the new CBA, cannot trade next years first rounder because they traded this years - that is if I interpreted that correctly which I may not have. Of course that might be a price Buss would be willing to pay to move Kobe to the Eastern Conference.

Memphis Grizzlies

Give: Pau Gasol, Rudy Gay, Hakim Warrick, #4 pick (Al Horford / Joakim Noah)
Get: Kobe Bryant, #19

This is a long shot although if I were Memphis I’d try to work something out and try to convince Jerry West to stay on in some capacity just to entice Kobe. Memphis would be fairly dumb to do the deal. Then again, you did already get screwed in the Draft Lottery so what do you have to lose? You would immediately sell out every game not to mention all the #24 jerseys you would sell right out of the gate. The Lakers get a solid star, and all-rookie performer, and a solid bench player to ease the rebuilding process. Mostly this deal comes up because it involves The Logo.

Philadelphia 76ers

Give: Andre Miller, Andre Iguodala, Kyle Korver, and #12 pick (Jeff Green / Al Thornton)
Get: Kobe Bryant, Jordan Farmar

I know, I know, the Philly fans love to boo Kobe every time he shows up but seriously, who in Philly wouldn’t want to have their hometown star back home? I don’t like Kobe but I’d be happy to have a player of his caliber on my team. After Iverson was traded to Denver last year Iguodala began to show his true abilities. He does a little bit of everything ala Shawn Marion, but at the SG spot. Sure you give up your point guard of the future but don’t forget that Andre Miller led the league in assists 5 seasons ago and has yet to get comfortable since leaving Cleveland. Korver is one of the league’s premier three-point specialists who would keep the lane open for Bynum and A.I..

Milwaukee Bucks

Give: Michael Redd, Charlie Villenueva, Mo Williams, #6 pick (Mike Conley, Jr. / Corey Brewer)
Get: Kobe Bryant

Sure this deal would be terrible, but how fitting would it be that Kobe and Kareem would have one more link between them? It’d never happen, but I couldn’t resist the history.

Miami Heat

Give: Jason Williams, Udonis Haslem, Dorell Wright, #20 pick
Get: Kobe Bryant

Oh c’mon, how can you not look at reuniting Shaq and Kobe? Then add Dwayne Wade? Sure, there might not be enough balls to go around but don’t tell me you wouldn’t watch. Not to mention that if there’s a front office executive crazy enough to try it, it’s Pat Riley. He’d probably even be able to lure Kareem out of retirement to back up Shaq instead of Zo. Clearly for the Lakers this would just be some cap work not to mention a terrible deal, but wouldn’t it be something? Just imagine: “Kobe picks Dirk’s pocket, outlet pass to Wade, lob to Shaq, OH BABY! The Diesel brings down the house!” It's like an all-star game. Every night. In Miami instead of L.A.

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