Timberwolves Den

The Greatest Thing Ever

2012-01-25T23:08:00.000-06:00

Let the circle be unbroken

2012-01-24T19:52:00.000-06:00

Look at this photo. GRIM FACES.

"Uh...we had to make a change...uhhhh...Randy'll take this team and derp de derpy doooo."

A quick summary of the recent performance of the Washington Bullets. (Yeah, when I wanted to get this photo, that's what I entered into Google...it took me to their page, but we can dream)

After a year off, Flip is coach of the team, and each year gets worse for a myriad of reasons
The "Whiz" start this season at the bottom of the barrel
Randy Wittman will coach the rest of the season

I'm not writing this post for any kind of analysis beyond the thought that Randy Wittman himself will make the team good. Making the playoffs isn't a good yardstick in the East, since you can be .439 and grab that 8 seed. Still, I challenge the Bull-er, Whiz to prove me wrong. Anytime you have a chance to get a coach with a .326 winning percentage, you have to make that move.

Ricky Rubio: Haters Beware

2012-01-20T21:52:00.001-06:00

Remember all the people who immediately called the Wolves stupid for drafting Rubio? All they could talk about was how he wasn’t going to play here, ever, and if he did, he’d suck. I’m not going to say that I was sure he would find his way into a Wolves jersey but I can’t say as though I ever doubted that it was a bad pick. The value was always there, even if we were forced to trade him. Then, when he announced he was coming, those folks decided that he was going to suck. Out loud. Sure, he’d had a down year in Spain but he was playing at a higher level than he had played, in different role, and he was getting much less playing time than he was used to. Oh, and he wasn’t trying to Git Buckets. He was trying to fill a roll his team needed him to fill. Everything I read NOT written in the U.S. was positive about him but here, all they could talk about was how his stats were down across the board.

Yeah, in 32 minutes a game he’s scoring 10.7 points per game and a whopping 8.3 assists per game. Anyone who expects more out of a rookie point guard doesn’t pay much attention to basketball. Sure, they can throw Chris Paul at me, but he’s a freak – always has been, always will be. Sure, he’s not Magic Johnson, but the Wolves aren’t the Lakers. James and Kareem would do wonders for Ricky too – not to take away from the Magic of Ervin.

But if you take a look at a number of similar players – point guards taken in the top-10 and some later round surprises that have become leaders at the position – Ricky looks like he’s doing just fine thank you very much. Yeah, he’s not lighting up the league like Chris Paul or Derrick Rose did in their rookie years, but he’s out performing Rajon Rondo and Tony Parker in their first years in the league. Ray Felton and D.J. Augustin aren’t necessarily guys you want to compare a top-5 pick to, but he’s on par with them in their rookie years overall. His 8.3 assists per game rank pretty high as far as rookies go. It hurts me, but that’s the number Marbury put up his rookie year and, despite his short comings overall, he was as impressive a point guard the Wolves have ever had. He helped them to the playoffs for the first time, he assisted in their first 50-win season before turning into a total asshole.

It’s early in a shortened season but I have one message to anyone who doubted Ricky’s skills. Suck it. Suck it long and suck it hard. The kid can play, that much we know. Will he become an All-Star? Who knows. But can the kid play PG in the NBA? Yes, yes he can. And no one is happier to see that than me.

Is it... safe?

2012-01-19T09:55:00.003-06:00

Can I.... Is it ok if I let my hands fall to my sides a little bit? Can I let the guard down for a minute?

Is... is K-K... Kevin still in charge?

What? WHAT?!?! The team plays defense??? The coach is competent??? The young stars are showing signs of fundamental improvement???

WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MINNESOTA BASKETBALL?!?!?

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Last night was the biggest win of the season. I'm not kidding. Sure, you may say "It's only the Pistons, at home... they SHOULD beat them." And that's exactly it. They've shown us all exactly how good they are. They are 6-8. They are hovering around .500, and will likely end the season somewhere around there. You know what that means? That means they might, could, possibly, maybe, contend for a play---

OH DON'T JINX IT!

But yes, they are 6-8. They are not great. They have flaws like every other "middle" team. But sweet Moses, they are a middle team. They are as middle as it gets. I never thought it would be so good just to be mentioned in the same breath as Portland and Houston.

Last year, they were so horribly inconsistent and awful. Look at the record... they would beat Indiana and Utah, back to back, at home... and then lose 15 games in a row. They would beat Houston at home, and then go get done by Indiana and Philadelphia. There was no momentum at all, and they hardly ever won games they should have won.

It's changed this year. Rick has the team playing up to their potential and at their talent level. A team like Detroit comes in, and the Wolves find a way to win a game when they couldn't shoot for shit. They keep working the offense, keep plugging away on defense, toughen up the paint (I'm seriously loving that on-the-block defense... it hasn't been here since, what, Joe Smith? Oh christ....), and they come out with a win against an inferior opponent.

So many things to celebrate... but let's stop for a moment to consider that statement. "Inferior opponent". There are other teams that are worse off than the Wolves now. IT'S BEEN YEARS.

So sign Love. Extend Rubio. Dump Beasley, or not. Just keep the coach. Keep improving. The slow burn of NBA Rebuilding is warming the room. I'm ready to emerge from this dark dungeon. Like Bubs, I think I deserve a meal at that table now.

It's been long enough.

Was "Phil Jackson to Mike Brown" the biggest drop in coaching talent in sports history?

2012-01-08T20:30:00.000-06:00

Serious question here. To watch the Lakers this season is to watch the Cleveland Cavs from 3 years ago. Good talent, defensively sound, absolutely no identity. And the players barely acknowledge the coach's existence. But that got me thinking... have we ever seen a drop-off in talent like this? Let's take a look:

Tony Dungy to Jim Caldwell
One speaks eloquently and understands the game of football. The other one closes his mouth only when he tastes a lemon.
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Bill Parcells to Wade Phillips
Oh dear. The look on Wade Phillips' face is one of complete confusion 98% of the time. The other 2% are when he is giggling like a school-boy because some White Boy Roy from Sconnie returns a pick for 6. Either way, Parcells wins in every single category, especially brain cells.
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Flip Saunders to Kevin McHale

Here's some home-town flavor. Was there a single smart person in the world who thought this was a good move? I remember this news was broken to me by Mr. Driznewski at a drinking establishment wherein he happened to be working as a bouncer. It was announced through grit teeth. Anger was high, and we all knew where it would lead: 6 years (and counting!) of utter irrelevance and failure. Flip has gone on to have an uneven career, but McHale has gone on to be the most worthless person, ever.

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Dick Vermeil to Mike Martz
Sure, Martz made it back to the Big Bowl. But the look on his face should tell you all you need to know. Confusion, 24 hours a day. Plus, at every stop since, he's been an utter failure, and has left the organization in worse standing than when he got there.
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Mike Holmgren to Ray Rhodes
The Packers had to replace a Super Bowl winning coach when he bolted suddenly. Instead of hiring someone smart, they went with Ray Rhodes. He inherited one of the best teams in the NFL and went 8-8, their only non-winning season in 12 years.
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Terry Ryan to Bill Smith
Not a coaching change, but this had to be one of the biggest drops in front-office talent ever recorded. Terry Ryan was good at the following things: evaluating talent, planning for the future, trading for prospects, drafting, signing contracts, keeping payroll manageable. Bill Smith was good at the following things: eating donuts.
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Phil Jackson to Tim Floyd
This was the first Phil retirement, and it sure did bode well for the Bulls. In one season, they lost Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman and Phil Jackson. They got Tim Floyd and a decade of failure instead.
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And that brings us to Fail City. Is it as bad? At first, I have to think that the fall-off between Phil and Tim was worse, but time's going to tell on this one. With every Laker game I watch, I see Mike Brown becoming more and more of a laugher on the sidelines. If they miss the playoffs this year, it will be the greatest thing ever. I wouldn't put it past them.

Hey Louisville, I've got an idea...

2011-12-31T12:50:00.001-06:00

Shoot your way out of it.

Can I Get An Amen...

2011-12-16T22:18:00.001-06:00

for the ad on ESPNs NBA page...

"Oh, you guys wanna make a trade?"

2011-12-15T18:58:00.000-06:00

"Maybe I can be of some help?"

"No. Anyone else? Lakers? No. Orlando, you better...no. Nope. I decide where players play."

(The phone rings)

"Very funny, who changed Donald Sterling's phone ID to 'Archie Bunker?' Hello, Donald. (pause) You know what, I said no before, but since someone here will be fined for changing your caller I.D. you can make that trade."

Just in case it wasn't clear before, the NBA Players Union did not "win" with their new deal. They lost. Sure, they may have won "concessions" but to Stern (a lawyer) he defended his client (owner's typical bullshit) and can once again lord over his employees...which is what they really are.

For the Clippers, they've had money...not as much as the Lakers, but they've had it. Sterling, a very uneven miser, simply couldn't attract talent to the team. More often than not, a meeting with him would seal the deal: the player would go elsewhere. And even with this trade, the Clips still have moves they need to make. (They likely won't or will make dumb moves, but still...)

Lest we forget about David's LOVE of TV markets and ratings. Therefore, this trade makes complete sense to David because:
1. By trading away the best player of a league-owned team, they can then work on the dwindling fan interest as they see fit, and then choose to move it (or fold it) whenever they'd like. Maybe Eric Gordon can be the franchise, right?
2. By directing Paul to the Clippers, he gets his wish: another big talent in LA, but this time with the other team. This helps the ratings (in theory) and makes David look like he's holding his end of the deal from the lockout agreement.
3. If anyone is against this deal from a New Orleans perspective, David can play the "I sure wish someone would take over this franchise/I'm a single mom working two jobs" card. Here's his quote after the trade went down:

"It was not my favorite role, but I did it," Stern said. "... I must confess that it wasn't a lot of fun."

You had to have been a nervous wreck, David. Hey Derek Fisher, you were in all the meetings with him, and as union president watched your initial demands dwindle down like the casual fan's interest. What do YOU think of the trade?

"I just think the overall approach to things in this business is getting a little bit difficult to stomach."

Too bad you haven't had a chance to change anything. Well, Sterling continues to do his thing, David pulls the strings, and people complain as they always do. But you know, I'm no Laker fan, but I do follow the Clips...and they've fucked up so many times, maybe the league literally had to shove a great player to the team. You could ask anyone on the Clippers staff to make you a sandwich, and an hour later you'd find a ring of bologna on the floor and the bread unopened as they "are in the process of moving forward." So, again, merely as a fan, I think this is fantastic!

Then again...maybe it's the fact that a fucking sleazeball runs the league and the team I've chosen to give mild interest to is one of the worst over its history...maybe that's why I don't like the NBA. Enough about me, how are those Clippers car flags coming?

The Orlando Coffee Filters

2011-12-12T11:01:00.000-06:00

Want to know the sure-fire way to fail at running a sports organization?

Start taking advice from your players as to who you should acquire.

I don't know who this Otis Smith is. If it's the same guy whose NBA Hoops card I had back in the early 90s, then I have to say, nice knee-pads. But one thing I do know is that he sounds like he's lucky to have a job.

From what I can gather on the Magic, their success has been pretty simple. They got the first pick and drafted Dwight Howard. Then, as teams will do, they began the almighty Pursuit To Surround The Star Player With A Talented Team. They went after Rashard Lewis, which seemed like a steep price to pay, but it worked out. They drafted Jameer Nelson, which was a good choice. They lucked into a resurgent year from Hedo Turkey, and they went to the Finals. That was neat.

Since then, there has been MOUNTAINS of coffee on the floor.

Vince Carter. Gilbert Arenas. Jason Richardson. Quentin Richardson. Just one fail after another, as Dwight's prime wastes away. Hey, you don't have explain this shit to me. We lived through Bowl of Kandi and Anthony Peeler. It's no fun trying to fit pieces together that just don't fit.

But when you start letting the star player have input on personnel moves, you're days are numbered.

You can't win in that situation, Otis. If you do what he wants, sure he might be happy, but that's just going to erode your power. If you say no, you piss him off and then he comes out and demands a trade. By the time you've said "Hey Dwight, what do you think about...", you've lost.

What's the solution? How about DO YOUR JOB.

When someone is the GM of a team, they have the ultimate and final say. They take input from their staff, but it all comes down to them. Who is their "staff"? The people they hire specifically to advise them. Unless I'm mistaken, Dwight's paycheck doesn't contain an "advising" salary. He's really good at basketball. Probably not so much at navigating the salary cap.

But this is the world of a modern-day NBA GM. There are literally 10 of them that are competent. The rest are running around making decisions with absolutely no thought to any sort of organizational plan. Every move occurs in a vacuum. "Hey we got this guy, we should build our team aroun- ARE YOU OFFERING ME CHRIS KAMAN, YES I WILL TAKE HIM." To teams like the Lakers, Heat, Mavs, Knicks, etc, it doesn't matter... because players will fall into their laps. If LA dumps Odom and Pau, they'll just get back Howard. But teams like Milwaukee and Philly.... you have to have a goddamned plan. You have to put pieces in slowly, and develop them into a cohesive team. It's the same with Orlando. Big moves aren't going to fall into your lap. You have to build it one piece at a time.

So, as it starts to erode for the Magic, we learn another great lesson about the NBA. Stars are going to do whatever they want, and the GM position is really just a joke for the majority of the teams in the league. Why even have one if you're just going to ask your star who he would rather play with? "Hey I played with this guy back in B-more, we should sign him even though he doesn't believe in playing defense."

The good thing for Dwight? If he gets traded to the Lakers, he won't have to worry about a GM not taking his advice. He'll just have a constant rotation of superstars stopping over in LA on their way to a gift championship.

Sometimes this league just brings me down.

Plant a little garden, eat a lot of peaches, try to find Jesus, on your own...

2011-12-08T14:37:00.001-06:00

That ol' train is roaring down the line, and we're banking hard into another season of gambling and basketball. First, let's lay a few lines down and see where this gets us:

NBA ROOKIE OF THE YEAR
Derrick Williams +350
Ricky Rubio +800

Hmmmmmm.... this is tough. At first glance, I would say no way is Williams going to get this, because the Wolves aren't going to run the type of offense that is going to feature him (I'm thinking Love is going to be getting Hogg Points all year long). But look at the rest of that rookie class: Enes Kanter is +500, as is Jimmer Fredette. Ugh. Neither of them has a chance in hell. But then, in order for Williams to do well, Rubio's going to have to get him the ball, which should boost his own totals. There's no way you take Rubio to win rookie of the year, unless they base that award on "number of re-donkey-kong passes he throws between his legs". He's likely to get tired in the second half of the season and they'll likely be out of contention before that anyway. So, Williams? Sure, I guess. Why not?

NBA MVP
Kevin Durant +400

Isn't this free money? Look at the other guys at +400: Derrick Rose and LeBron. Ok, Rose has a shot... but the Bulls won't be as good this year as they were last year, and I don't trust him to be able to lift the entire team. And LeBron? HA HA HA, Wade won't let him win the MVP. He'll take it away like a parent takes away a child's toy. So doesn't Durant make the most sense? He's the clear points leader not only on the team but in the Western conference. And the team keeps getting better... this could be the year that the Thunder go to the finals. Oh, maybe the Lakers will knock them off... oh wait, who is the coach again? WRONG CHOICE.

NBA Championship
Miami Heat +250

I know. It pains me too.

Look, I went at this thing from every possible angle. I considered a fellow blog who mentioned that the Clippers at 50-1 was a decent long-shot, being that they are a team on the rise and could swing a mid-season trade. Or the Magic, who could get hot in Dwight's last year and make 20-1 look like a steal.

But let's be honest. This is Team Stern. The two favorites to win the title this year are Miami and the Lakers. The Bulls are not far behind. Stern still believes that the way the NBA grows stronger is if the same 4-5 teams keep making deep runs year after year. Parity is his enemy. He likes the little guys to put up fights, but he knows that the big stars are what get the big ratings. He'll have the Heat in the championship again if it kills him. Same with the Lakers... they are aging and will be coached by a buffoon. But do you know how popular Kobe is around the world? Instant Finals ticket. I'd love to sit here and say "MEMPHIS HAS GOT A SHOT IF THEY STAY HEALTHY", but they don't. Sorry. David won't let them.

NCAA might keep UConn out of NCAA tournament...

2011-10-27T17:01:00.001-05:00

... and in related news, Major League Baseball announced they are kicking the Yankees out of the playoffs, because they "bring in too much money".

Oh really, NCAA? You're going to hold the University of Connecticut out of the tournament because their ballers get bad grades? How much money do you think you're going to lose by doing this? Millions? You wouldn't want anyone in that area to watch your tournament now, would you? You wouldn't want all that revenue to dry up would you? What a joke.

Here is the exact timeline of how this is going to go down.

1. We have some bullshit announcement about how the NCAA is cracking down on bad programs and is not going to let in some powerhouse schools because they can't get good grades. This makes the NCAA look like they are doing something, anything, other than filling their pockets with cash and getting fat off a free product.

2. UConn (and specifically Calhoun) are going to RAISE HELL and call the scumbag down at headquarters, use the F word approximately 100 times in a minute, and remind them that coffee (and tournament appearances) are for closers only.

3. In a month, a small press release will come out regarding this "change"... surprisingly, they are pushing back implementation of the standards until 2014 at the earliest.

4. Everyone who works for the NCAA, everyone who works for the conferences, and every single person who makes millions of dollars off of free athletes will eat a meal that costs more than my car.

There's room in the middle

2011-07-26T10:04:00.002-05:00

And no, that's not a reference to cheese curds.

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In the summer of 2007, Kevin McHale decided he didn't want professional basketball to succeed in Minnesota. This was preceded by three awful years of futility, and followed by something even worse: irrelevancy. He traded away the only true superstar the team has ever seen, and replaced him with marketing nightmares. "Come see Al Jefferson stand by while people dunk!" - "Hey kids, come on down and see Sebastian Telfair throw the basketball into the stands!" It was clear in July of 2007 that the Wolves would be occupying the basement for sometime. The team, though the expectations were extremely low, still managed to underperform. The future was dark then, completely black without hope. Now? There's a glimmer. And it has nothing at all to do with the Wolves.

In the 2000s, the League suddenly got frighteningly good. The Lakers began the decade with dominance, and managed to peak again towards the end. The Spurs took 3 titles in 5 years. The Mavericks have been a 50-60 win team for the entire decade, and the Kings only recently fell off. The Suns were fantastic in the middle, and the Magic emerged in the later half. Detroit went to the conference finals for SIX consecutive seasons. The Celtics, of course, got lucky because Deadzo likes to trade good players for not-good ones. Then there's the Cavs, and now the Heat. Let's not forget the bottom of the upper crust... teams like Denver and Chicago, who have spent a few years toying with the greats. Amidst all of this, there was absolutely a zero chance for the Wolves to compete. None. Even the teams in the middle: Atlanta, Memphis, Utah, Portland... these teams were LIGHT YEARS ahead of Minnesota. Dark future indeed.

So what has happened recently? First, ever since Pau Gasol started it (and LeBron kicked it into full gear), we've seen a definite movement in top-shelf talent towards already successful teams. Chris Paul will do it too. The underside of these kinds of moves is personified in Amare and Carmelo... two guys who decided it was in their best interest (and certainly NOT for the money) to go to a New York team that had absolutely no recent success, and would have absolutely no surrounding cast to offer them. They did this, presumably, because playing in New York is more fun than winning basketball games. And if Stern wasn't such a homer, and will undoubtedly be granting them every trade exception and signing loophole under the sun, they would suck for the next decade.

The second thing that happened was good old Father Time, that stubborn sumbitch who's dragging us all down to the Void. He slowly took out the Spurs, he's started in on the Lakers and Celtics, and he'll turn his sights to Dallas and Orlando next. These older players are not being replaced with the kind of talent that came along in the 2000s. OJ Mayo is not Dwyane Wade. As the olds fade away, the young guys haven't yet developed into top-flight talent.

Ok, so this is all fine and dandy, but what does it mean for the Wolves? Well, look at Phoenix. They were firmly in the middle for the last 3 years, getting by with an aging Steve Nash, solid Amare, and some complimentary pieces. Now Amare disappears, Steve has no one to throw the ball to, and those complimentary pieces suddenly aren't nearly as good as they used to be. Welcome to mediocrity! The exact same thing happened to Denver, and will soon happen to New Orleans. This exodus of talent from mid-level teams, combined with the gradual decline of the veteran teams, creates a wide-open middle class in the NBA. Suddenly, teams like Oklahoma City are leaping right past the middle on their way to the upper crust. Portland is like one good move away from a title run. But yet Utah, Phoenix, Houston and San Antonio run the risk of not being good for a decade. Take a look at two of the last #1 seeds: San Antonio and Cleveland (two years ago). Oy. It happened in Cleveland... it's going to happen in San Antone. It might be slower, but it's going to happen.

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If the Wolves are looking for a model, they need look no further than Memphis. There was no discernible difference between the Grizz in 2006 and the Wolves in 2009. 22 wins, a roster steeped in young talent, a bad coach with bad players. Then they traded their best player for young pieces, and just kept acquiring younger players, drafting well, and keeping salary low. In the summer of 09, they make their move, going after Zach Randolph (a decision that was, how to say, mocked by this blog here). And what has happened? By toppling San Antonio and getting to the Conference Semifinals, they have firmly announced their arrival to at least the middle, if not the lower reaches of the upper crust. And all it took was a good 5 year plan, quality drafting, and taking one chance at a big contract.

This could happen in Minnesota. They are in position. Guys like Zach Randolph are out there... guys who have worn out their welcome with a specific team, but still have something to contribute. Guys like Arenas, Baron Davis, Rip Hamilton, etc. I'm not endorsing anyone in specific. That's another blog post. But one move could be all they need to at least get to the middle.

And once you get to the middle? Well, it's amazing how success can sometimes breed success. Look at Portland, Memphis, Chicago. You get on a roll, suddenly you can get the right kind of free agents, at appropriate prices, and teams want to deal with you.

Nothing's worse than the bottom. Nothing's worse than that dark night, lasting forever, sans hope. If you can get off the mat and compete for the 8th spot in the playoffs, hey, at least a few games a year actually mean something. That's better than we've had since 2005.

These are great

2011-06-22T17:24:00.001-05:00

Mark Alarie, Washington Bullets

2011-06-19T00:06:00.002-05:00

Recently, Dave Stryzinski loaned me a few magazines from Days Gone By, and I made it my mission to dig out as much gold as I could. That, of course, led me to pull out my own stash of Sports Illustrateds and see what I could find. Let's take a journey:

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"Young and Never Going To Amount To Jack Shit"

Ha ha ha, Glenn Rivers. He actually looks smarter in this picture than he does now.

Wow, I guess I forgot just how horrible the Magic were before they got Shaq and Penny. Jerry Reynolds?

Is this the All Knee Pad team? Ledell Eackles? I think he sold me my last Buick.

Something just isn't right with this Nets page...

.
.
.
.

DURFFFFFFFFFF!

This has to be the worst NBA team ever assembled. Blair Rasmussen? Come on, that's not a real name. And Joe Barry Carroll? Did you play for one season and die like you should have?

Now this is from a "Sports Illustrated for Kids" (which really is just Sports Illustrated For Idiots, come on, kids can understand sports, they don't need their own version of the magazine) and I normally wouldn't make fun of children (yes I would), but just picture a kid saying these words. "Twined means he swished the ball through the hoop." Yes, yes. Here, why don't you go eat this outside, sport.

It still hurts.

How much grease is on your hair? More than John Travolta movie....

2011-06-13T01:21:00.001-05:00

And,

I love this.

LeBron getting e'rybody fired up

2011-06-08T09:49:00.001-05:00

<p>&amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;So</p>

So this is the worst pre-game speech ever, right? The commenter on YouTube has it right... check out Mike Bibby at :05. He's laughing at what LeBron said. LAUGHING. He's thinking "You know, I heard Vlade give a better speech, and it was in Russian."

Everyone is falling all over themselves trying to compare LeBron to Jordan or Bird or Magic or whatever, and it keeps changing after every game. It's a product of our media worship, but also our dumbness. And hey, I'm no stranger to that... I'm enjoying the Long Slide Down as much as anyone because it means I get to watch GREENWAY GIT SOME FOR THE VIKES, YAHOOO!!!! But the point, Jack, is that LeBron can be a lot of things, but he has to be one of the worst leaders in NBA history. Not only is he NOT Jordan, he's kind of the anti-Jordan. Freak talent, no leadership whatsoever.

When Jordan went into the hall of fame, he stood on the stage for 40 minutes and just ripped his competitors to shreds. He hadn't played in the NBA in 5 years, and he had people squirming in their seats. LeBron can't even do that on the eve of game 4 of the Finals.

Whatever you say about him, however you look back on his career, there will always be the memory of the 2010 conference finals, when LeBron basically lost his mind: shooting free throws left-handed, completely folding down the stretch, then absolutely giving up in Game 6 - not a choke-job, just a flat-out quitting that you don't see outside Wolves games in March. We now know the true motivation for all this... he was on his way out the door and didn't actually want to win a championship, because he is a quitter. And no amount of Dwyane Wade championships are going to change what he is.

Analytical musings on why the Timberwolves won't be good until at least 2020

2011-05-31T17:35:00.002-05:00

Ok fine, you got me. It took me a long time to get here, and despite praising the fates of the franchise when Deadzo was finally cut loose, I now have to fully admit it...

David Kahn is as bad at being a General Manager as Deadzo was.

(almost-silent sobbing)

The reason it took me so long to get here is because the two men have such dramatically different styles. (puts on Bill Simmons skull-cap) You see, being with Deadzo was like dating a truly horrible woman for 10 years. It was awful, there were some ups and downs, and when it was over, I just wanted my next girlfriend to be completely different from that woman in every- oh goddamn hell, I can't write like that. Let's just say this:

One of the main goals of being a GM in the NBA is to evaluate players and sign, trade or draft them based on that evaluation. You see an unsigned free agent, you determine what he's worth, you call his agent, you negotiate, you end up signing him. Sometimes you have to call other GMs to see if certain players are available, you make offers, etc. This evaluation is absolutely paramount in the NBA. It drives all GMs internally, whether they care to admit it or not.

So, the next question is, how do you determine which guys are "your guys"? What type of team do you put together, which types of players do you target, and what are your goals? GMs have their marching orders from ownership, yes, but not really. The NBA is wickedly cost-controlled, with both a cap and a spending floor that teams can't go beneath. Almost every team spends up and over the cap... the only real difference is how much luxury tax the individual teams are willing to pay. The teams that have dogshit payrolls usually have dogshit attendance (LIKE OUR WOLVES), and that too plays out accordingly. But still, this all only matters in terms of a dollar figure... it doesn't identify which players to target. And here is my assertion:

There are various spectra upon which every GM lies. Take for example "stats". GMs either put a lot of emphasis on individual concrete numbers (PER, +/-, PPG, etc) or they don't, and just look at raw talent. Then there's the "money" spectrum.... a cost-controlled GM only takes on guys for a short time and takes minimal risk, preferring to stay in the draft and develop players, whereas Isiah Thomas will just spend everything all the time because money means nothing to him. But then there's the "value" spectrum. This is how a GM assigns value to a player. And, not to go all Motorcycle Maintenance on you here, but the question of "value" really does lead to a question of "quality", and that can get real deep real quick.

One one end of this spectrum is the idea that you want to go get "Ballplayers". What the GM does is watch film (or live workouts) and judges a player based on skill and skill alone. This is the type of GM that says things like "you can't teach height" or "he's got a long lever". At the far extreme of this spectrum lies Kevin McHale. His entire career in judging talent was to look at raw skills of ballplayers and judge them (because he himself was a "ballplayer") as either worth it or not. He probably never looked at a stat or a salary in his life. He didn't care about any of that. Just look at the way the guy jumps, his "court vision" and "presence" and all other sorts of bullshit that means nothing. That's how McHale ran this team.... he epitomized the dumbest aspects of Minnesota sports (which is a WHOLE OTHER ARTICLE) which basically is the "I know more than everyone else" attitude.

Kahn is, of course, on the complete opposite side of the spectrum. It's almost as though he is unfamiliar with the sport of basketball. He sees only salaries and stats. He sees draft picks not as actual human beings, but chips in a stack. And he sees every contract as an "asset". He believes the number one goal of a sports team is to acquire the most assets possible. If he could, he'd carry a roster of 40 players, and just wheel and deal all day long. Kahn is the type of guy who will trade Jason Hart for a 2nd round pick and Alando Tucker. "Hey, if I trade this trash for that trash, I can acquire another piece of trash! Oh, and 2nd round picks are totally worth it and sometimes work out!"

When McFucko was fired, Kahn came in guns blazing. And he showed that he was not afraid to make deals during his first draft, when he got us Rubio (or rather, the rights to Rubio). That whole off-season was nothing but deal-making: Ryan Hollins, Ramon Sessions, Sasha Pavlovic, Nathan Jawai, etc. The roster was turning over, and everyone loved the action. Ultimately though, look at where we are.

I'd like to try something here, and this may not work. This is a brief retrospective on their careers (because Kahn's is going to end soon, and no, he won't surface on another team), painting some connections between the two, and the polar opposites as well.

HIGHEST RISK MOVE

Deadzo - Was trading KG risky? No, not at all, because we all knew the Wolves would end up horseshit in that deal. No, the highest risk he ever took was making the under-the-table deal with Joe Smith. Why was it risky? Well, even though Deadzo didn't know this at the time, if he was found out to have broken the rules, he would be hamstringing his team's drafting options for years. If it worked out, hey great, you got Joe Smith without him testing free agency first.

Well... we all know how that turned out.

There are a lot of reactions that we as fans have in looking back at that absolute shit-for-brains move, but the one that I always come back to is "JOE SMITH?!!?!?" If you go under the table for Kobe, or LeBron, or KG, hey great. Go out and git some. But Joe Smith? This is so obviously a McHale move.... he had "his guy", and he loved the way he did the up and unders and took charges so much that he would do anything to keep him. Including forfeit half a decade of draft picks.

Kahn - Trading Randy Foye and Mike Miller for the draft rights to Ricky Rubio. This one is still playing out, and the risk actually wasn't that huge. Foye is a dog, and Mike Miller shoots really well when he plays with 3 all-stars. Rubio may never come here, true, but it was a calculated risk. And what was it calculated on? That's right... value. Kahn ran the numbers of both Miller and Foye, and - probably without thinking how any of the pieces fit together - calculated that a #5 draft pick is "worth more" than those two players.

BEST MOVE WHERE THE GM WAS ACTUALLY VINDICATED FOR THEIR DUMB-HEADEDNESS

Deadzo - Drafting KG. No doubt about this one. The famous story goes that Deadzo and Flip went to go see KG play a high school game with the specific intention of hyping up the player so someone else would draft him high and they'd have a better pick fall to them at #5. They saw KG play, and on the flight home said "We're not telling ANYBODY about this guy". I'm sure that story isn't true, because Deadzo's a goddamned liar, but it clearly was one of the rare times that Deadzo saw a "ballplayer" who was actually better than what people said about him, and he reached out and grabbed him. He just happened to have turned into a hall of famer.

Kahn - Umm.... trading Al Jeff? I guess that could work here. He looked at the current contract of Al (which was massive for someone who doesn't believe in defense) and decided to dump him for draft picks. That usually doesn't work (because draft picks hardly ever work out, especially here) but it kind of made sense... at least to Kahn. Hey, what can you say, the man loves his picks. I think he sometimes has dreams that he has acquired every pick in each round of the NBA draft, and he just goes up there and names 60-odd players all at once.

WORST MOVE THAT WAS MOTIVATED BY THEIR DUMB-HEADEDNESS

Deadzo - Long list here. Let's go with Doody.

McFail reached out and grabbed Doody with the 26th pick overall in 2003, and he played like he should've been drafted 2,600th. Clearly still buzzed off picking KG out of high school, McFail lined up the pins and shot the bowling ball right into the gutter on this one. He clearly had seen Doody win the high school dunk contest and decided that THAT was the man he was going to pair with KG someday for Western Conference dominance.

Kahn - Drafting Jonny Flynn one pick after drafting Ricky Rubio. I'm still not sure if Kahn understands "positions" in the game of basketball. I'm serious. I think he thinks every player is about the same height and they all do relatively the same thing. What other explanation is there for drafting a point guard and then turning around the very next pick and drafting a point guard? And don't tell me "it was an insurance option". Bullshit, Kahn came out the next day and said he envisioned them playing together. He drafted Flynn because he thought he could some day trade him for another first-rounder. That's how he thinks... assets.

LONG LISTS OF FAILURES FOR BOTH OF THE LOSERS

Deadzo - (cracks knuckles, furrows brow) Let's start with trading KG for absolute fucking worthless garbage. Continue with keeping Wally well past his prime and not dumping him for Baron Davis years earlier. We already mentioned Doody, but what about Skita? Signing Troy Hudson to a 6 year deal after he broke his ankle. Drafting Will Avery. Exchanging Sam Cassell for Marko Jaric. Ricky Davis. Marcus Banks. Finding an absolute steal in Mario Chalmers... then trading him ON FUCKING DRAFT NIGHT to Miami for 2 future second rounders. Drafting Foye instead of Brandon Roy, which is like me choosing to eat grass clippings instead of egg rolls. Did I mention trading KG?

Kahn - They aren't abject failures... because he hasn't had much to work with in the first place. But really, haven't we been told from day one that Kahn was saving up all these pieces to eventually make that big move for one or two guys? And what has happened? He signed Ramon Sessions, and that was awesome, but then he traded him and Ryan Hollins for Delonte West and Sebastian Telfair. Then he waived Delonte. And that guy, Jason Hart (who I have never heard of before today)? He traded him away, then requested waivers on him. JUST PUT TOGETHER PACKAGES TO LAND BETTER PLAYERS. Kahn is playing a game without an end.... nobody is ever going to come up to him and offer him the Spree and Sam deal. He's going to keep trading away Bassy and signing him a year later. He's going to keep trading one 2nd round pick for 2 more the next year. He's going to draft a guy who has potential, then he's going to trade him for cash. And why? Because it all makes sense upstairs for David. If he wins, everything works.

The problem? They have won 32 goddamned games in the last two years combined. And next year looks even worse. Nothing I can write here can argue with the facts, and those are that the Wolves are not close now, nor will they be in a few years, nor will they ever with David Kahn as GM.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Clearly the solution to all this madness is to just find a competent GM who isn't one way or another on the spectrum. Just a guy who assigns values to players, but also constructs a team. A guy who understands that in the NBA, one position is very important, and the guys that are on your roster all have to fit a role. You can't just throw 12 guys together... not because they're all "gamers", and not because they are all pieces of some goddamned trade you promise to make in 3 years. You construct it slowly and carefully, and you don't give up 3 months in because you made one bad move. You don't hire a coach to run a sophisticated offense, give him shit players to deal with for 2 years, and then fire him because nobody wants to try on defense.

From Deadzo to Kahn, the pain keeps coming. United we run... away from the basketball and success.

Hey, Didn't You Used to...

2011-05-26T21:11:00.001-05:00

What is it About Ex-Wolves?

As the Conference Finals wind down and I find myself drawn to the rosters of the teams that will be competing for the NBA Championship, something jumped out at me about those squads. Assuming Chicago doesn’t do what I want them to do, there will be at least one ex-Wolf guaranteed to get themselves a shiny, new ring. Brian Cardinal, Corey Brewer, and Mike Miller all spent at least one full season playing basketball for our squad. That got me thinking about other ex-Wolves that went onto earn some flashy jewelry.

Some more deserving than others…

Scott Brooks, 1994 Houston Rockets
It only took Scotty two years away from the Wolves to grab himself a ring. Teaming with future-Wolves player Sam Cassell, Brooks helped provide the Rockets with the punch off the bench they needed to win the championship. If OKC had been able to get by Dallas, he could’ve become the first ex-Wolves player to coach a team to a title.

Luc Longley, 1996-1998 Chicago Bulls
Talk about a 180. Luc spent the first 2½ seasons with the worst team in the NBA and then got traded to one of the greatest teams of all-time. Do you think he noticed the difference playing with Michael Jordan versus Doug West? What about Tony Cambell? Gerald Glass?

Isaiah “JR” Rider, 2001 Los Angeles Lakers
This is one of those players that, much like Darko, fell ass-backwards into a ring. At least, in Darko’s case, you can’t say he didn’t deserve a title, at least not yet – although he just auctioned off his ring so maybe it doesn’t count? I digress. But man, to go from dunk contest champion and freaky athletic talent to pregnant-girl-kicking psychopath, to NBA champion, is quite the roller coaster ride for JR. Of course he may not have remembered much of it because he was busy selling stolen cell phones and smoking weed out of a pop can. What are the odds he still has that ring? I bet he didn’t auction it off for charity like Darko did.

Chauncey Billups, 2004 Detroit Pistons
When he was a young pup – pun fully intended – Flip didn’t think he was a starting point guard in the NBA, so Chauncey left for greener pastures. Much like Brooks, it only took Billups two years away from Minnesota to grab himself – and Darko – a ring. Flip was a healthy Sam Cassell away from facing Billups in the NBA Finals that year but the Lakers saved us from being embarrassed by the Pistons that year. And a couple years later, Flip was coaching Billups in Detroit. Go figure.

Rasho Nesterovic, 2005 San Antonio Spurs
Sadly, the discussion for who the best Wolves center ever, starts with Randy Breuer and ends with Rasho. Darko may enter that conversation in a couple of years, but talking about the Wolves best center is like arguing about what gives you a worse hang over, Mad Dog or Nighttrain. It’s almost not worth finding out. Almost. Rasho was a solid contributor on a playoff team, but then again, I may have had too much Nighttrain to remember it that well.

Sam Cassell, 2008 Boston Celtics
He was here just long enough to endear himself to us Wolves fans and stayed just long enough to piss us all off. The what-if conversations about The Season begin and end with Cassell’s back. Even though he could hardly walk the Wolves still almost beat the Lakers. What might’ve been...

Kevin Garnett, 2008 Boston Celtics
This one is so bitter-sweet for Wolves fans. Nobody in the whole world wanted KG to win a title more than ‘Sota fans. But to have to watch him do it in another jersey was painful. We were all so mad about the trade and while much of that anger was directed at Deadzo, there was still plenty left over for Danny Ainge and the C’s. I think I speak for most Wolves fans when I say that I’m glad that they won it right away, because having to “cheer” for the Boston Celtics any longer than I had to would’ve been more torturous than the trade itself. Fucking Celtics.

Buried Treasure!

2011-05-25T20:13:00.002-05:00

Recently, while cleaning out the office, I was going through a box of books from when I was a wee little misfit. Most of the time when you’re cleaning out boxes of your old things, it just results in a lot of extra trash that needs to be taken out. You tend to discover that you kept so much crap that it often times blows the mind. It’s not that those things weren’t important at one time, but it was probably a long time ago and, frankly, you didn’t have a great idea about what was important and what was not. Obviously.

Sometimes however, you discover that subconsciously you were a genius. Sometimes you find gold.

Pure. Solid. Gold.

Exhibit A

Yeah, that’s from 90-91. I’m not totally sure how it ended up in a box full of Disney and Nursery Rhyme books, but hey, I must’ve realized the importance of this document back then and made sure to stash it away. Keep it secret. Keep it safe.

You’ll notice I made some creative “additions” to the artwork.

Bulls Vs…..Magic? Bulls?

Also, while my contribution to the art makes it hard to read, this “book” is a sticker album - Yeah! Stickers!

Each page in this glorious album is dedicated to an NBA team, holding the sticker-player-cards of 6 members of each squad. Oh boy.

Here you go…

Yeah, here’s our coach. How was growing up in Cupertino?

Here’s the “good” version of Rambis. It just makes me want to see the double-pump jam from behind the arc!

The Kings were nice enough to fail more than the Wolves that year and with “plays” like this, it’s not a surprise.

What is he doing anyway, football, errr?

One. Word. Needed.

Face.

Before cocaine – well, probably after too…

(sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiifffff...)

22-60 that year – only 5 games better than they were THIS year. It’s sad when a team led by Pooh Richardson and Randy Breuer has more success than a team led by Kevin Love and Mike Beasley.

Apparently talent doesn’t always fair better.

I think Randy may have put on Tod Murphy’s shorts, but the skyhook makes up for it!

Trip, this one is for you. Kelly is “flashing” his midrange game.

Probably on his way to a mid-life crisis.

I wanted to show you the glory that was this team. And by ‘glory’ I mean ‘stupid looking.’

Brad.

Jack.

Greg.

God, Greg.

Big Gregg?

Durr

Geeeeee

(Heavy breathing)

“Hi, I don’t sweat!”

I think someone should make a documentary about Mike Gminski. Only because Will Farrell could play him…

Oh wait, they already made that movie. Minus Gminski. I got a fever and the only prescription is more Gminski!

The precursor to Vlade.

Fucking Vlade.

Fucking Rony.

Wait, I didn’t realize Greg Oden was around back in….

ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Exhibit B

Overall this one doesn’t meet the gold standard that was set by the basketball sticker album however there were two items that may melt your mind.

Awwww, look, a family full of athletes. Sorry Darrell, a couple years as a catcher for the Angels during their “hey day” doesn’t really equate to the Hall of Fame. But hey, good try!

And finally…

I had wished there was a way for me to hide this until you’ve read what I wanted to write about this gem but then I realized there are no words that I can put together that would do it any justice at all. The best thing I came up with was a picture of John Justice and Master Mel hugging and that’s not really words – nor does it express much related to the following image, other than awesomeness and the fact that neither have anything to do with basketball.

So, enjoy with caution…

NBA Draft, Huh?

2011-05-20T23:31:00.002-05:00

Immediate Impressions

I know I'm not the only one who feels like the draft was fixed this year. No, it's not because the Wolves didn't get the first pick - they were lucky to only move down one pick in the draft. And frankly, I'm happy they didn't get the first pick

So Cleveland, less than one year removed from losing the only athelete to ever don a Cavs jersey - sorry Daughtery and Ehlo - and they end up with the first pick in the draft? Oh, and to top it off, it was the Clippers pick that did it. 2.8% chance. You guys gonna take Penny, errrrr?

Not sold yet?

So instead of showing up himself, Dan Gilbert sends his 14-year old child who, sadly, has a neurological disorder that causes tumors to grow wherever and whenever in his body? And the kid steals the show?

Hmmm.

I can't really get any further into it because it makes me so mad. I cannot express how happy I am for Cleveland and their fans - and Nick Gilbert - but this "turn of events" that David Stern is in the middle of orchestrating is so blatantly obvious that I can't sit back and just watch any more. It's too picture "perfect" for me.

Celtics and Knicks are relevant again huh? Hmm. $20 says Chris Paul ends un a Knick and Dwight Howard ends up in LA - their team is sliding a little bit now too. Oh, and not on the Clippers either, even with their luck of "winning" the lottery - nice work lottery-protecting that pick, dumbasses.

The Wolves of Woe

Did you happen to see the sports page of the Star Tribune the day the draft lottery was decided?

No? Here it is:

It's the second greatest Wolves-related sports page I've ever seen. It shows us everything we need to know about the Wolves and their draft history, excluding KG. The only way it's better is if they could've worked in a pop can full of smoked schwag and Laettner wearing a Charlie Sheen shirt. Or have Cheorkee Parks and Brian Davis high-fiving over Ndudi Ebi in the background.

So the real question that arises now, and needs to be answered before June 23, is what the hell should the Wolves do with their two pick: #2 and #20.

Let me tell you that, most of the options I came up with make me want to punch myself in the face.

#2 Pick. Trade down and take Jimmer Fredette.

I know, I want to punch both him and me in the face as hard as I can, but it makes too much sense.

The biggest question for this next season is 'Will Rubio Come?'...no, to the Wolves I mean. If he does, we have a log jam at point guard and no shooters for him to pass to. If he doesn't, we could really use a third poing guard and, oh yeah, we still don't have any shooters - sorry Wayne, you just don't cut it. Fredette covers both scenarios for us. He's a pure shooter who really knows how to do one thing really well: Git Buckets. But in a much less only-me way than Ricardo Davis III. Plus, in a pinch, he could eat up some minutes at PG, ala Freddy Hoiberg 2004 Western Conference Finals. As much as it pains me to say it, the kid can play, and can shoot and score better than anyone else in college basketball. I know, J.J. Redick and Adam Morrison could do those things, but nothing about Jimmer says J.J. Morrison. For one, he didn't cry on the court after they lost - and then made a commercial about it. Oh, and yeah Adam, people more people did cry. They're called the Charlotte Bobcats and they cried because they drafted you. But I digress...

If they don't take Jimmer - fucking stupid name anyway - then I'd look at Michael Thompson's kid, Klay Thompson. He's a solid baller and he can shoot lights out. He's also 6'6" and apparently impressed the scouts at the combine - as much as that means.

#20 Pick - trade it down (Drew, I'm sorry in advance about this one)

And take another guy who needs five knuckles to the face. Kyle Singler. We already have two small forwards, but I'm not taking any bets on Martell Webster staying healthy for the year - Michael Williams, anyone? Singler is a very smart forward who played at Duke and, for the most part, those guys tend to stick around the league - especially when they drop in the draft.. Remember a year ago? This kid was a top-10 pick - and this is supposedly a down year for the draft. I just don't want us taking Blasikov Macgolicovickuoisludla just because he's 18 and lit it up in the Egyptian pro league in their 14-game season. Singler played a lot of games in a tough conference, under a very good - and face-punchable - coach. He'll be second round pick so, if he can't take a fist to the lips, you don't have to keep him - he's guarenteed to be better than the former Gopher KG face-punched, right?

It must not be the Rapture - the Wolves didn't get the first pick. I'm just saying.

Nice box-out

2011-05-16T06:56:00.002-05:00

Hey Heat fans, maybe in the next 7 days, Chris Bosh will learn how to keep opponents away from the rim.

Maybe.

This is how I watched the Boston game tonight...

2011-05-09T22:26:00.000-05:00

Well yeah, it's an Italian feed of NBA TV... hosted by a guy in a pink Pennsylvania shirt.

The greatest thing is that they hijack the feed and play it without commercials... just cut to these jokers in the studio who are gibbering and jabbering nonsense. And because there's no production, they leave the announcers' mics live... which means Kevin Harlan going OFF THE SCRIPT.

See if you can find my car keys while you're down there

2011-05-04T10:07:00.000-05:00

I don't know why, but my favorite basketball move since Vlade Divac came into the NBA and ruined the game is when a defender flops and there is no call. For years those goddamned Mavericks and Kings teams attempted to soccer-up the league, and for the most part, Team Stern was happy to oblige. But now there seems to be a bit of backlash, at least, towards this kind of thing. Still though, occasionally you get a princess like Rondo who is clearly outmatched and should really just wave LeBron through like a matador, but he just HAS to try to stop him. However, he's not nearly tall, strong or quick enough to actually stop him, so he falls to the ground - Ass over Adam's Apple - hoping the refs will blow the whistle and turn the ball over.

Sorry, but that doesn't happen, not on the road. Instead, you crumple to the ground and get to be on a poster.

Next time, don't fucking flop.

Breaking down "Ballin Is My Hobby" by Rashad McCan't-Score-The-Basketball-Consistently

2011-04-21T17:23:00.002-05:00

Let's kick this up a notch.

First of all, I'd like to point out how this thing has really become a phenomenon... people are reposting this video all over the web and mocking it (rightfully so), only to be called out on Twitter by Rashad himself. It started with a blurb in the Star Trib, sort of a "where are they now" piece, and now it's seeping everywhere. So, in order to be out front (and hopefully warrant a call-out from Rashad on Twitter! Come on buddy, give us the coverage!), I decided to break down the lyrics of his new song, in a way that only a long-suffering Timberwolves fan can. Let's begin:

Ballin' is my hobby (repeat)

First of all, I have to point out the utter perfectness of the title and common refrain of this song. Yes, it sure is a hobby. It was clear that it was a hobby from his first day here. The problem is that while playing basketball can be a cool hobby if you are, you know, in college, by the time you get to the pros it takes a little bit more dedication to stick around. Rashad played with KG and suffered from lack of motivation. Hmmm... I don't know how that's possible. *I* make sure I'm sitting straight up when KG looks at me - through the TV.

Ballin' is my hobby
I be dunking like Amare
I'll be riding Masarati
Or the cherry red Bugati

Well, he called out his first NBA player, so let's do a comparison:

When you search for "Amare Stoudemire Dunks" on Youtube, you get:

That's a hundred dunks.

When you do the same for McCants:

Video game.

Chris Paul and I be ballin' like it's Mardi Gras
I'm married to my money, motherfucker, like it's common-law.

Rashad and Chris Paul had similar college careers... Chris played 2 years at Wake Forest before being drafted 4th overall. Rashad played 3 years, won an NCAA title, and was drafted 14th by the Wolves. The difference in the pro game?

Chris Paul - 7936 points, 4228 assists, 1951 rebounds
Rashad McCants - 2479 points, 331 assists (you like passing, or?), 506 rebounds

They were drafted the same year.

Quick draw, quick trigger like I'm Sugar Ray,
Shootin' long range, Larry Bird, nigga, fly away.
Takin' off on you niggas like I'm Dr. J
Dr. Dre beats on my ear lettin' shots spray.

Larry Bird once shot 43% from 3 point range.
Rashad McCants once shot 27%.

Yeah I'm ballin' bitch, ballin' in Miami Beach,
Big meat-style fightin' blue (??) with the Miami Heat.

I'm not sure about the lyrics here (Big Meat Style??? You sure this wasn't written by Oliver Miller?), but he mentions the Miami Heat. What exactly is going on with the Miami Heat? Because Rashad's average of 1.3 assists per game for his career would put him juuuuuuust ahead of Jamal Magloire for 5th best on the team.

I'm fabulous, and it's pourin' outta me,
Ballin' is my hobby, you can see it in my salary.
Tragedy, tragedy, you isn't me,
Cause ballin' is my hobby, I be shining like a christmas tree.

Lots of talk about money, and that goes with the territory. I don't think anyone ever begrudged Rashad his money, or would make fun of him for having made 7.5 million dollars during his playing days (it's going to take me 3 or 4 lifetimes to make that much). But he could've been so much more, if it wasn't just a "hobby" to him. You know who was drafted 3 picks after Rashad in the same year? Danny Granger. And ballin', to him at least, isn't just a hobby. He works at it, and has improved every year he's been in the league. He made 10 million dollars... last year. He's made over 27 million in his 6 year career. And he was drafted to a dog-shit Pacers team, same as McCants. So, yeah, go ahead and git money, but when players actually, you know, work hard and improve, they usually shine a lot brighter than a christmas tree.

See me in the club, make it rain like I'm by ya bitch,
Ballin' is my hobby, gettin money is a compliment.
Thank you very much, thank you now, thank you later,
I be lovin' all the haters while I'm gettin all this paper.
I be lovin' all this cash, this cake and this cream,
Ballin' is my hobby, I can beat the Dream Team.

Numbers!

Well, I don't think that Rashad could actually beat the Dream Team. Over the course of their career, the starters averaged:

Magic: 19.5 PPG
Michael: 30.1 PPG
Admiral: 21.1 PPG
Mailman: 25.0 PPG
Larry: 24.3 PPG

That totals 120 points per game. Rashad? He's at an even 10.

So, is there any one player he could beat on the Dream Team?

John Stockton? Nope, 13 PPG. Plus, you know, 10.5 assists. Chris Mullin? Despite the flat-top, Mullin was good for 18 a game.

Come on, you and I both know there was one player on that Dream Team that McCants might have a chance to beat... Mr. Winner, Christian Laettner.

McCants: 10.0 PPG, 2.0 Rebounds, 1.3 Assists, 43% shooting for his career
Laettner: 12.8 PPG, 6.7 Rebounds, 2.6 Assists, 48% shooting for his career

OUCH. Just absolutely done in by Laettner. And money? Christian made over 61 million dollars in his career, pulling in 5.5 million in his 12th season. Rashad didn't last 5 seasons in the NBA.

So, that Dream Team proclamation.... I'm not buying it.

----------------------------------------------------------

I wouldn't care about this at all, not one bit, if I hadn't sat with Mr. Bliznewski and watched Rashad McCants and those like him (non-trying, offense-only knuckleheads) slowly drag our Timberwolves down into the muck over the late 00's. Sure, it's McFail's fault for drafting them... so all of the BS rolls uphill, but it still would've really been nice if one or two of these guys would've worked out. Just for one of them to have a Ray Allen career (and I'm talking before the championships). Hell, it would've been nice just to see ONE of the guys actually GET BETTER. But it never happened. Look at McCants' career... his "best" season was 07-08 (after you-know-who was traded). He averaged 14.9 points per game, but committed 2.3 turnovers. NICE. He was traded the next year.

So, to Rashad, I find your budding rap career to be semi-entertaining, but only because you choose to use basketball metaphors in between talking about how much money you have. But really, I just wish you had tried to play defense with Kevin Garnett, and that you had given your maximum effort on every night, because you really were talented, and you wasted your NBA career. It's that simple.

Thanks for reading though!

Rashad McCan't-Play-Defense is doing well

2011-04-19T13:14:00.004-05:00

Order. Has. Been. Restored.

2011-03-25T09:34:00.000-05:00

Jalen Rose was recently talking about Duke and basically said that he grew up despising them and everything they represent. He said they always represented something that he could never have, and therefore was taught at a young age to dislike their method of operating. I'm right there with him. See, I've been a fan of the Razorbacks since Todd Day. And even though we eventually climbed that mountain-top (and damn near did it TWICE), those early days always ended with me hating Duke. They were the anti-Arkansas, to my mind, but really, aren't they the anti-Everyone? There is no other program in the country that comes close to Duke basketball. I remember a friend in middle school once told me that even the name of the university sounded like a disease. Like AIDS. "Hey man, just got back from the clinic... Yeah, my Duke test came back positive." You can talk about sports hate all you want, and certainly there are valid explanations for despising the Yankees, Cowboys, Red Sox, Lakers, etc. But those are pro teams. College programs usually have a healthy dose of regional hate ("It will die. You think I care? ROLL DAMN TIDE."), but the Duke hate reaches a true national level. Seriously, EVERYONE likes to see them lose. It's one of the most enjoyable experiences we share as a nation of sports fans.

Now then, this post isn't about hate. It's about gambling. So get on with it.

I suppose the John Nash in me will never quiet down. Sure, when I see free money on the table, I grab my satchel and git all I can, but I never stop looking for that pattern. I like a framework, however loose, to guide my gambling decisions. Look, this is not Simmons' manifesto - which is so overwrought, conflicting and often just incredibly WRONG - it's a guide to general principles of gambling on a specific sport. Let me tell you of a few things that would constitute a framework of gambling in various sports:

College Football
We start here because it's the easiest. It's literally the safest way to make money outside of having a job... and even then, it's safer than your retirement plan. The plan goes like this: identify a handful of teams that are good enough to contend for a BCS bowl game, but don't happen to play for one of the DS'ing conferences. These are teams like TCU, Boise State, Utah, Nevada, etc. They are the class of their conferences, but they get absolutely no respect from voters, because Fats Turkeyroll will always vote Alabama #1 because every goddamn game is a rivalry. So how do they get votes? THEY EARN THEM BY SCORING 80 POINTS ON IDAHO. So the game is simple - identify these teams and ride them into the ground. We learned very much from our dear leader this season, and those lessons will last a lifetime.

Professional Football
It's tougher, because there are no votes to be had, but simple axioms do apply. During the regular season, it's pretty much all about who needs the game more. The Skins can beat the Eagles if doing so means keeping hopes alive for one of the teams. Also, in games that really matter, it's all about coaching and preparation. Anyone alive knew that the Jets had spent their entire playbook to beat the Patriots and would have nothing left for Pittsburgh. So there are a few rules to follow, but nothing too concrete.

Professional Basketball
First, it's easy to bet the playoffs once you see which refs are calling the games, and what they mean. Oh, the Celtics have fallen behind 3-2 and they need a win to force Ratings 7, I mean Game 7? TO THE BAVETTA PHONE! During the season, I generally follow the "Ghetto Ball" model, the summary of which is to find teams that play horrible ghetto ball (GOLDEN STATE'S BEEN DOING IT FOR 15 YEARS) and hammer them when the time is right. Orlando is one of those wild card teams... against Boston they are probably going under, but you stay away. Against Toronto? GO GO GO. Still though, ghetto ball is hard to read for most teams... like the Wolves don't like playing defense, but they also don't like scoring. So tread lightly.

Professional Hockey
Bet the over or under on the Grand Salami if you are drunk in Las Vegas and need more action because you are a degenerate. Spend 2 minutes thinking about stats, and then just pound a white russian and flip a coin. Hockey is stupid.

And that brings us to College Basketball. Besides the obvious "Bet Duke to lose in the tournament if they have to play west of the Mississippi, no matter who they are playing even if it is NJIT", I've always had a hard time with the league.

First, you have to throw out the law of transitive properties. Who cares if Wisconsin lost to Iowa? They are going to destroy Belmont (LEARNED THAT ONE A LITTLE LATE, EH DREW?). And, although it's fun to get down to Friends University, it clearly doesn't matter when isolated to one game. For example, Florida State lost to AUBURN. But look at them now. So you can't get caught up in single-game performances. Any team can take a game off and still make a run. Unless they are the Gophers.

Another example of what NOT to do is to bet program history. This seems like it would be obvious, and of course it is, but I find myself betting histories and past success more often than not. Oh, Pittsburgh? That's an over! But still, you have to research, and break down the matchup. When you don't, you might as well be betting hockey.

So, what's the solution? Well, one thing I've found is betting regional matchups. The theory goes like this: let's say you're betting the MAAC (and why wouldn't you?). When an underdog is at home to a favorite from the top of the conference, hammer that underdog. They'll be 8 point dogs at home and it will go down to the wire. Why? Well, first, IT'S THE MAAC. But second, you have to bet into the parity. Bet into the fact that even though Rider is good, they aren't THAT good. Basketball is one of those sports where the home crowd truly sways both the officiating and flow of the game. That home crowd for Niagara is going to BRING IT.

Also, style of play matters in the tournament. If a team is plodding, methodical and sound on defense, they are likely going to beat a team that dunks a lot. If a team makes their throws, and plays ball control, the only type of team that can upend them is another team that does that just a little bit better. HOWEVER, in the case of Arizona/Duke, there's this fun thing that happens when the underdog starts ghettoing all over the favorite, just dunking down their throat at every opportunity, and once that happens, all bets are off. So pay attention to the location of the game, and the potential for ghetto fun, but bet coaches and styles.

And really, that's what it's all about... not knowing what's going to happen but betting into the unknown. This last Duke game gave me a little glimpse at something resembling a theory forming in my head... but I still need more work. Every sport has an angle by which you can penetrate to the gambling core. I will find it in basketball. I have a beautiful mind.

This is for Dickfer...

2011-03-18T13:19:00.001-05:00

Let's start the day off with this...

2011-03-17T08:30:00.001-05:00

Listen to Jim Nantz and Clark Kellogg. Just buffoons. Gus Johnson would've been dead by halftime.

Particularly, skip to the 5:40 mark. I swear, Jim actually flipped into Master's Mode, thinking he had to keep quiet lest he be yelled at for disturbing the concentration of the holy athlete. IT'S A CHAMPIONSHIP BASKETBALL GAME. And he whispers "Butler has no timeouts".

Here's to another year!

Yep, I just spent an hour doing this

2011-03-15T16:17:00.002-05:00

Even Long Island's logo is Ger-hatto.

Stop everything, I've got a new rule for this blog

2011-03-05T10:20:00.003-06:00

Ok, so from now on, I must insist that whenever we post anything along the lines of "This Timberwolves team is a failure" or "This guy the Timberwolves drafted pulled a gun on his moms" or "Looks like Rubio's going to stay in Spain until he's 30", then we need to post this image:

Because I've got to tell you, nothing we could ever say or do could speak more volume to the failure of this franchise than the fact that if you go to Cub foods and buy 4 cans of vegetables, you get two tickets to a Wolves game. NOTHING.

Thank you, carry on.

Brigham Young University Athletics Are Bullshit

2011-03-03T11:15:00.000-06:00

Ok, so a guy on the BYU basketball team dipped his wick, and we're all just going to freak the fuck out. That's fine.

But this really only pulls back the curtain a tiny bit on the unbelievable amount of bullshit that BYU slings on a daily basis. For years, I thought Notre Dame was the most detestable Division I program due to their complete stubbornness to ever join a conference and be forced to play football against, you know, good teams to prove themselves. No. They would beat Michigan, Michigan State and fucking walk to the dance because they also played Army, Navy and Wayne State. Hey great. Everyone stacks their non-conference schedule. But what if your WHOLE SCHEDULE was non-conference? And the NCAA let this happen, because why? Because they are Notre Dame, and when their program pulls down the pants to take a piss, scented bath soap comes out instead.

But here comes BYU. Now, I don't have a problem with rules. Different programs institute different rules, I get that. You're not going to have the same curfew at Loyola Marymount as you will at Miami. And lord knows that academic violations at Yale are a bit more frowned upon than at Cincinnati. That's fine. And this isn't even one of those posts that points and laughs at BYU because they don't let their athletes drink coffee. Again, when you look at the inmates-running-the-asylum mentality of a LOT of NCAA programs throughout the country (does UNLV even have classes? Do they have buildings? Or does every single student just git buckets?), I think quite a few of them would do well to institute some more rules. Royce White stole a fucking laptop from a dorm, then stole shit from Mall of America. A laptop? Dude, they're like 300 bucks. And I'm pretty sure computer labs are open 24 hours a day during finals week, you know, if you need to finish up that research paper....

No, the reason BYU is bullshit is because they refuse to play games on Sunday. In all sports. Even intramurals.

Now, if you are, say, Friends University, fine. Go ahead and say that you will not play on Sunday. And then everyone will laugh at you and we'll go about our business. But how the fuck is this fair to an NCAA tournament field? They refuse to play on Sunday... so the NCAA bends over backwards to accommodate them. I looked at the history - they've been to the NCAA tournament 14 times in the last 24 years. Guess how many opening round games they played on Friday? Not a goddamn one. Every single year they were scheduled for Thursday.

Ok, so what's the point? Well, let's look at some recent history:

2010 - 7 seed West
2009 - 8 seed West
2008 - 8 seed West
2007 - 8 seed South
2004 - 12 seed West
2003 - 12 seed South

Now, every single one of those opening round games was on a Thursday (big surprise). And, there is no formula to when seeds play. For example, before the tournament begins, we have no idea if the 1 seed is going to play on Thursday or Friday (that is all determined during selection sunday). So, one year, the 7 seed plays on Thursday... the next year it plays on Friday.

And all this means is that the NCAA selection committee is absolutely on their knees to BYU.

The one consistency throughout the years is that despite the seeds switching what day they play, they always play in "pods". Meaning, the 1-16 always falls on the same day as the 8-9. They do this, presumably, so that they can lock in those matchups (the teams would instantly know who they were going to play next... and could even be in the same building to watch them on their game day). So if the 1 seed plays on Thursday, you're damn sure the 8-9 will be on Thursday too.

Now think about BYU in this scenario.... first of all we have to put aside the bullshit regional aspects of this. Because why does BYU consistently play in the South and West bracket, even when they draw 8 and 12 seeds? Because fuck the committee, that's why. But that happens everywhere, so we'll move on. Ok, the ONLY team in the country that has scheduling sensitivity is BYU... I searched and I could find no example of another school being morally opposed to playing on Sunday. So no matter where the NCAA seats them, they have to play on Thursday. And then, of course, they have to seat them the NEXT Thursday too, if they happen to get out of the first round. And, of course, they pull 3 other teams with them the first round, and 3 more then next round... pretty much the ripples touch the entire tournament. I imagine the NCAA selection committee on Sunday - "Ok guys, let's start - like we always do - with BYU... where are we seeding them and we've got to make sure they don't play on Sunday because - HEY IS THAT A HAM-STEAK BUFFET?!?!?!"

In reality, of course, this has little bearing. Teams don't care when they play, and there is no demonstrable advantage to playing Thursday v. Friday (and based on BYU's history in the tournament, Thursday ain't treating them too hot). But it's just an example of horseshit. One team - ONE TEAM - will not play on a certain day, and they have to adjust the entire schedule according to them. And come on, you can't tell me ratings don't then play into the seeding. Let's do a hypothetical: UCLA is the one seed in the West, and BYU is around a 8 or 7 seed. If they go 8, then they have to play on Thursday, which means UCLA does too. Let's see, how do we maximize ratings? When do more people watch... Thursday or Friday? GREASE THE POCKETS, CHARLIE.

The fucking tournament seeding is a joke... we've all seen Duke pull a 5 seed and have their first 4 games within 30 minutes of their campus while USC plays on the other side of the country with a 2 seed. We all know it's sleaze central, and I guess this is just one more example.

It's bullshit, but it's always been bullshit, and we'll keep watching. Damn you.

It looks like the Gophers have a lead in the 2nd Half...

2011-03-03T11:11:00.000-06:00

Handicapping Tougaloo's chances at a #1 seed

2011-02-18T07:59:00.004-06:00

A few years ago - inspired by that infamous Gopher poster depicting why they deserved to be crowned national champions because they had defeated Wisconsin or something - Mr. Dickfer and I chased down a long thread of extrapolation to declare that Savannah State indeed did deserve a #1 seed in the NCAA tournament. It took a grand total of 10 minutes of back-breaking research, and our reward was that we spend time looking at Savannah State's website, which is always good fun.

Our problem, clearly, was that we didn't go deep enough.

And that brings us to Tougaloo College. Located in Madison County (no, not that Madison County), Mississippi, this small liberal arts college boasts such alumni as Aunjanue Ellis and Robert Honeysucker. With an enrollment of 900, it's hard to see how they could compete with Duke. But by the simple Law of Transitive Properties (which is something we all know is a real thing), the Bulldogs should indeed be squaring off with the likes of North Dakota State in the first round.

You see, Tougaloo defeated Southern University.

Southern then beat Alabama State.

Alabama State beat Kennesaw State.

The Owls picked up a huge win against Georgia Tech (THE MISSING LINK).

Georgia Tech beat Virginia Tech.

The Hokies defeated Florida State.

And, of course, Florida State defeated Duke on January 12th.

So there you have it....

--------------------------------------------------

When you make the jump down into the NAIA, the world opens up into a flood of beauty. Because from Tougaloo, it's not a far jump to Haskell Indian Nation University. In 1884, it was formed as one of the first Indian Boarding Schools, which were pretty much responsible for the final death blow to Indian culture in America. Indian children were taught only English and were instructed to forget their Indian heritage. So, positive beginnings. They are currently governed by the Bureau of Indian Affairs, which is a government organization that gave rise to groups like AIM strictly for the purpose of opposing them.

Oh, and also:

The academic quality of the university was called into question after receiving a #9 ranking on the 2010 Top 50 Dropout Factory list from Washington Monthly in their College Guide.
The ranking was based on the 9% graduation rate reported to the Department of Education.

Well then. I think even Huggy Bear graduated more at Cincinnati.

But this year, Haskell lost an important game to Bethel. Nope, not that Bethel. This one is in Kansas. And has 500 students. Bethel is located in a town called North Newton. That's a town of 1,500 people.

Oh, and I'm sorry, did I fail to mention that Bethel College is a MENNONITE COLLEGE?

When I was in 10th grade or so, I was at a Burger King out on the edge of town (isn't that a Merle Haggard tune?), and I watched a family walk in from the truck stop in the adjoining building. The mother was wearing clothes that were hand-made and looked to be from 1870. The father had the beard that went down to his stomach. There were two children, both looking like they had literally been working the fields behind the plow-steer all day. I had just been studying about Mennonites for a class (as well as Israeli Kibbutz!) and now I was seeing them in the flesh, for the first time. I just had to know... so I walked up to one of the children and asked them if they were Mennonites. She said yes, and they all smiled and I smiled back and we parted ways.

And clearly folks, I have no bias against the Mennonites. They are goddamned dedicated to peace, and I respect that. I respect it so much that I will now joke about it.

First of all, does the team make their own uniforms with needle and thread? Do they practice by candlelight? Does some rogue edit their season's highlights into a DVD? Because if so, who will watch it? When you go to play the Mennonites in basketball, is there really any competition, or are you all just happy and shaking hands and helping each other up the entire game? I think the Mennonites would actually be happier with losses... that would play more into their religious beliefs. So long as they worked as hard as they could, of course.

And so it's really no surprise that Bethel College was handily defeated by Friends University.

There is a university in Wichita, Kansas that goes by the name of Friends University. No, it's not named after Edward Friend or whatever. It's just Friends. As in, friendship.

Look at that picture. This building clearly used to be a bank. Or a Pizza Hut. Or both.

"GOING TO COLLEGE IS FUN AND MY NAME IS ROMAN. YOU WANNA RIDE BIKES?"

When you go to the Athletics page on their website, the first link you see is for Cross Country. So we know the priorities are in order.

Also, take a look at the NAMES.
Denzel Goudeau (is that a cheese?)
Thomans Bland (not Thomas. Thomans.)
Eli Applegate ("Tis a fine barn, but sure it is no pool, English!")
Cody AND Colton Rausch (oh god someone find me a picture)
Zak Vanlooy (hey, who smokes grass on the team bus?)

When Friends University faced off against Bethel, the final score was 55-35. It may as well have been 1-0. Or just call it a tie. Because, come on, there are no losers in life. We're all standing in that sunlight, going for that Glory.

And finally, to just wrap this all up, if you're not going to give Friends University a #1 seed, then at least consider giving it to a team that showed they really have what it takes when they defeated the Falcons in overtime: Bacone College.

Mmmmm, I get hungry just thinking about it.

Tough Times in the SWAC

2011-02-15T17:31:00.002-06:00

King of a castle made out of Styrofoam..."What if we say 'Metroplex?'"...Reliant Stadium is a "facility"

These are not easy days for the basketball teams of the schools of the SWAC. The schools in Texas, Mississippi, Alabama and Arkansas were used as fodder for others' pre-seasons. They entered their conference schedule battered and worn. Hell, who wouldn't be? We may never know because so often, the strong refuse to play the strong on anything less than their own home court. Why give ground and prove yourself? The "big schools" coast and do their thing until they lose in the NCAA's to a school from a small conference. Problem is, it won't be to one of these schools.

Conference leader Texas Southern promotes their athletic department with "experience the game!" That's what those in Houston are attempting to do, brushing aside their local competition from Houston and Rice. The football team has a promising future ahead, with a new stadium being built that will be shared by Houston's MLS team. The basketball team? It toils away at something called the HP&E Arena. But the team has won all their conference games there. It has yet to play at Reliant Stadium, which is apparently ready for an overflow crowd.

On Valentine's Day, the Tigers traveled to Louisiana to play at Grambling. The TSU Tigers (not the Grambling Tigers) hit a lay-up with 3 seconds to go to win the game. It was a close, exciting contest that nearly sent the ESPNU announcers to sleep! What do you expect - nearly everyone was either romancing their lady or getting a jump start on their drinking...and if the game is on TV, no need to show up. The Grambling Tigers are a common example of life in the SWAC: all but ONE non-conference game was on the road. Florida Gulf Coast will play anywhere (they lost a tough one at West Kentucky last night) so that explains that. They weren't all losses, either. But it's a long drive back to Louisiana when you're having to deal with a loss of 30 or more, which unfortunately happened 3 times. Don't worry, Grambling, the school got a hefty check. The home team announcers said how you play with pride as they shoot for 3 up 25 with 2 minutes to go.

The SWAC tournament was advertised on last night's game as being in "The Dallas Metroplex." Hmmm...well, American Airlines Arena (or Center, whichever one isn't the Miami arena) is out. Is Reunion Arena still around? Hold on...I don't think it's IN Dallas. Deep digging found that the game will be in Garland, TX. It also includes a list of restaurants to, you know, save time.

P.E. Squad, travelling men..."Home of the Torii Hunter Baseball and Softball Complex"...the students voted, we are the Lions

Make that Golden Lions, which sounds like a bar, or a fraternal organization, or a cigarette brand in the 1950s. But it's who they are, despite the dust-mite looking logo.

Pine Bluff has endured something also experienced by Mississippi Valley State this season: playing ALL non-conference games on the road. Spending that much time away from school presents a double edged sword for the student and the school. A good way to improve your ability is to play teams better than you. (This applies to college sports only) You learn, you see your weaknesses, and celebrate any success against these better teams.

As a result, Pine Bluff hit the endless black ribbon. But do they feel they have to without getting anyone (hell, Arkansas or Arkansas State) to come to them? Sure, the school gets the paycheck mentioned above, the guys get to see Chicago, Hawaii, San Francisco...they lose (in some cases by an obscene amount) and pack their bags. Could it be worse? You're showing them the country, and the students are ambassadors of a school many have never heard of beyond basketball losses.

But is that what they are playing for, free travel? Do the Golden Lions take the losses in stride and show everyone pictures? Do the fellow students look at it realistically? Does a player's Facebook album of the time leading up to the Hawaii game trump the final score? Maybe there isn't a better way to see the country for free, if you can fit the description. Or maybe it's just how basketball is in the SWAC.

Bad Days in Baton Rouge..."Or Mini-Dome for short"...the who-now?

The school that's having the toughest time is the one that didn't exactly have the hardest road. I'd like to highlight some of Southern's non-conference foes, and the result.

November 19th, 2010

Tougaloo 71

Southern 58

Tougalou? The dance? Wait, hold on. Tougaloo College, in Tougaloo, Mississippi. The Bulldogs are NAIA (oh my). Their very minimal athletics page doesn't even mention the Southern game. Hey guys, YOU WON! Hell, Southern mentions the loss; they admit it. Their page features photos that may or may not be from the school. And yet, they took care of a D-I school on the road.

December 20th, 2010

Xavier (LA) 72

Southern 58

Being stupid, I though this was some sort of college out west I didn't know. I was wrong - it's the Xavier University in Louisiana, not Ohio. Did Southern think they were playing the boys from Cincy? Xavier calls their basketball arena "The Barn" which immediately gives them points. Xavier plays Tougaloo, and also lost to them, so maybe we should cut Southern some slack.

Consider those two losses and then note that Tulane, an actual D-1 school, visited and escaped with a 3 point win. Analyzing this would make your brain explode, so I'll stop here.

But, come March, someone from the SWAC is going to dance in madness. That dance itself will be tough, and likely not last very long. No matter which school, a SWAC representative will show up. The result, though anticipated, will be tough either way.

Bigg Gregg's Gang o' Dunkers meeting convenes in 3... 2.... 1....

2011-02-09T10:46:00.005-06:00

HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!

Hands off the Boggs Lite, sonny, this is going down the trap-shoot!

(drinks entire beer, spits dip of Skoal cherry into red plastic cup)

Ben vernidos, hombres! Name of Greg. Big Greg. When you'ns google for "Big Greg", my picture comes up. So I'm going to write on this blog now, and then I'm going to go shit in my pants. TRY AND STOP EITHER ONE!

You needed some new blood around here, and I'm it. You have all fallen into complacency.... Dave Bliznawski mostly writes about athletes being tased and/or hit with paternity suits, Trip Darvez sees the game from the angle of "how many used Subarus can the coach of Utah State sell you before the deadline?", Dickfer can only stammer out rose-colored memories of Miles Tarver, and the only time Drew Boatman writes anything of value is when he stays up until 5am writing about the Bows (and even then, he just researches Barry University until he falls asleep at his desk). SO HERE I AM! BIGG GREGG WITH YOUR TOURNAMENT PREVIEW!!!!

Now, I come from Granbury, TX, which leads the nation in back-scratchers and boa-skin boots. And as such, I don't come here to talk about the Ohio States and Pittsburghs. Hell no. HOW'S COASTAL CAROLINA GOING TO DO, GREGG??? is what you are asking me and yourself right now. So let it begin:

Let's start with the Chanticleers. They're pulling an RPI of 60 despite a 22-2 record. They are undefeated in the Big South, which features other stalwarts such as Gardner-Webb and Radford. But they won at LSU... and took out East Carolina (who are both in better conferences). So, does Coastal have what it takes? Well, they ain't lost in conference yet, and they've swept 2nd place Liberty this year. They don't play another ranked opponent the rest of the way... and they should walk in their tournament. They are just ranked outside the top 25, and if they run the table they should sniff it by the end of the year. But they haven't played much top-shelf competition, and that makes them unpredictable. GREG SAYS THIS NEEDS MORE RESEARCH.

Everyone's talkin' San Diego State this year, but how about St. Mary's? I watched these guys pull a non-cover against St. John's (who has since gone on to win their banquet game), but that was early. They have an RPI of 35 and they are very close to being ranked. BUT HOO BOY, LOOK AT THAT SCHEDULE COMING UP. Of the 6 games remaining, they've got Santa Clara, San Francisco, Gonzaga (those are 2nd, 3rd, and 4th in conference) AND they have to play Utah State. Time is going to tell on the Gaels... they've got massive potential, and if they can go 4-2 down the stretch, with a good tournament run, they'll pull a 5 seed. They love to score, and they can hang with any team come tourney time. BIG GREG SAYS GO GAELS IF THEY DON'T STUMBLE.

There is some HOT action in the Missouri Valley Conference (isn't there always?) Wichita State and Northern Iowa are going to be fucking DANG-erous if they sneak in. The Shockers have an RPI of 38, and they'll definitely go if they can not pee the pants. The rest of their schedule looks easy, but that tournament may not be. Northern Iowa is of course a fan-favorite 'round these parts, and with good reason. They are yanking a 63 RPI, but this Saturday, they go head to head with Wichita State. HUGE. If they can pull that out, or can get George Mason on the 19th, look for them to shoot up into contention. They are more of a grind-it-out team this year, but they make their throws and don't turn the ball over. BALL CONTROL = TOURNAMENT SUCCESS. BOOK IT.

I have to go change now. Goin' to Spanky's for pizza buffet. Bye.

Fuck You Spike Lee

2011-02-08T20:14:00.000-06:00

Lee, a celebrity Knicks fan, told ESPNNewYork.com that Garnett cursed him out "for no reason" during Boston's visit to Madison Square Garden on Dec. 15 and suggested that Garnett "needs to calm the [expletive] down."

Really, Spike? After you spent YEARS doing nothing but talk shit to Reggie Miller, Michael Jordan, and anyone not wearing a Knicks jersey?

Shut the fuck up and try to get back to making watchable films.

There are SNAILS on her PLATE

2011-02-04T19:01:00.001-06:00

Bring the cheese sandwich things!

Oh, Clippers. As you know, I did my best trying to follow this team...and the usual ineptitude made it nearly impossible. Anyone who says otherwise is either the smelly guy yelling to himself at Ralphs or lying. (I remember Bill Simmons years ago saying he bought Clippers tickets, but I haven't read him in 5 years) I'll admit, watching Blake Griffin is a joy. But, he can't play all 5 positions at the same time...and, as it happens, despite a strong run at home, the team is 10 games below .500. That's a game out of the 8 spot in the East but does them no good now. Their problem, one of many, is that they are shit on the road. And, as thus, I continue to wait (as some of LA does...they'll never get the whole city) for them to make me care. There's no moral victories in pro sports. (Especially when your owner has no morals - ZING!) Better than usual means "not good enough."

The Golden Rats...that performance in Indiana can be summed up in 1 stat. I know, it's more than stats, but I'm a researcher. Bear with me. Forget about how many guys are injured, or the lack of depth.
Free Throw %
MN: 50%
IN: 87%

HOOOOOOWEEEEEE! Did Clem come back and coach and I didn't hear about it? What the fuck was that?!

OK, now quick bounce pass: we're early, but since I won't be in Halewia, HI for another late night session of drinking and discussing those NCAA "sleepers" (used for free picks and not gambling, of course) let's take a look at some that Hogg McHonk for the NY Daily News seems to miss while only watching the Big East:

(and we're doing some digging here, ok?)

Colonial Shakedown: George Mason (18-5, 10-2 in CAA) vs. OLD DOMINION (18-5, 9-3 in CAA)
Sum bitch, this is one hot match-up. The likelihood that both schools will make the tourney is a possibility. If this happens, it would send Billy Packer to a 30 minute monologue to his waitress at Denny's. But these are two strong teams. With a record like that, and an RPIs in the 30s, GM and OD are getting no love.

GM as a team is looking good. Of note is a 41% 3-point percentage, helping them expand leads in close conference games. OD's man is Frank Hassell, who nearly averages a double-double this season. OD won this meeting at home earlier this season, and Hassell put up 18 pts and 9 rebounds. He's going to have to get those boards if they're going to win tomorrow.

Names:
George Mason: Ventrail Vaughns, Paris Bennett, Rashad Whack
Old Dominion: Kent Bazemore, Trian Illadis, Marquel De Lancey
Prediction: George Mason

Ivy League "Don't Give Me This Studying Bullshit" Battle: Harvard (15-3, 4-0) vs. Princeton (14-4, 2-0)
The Ivy League plays games on Friday nights, which for whatever reason just seems wrong. And, Ivy being Ivy, doesn't have photos to show you these guys actually exist. But it would appear either of these schools will finally unseat Cornell this year.

The Crimson's Keith Wright is doing a good clean-up job, averaging 14.7 points and 8 rebounds. But this the Ivy League is all about the extra pass, and Harvard is doing that better than anyone else. 4 guys average double figures, which happens when there's a lot of passing.

Princeton's stats are nearly identical to that of their opponent, so how do they win? Well, like Harvard, they have 4 guys averaging double figures. (For Princeton, it's 13.0+ a game) They make extra passes. So how do they win? Beats the shit outta me.

Names:
Harvard: Laurent Rivard, Ugo Okam, Dee Giger
Princeton: Ian Hummer, Mack Darrow, John Comfort
Prediction: None, but Princeton is at home, and has someone named Noonan. Good luck making the free throws with that name, son. (Then again, Noonan made the put)

Just Because: South Mississippi (17-5, 6-3)
According to Hogg McHonk, this is a Memphis-only conference. But look closer, and you'll see UTEP and Southern Miss making deals. I choose the Golden Eagles because of Gary Flowers:
He averages 20 points a game, nearly 50% from 3 point range. He put up 27 points in 25 minutes vs. Houston. With his size, can score from multiple ranges. He can also turn the ball over at the wrong time...which is likely why he's not thought of higher. (6 TO's against Memphis in the 1 point loss; no help there). It may come down to UTEP and SM, and the NCAA might take both if it works out that way.

South Mississippi Names:
Devonte Newbill, Josimar Ayarza, Sai'Quon Stone, Torye Pelham (1-2-3), Kayland Partee

Plenty O Big games this weekend, folks. Get a can of Old Sconnie and enjoy before the Super Bowl hits you in the food tank.

Just because it's January...

2011-01-12T15:11:00.000-06:00

...doesn't mean we can't talk about horseshit NBA officials.

So, the internet is passing around this clip of Ken Mauer calling 5 Technicals on the Wolves in 10 seconds. Not that such inane officiating is unique to Ken, or the NBA at large. This is just a reminder that it happens all year long, not just during Stern's (soon to be) 4 month run to the finals.

But let's take a look at Ken. You know, Ken did hard time. 5 months in jail for tax evasion among other counts. So, you know, a felon is out there calling your games. Stern has NO PROBLEM IN ANY WAY with OFFICIALS BEING CRIMINALS, JUST PLAYERS. Sorry, that was CAPS overload...but I want to stress those points. The disparity of an actual real, sane world and the one David sits in gets wider by the day.

Hey, wait a minute. Didn't I once write a post about another shitty NBA ref who was guilty of the same thing, but never missed a game? I sure did. Good to see very little has changed in the Association.

KD The Next MJ?

2010-11-18T08:23:00.000-06:00

He became the youngest scoring champion in league history at a little more than 21 years of age. He's a budding superstar on a team that has recently rediscovered success. He has a solid sidekick who compliments his abilities on the court. Sounds a lot like Michael, right?

Here's the deal sealer.

He was drafted after a high profile center that turned out to be an injury-plagued bust. Speaking of...

Portland is having some issues

Greg Oden may not play 100 games in his career. Brandon Roy's, and I quote, "most athletic days are behind him," according to him. He's 26. Joel Przybilla is out indefinitely and rookie Elliot Williams is out for the season with a knee injury. Even their big offseason acquisition, Fabricio Oberto, had to retire due to heart problems.

Bill Walton disease strikes again.

Blog Rewind

With Kevin Love and Mike Beasley gettin' some over the past few weeks, I was reminded of a blog post from way back when those crazy kids played college ball:

Kids To Watch

Michael Beasley is going to show up early and often here because I think he's going to be KD 2.0. In two games this week he's averaging 31 points, 19 rebounds - setting a Big 12 record with 24 rebounds in one game. This kid does it all over the floor. I know he was sad when Huggins left, but I think staying at K-State will further ensure his status as a top-5 draft pick next year.

Kevin Love will also show up here often. His UCLA Bruins, ranked #2 in the country, went 2-0 this past week behind two solid performances by the freshman center. He averaged 21.5 points and 11 rebounds per game. I don't think he's going to throw up Beasley's gaudy numbers but I think he'll average a workmans double-double and be a factor in every game this year. (Love had 19 points and 9 rebounds last night too)

I have to say I'm pretty impressed with what I see out of these two so far this season. They definitely bring some hope to this team - especially with B-Easy knocking down a game winning jumper with 2 ticks left on the clock last night.

The 2nd Annual 24-hour Basketball Marathon Live-Blog

2010-11-15T22:52:00.071-06:00

10:52PM - Hola amigos! We are live!

Just a brief procedural announcement - in case you missed it last year HA HA HA HA no one was here - anyway, I try to keep this all contained in one post, but of course I may have to break it up as I add pictures and so forth. So for anyone out there who wants to contribute in anyway, feel free to just live-edit this post as it stands. If it ends up looking confused, I'll fix it later.

Anyway, Welcome to Memphis, where they love their Tigers (and cheating)!

11:21PM " The mohawk on Garcia from Memphis looks like the kind of thing you find when you clean out your shower" - Trip Darvez has entered the Sportsbook, and has already forced out an older couple on hand to cheer on Memphis.

11:32PM - Memphis and Miami like to git their buckets. There's many ways to accomplish this, but the one most often used is "recklessly attack the hoop and hope for a sicko dunk". The over for this game was at 142 to begin... and you can see why. They are capable of scoring 10 points in 20 seconds when they are motivated. A very fun night lies ahead...

Hey, must be different age-of-consent laws for tattoos in Florida, because that man just...

11:36PM - So the Barn tonight:

My attorney and I were there more for "scouting" than for enjoyment, but it turned out to be quite the game. The Siena coach wants his team to do well, and he lets them know this by screaming into their scared faces. Beautiful.

11:43PM - UCLA center Joshua Smith. 6'10" - THREE HUNDRED AND FIVE POUNDS. Is that "pre-season" weight? I like Diddy Riese cookies in Westwood as much as the next guy, but stick to the 3 for a buck.

11:36PM - The ad at center court in Memphis "It's time to start using the stairs" - why taunt these people, Blue Cross? Pulled Porkwich? That's what the vendors are for.

11:53PM - Memphis plays just like they used to with Calipari, but they don't pay their players anymore, so they aren't... quite... as good. They so want to be ghetto though... you can see the Barton brothers trying to emulate Chris Douglas-Roberts in all his glory, but they can't finish for shit. Miami meanwhile, they don't care at all. Lots of scoring guys, that's all we're looking for.

12:00AM - We head to the new day with a halftime score of 38-37. Well on pace here guys. Keep it up.

So Dickfer, we're gonna get SIU-Edwardsville to a #1 ranking within 5 degrees. They play Kennesaw State, at home, who beat Georgia Tech today. Tech will beat Maryland, who will inevitably beat Duke, and there you go. Start writing the article now. We could get this thing to UM-BC before all is said and done.

12:05AM - UCLA's victory has lead Laura to sing Kool and the Gang's song "Get Down On It" - I ask if this is because she doesn't want to do homework. "I'm not doing homework."

12:15AM - Getting back to the Barn tonight.... I don't know what to expect this year with the Gophs. Last year I expected a lot and I didn't get very much. They ended up right where they belonged, which I guess you can't really complain about, but still. This year they look good, they are more experienced at key positions, but man, that Big Ten is tough. The best they can hope for any year is just above .500 in conference play. So I suppose it's a big old wait and see. Though I did read somewhere that just by virtue of them taking a stronger non-conference schedule, they will get a higher NCAA rank. Which is bullshit, but it's something we all know. So what if you don't actually win the games, they say, just make sure you play the tough teams. It's why Duke and UNC consistently pull down 1 and 2 seeds even when they clearly shouldn't be. "Oh but they played Syracuse!!!!" Fuck off.

12:17AM - Bill Raftery is on cup of coffee #2...I'm highly anticipating cup #6 by overtime and Bill found standing on the scorer's table.

12:31AM - This game has gone ice cold. That's the problem with betting truly ghetto teams to go over... no one on the floor can shoot consistently. So even though they love dunking and throwing the ball to the other team, there will be periods of 4 minutes without scoring. So that kills the over. Oh well, the hedges were there, I ignored them. I've seen enough out of each of these teams to know that they're going to play Git Buckets the rest of the season, they're just going to have to match up well with their opponent. Miami v. UNC? I don't think so.

12:40AM - I have a question. I know why Kobe drives to the hoop even when he has little chance of making the shot... it's because he can get fouled and then get 2 free points. But if you play for Memphis, you have no interest in learning to shoot free throws. So why do you drive errantly to the basket and throw up a prayer? Because even if you are fouled, you will come up empty. I just... I wish I knew the answers.

12:36AM - Let's take a look at some early pre-season favorites. And by favorites, I'm meaning names.

Central Connecticut State is 2-0. One of their players is named Shemik Thompson. SHEMIK. He scored 25. Will they fare as well against Maryland - Baltimore County?

Cleveland State defeated Urbana tonight. Is that in Illinois? Well, this is their athletic director:

Everyone knows that the Blue Knights have their work cut out for them going against Cleveland State. But don't discount the football program. Here's one of their press nuggets:

"Senior running back Boise Moon rushed for 226 yards and 2 TDs in the football team's 42-25 win over conference opponent Missouri S&T last Saturday. Today, Moon has been named the Family Dentistry Student-Athlete of the Week."

There's not enough time in the day...

12:58AM - Miami has cut the lead to 1, but so far this season, they already played a game. Against who?

Barry.

Wait, 1 person?

No, Barry. The Barry Buccaneers. Miami Shores, FL.

It's tough going for the Bucs. "Bucs fall short to Florida Memorial." "Get out there. BE A COP!"

1:03AM - "I've always found Miami to be a more patient team at 1 in the morning." Sean starting to get loopy.

1:11AM - St. Mary's underway!

And, as far as Miami is concerned.... we're gonna need overtime here, guys. And then some.

1:22AM - It wasn't really a prediction, but I was secretly hoping for overtime out there...just to see Bill delirious. Alas, Memphis gets the win and Miami a very sleepy flight home. Delta won't charge for the blankets overnight, will they?

1:31AM - A St. Mary's player was just fouled INTO THE POST, IN MID-AIR. Somehow, he gets up. Might be a smart time for a commercial. Well done, ESPN. I know this was an intentional foul, but the refs are aware that it's 2:30AM in New York right now, home of the "Red Storm." Not that late nights have ever been a problem for Slick Sidelines.

1:37am - CHRIS MULLIN SIGHTING AT ST. MARY'S Oh then, now the night has begun.

1:43 AM - Alternate names for Steve Lavin:
Greaser McGee
Slick McWhip
Serge Sleaze-Handle
Grease ChinGrease
Browngrease Chinslick
Slickhead Shinez
"Leaking on the Floor" Lavin

Should I stop all of this because Steve's parents are there? HAHA - of course not! Of course, his team is leading, and he's "extending the zone" all the way to half court.

1:56 AM - You know your body is starting to wind down when the See's Candy Holiday catalog is holding your attention more than live basketball. I know about your Bridge Mix...it's no "secret" to me. What am I saying? I've only SENT See's as gifts, but maybe eaten a piece of candy from them once or twice in my 10+ years in CA. What's going on with the game? Gaels with a pass to the 3rd row...ok good, so it's not just me. Steve with the lead at the half, and enough time to re-apply the VO5.

2:14AM - Watching basketball for 24 hours.... well, let's just go with a frame from Chopping Mall:

2:14AM - ESPN's ad inventory? Schick Shadel Alcohol Treatment Center. Pat O'Day, the legend of Seattle radio, does the ad. "Who I am doesn't really matter." Please! No coincidence that the center is also in Seattle. But the audience for this game must be high...or the degenerates awake at this hour are the same - the site is crashed. Pat's busy selling real estate in the San Juan Islands...wow.

2:32AM - Hawaii's next opponent is the Central Arkansas Bears. Names?

JaDarius Davis
Dewan Clayborn
Mike Pouncy
Jacquan McClinton (didn't he play bass for Isaac Hayes?)
Imad Qahwash

Get there, Bears.

2:35AM -

2:43AM - Pop quiz!

This man just:

a) Killed your family in their sleep
b) Ate a bucket of sand
c) Made a basket in a sporting contest

2:46AM - So last year I bet on the Gaels and the Bows... this year, let's just say there's nothing new under the sun. Neither bet is making me too happy right now, but there's always time. Until there isn't.

So who's the big team this year? Michigan State? Eh, whatever. Duke? That would be like trying to predict who's ass smells the worst. Not Villanova, of course. Texas A&M still on the board! Kansas State is a flash in the pan. I'm going to go with Florida. Why? Because it's almost three in the morning and I'm about to watch two hours of basketball featuring the Central Michigan Chippewas. I am invincible.

------------------------------------------------------------

3:04AM - The Gaels just do what they do, and run the lead to 10. Now let's just hold it boys. Your coach is losing the Grease Battle, but you can still win the war.

Taking a look at the Gophers non-conference schedule... Western Kentucky, NDSU, SDSU (no, not the Aztecs), Virginia, St. Joe's. Not bad at all. A good mix of mid-level talent that will do enough to impress voters if they go 9-9 again. The thing to remember is that when in doubt, the dumbfuck committee will ALWAYS go with a school like Minnesota over Milwaukee or St. Mary's. It makes sense in so many ways (except the one about, you know, picking the better team). So kudos to Tubby. But eventually, that would be really neat if they could compete for the Big 10 title. I know, I know. Give it time. But am I wrong to just want Blake to go back to shooting it from his ass?

(de-evolution of an idea: complete)

Greaser McFaceStain is going to have to teach some of these kids to shoot the basketball. Remember guys, you get that ball up over your forehead, and look through the window. Pick out the three hooks on the front of the rim, and aim for the middle one. Follow through. No, not every shot can be a dunk.

St. Mary's making their throws, man that's nice to see. I would've doubled the over in the Memphis game if they believed in practicing. Well, it's like my attorney said, "You don't walk off the island." And apparently, you don't shoot free throws out of Queens.

3:12AM - THE BOWS HAVE STARTED AND I'M SITTING HERE WATCHING FREE THROWS. Fix it, Veetle.

3:28am - Ahhhhhhhhhh, the Aloha State. I'm not sure what I'm in store for from the Bows, but any B-roll you can run of the North Shore sure would make my day. We weren't supposed to leave! We have to go back!

No HD cameras for this one, huh ESPN? Well that's not a surprise. Remember like 2 years ago when the entire US converted to over-the-air digital signal? And we all had to get those converter boxes, and the government gave us rebates, and so forth? Yeah? HAWAII DIDN'T DO THAT. They saw what was happening, and decided "No, our TV is good enough". And ain't a damn thing you can do about it, Obama.

You really should've seen that local coverage of the impending tsunami. Let's just say I've seen higher production value out of Channel 13 in Eau Claire, WI. They would cut to "experts", who of course are experts because they have lived on the island their whole lives, and have seen "stuff like this back in 62". The analysis was something along the lines of "If there's big waves, run". But really, the whole thing is a microcosm for life there. Tsunamis and traffic and the occasional murder... they don't mean anything. Life endures. The news is just a constant reminder that life on the island is fucking great.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

So Ron Artest changed his jersey number again this year. He did this because he's absolutely bat-ass insane. But it makes you think.... how was he ever able to harness that immense physical ability with what is obviously a psychotic brain? How did he not end up in an institution with "talking doctors"? He took a shot in a game after everyone in the stadium, including his own teammates, were screaming at him to NOT SHOOT. He shot anyway, and when he was asked about it, he said "Just play basketball, man." He made Craig Sager say "Queensbridge" during an interview after he just hit the winning shot. The first thought he had in his head when he won the championship was to thank his psychiatrist (which makes perfect sense). When will he sign up for the NBDL, just because they have "nicer nets"?

4:10AM - Did you know we're coming to you live from "the island of Hawaii"? I was not aware this was being played on the Big Island. Oh, what's that you say? DumbFuck BrownStone doesn't know where he is? He thinks Hawaii is one big island and also that soda cans are too difficult to operate? Well, that makes sense.

They don't allow outside banks to operate in Hawaii. You can search all you want for a US Bank ATM, even in the heart of Waikiki, and you will find nothing. We joined First Hawaiian, and it was the best bank in the world. Our branch shared a parking lot with Pat's Pizza.

They just showed b-roll of Molokai, specifically the sea cliffs. I have climbed those cliffs. They zip over them in a helicopter and it's breathtaking how sun-drenched and green they are. Yeah, not when you are walking up behind ass-dropping burros. Then it all just looks like shit.

Did you also know about Hawaii that...............

(asleep)

9:43AM - We're awake on the Pacific Coast, and before we start our day, let's check in on the games. I hear cheering...South Illinois with the lead. I don't care where you are - Missouri Valley basketball before 8AM isn't good for your health. Good crowd for a breakfast game, though. Have the concessions adjusted? Can you still get a dog? Or is it all donuts. Now there's an idea. Shit, I have to get ready for work.

10:12AM - Dave Sliznewski here. Thought it was time I checked in. Better late than never.

A few things. This page may need a section dedicated to Barry basketball. Who doesn't want to cheer for Barry - single person or team?

Secondly, Mike Pouncy.

I sure was hoping he was fat - I had a pouncing-on-donuts joke all loaded up and ready to go. Oh well. Great name anyways.

I have to say the Gophers are looking like they may actually have a team this year. And by that I mean a team that might be able to at least compete in the Big Ten. With Mbakwe, they have enough size up front to keep any post scorers at bay - Ryan Rossiter, Siena's big fella, didn't do much damage. Of course, the Gophs still can't stop any wing players, so Kalen Luca will score 40 on them before they blink. But hey, the fat guy that's playing center for Sparty won't do much but eat donuts. Good. Got that donut joke in there.

11:05AM - (chugs coffee, grunts, opens Veetle, sighs)

Marist? +29 against Villanova? WELCOME BACK SWEET GAMBLING ADDICTION!!! If Siena can play with MN for 25 minutes, I've got to believe Villanova doesn't win by more than 20. Here's some money to back up that claim. We're back.

11:20 am. Dickfer with observations. Watching the heated rivalry of Southern Illinois and Northeastern. Might go double OT. No one wants this. The coaches, players, fans, announcers . . . they just want to go home. Fans are cheering . . . to go home. OH GOD CHRIS WEBBER TIMEOUT. Whoops, SIU. Any energy to make throws. Yes, the first one. Not the second. SIU can't do anything. Nap time for all.

Sliz says: 5 total points in OT, huh? Yeah Dickfer, nobody wanted to be there.

11:39AM - The great thing about surfing around to different teams on ESPN.com is that you get to see the most recent video highlight that they produced for said team. Now, most of these, like Duke for example, had a video made of them yesterday... highlighting the challenges for the season, etc. But not the little guys. Take, for example, Maryland-Eastern Shore. That highlight? January of 2009. Blake Griffin, stone cold rocking it. I'm pretty sure we could find a video produced in the 90s if we dig hard enough. Coppin State? You gonna show Toby Bailey, errrrrrrrr?

FOUND IT: Winston-Salem. Yeah, you know, the Rams? That video that is linked to in the sidebar? DECEMBER 19, 2006. That was the last time that a major sports outlet even thought to air your "highlights". Of course, it is a game where you lost by FIFTY ONE to Kansas, but hey, git buckets.

11:58AM - Sliz back. Couldn't help but notice the offensive "heavyweights" that punched it out in West Long Branch, NJ this fine morning. They scored 100 points. No, not each. The Stonybrook Seawolves took it to the Momouth Hawks 51-49. That's less than half of the points scored in the average NBA game these days. I mean, the Wisconsin football team almost scored that many points this weekend.

More interestingly though, evey Monmouth player managed to score, including center Nick DelTufo (from Jersey of course). He managed to net 1 point in 14 "solid" minutes of play. Nobody scored more than 9 points, but hey - they all got buckets.

12:05PM - Trip here. I had good luck with Barry, so I'm scanning through tonight's games: Ap State has...Montreat College??? Is that a spelling error? No...it's a school in the "Blue Ridge Mountains." But what conference are....NAIA. Come on Appalachian State! What, all the high schools are booked? Maybe it was because Neumann was booked. They play Navy.

Neumann’s student-athletes play to win, but not only on a field, court or rink. With the guidance of their coaches and team chaplains, Neumann student-athletes learn to balance their athletic schedules with their coursework. They gain experience handling the pressure to perform on and off the court, bear the scrutiny of the media, and represent the good name and reputation of their university at other schools.

The scrutiny on the school is stifling...how they're able to manage the stress is a mystery.

Sliz says: I didn't realize Chief's cat played hoops...

1:35PM - First of all, THAT'S the Golden Hurricane basketball we've been waiting for. T-U-L-S-A. Tulsa, Tulsa, heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Canes!!! (that is absolutely not their fight song)

Second of all, when you mention the college of Neumann, you just give me clearance to post this pic:

Notice how Newman, much like the student athletes, is having a problem figuring out just where the appropriate place to go to the bathroom is. It's not there, stupid!!!

I missed out on this Baylor bet. But I can't bet a team of murderers. At least not in NCAA basketball. The Ravens, yes....

2:52PM - The Sniz just got done watching a few minutes of the Baylor Felons, err Bears and the La Salle whatevertheyares (read: too lazy to look it up). Baylor does two things. Ghetto and Ghatto. First off they are tall and it is very apparent that they don't practice shooting (Ghetto). Well, I guess if the dunk shot is considered practice.... Secondly, their stud, LaceDarious Dunn, isn't going to be playing for a few games due to a felony charge (Ghatto). But hey, charges were eventually dropped. That's like innocent...

I Appreciate a Good Clown

2010-11-15T16:16:00.000-06:00

What happens when Kevin Love and Wes Johnson can't connect on a simple handshake?

Clowning.

I know it's only one small event (and a super corny one at that), but I think we can all agree that this is something that would've NEVER happened under the old regime. Could you see McHale doing this? I mean, we all thought his Frankenstein impersonations were funny, but I don't think he really meant to be funny. Stupid corpse.

Glen and the boys have been losing money and now it seems that they're trying a new approach to marketing this team: Keep it light and fun. Just like a certain baseball team did a few years ago.

I'm not ready to say they're there yet, but this is a nice little preview of what could be, as far as an attitude shift in our NBA franchise's front office.

Plus, it helps that the basketball seems to be a bit better. Or at least more fun to watch.

Fearing the Greyhounds

2010-11-09T18:53:00.003-06:00

It could be that Bruce Pearl has too much on his mind right now. Consider all that's going on:

The whole "providing false information" to an NCAA investigation
The hefty salary cut as a result of that misleading information
Hitting the town, looking for ladies

So, would any or all of those be an excuse to lose to the Indianapolis Greyhounds? (Editor's note: the Indianapolis Greyhounds are NOT IUPUI, a minor league hockey team, or a fictional roller derby team from the 70s sitcom "The Roller Girls") The final score was 79-64. Does that make it an upset in basketball if the win is that large? It wasn't a last second trick play, or a full-court heave. It was a better team defeating a lesser team. Kind of reads like business as usual.

Indy coach Stan "Point" Gouard played under Bruce at Southern Indiana (PARTY SCHOOL) and claimed, as a result, that he knew Bruce's game plan inside and out. Sure seems like it. Maybe Bruce took this "exhibition" too lightly. Or maybe, as a coach under some serious shit from the NCAA, he shouldn't say the following things in a post-game press conference:

"They were better coached. They knew exactly what they wanted to do and how to execute their game plan."

Bruce you might want to lay low for a while...stay with a friend...'till the heat wears off.

Houston, We Have a Problem

2010-11-08T11:15:00.000-06:00

Or maybe it's hundreds of them. The Houston Rockets managed to win their first game of the season. It doesn't suprise me that it was against our lowly Wolves. What I found interesting is that it was the first game the Rockets didn't give up 100 points. The Wolves also have one win - and also have only held one opponent below 100 points this season.

Scoring seems to be up so far this season - 14 teams are scoring 100 or more points per game and 18 teams are giving up 100 or more points per game. The Wolves aren't scoring the least (97.3), but they are giving up the most (114.4).

A Deeper Look

Statistics, to me, are fascinating even if they don't ever tell a complete story. You don't need numbers to tell you the Wolves aren't any good right now, but it's interesting to look at where they are particularly bad - or good.

As I discussed above, they are terrible in the scoring department on both sides of the floor. In addition to points allowed and points scored, the Wolves are dead last in field goal percentage (.387) and assist to turnover ratio (0.86). This obviously tells us they aren't passing well. They're either dribbling too much and getting stripped or telegraphing passes and getting picked off. It also means that the passes that do reach their intended targets aren't being delivered to a guy in a good spot, which leads to all the missed shots.

The return of Jonny Flynn might help in this particular area because he is considerably better than Bassy and Ridnour is still trying to figure everyone out. That and Kevin Love isn't going to shoot 39% from the floor for the whole season.

Speaking of Kevin Love, the Wolves are the best rebounding team in the NBA so far this season. Love is fourth in the league in rebounding, averaging 11.7 boards per game and third in the NBA in offensive rebounds per game, a category the Wolves also lead the NBA in. Of course with all the missed shots, there are a lot of rebounds to be had, but the fact that this has historically been a stat that the Wolves have lacked in is something to be happy about.

The Wolves can't do much, but they can rebound.

How Bad is Bad?

2010-11-02T19:06:00.000-05:00

With their win last night, the San Antonio Spurs have now won 17 in a row and an astonishing 26 of the last 27 games against the Los Angeles Clippers. Ouch. That my friends just might be the definition of domination. A long-term ass whooping of historical proportions.

That might even make the Yankees domination of the Twins seem a little weak. Maybe not.

Anyway, upon reading this gem, I decided to check to see if there were any teams that have dominated our own squad in a similar fashion.

I took a look at the Wolves splits against all the other teams in the NBA since The Season (2003-04), which marked the peak of this franchise. The sampling is a bit smaller - only 6 seasons - but it's big enough for this here blog.

First off, some bigger picture numbers for you to chew on.

The Wolves record since The Season is a putrid 170-322. (Clippers are 195-297)

Of the 29 other NBA teams, the Wolves have played .500 ball against two clubs (Bulls, Pacers), and have won more than lost against five teams (Clippers, Nets, Knicks, Sixers, Kings). Their record against the 22 other NBA teams is 112-277. Winning less than 29% of your games is not the definition of success.

So who's have the Wolves been totally dominated by? There are seven teams that have absolutely owned the Wolves over the past six seasons.

7. Portland Trailblazers
Record Against: 8-16 (.333)
Streak: L-12

Wow. This is one I didn't really expect to see this high on the list. Sure, the Blazers have been building a winner for the past 6 years, but I guess I just hadn't noticed that they just plain beat up on the Wolves night in and night out. The Wolves have lost 13 of 14 games coming into this season.

6. Houston Rockets
Record Against: 6-15 (.286)
Streak: L-11

What!? Yao and Tracy McGrady dominated the Wolves? I could understand Clyde and Dream, but Yao and T-Mac? The Injured Assassins? I think they averaged as many missed games per season as they did points. Apparently it didn't matter because the Wolves just can't win against their Western Conference foes.

5. Denver Nuggets
Record Against: 6-18 (.250)
Streak: L-12

This one really kills me. Even though it hasn't been a rivalry since KG left, I still hate the Nuggets. I can't express how badly I want them to lose every game they play. Maybe that's overstating it, but still, this one hurts the most. We absolutely owned the Nuggets in the playoffs for two years. It felt so good then. Payback is a bitch I guess.

4. Los Angeles Lakers
Record Against: 5-16 (.238)
Streak: L-11

This one doesn't surprise me. At all. Kobe and the Lakers have owned the Wolves forever. They also happen to have won the last two NBA Champtionships. They've also won 12 of 13 against the Wolves. Yeah, Corey Brewer can neither play Kobe in the triangle offense, or guard Kobe at anything. Even tiddly winks.

3. Dallas Mavericks
Record Against: 4-18 (.182)
Streak: L-2

You might be saying, 'Dave, losing two in a row isn't a big deal.' That's true, but the Mavs have won 14 of the last 15 "matchups" against the Wolves. When Dirk is involved the Wolves can't do anything. Well, other than fail down their legs until the final whistle blows. Too bad Dallas screwed up that NBA Finals against the Heat way back when. Beating the shit out of the Wolves don't get you no where, even if you are a star.

2. San Antonio Spurs
Record Against: 2-19 (.095)
Streak: L-12

Man, it just sucks. Tim Duncan and Greg Popovich have pretty much owned the NBA for the past decade. Even when they're not winning every other title, they just pile up wins. Against everyone. I don't feel so bad that they've owned us to. They do what they have to do to stay successful and that's bitchslapping the bad teams. Twice. What does hurt is losing 17 of 18. I mean, the Wolves aren't Clippers bad. Yet.

Wait, the Spurs aren't number one on this list? Yeah, I was surprised when I finally compiled the numbers. I was blown away by this one.

1. Toronto Raptors
Record Against: 0-12
Streak: L-12

I can't even begin to fathom this one. The Raps? Isaiah Thomas's old ballclub? Really!? They haven't beaten the Raptors since 03-04 - Chris Bosh's rookie year. Ouch. He's the biggest bitch in the NBA. Here's hoping the Wolves can put an end to this streak this season - and I'll count a win against the Heat as ending Chris Bosh's dominance of the Wolves.

NBA Rules FAIL!

2010-10-27T09:23:00.000-05:00

The NBA has instituted a rule that prohibits players from wearing headbands upside down.

Yeah. They have that much time.

Can you name one player that you've seen wearing a headband upside down? I couldn't. I never even noticed. The NBA logo is very small on a headband and it is especially hard to discern which way the logo is pointed when players are running around on the court.

I can't get into the new and "improved" Rasheed Wallace rules, because they're stupid and will ruin a number of NBA games this year.

But this rule? David Stern, as has been pointed out on the blog a number of times, has lost his touch. He's gone from the guy who helped save the NBA to a clueless moron who is slowly but surely ruining the NBA.

Even The Logo is mad about this one.

It Ain't All Rainbows And Sunshine in Miami

2010-10-26T08:35:00.001-05:00

You can be on either side of the fence when it comes to the new Miami Heat. Based on the assembled talent it isn't a surprise that people are so optimistic about their chances at winning an NBA Championship. It also isn't a surprise that people are doubtful that the ego powers in South Beach won't be abld to mesh well enough to achieve greatness.

So which way would you bet?

Does the fact that Deadzo is all over Miami's prink affect your decision?

It does for me. I would be rooting against them anyways, but now that Deadzo has given them his "blessing" I don't see how it makes any kind of sense to bet on Miami winning a title. At least not this season - maybe ever based on the kind of luck McFail spreads.

It's too bad that's the only kool-aid he's chugging. Where's Jim Jones when you need him?

"Hey, do you guys like my sweater?"

Base Line / Bottom Line

2010-10-22T16:46:00.003-05:00

How pained David Stern must be at this moment. The fact that truth - not always likable, not what he wants to say - had to come from that smelly mouth of his...it's unreal. Yet there he was, with two points.

1. He tried to tell owners what to pay players - specifically, less. Economic adjustments of which they are aware.

2. We might have too many teams.

The league wants teams in the "best available markets." Now, there's no definition to that phrase: certainly David would not provide you with one. A large market that supports a basketball team is one thing...a team simply in a large market is another. Let's not confuse the two. Would fewer teams help the NBA's bottom line? At first...but then you're hoping the rest keep things afloat. Knowing his expansion history, if teams are contracted...once things get better, he'll want expansion yet again.

There isn't enough talent to fill 24 teams, let alone the 30. Combine that with how teams are run, and it gives you a good indication of who might be first to go. Forbes updated valuation list won't arrive until December, but here's the most recent stats:

At the end of last year, both Memphis and Sacramento posted the largest yearly decline in value. Sacramento won't build the Maloof Brothers (who, you know, are poor) a new arena. California is flat fucking broke. That view certainly won't change in the state capitol. Memphis has a new arena. For Memphis, they currently post more debt than value, which is no way to run a business. That happens when you generate the lowest amount of revenue of any team. Memphis might complain of market size, but then you'd have to think: what the FUCK are they doing there if the market is "small?"

Despite a positive uptick in value, Portland posted the largest fall in operating income. History shows us that the area will support the team when it's not filled with Failblazers...and you can't say they were treated to sterling moves over the last 10 years.

Indiana might be "basketball crazy" but one thing they DO have is options. If you're a basketball fan, and you don't care what kind of basketball, why not save a few bucks? The Pacers have found this out before, and a telethon might not save them this time...continued decreases in value and income don't leave a lot of options in the Midwest economics of today.

Dallas has a wealthy, business savvy, batshit crazy owner. He hates Stern, which is entertaining. He's also posting the 2nd largest income slides of the league. Mark makes deals...don't think acing this team (he's already made PLENTY off the deal, and will if he sells whenever) hasn't crossed his mind. Plug in a mumbling know-nothing owner taking his place, and you might have David lamenting that basketball in Dallas "doesn't work" because "it's a football state." Houston is making good sugar and San Antonio is doing its thing, so he might remind everyone of that to "soften the blow." After all, people in Seattle now must root for Portland...right, David?

Speaking of...the Wolves have falling value and income, but their debt is relatively low. So is their revenue. A few more years of "the same" and...wait a minute. In my lifetime, the Wolves were already to have moved to New Orleans...would more turmoil of such affairs (moving/contraction) be any surprise?

The future for the NBA is lean and mean. If regular folk can't afford to go to a game, let alone any kind of ticket plan, that Sixers/Pacers match-up (which is on TV at the bar) is an attraction to no one. Is David finally realizing this? Hard to say - he always seemed like the kind of guy to throw away his shoes instead of cleaning up the shit in the yard.

For the Gophers, "points" = $$$

2010-09-16T13:21:00.003-05:00

This is not a common occurrence, but maybe it happened to you. You’re living in an apartment building. Nothing fancy, but it’s not bad. Seemingly out of nowhere, one day you receive a letter from the company that owns the building. It describes “exciting opportunities” and a “chance of a lifetime.” What they’re really doing is asking for more money. BUY the apartment you’re renting from us for an insane price. This way, we won’t have to fix anything in your shack, and we have more money than the actual value.

I’ve received a letter such as that, and it came to mind reading a letter written by U of Minnesota athletic director Joel Maturi. Cryptically dated “August 2010,” Joel included this letter with the season tickets for men’s basketball. I will now translate the letter, with statements in each paragraph.

“I’m asking for your continued support as we make some changes to our Preferred Seating program.”

You see, it’s not enough to just have season tickets, nor is it enough to hold them for a long time. As a matter of disclosure (and the reason for my receiving a copy of the letter) is that Gophers Men’s Basketball tickets have been in my family for 5 decades, entering the 6th. With such longevity, you get to know the other ticket holders, and see them go through life. The guy that sat behind us came to my graduation party with his new family. The couple to our left came to visit while I was in town this summer. When the U updated Williams Arena, we moved 3 rows closer to the court. The guy behind us was sent back about 15 rows. He’d only held tickets since the late 70s: not enough to make Joel’s Preferred Seating program. Tell us, Joel, what are the changes?

“Prior to the 2012-2013 season we will be expanding the existing Preferred Seating program and use Gopher Points to re-allocate season ticket locations in Williams Arena.”

Translation: You were getting a free ride with simply BUYING season tickets. That’s simply not enough.

That sentence is enough to make anyone anxious.

“The system (Gopher Points) combines a number of factors to rank each season ticket holder, including ticket history, donations to athletics, donations to the University, and being a graduate of the University.”

Translation: We’re ranking ticket holders by their extra donations.

When we received the surprising seating upgrade from the U, a donation was sent to the “Williams Fund,” which, we found out, was used to pay teachers to write term papers for the players.

“Donations from Preferred Seating assist us in paying our annual scholarship bill of $9 million for our student-athletes, as well as making facility improvements.”

Translation: It’s not enough to just be a public university. To free us of managing our department with any care or reason, the influx of cash will cover any mistakes, such as hiring incompetent coaches, overpaying them, and doing so while interest fades.

So, is Joel going to admit that? No, he’ll just repeat the same poop falling out of his mouth.

“First, these changes will provide increased donations to meet the on-going financial challenges we face. Second, while asking many of you to make a donation in addition to the coast of the season ticket is never easy, expanding the Preferred Seating program is the best way to meet our ever increasing financial challenges, making facility upgrades, and improve the fan experience.”

Translation: I’ve repeated myself because I can’t admit the truth.

The price of tickets is NOT a donation to the school. Got it?

“Please know the decision to re-seat Williams Arena was made only after serious assessment of financial trends, research of peer institutions, and discussions with season ticket holders and University leaders.”

Translation: We asked our largest donators (most of whom hold us in their pocket) and they’re fine with this.

How much would you like to wager they hardly asked ANY season ticket holders? Wait, my seats could be moved? Why? Hello? Hmm, must have hung up.

“We are sensitive to the fact that changes of this magnitude will affect many of our loyal supporters, and that this is certainly an emotional issue.”

Translation: We know you’re pissed. And…yeah.

“We welcome your comments and questions to-“

Translation: You’ll speak to a student who doesn’t really know what’s going on.

And, as you’d expect, that first call went nowhere. During the Gopher Football “open house,” my Ma cornered Joel and politely told him of the B.S. in this letter. As Joel stammered, who came to his rescue? Harvey Mackay! Wait, Trip, is it that Harvey? Why is Harvey even allowed on school grounds? They must have brushed all that under the TCF Stadium rug.

As she spoke to another school official later that afternoon, this person shared little insight. Who came to this guy’s defense? Harvey, of course, spouting the same bunk in Joel’s letter. So, a call the next day to this hotline found an accidentally honest student. “You’ve had tickets for 60 years? You don’t need to make a donation. Who told you that?”

I don’t profess to have the answers on how to run a big-time athletic department, but it’s entertaining to watch from afar how Joel continues to take one step forward, one step back. Maybe that’s his plan: that way, there’s always the need for increased donations and those beloved Gopher Points.

Ronny Being Ronny

2010-09-08T08:21:00.000-05:00

It's like his life is just a complete clown.

Ok, so this is great

2010-09-01T08:24:00.002-05:00

Just look at Stern's face changing, and Delonte...

A Picture Worth A Thousand Words

2010-08-30T10:32:00.000-05:00

Finish this phrase...

To Utah.

...and...

Loungin'

Not Enough Vowels?

2010-08-23T13:56:00.000-05:00

Headline: Thunder's Krstic fears FIBA ban for role in brawl.

Really Nenad? I mean, you got arrested. ARRESTED!!! Not even Ron Artest got arrested. Oh, and why did you get arrested?

Krstic hit Greek player Yannis Bouroussis in the head with a chair

In the head. With a chair. WWE-style. Niiiiice...

Counterpoint: I am OK with the Heat winning it all

2010-07-27T19:27:00.003-05:00

I am not going to "follow" them this year. I am not "cheering" for them this year. I am simply OK with them winning it all. This is because I only see the NBA as a business of betting overs. Oh sure, I follow the Wolves, hope they do the correct thing. KG has a ring so who cares. I follow enough to stay informed.

How many times have you seen a star athlete towards the end of his career jump the team he has played for forever just for that shot at a ring with a "good" team? Enough times for me. Why did he jump for a "good" team? Because he couldn't win it on his own. There. None of these three players we going to do anything if things stayed the way they were. I don't buy the giving up money for winning argument since, if they win it all, they will make it up in endorsements. They want to win, though. Good for them. Does Lebron have a huge ego? Yes. Is Bosh insanely lucky? Yes. Good for Dwayne Wade.

Would we be mad if they played for the Wolves, or the Clippers!, instead of the Heat? No, we would be fine. I am guessing more than the lower bowl of Target Center would be filled and we would tell everyone to kiss it.

This is the way I see it. I am just a NBA fan on the surface, remember.

Sterns' Three Kings

2010-07-20T08:23:00.001-05:00

It kills me to say this but maybe Team Stern is a good thing for the NBA. I know, I know, I’ve hated everything that’s happened surrounding the Bullshit Show that went on in Miami a couple weeks back. I hate that Stern let a team take full advantage – borderline abuse – of the salary cap rules like the Heat did. It’s stupid and wrong, but it might be exactly what the NBA needs right now.

Before The Circus, there were 4 teams in the NBA that legitimately had a shot to win the title: Boston, Cleveland, Orlando, and Los Angeles. I don’t remember what the odds were during the season, but I bet they weren’t too different at varying times throughout the year. Cleveland had the best record, L.A. the best player, Boston the best trio, and Orlando the best big man. Each team had something to lay their championship hopes on. Of course, as is the case most of the time, the team with the best player won the title. (Congrats to the Lakers, by the way.)

Of the three teams that didn’t win a ring, which one do you think would really give the Lakers a challenge in the next, say five years? I say none. Boston is old and has one, maybe 2 seasons left as contenders. Orlando won’t sniff the finals again, at least not until they can spend Vince Carter’s money on a winner, and LeBron didn’t seem to be able to will his team to the title like a certain other 23.

Which brings me to my point: I actually think LeBron going to Miami with Bosh and Wade is a good thing for the NBA. Remember the Bulls? No, not the scrappy kids we’ve seen do their playoff-thing the past five years. MJ’s Bulls. The Six rings-in-eight-years Bulls. For Chicago and Jordan fans, those were the golden days. The Bulls were the NBA. Yeah Houston nabbed a couple rings when Michael decided he was a baseball player, but the league

was theirs – well Jordan’s anyways. They were a dynasty, like the Lakers and the Celtics before them.

With that kind of success comes adoration and hatred, and nothing in between. Back in 1994 you either loved the Bulls or you hated them, except for Knicks fans, then it’s all hatred, all the time. The NBA was great back then because it was everyone against the Bulls. Everyone. The Jazz, Cleveland, New York … EV-ER-Y-BOD-Y. Who, that wasn’t a Bulls fan, didn’t cheer for KJ’s layup to go in over Horace Grant? Or hope Charles Oakley finally hurt Jordan? Or for Craig Ehlo to actually be able to play defense? Okay, no one outside of Cleveland cheered for Ehlo, but you get my point. Having a nemesis, someone to hate, made the games mean so much more to the hardcore fans.

That’s what Team Stern has provided for the today’s NBA. The Celtics, with their KG-centered Big Three were only mildly dislikeable, but the Heat are downright putrid. Assuming of course you’re not living in Miami-Wade County of course. I hated the Bulls until they were done winning, and only appreciated their excellence after I had some time to get over my hatred – they were top-five team(s) of all-time. The only thing that’s missing to make Team Stern complete is an arch rival. Hush Lakers fans, you’re not their arch enemy. Yet. The current version of the Celtics need to go away, then you’ll have another team to hate with all your star-studded might.

So, even though it seems unfair and an exercise in rule-bending, don’t be too quick to pass off The David Stern Variety Hour as all bad. Sure, Cleveland gets screwed, as does the rest of the Southeastern Division. And sure, Miami fans get a team that they probably don’t deserve, but the rest of us get something too. The NBA gets a team to hate. And frankly, nothing fuels competition like hatred, and maybe that’s exactly what the NBA needs right now: some fierce competition.

Who's The Mack?

2010-07-14T19:10:00.003-05:00

I'm sitting here listening to Ice Cube - you know, like every Wednesday evening - and my head is just absolutely buzzing about The Association. I don't think people understand what has occurred in recent months, both at home and abroad, and I think it's time for O'Shay Jackson to take us through it like only he can...

"You wanna leave, but Sonny start talkin fast / And it make you want to go and sell more ass"

To KAHN! Wow, he must be talkin' slick, because I still believe.

Let's just say this: at least half of the current GMs are incompetent children who could fuck up a cup of Twinnings. They put together their teams based on the philosophy of "YOU WANNA RIDE BIKES?!?!!?!" They get lucky (see: Milwaukee) or they stay perpetually unlucky (see: Clippers) which is what they deserve. We used to have utter incompetence as our GM. Just walking death. And now we've got someone who is thinking. He at least is acquiring assets. Now, these assets may amount to nothing. And this whole thing could crumble. But you know what we have until it does? HOPE. And Deadzo never ever ever gave us hope. As soon as he had an asset... oh, like say, A FIRST ROUND DRAFT PICK, HE TRADED IT FOR MARKO JARIC, SWEET JESUS CHRIST IT STILL HURTS MY HEART. Deadzo never held onto any asset... he always had to trade it for a "ballplayer". Kahn at least has goals, and works to achieve them. If he's just talkin slick, well, that make me wanna go and sell more ass.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"You give him a dollar or a quarter and he's on his way / Then you see his sorry ass the next day"

David Stern. I never thought it would happen in my lifetime, and let me just say upfront that it hasn't happened YET, but I think we're starting to be able to have a conversation about a passing of the torch. The torch, of course, is The Commissioner Of A Professional Sports League Who Can Barely Speak For All The Owners' Ding-a-Lings In His Mouth. This, of course, has been held by Bud Selig since 1994. But now, oh boy.

David Stern lies every single day of his life. Nearly every press conference or statement, he lies. He lies about the financial situation of the league, to appease the owners. He lies about the referees and how fucked they are. He lies about "vision" of the NBA. (Pssst, here's a hint: the NBA has no vision whatsoever other than Git That Money Now And Fuck Everything) He lies about transactions and what he "would like to see". He lies when he gives out fines to Phil Jackson for saying the refereeing was "uneven". He lies to colleges when he repeatedly changes his mind (which is just the owners changing THEIR minds) about the entry age. He lies to the consumer every single time he opens his mouth by telling us that EVERYTHING IS JUST PEACHY FOLKS!

Gary Bettman could walk into a Starbucks and walk out without coffee. Tagliabue and now Goodell run their shit like this is Kiev. Bud Selig is such an obvious whore that it's not even worth a joke anymore. But Stern. He's a lawyer, so he THINKS he's putting all this over on everyone. But how long has it been since we've seen through the cracks? 4 years? 5? THEY HAD A REFEREE IN CAHOOTS WITH THE FUCKING MOB AND STERN SAID LIKE 4 SENTENCES THE ENTIRE TIME. It's such a joke.

So now we come to this Miami Go Party, and of course, Stern watches and doesn't know what to think. Why? The owners haven't told him what to think. He fired off some bullshit about how it wasn't "handled" properly, but yet nothing about collusion. Nothing about LeBron and the fact that he decided to do this two years ago. Nothing about Pat Riley, who must have photos of Stern, who gave the Wolves Michael Beasley, a #2 draft pick, for Jack and Shit. Free agency is one thing. But this amount of back-room dealing and collusion from both players and teams... it's just staggering. Are there even rules about this shit anymore? There used to be. The Wolves got their ass handed back to them with a receipt for under-thundering Joe Smith. We lost 5 draft picks. Miami? Well, just look at Riley's hair. Not any less greasy...........

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"No I didn't kill or steal or rob / Locked up for what? Cause I'm rollin with the Lench Mob"

Hey there B-Easy! Welcome to Minnesota!

So this team... I just think we're on the right path here. B-Easy is the best talent the Wolves have had since KG was traded. I would say Al Jeff was up there, but he is broken now. And he likes playing defense as much as I like getting jobs. That is to say NOT AT ALL. But let's just put on the goggles for a minute: next year, if it's Rubio, B-Easy, Brewer, Milicic, Wes Johnson, not to mention whatever we can get in a deadline deal (Josh Smith) and all that extra money to get a free agent.... hell man, that's becoming a respectable team. I'm not saying great. But it's getting there. If we can turn a few draft picks into solid pieces, and our coach turns out to be smart (which we haven't had since... oh god, Flip? In 2004? AIIIIIIIIIIIIII), we could be building a foundation. One thing that the Deadzo era made us is patient. As long as we see something, some progress towards something, we can wait. Because with Deadzo, every single year felt like a step back. Except that one year. That was fun.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

"That's why I'm sick of getting treated like a motherfuckin step-child"

Oh Cleveland. First LeBron, then Harvey Pekar? "Hey lady, I'm just a kid from the neighborhood!"

So Long, Al

2010-07-14T15:06:00.000-05:00

As the final cog from the KG trade has been jettisoned from the machine that is our Wolves, I got to thinking about what we've done with all the other pieces that were - at one time, anyway - supposed to be the building blocks with which we were to rebuild our franchise.

There are a lot of laughs in there. Prepare thyself.

Just to refresh our memories, here's the original deal:

Ryan Gomes, Gerald Green, Al Jefferson, Theo Ratliff, Sebastian Telfair, Our 2009 first round pick (Jonny Flynn), Boston's 2009 first round pick (Wayne Ellington).

That was it. Sad to remember, but less painful now.

Ryan Gomes was traded to Portland for Martell Webster
Gerald Green was traded to Houston for Kirk Snyder and their 2010 2nd round pick (Paulo Prestes)
Al Jefferson was traded to Utah for Kosta Koufos and two first round draft picks(details yet to be fully discovered)
Theo Ratliff was waived
Sebastian Telfair was traded in a package for Quentin Richardson
Kirk Snyder left fia free agency
Quentin Richardson was traded to Miami for Mark Blount - AH HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Mark Blount was released

So, in the end, we turned the best player in franchise history into the following:

Martell Webster
Jonny Flynn
Wayne Ellington
Paulo Prestes (draft rights)
Kosta Koufos
Two future first-round picks

It's not getting any better, although my favorite transaction was the Q for Blount deal - since we'd tricked Miami into that one the year before. I guess we really "missed" his "presence" or something. On that note, he's not the only guy we've traded for after they'd already played for us. Dean Garrett and Darrick Martin also hold that distinction.

The LeBrottery Reaction

2010-07-09T08:58:00.000-05:00

No, not from me. From the Cavs fans...

(keep the volume low at the beginning of this one)

A few things to note in this "special" video.
1) Check out how they decided to light the jersey on fire. Really guys? The stove?

2) The guy opening the door once they have their flame - he has a little skip in his step.

The Classy Version

And the team owner? How does he feel?

He's definitely not happy.

Free Agency and the Summer League

2010-07-08T10:46:00.001-05:00

This time of the year is to non-NBA fans what most of the off-season is for non-NFL fans. It's annoying, stupid, boring, and it takes up all the sports news.

Being a die-hard NBA fan, I feel slightly different about this time of year in the NBA. Key word being slightly.

This year thus far has been especially difficult due to the circus that surrounds LeBron James and his NBA crown. There is no need for him to be announcing his decision on national television. That's for things like Magic announcing he was HIV positive, not where Free Agent X will be signing. This sort of attention-whoring makes me like LeBron less. He's not Brett Favre yet, but he's close to Roger Clemens and Curt Schilling territory. This whole thing is tarnishing his crown. Soon, his NBA Gold will tarnish and he'll simply be LeBronze.

Summer League Notes

I was checking out some of the box scores of the Vegas Summer League to see how some of the rooks were performing and I came across a few things of note.

Doodi Ebi is back in the NBA where he belongs: three DNP-CDs in three games. He rides pine with the best of them.

Lance Stephenson - aka "Born Ready" - is making a solid showing thus far. He's averaging 18 points on 75% shooting - only taking 9 shots per game. I'm not saying that's going to translate to the NBA, but it's a good start for a kid with a lot of question marks.

This isn't so much from the Summer League, but I noticed it on the web page....

I know Wes Johnson got a lot of flak for his draft night outfit, but Cole's "ensemble" is definitely in the same league of ugliness. Although he has an excuse. He's from Minnesota.

It's Official!!

2010-07-08T09:22:00.000-05:00

Troy Hudson is officially off the books in the NBA. Yeah, that's right. NO TEAM is currently paying him. Not the Wolves, not the Warriors, and not the Wizards.

Man that feels good to say.

Speaking of things said...

Amare . . . the pioneer

2010-07-05T19:55:00.002-05:00

Amare is going to the Knicks. He feels good about it. What if Lebron doesn't go to the Knicks, Amare? Then you are simply playing for the Knicks. Good luck with that.

More importantly for this blog . . . David Lee. Now what for him? Do we get him now? Do we want him? Sliz, others, your thoughts . . .

Thank You Memphis

2010-07-02T09:50:00.000-05:00

Thank you for not allowing us to over pay for Rudy Gay. By putting $82 million, 5-year contract in his hands, you've saved us from doing something similar.

I like Rudy Gay, I think he's a fine young player, but he's not a max contract player. 20 points 6 rebounds isn't worth $16 million a year when that's all there is. He's Rashard Lewis without the three-ball threat.

Speaking of Rashard Lewis...

I was looking at NBA salaries today and noticed that Mr. Lewis is the second highest paid player in the NBA this year. He's making $20.5 million and coming off a season in which he scored 14.4 points per game. I mean, that's more than KG scored but he's only making $18.8 million this year.

Big Al's $13 million is looking pretty reasonable right now.

U-Turns

2010-06-29T14:25:00.002-05:00

Remember this time last year? Remember how good it felt to be off to a fresh, somewhat exciting start? Out with the old regime, in with the new, very different, front office. The draft in which we gutted our exisiting roster to get additional first round picks. The exciting surrounding the fortune that put Ricky Rubio's draft rights in our hands? It felt good to be restarting. It was a refreshing feeling to be starting new.

That's where the Washington Wizards fans are sitting right now. They won the lottery and have made some trades and are now staring at an almost fully turned over roster. Gone are ex-Wolves Mike Miller and Randy Foye, as well as All-Stars Caron Butler and Antawn Jamison, and Brendan Haywood. Eddie Jordan has been replaced by Flip Saunders and Josh Howard and Yi Jianlian have been added to the mix which already included budding forward Andre Blatche and franchise guard Gilbert Arenas. Of course you can't forget about the addition of #1 oveall pick John Wall.

That all sounds pretty good, doesn't it? I know it makes me a little jealous. On paper, the Wizards certainly turned around last year's debacle very quickly. There are some question marks, but as a fan, you have to be fairly pleased with what they've done in D.C.

Of course, we Wolves fans know how quickly that can all change. For their fans sake I hope the Wizards have figured out how to turn it around so quickly.

In Case You Forgot...

2010-06-25T14:13:00.003-05:00

Call Me KAHN!!!

2010-06-24T12:16:00.001-05:00

There are quite a few stories - opinions really - about how Kahn! is going to screw this draft up somehow. Most of this is centered around the Nets trying to dupe him into giving them a draft pick to NOT take Wes Johnson. This is something McHale would fall for - well, he'd probably trade two draft picks. I have to say that in the event he does give the Nets #23 for the rights to draft Johnson, I will officially be done with Kahn!.

And I'm not going to lie. I'm nervous. Nervous as hell. I've spent too much time watching this franchise muck up things that are nearly impossible to muck up not to see the possibility of another poorly done draft and offseason. So, in order to keep myself from overreacting to rumors and such I've decided to put myself in Kahn!'s shoes and highlight a few things I might try to do if I were him.

First thing I'd do is pull the trigger on the Al Jefferson-for-Zach Randolph trade. No hesitation. Z-Bo is in the last year of his contract versus the 3 years Big Al has left on his. Maybe you try to buy him out or maybe he ends up being a useful trade piece in the near future. He may have the history of being a lockerroom wrecker, but this lockerroom ain't exactly tight as it is anyways so I don't see much harm in having Randolph for one season. Getting out from under Al's contract is worth that. Plus, you then have a decision made for you: Kevin Love is your power forward.

Next I'd make sure and re-sign Darko. He looked good in the few games he played considering it'd been a year since he'd seen much playing time. He and Love looked good together last year and with a full training camp I think they could be the beginnings of a solid front line.

I would then try to trade #23 pick to Portland for shooting guard Rudy Fernandez. Rumor has it that the Blazers are trying to get into the first round, somewhere in the 20's and hey, we have a pick that - to us - is totally useless. Not only is Fernandez a decent player and in the final year of his contract he is Ricky Rubio's running mate on the Spanish national team. Now, I'm not holding my breath on Rubio ever playing a game in a Wolves uniform, but why not make an effort to improve those chances by trading for, and then extending the contract, for one of his buddies. If you can sell Fernandez on the franchise then maybe he could help sell Ricky on the Wolves too.

As far as the #4 pick goes, if Wes Johnson is there, I pick him. If New Jersey really is serious about drafting Wes Johnson I would call around to the few teams below us in the draft about making a deal to trade down. I'd look at Al-Farouq Aminu, the small forward from Wake Forest (CHRIS PAUL JERSEY!!!). He's a freaky athlete who can get up and down the floor and play defense. No, he's not Corey Brewer.

If that works out then I look at trading up from #16 to get Gordon Heyward, the kid from Butler. He's a solid playmaker and he can shoot the ball, two things the Wolves don't have on the wings right now. I would love to see some crazy pick-and-rolls up top with Flynn, Love, and Heyward.

If I can't trade down to take Aminu, then I might trade further down to take Heyward.

As far as the second round picks go, they're always a crapshoot, so I'd just grab the best available talent, regardless of position. Based on some of the mock drafts that are out there, I would aim for Jarvis Varnado, the shot-blocking power forward from Mississippi and Jon Scheyer, the point guard from Duke. I kind of hate Scheyer, but he was a four-year starter under Coach K and he can shoot, so he'd be worth a chance at #56 and Varnado averaged 4.7 blocks a game for the past three years.

It all goes down this evening. Here's hoping the real Kahn! doesn't do something stupid. Or a bunch of something stupids.

"He caught a stinger"

2010-06-03T21:09:00.001-05:00

Eastern Conference Finals

2010-05-27T11:50:00.000-05:00

Is it just me or are the Eastern Conference Finals this year a complete pile of moose dung? Seriously. I mean, I think I want the Celtics to win, but Doc Rivers is the worst coach in the NBA and KG is getting old and bitchy. Orlando is the biggest group of whiners this side of Phil Jackson talking about the Antawn Jamison trade. I'm pretty sure that Dwight Howard was possessed by the ghost of Sam Cassell after their first round series - ask him, he never comitted one foul. SVG sure likes to talk about the officiating too. It's like reading about Shaq and his troubles with the refs 15 years ago - I guess Dwight just follows in all of his footsteps?

When Boston put a beat down on the Magic in game three I was happy. Not because I really want the C's to win, but that I was glad the series was almost over. Of course SVG did his best Ron Jeremy impression to get his boys up for game 3, which of course got the media all boner-rific for the Magic. Great. This series just got more annoying. Then the C's made pee pee in thier shorts in game four, further extending the stupidness that is this series. I mean, it's like watching Patrick Ewing's Knicks against The Mailman's Utah Jazz - there are few things I hated more passionately than those two things. I just want to punch myself in the face.

I guess I want the Celtics to win, but it's not because I want them to play in the Finals. It's because I don't want to see a rematch of last years NBA Finals.

But Dave, how can you be so sure the Lakers are going to win!?

That's a fair question. And I'm not sure the Lakers will take care of the Suns - I would bet they will, but I'm not willing to put much money where my mouth is.

But frankly, I wouldn't want to see a Suns-Magic series either. Or a Suns-Celtics series.

I'm only mildly interested in a Lakers-Celtics series and that's mostly because of the historical significance of that match up, not so much because I like either of those teams this year.

(sigh) The Eastern Conference is stupid. Just like football.

2010 NBA Durrr - I mean Dra-urrrr. Damn It! NBA Draft!

2010-05-19T10:03:00.000-05:00

Not that we, as Wolves fans, should've expected anything more than picking 2 spots below where we should be picking, but it doesn't make it any less disappointing. Kahn! jinxed us earlier this week when he said there were three players that were worthy of being the top pick. Just by saying that he doomed us to the #4 pick. I'd also be interested to hear who Kahn! thought the third player was? John Wall and Evan Turner are no-brainers, but after that you have issues. I guess maybe it was Derrick Favors. Wes Johnson, who most mock drafts have us taking, would be a fine pick, although I don't see him being a star. He's been compared to Joe Johnson, who's turned into a pretty good player - not a max guy in my opinion, but better than Rashard Lewis. By the way, how's that working out against the C's SVG? But I digress...

Dickfer nailed it as far as McFail taking Cole Aldrich. I mean he's white, he's big, and he's from Minnesota. McFail would be drafting himself. I pray to God that's not what Kahn! does. I don't want Greg Ostertag II on my team. Of course McFail could also go in a slightly different direction and take Demarcus Cousins. Based on his Isaiah Rider pick, he didn't have too much of a problem taking attitude problems - and Cousins will be an attitude problem. If they took Cousins or Aldrich I think that would be it for me as far as the Wolves go. I had a hard enough time watching the garbage that was on the court last year.

I also think Dickfer is right about trading down. It'll depend on Wes Johnson's workout, but I think they'll trade down unless he blows them away.

So who do they trade with? Hard to say. Kahn! talks about all the assets we have but, other than picks, I'm not so sure anyone else in the league is interested in what we have. According to the rumor mill there is some talk that Houston and Portland are interested in trading up to #3 or #4, although who knows how desperate they are to do so. Portland has pick #22 which does us no good and frankly they don't really have any players they'd be willing to part with that I'd be willing to trade the #4 pick for. I'd be interested in Rudy Fernandez but only because having him on the roster may make it more likely that Ricky Rubio plays at least one NBA game in a Wolves jersey. I'd need more than that though - say Przybilla and another first round pick next year. I still don't think that'd be enough for me.

Houston is a bit more intriguing, although I'm not sure how possible a deal would be there either. With Yao bitten by the injury bug and no real back up option at center, there is a possibility that they might be willing to take on Al Jefferson and his reasonable contract. He would fit their style of play as he's about as mobile as Yao. And $13 million for a 20-10 guy who doesn't negatively affect your locker room is not a bad deal.

Package Al with the #4 pick for Kevin Martin, Chase Budinger, and the #14 pick. Based on mock drafts, Ekpe Udoh is available at #14.

Of course if they did this, I'd suggest throwing out the triangle offense and run something more like Phoenix does. Pick and rolls all day, from all over. Flynn and Love up top with Martin and Budinger spreading the floor. It looks good when I write it.

You would also have to pray there'd be someone that Houston liked as much as they like Kevin Martin, which is unlikely, but this is the type of deal the Wolves should shoot for.

Here's praying Evan Turner somehow slips to 4.

The 2010 NBA Draft - Lady Wins Bingo

2010-05-18T20:36:00.004-05:00

Was that not the most awkward, funny, and awesomest (it's a word) draft ever? Please watch the whole thing if you can find it. You have Granger for the Pacers pissing off whatever pick they get because he is not Wall, you have ESPN saying the widow's last name was "Poland", you have the Nets owner who wants to takeover China and the world with the Nets. Oh, and Kahn! gets asked a question and he just simply explains he understands how to be a GM. Aaron Brooks . . . nice glasses. Tyreke Evans, are you happy with the selection? Seriously, when the Wizards won, the only thing I could think of is a scene from Swingers. The blackjack scene where she gets 21 and gets comped breakfast or something. Everyone claps. Some hotel like Gold Spike or Lady Luck (if it still was functional).

Who are the other players in this draft (besides Udoh, of course)? If McFail is picking, we are taking Cole Aldrich . . . easy. And that might be a good pick, I am just saying what McFail would do. You know Kahn! is trading down. In fact, I say we lock up every 1st round pick in a draft so we ensure we get the 1st overall. 2039, here we come. The rebuilding ends that year. I can wait.

Kahn! will trade down and get: a hot dog, a hamburger, milkshake, potato chips, Atari 2600, bag of basketballs, Pop Hits 2002 Volume 1, weber grill, half a cow, some basketball player, daily card from the U, chain link net, new pair of Chuck Taylors, dorm fridge, rotary phone, front row courtside seats . . . for Sioux Falls, . . . sweet jesus will this be great.

'Sheed Says It Straight

2010-05-17T10:32:00.000-05:00

"A lot of them jump shots, the buttholes get tight."

Rasheed Wallace in reference to the inability of the Magic to make threes in game one of the Eastern Conference Finals.

It's true, them buttholes do get tight.

Now McFail WANTS To Coach?

2010-05-11T10:30:00.001-05:00

Does anyone else think it's weird that Kevin McHale is actually expressing interest in coaching? I mean, he spent most of his final three years in Minnesota talking about how he didn't want to coach - even when he was having some moderate success. He complained about the travel and the long hours. He even flat out said he had no desire to coach, but was simply doing the owner a favor.

But now he wants to coach?

If he hadn't been so adamant about not wanting to coach, I could see why he'd be interested in the Chicago job. He spent some time as a VP trying to get Kirk Hinrich to Minnesota. Noah and Gibson are raw bigs that could learn a few things from McHale. And really, who wouldn't love to coach Derrick Rose?

But he was so against wanting to coach - well, at least up until the Wolves fired him. Then he was interested. Seems like maybe he's not so much interested in dancing, but wants to go to the ball badly enough to pretend?

The Magic of David Stern

2010-05-03T21:52:00.006-05:00

I have an announcement to make. There will be four days off, during a series, in-between playoff basketball games.

I know that in the past, the longest I would go within a series is three days. That is much too short. Four days it will be.

Why? Um...I couldn't tell you, beyond my own self evaluation of being dumb as shit.

Q: What's wrong with this picture?

2010-04-17T15:10:00.002-05:00

A: Three players are in the lane before the free throw has been shot. That is a lane violation.

Wait - this is the NBA. AND it's the playoffs. Excuse me...

A: Nothing.

Get ready for nearly two months of the same old bullshit.

The Ghost of Myles Brand comes clean

2010-04-07T15:13:00.002-05:00

Drew mentions both sides in his post, and I have to be honest (and hopefully not annoying) in using this to reply. There is one giant hurdle with the NCAA and expanding the tournament. Before I get to that, I'll list the minor bumps that won't bother this cash cow at all:

1. Either way, they make a shitload of money. Sure, they give some of that to schools. Some.
2. Their placing the same bland court on each site. This is a personal annoyance, but keeping the regular court was just as much the fun of it. When you're watching games, how do you know the difference if the game is in Salt Lake City, New Orleans, or Providence? You don't, which is pretty annoying. I couldn't figure out what game I was watching, which was maybe their point.
3. Jim Nantz made sure to mention the tribute to Brand on the court of the Final Four. Clark Kellogg, as a good employee, echoed the statements. Brand always did a good job of stroking both sides of the NCAA lifeblood: the money, and the schools.

Brand, as President of the NCAA, was keen to point out that it wasn't exactly beneficial for the largest schools to adopt a win at any cost view. He didn't do anything about it because, well, there's nothing he could do.

Brand also made public the graduation rates of each school's basketball team. This usually came up around tournament time. Ah...now here's a chance to enforce something. Such as, if your graduation is below a certain percentage, you can't play in the tournament. Whether you agree with that kind of rule or not, it's something he COULD have enforced.

But like the parent who simply calls out the child of his problems to make them known and then does nothing about it, the problem (it's only a problem to the NCAA, not the schools, of course) wouldn't go away. Myles would just smile and cash in the free spa visit ticket from Dick Vitale.

The expansion of the tournament comes down to one thing. And if the NCAA simply comes to terms and admits this, it can pave the way for a Division I football tournament.

A LOT OF THE BASKETBALL PLAYERS DON'T TAKE A LOT OF CLASSES. THEIR GRADES AREN'T THAT GREAT. CLASS ISN'T AS OR MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE GAME. IF WE'RE PLAYING, ESPECIALLY IN THE TOURNAMENT, SCHOOL CAN JUST FUCK OFF.

Whew. Felt good. That's the elephant in the room. Can we all admit this? Once we get past it, we can deal with 90 schools in a tournament...40 of which are actually any good. But that's the fence, NCAA. You gonna climb over it?

We movin like Russia, Bone Crusha, at the flick stick the usher

2010-04-02T17:47:00.003-05:00

Alright, let's just keep this going, right here, on this fancy blog. After all, 'tis the purpose....

Deadspin is in the ring, and the url couldn't make it any more clear. Again, as usual, any and all analysis is tainted with the "DON'T CHANGE A THING IT IS SO GREAT AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH" angle. As though the tournament is SOOOO perfect that it could never be altered. I guess that's the question... is it possible to make something more perfect?

Let's go ahead and go through those complaints:

"The dirty secret of the 64-team tournament is that it is already too big. No seed lower (lower meaning weaker) than an eight has ever won it."

Oh god, no, I'm sorry, but no. That's not truth. If we argue on the premise of "no team lower than an 8 seed has ever won it", then we must accept the principle that THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS WHO WINS IT. That is just the antithesis of what the tournament is all about, in my mind. I don't care who eventually wins. Yes, the final four is exciting. But for me, and doubtlessly for many others, it's all about Coppin State, Pepperdine, G. Mason, UNI, etc. These runs by underdogs are what makes the tournament awesome, I'm sorry, I'll never be convinced otherwise. Sure, eventually Kansas or Kentucky or Uconn outlasts the competition and is crowned champion. So how exactly does that change with the new system?

Moreover, I'd like to make the argument that the tournament is WAY more fun once half of the "top teams" are eliminated. Think of it... once Kansas, Syracuse and Kentucky were out in this year's tournament, didn't it really feel like it had "opened up"? Like, seriously, Butler or Michigan State could win the whole fucking thing. MICHIGAN STATE? What were the pre-tournament odds on that one, Dickfer? 1 in a Brazilian? So come on, more competition just means more 1 seeds get shat on... regardless if a #13 never wins (and they never SHOULD, it's the fucking tournament, remember?) I think the level of competition doesn't get impacted by adding more teams.

"And let's face it, those top eight teams probably won't lose their second game either, because we've just given these teams that are already favored more rest, a chance to scout their future opponent live in a must-win game, two extra days of preparation for that opponent, and best of all ... only two days for the opponent to prepare for them"

All is fair come tournament time. So Duke can sit back comfortably and watch Alabama play Tulsa for their "play-in game". But they can't run a practice preparing for one or the other until the game is over. Yep, they get 2 days of rest. But after Tulsa dispatches Alabama easily, (way more easily than Duke thought) then both teams start preparing.

If we accept the notion of "THE TOP SEED GETS 2 EXTRA DAYS OF REST AND THEREFORE WILL HAVE AN UNFAIR ADVANTAGE" then why try their hardest in the conference tournament? Does that not ALREADY happen? You think Kentucky gave an ass about the SEC tournament? They were going in as a 1 seed regardless. They could've tanked a game early just to get more rest. Rest and time between games really doesn't matter when it comes to the tourney. Yes, it may prevent a 21 seed from winning it all. BUT THESE TEAMS WEREN'T GOING TO WIN IT ALL ANYWAY. Can they still beat a 1 seed? Sure, why not? It's all luck and good coaching. None of that changes.

Shit, I have SO much more to say, but I'll let others take it away. I have to go for a swim.

------------------------------------------------------------------

The tournament operates like all other playoffs in that, to some degree, the teams that are hot at the right time can go on runs. Teams that are truly elite have to learn to balance their effort as the season progresses. Can they afford to take their foot off the gas pedal? Once a team from a big conference clinches their seed, they can and should rest a little bit. The teams that will be fighting for position, and inclusion, in the tournament are going to be going all out, just like always.

See the great equalizer is the RPI. It's so great that a team like Butler can draw a 5 seed. If the program is truly top-notch, they can schedule whoever they want for non-conference, and provided they handle their conference, they will be rewarded. In football, the Gophers will never be taken seriously because they schedule South Dakota as a non-conference and that is laughed at. But in basketball, you have so many games that you can have both your tune-up, Georgia State games, AND your "maybe we'll catch Louisville when they're tired" games. It all adds up to RPI at the end of the season, and anyone can get in with the right amount.

Then, of course, we come back to the money. Again, failed arguments all around. Oh, the NCAA is doing this only for money? IS THIS RUSSIA???? Since when did we start fighting against the notion of sports trying to make money off of themselves? I understand petty gripes about Spiderman 2 sponsoring the bases in MLB, or BCS sponsorship and blah blah blah. But why are we begrudging the NCAA for trying to get more money and more television coverage out of their product? If we don't like the product, we won't watch. If we all decide that this system sucks, and no one tunes in for the early rounds, they will be forced to deal with that and change it in the future. I don't get these arguments. "HOW DARE THE NCAA TRY TO LOCK IN A HUGE TV CONTRACT TO SHOW THEIR INCREDIBLY POPULAR PRODUCT???"

Great Moments In Hypocrisy

2010-04-01T19:36:00.002-05:00

Ok, the bubbling point has been reached.

I have been reading about the NCAA tournament expanding to 96 teams. Essentially, as I am to understand, they are adding 32 teams and giving the top 32 teams a bye. Again, to boil that down, that means they are folding the NIT into the current tournament and allowing the top 32 teams to have a game off.

My god. This sounds to me like more basketball... more competitive, lose-and-you're-out basketball. In March. So what, pray tell, is the problem here?

ESPN is predictably going bonkers over this, and it's not hard to figure out why. They make not a single penny from the tournament, so they are quick to put it down. Pat Forde was "interviewed" (by a network he works for) and called it a "catastrophe". Adding more basketball that matters is a catastrophe? Have we all lost our minds?

Let me run down what I perceive as the major gripes against all sports, amateur and professional, in this country (note: I am typing this from Hawaii, so we're BARELY in America, but still)

NFL - I don't know that there really is a gripe for the NFL. The television coverage is awesome. The sport just keeps getting bigger and better. The teams are balanced, and parity is everywhere. I guess the one knock could be that players don't get paid enough. But that shouldn't count. Really, I think the NFL is as well run as they come.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL - The BCS is by far the worst post-season system in any sport, at any level.

NBA - The season is too long, and it doesn't matter. The playoffs are too long. The officiating is as horrible as it has ever been in any sport anywhere in the world and that includes South American soccer where they used to threaten refs with murder. There are too many teams and too many stupid GMs.

COLLEGE BASKETBALL - The talent pool is smaller because the best players jump to the NBA too early. Coaches like Bob Huggins don't give a shit now, nor have they EVER given a shit, if their players graduate. Awful human beings like Rick Pitino are lauded as heroes in this game.

NHL - It is a regional, niche sport that expanded way too fast and too recklessly. 3/4's of the teams should be in Canada. The playoffs are so awesome, that they just make the regular season that much stupider. The goalies wear too much padding.

COLLEGE HOCKEY - It is followed and watched by enough people to fill the lower deck at a Wolves game.

MLB - The commissioner is a dunder-headed stink-licker who bends the entire sport's financial structure to the whim of the owners. The economic disparity between teams ensures that while spending money does not guarantee success, NOT spending money guarantees failure. Otherwise, all other gripes about the game are petty and usually made by nerds.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Now, this isn't meant to be comprehensive or to say one is better than the other. The point of all this is that nowhere in these complaints will you find that there are too many intense games that are do-or-die. Other sports would KILL for the pressure and awesomeness of an NCAA tournament. Hockey comes close, especially in overtime, because everything about the game gets turned up a notch. NBA playoffs are fun, yes, but the early rounds are just tune-ups for the good teams. And the games really only matter in the last half of the last quarter. But tournament basketball is foot-on-gas-pedal, all the time. Can the Gophers take the first half off and still beat teams like Penn State in the tournament? Nope, Xavier is going to crush them.

So, seriously, I don't get it. I don't get what I'm missing. The arguments laid down by commentators are laughable. They trot out the whole "THE KIDS WILL MISS A WEEK OF SCHOOL" bit... as if any sane adult pretends that student athletes in any major sport are students at all. Look, some of them get great grades and some of them fail hard and don't get allowed to play basketball (COUGH*ALNOLEN*COUGH). Just like in real school. The smart ones find ways to bring textbooks on planes and keep up with their work via email. The dumb ones coast along and get Jan to write papers. It's a billion times more prevalent in football. So don't talk about them missing school, please. I miss WORK, and many millions other do as well, to watch these games. The players can afford to miss a lab or two.

Another common argument is the old "THE REGULAR SEASON WON'T MATTER ANYMORE". Wow, that's garbage. First of all, how much the regular season matters won't change at all. You're talking about MORE teams, not less. Northwestern was a bubble team this year, and did not make it in. They would likely have been a "bubble" team regardless of if the field was 96 or 64. But had they made it into the field of 96, they might win A game, but never two, and definitely would eventually get dominated by a much better team. But here's the thing.... you're talking about allowing 31 OTHER teams like Northwestern into the tournament. You think ONE of those is eventually going to take down UNC and leave Roy with that shit-mouth frown he pulls when his teams go pee on themselves down the stretch like they always do? YES, YES, OH HELL YES. More opportunities to take down the Stanfords, Dukes and UCLAs are always welcome. So, to circle back to the point... how much does the regular season matter RIGHT NOW? Well, every year someone in the ACC (like Wake) loses like 4 games all year and goes in with a high seed. And they get railed by UTEP or whatever because the Miners try harder. So are you telling me Wake is going to work less hard during the season? What would that get them? The beauty of a tournament is just that - that the regular season matters to seeding and selection - but once the ball is tipped, it's game on buster brown. You may have beaten USC-Upstate by 60 points, but Morgan State is mad as hell and they're not going to take it anymore.

Coach K is talking about guaranteeing a spot for the regular season winners, as well as tournament winners of the big conferences. Gold. Go for it. More cinderellas, more upsets, more quality teams matched up with shakey, middle-of-the-conference, just-barely-beat-Michigan-at-home-and-probably-would-lose-to-South-Dakota teams. Get them in there and watch them get reality-checked.

See, this is the same thing that would happen if they allowed it in football. Sure, at the beginning, Florida and Alabama and Texas would still roll. But eventually smart coaches would start putting together game plans and surprising them in the early rounds of the tournament. Oh, Mack Brown, you took it for granted that you drew Uconn in the first round? Well, now they're running the punt-block, ON EVERY DOWN.

We're Americans. We love the "one and done" of tournament play. Games 4 and 5 are so meaningless in NBA and MLB playoffs. When it goes to 7, that's magic. Anything else might as well be pre-season.

Honestly folks, tell me what I'm missing. More basketball is better, right? Even if the crappier teams make it in (to see UNC do in the tournament what it is doing in the NIT right now would flare up my bowels), I still see more pressure on the elite teams, and more opportunities for the little guys, and that - in essence - is what sets the NCAA tournament apart from every other postseason system in the country.

New Jersey Nets Fail Watch - Final Update?!

2010-03-31T12:59:00.002-05:00

When I wrote the first Nets Fail Watch, I listed games where there was a possibility of the Nets winning. Since then, they won the first two games on that list, putting them at 9 wins. What'll it be, Jersey? Certainly it wouldn't be a victory against a San Antonio squad who's fighting for the playoffs, right?

Well, Brook Lopez is either playing out of his mind or playing as he usually does (either one), and the Nets played nearly error free basketball to win 90-84. That makes it win 10, but more importantly, it makes them just another god-awful team.

What do you remember about...
the 07-08 Miami Heat
the 04-05 Atlanta Hawks
the 02-03 Denver Nuggets
the 00-01 Chicago Bulls

...other than the fact that they must have been shit for me to even bring them up? Of course...the teams that are just plain bad are forgotten immediately. Sometimes that happens and your team moves to Memphis where it's once again forgotten. Other times, your team drives further and further into the ground, ignored by the public. This Nets team will bullshit whatever is left of its fanbase about the "strong end to the season." Next, they'll crow about the #1 pick...and whoever they choose, it'll be the "right fit" and will lead to advertisements on their "exciting young ballclub." Maybe it'll work.

Maybe the fans will care, too. Maybe...

Epke Udoh

2010-03-28T18:44:00.002-05:00

Just got done watching the Duke/Baylor game. I am guessing we are 3 deep in whatever position he would play in the NBA and I DON'T CARE. This guy just made himself a lottery pick with that game. If math is on our side we get Evan Turner or Wall and Kahn! gets to wheel and deal. I am saying trade up to get Udoh. Thoughts?

New Jersey Nets Fail Watch - Update #1

2010-03-22T19:37:00.004-05:00

The analysis of the teams that only occasionally get it done (Timberwolves, Clippers...well, maybe only the Clippers) will be taking a back seat in these posts, which will spread over two blogs. It's the news story that, for some reason, no one is talking about: will the Nets break the 76ers record from 1972-73 for the least amount of wins in a season?!

Current Nets achievement tally: 7

That 76ers team was a sad one, to be sure. But the way in which the 76ers ended that season will be the measuring stick for the Nets. After a span of two weeks where the 76ers went 5-2, they lost their last 13 games. (This after earlier in the season, where they dropped 20 in a row!)

Tonight, the Nets played the first of their own final 13 games against a Miami team that will likely end up in the playoffs. With a 1 point lead at halftime, the Nets did the thing they DON'T do best: scoring. That's 36 points in the 2nd half, and another loss.

But the question is: what does the future hold for the Nets to, dare we say, break this record? I wouldn't dream of making such bold predictions of them WINNING a game, but here are games where there would be a slim possibility:

Home vs. Sacramento
Home vs. Detroit
At Washington
at Indiana
Home vs. Charlotte (They've defeated this "team" twice!)

Could the Nets fire it up to not only TIE the record but move past it and, as a result, just be another shitty team in the halls of history?! Keep checking in to find out!

When Rudy T. makes a commercial...

2010-03-16T02:37:00.003-05:00

...and decides that he wants to use an Italian accent, you have GOLD.

Darko!

2010-03-03T21:12:00.000-06:00

As I turned on the radio to check out the Wolves/Mavs game tonight, I got a plesant surprise. Darko Milicic was playing - and fairly well, save some foul trouble. 3-3 from the floor, 6 points, a rebound and an assist in the first half. Of course he picked up his 4th personal foul because he fell for a pump-fake from JJ Barea. Too bad, I was sort of hoping to hear him play well if only for his own sake.

Being the biggest draft bust ever has to carry a huge amount of weight. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. Except Karl Malone, but that's a long story for another time.

Deals Week in the NBA

2010-02-19T09:28:00.015-06:00

Deal-town Specials

The NBA trade deadline usually starts with wild speculation about which big names are going to trade cities and usually end with a couple trades like the deal the Wolves pulled the trigger on this year.

Sometimes though, all the speculation ends up coming to fruition.

The three-way contract orgy between Houston, Sacramento, and New York was a bit rediculous. Everyone seems to like the deal for Houston, with the focus being on how good Kevin Martin will be when Yao returns from injury. That's assuming he does return from injury. When Yao first went down (this time anyway) there was talk that he was going to retire due to the severity of the injury. Of course, they're right: If Yao Ming comes back healthy, Martin will be a very dangerous weapon for the Rockets. That's still a pretty BIG if. Not to mention the fact that Kevin Martin makes Ray Allen money, especially for a guy who isn't nearly as good as Ray Allen (was). If only they'd found a way to get Amar'e from Phoenix too. Ming-Stoudemire-Ariza-Martin-Brooks would be a pretty sick starting 5.

The Kings got Carl Landry whom they apparently love, so good for them I guess. The best part of this deal for them is that the shed the Kevin Martin contract and free up Tyreke Evans to be their team. For their sake, I hope they can sign a mid-level free agent to continue their rebuilding, although that's hard for me to say since there's still a bit of hatred left over from the playoff battles oh so long ago.

The Knicks, on the otherhand, have done what they set out to do three years ago: get enough cap room to sign LeBron and another max-contract guy. Gotta say, while the Knicks paid through the nose for the Isaiah Thomas-era, Donnie Walsh has set them straight. He said he was going to do something, then went out and did it - and it was good for the franchise! Let's not kid ourselves here - T-Mac isn't going to be "reborn" in NYC. He's done, and the Knicks know it.

In a separate, but related deal...

Adding Antawn Jamison to the Cavs just reinforced the fact that the Cavs are the team to beat in the Eastern Conference - by a few thousand miles. Frankly, if they then turn around and re-sign Z, they may become the odds-on favorite to win the NBA Championship. The Lakers are still the team to beat, but Jamison gives the Cavs their answer to Lamar Odom, which is huge. Of course, if they don't get Z back, and Shaq goes down, they'll be ripe for another Orlando beating in the Conference Finals.

Irony or Hypocrisy?

Apparently, Doc Rivers and Phil Jackson are upset about the trade that netted the Cavs Antawn Jamison. They are both unhappy about the fact that it appears as though Zydrunas Ilgauskas will rejoin the Cavs after working out a buyout from the Wizards - not that any talks of such a result have been reported.

This coming from one guy who's team was on the recieving end of the Gasol-brothers exhange - and no, you don't get to use the fact that Marc has become a decent player 3 years later as an excuse - and the other from the guy who made a very similar deal - Gary Payton for Antoine Walker, with Payton rejoining the Celts after being bought out by the Hawks.

So basically, if the deal benefits you it's all good, but if it benefits your competition, you're going to complain to the league about how unfair it is? Nice.

Who the F is Chris Jackson!?

2010-02-04T14:06:00.005-06:00

He played most notably for the Denver Nuggets.

He suffers from Tourette syndrome

He signed my basketball card 'Chris Jackson.'

He changed his name.

Here's a good interview with Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf regarding his NBA career - specifically what happened to it after it became known that he did not stand for the Star-Spangled Banner.

Back when I was a ball boy, he was always really nice to us kids - chatting, playing around, etc. I was sad to see his NBA career end the way it did.

(if you look carefully at the picture, you may recognize both of the big fellas)

128-78

2010-01-25T09:31:00.002-06:00

I know there aren't a lot of mathletes that read this here blog, but that's 50 points. That's how many LESS points the Knicks scored than the Mavs did. Yeah.

I mean, at least they didn't give up 130, right?

Heartbreak to 30 Points: Losses Come Fast and Heavy

2010-01-23T21:54:00.008-06:00

The Wolves got screwed last night and screwed themselves tonight. Sure Corey Brewer scored 18 points, Kevin Love had a double-double, and Jonny Flynn scored 20. That all added up to -30 for the Wolves on the scoreboard. Awesome. After watching them NOT play defense with 5 seconds left last night, seeing the Wolves down 30 with less than a minute left tonight was not surprising. Disappointing, but not surprising. I dislike watching the kids get killed but it'll happen from time to time. Oh well, they're not going to set a NEW record for futility in the NBA and I'm still happy we're not the Nets...

Alando Tucker

Why hasn't he played? Seriously. Sure, Ryan Gomes is a solid SF and Corey Brewer was the #7 pick a couple years back, but really. Is there not room for a 6-7 205 wing player who did some damage as a college player to get at least a FEW minutes here and there? He's better than Damien Wilkens - or rather, I'd rather see him get a shot at being a pro player than watching the nephew of Dominique get repeated chances to show us he's not 'Nique - or Gerald for that matter. Especially since we know Damien ain't part of the future - for sure.

Big Ten Hoops

I happened to catch some Big Ten conference play today and while I was let down by my Gophers, Michigan State showed me they're not any good either. Frankly, they're the Tom Brady of College basketball - whatever call CAN go there way, does. Fuck em, they'll break someones heart in March, and it won't be mine. If the Gophers had one person who could score at will even 1/3 of the time, they'd be 5-2 in conference play and probably be ranked in the top-25 come Monday. Well they don't, and I'm not holding my breath. God love Tubby, but his team just isn't there yet.

I also caught the OSU-WVU game. Ohio State isn't all that good, but man, Evan Turner is. He tops my wish list for future Timberwolves. The guy does everything and plays with a certain swagger that tells me the kid will make it at the next level - I'm thinking Michael Finley for his career.

Texas-UConn

Texas is the real deal. Or so they showed in the first half. They're going to be dangerous come tourney time. Two solid guards and a fat guy who scores and rebounds. That being said, UConn is ghetto and full of scary athletes. I saw Stanley Robinson - yeah I DARE you to call him Stanley - jump and grab a oop that was too high to be CONSIDERED a good pass, and stuff it home. Not to mention Dyson, who just WANTS you to bet against him - do it Potsy, I DARE you. I'll win. Trust me. Jim Calhoun or not, the Huskies are going the be an Elite 8 team - at least. I expect we could see this game again in late March or early April.

WWDMD!!?

2009-11-30T13:32:00.009-06:00

What Would Doug Moe Do if he was still the coach of a team that lost to the Timberwolves?

We hit our 2-win goal for the month of November, with little time to spare! As long as they win at least 2 games a month for the rest of the season, we'll safely avoid the record for fewest wins in a season.

Gomes led the way by scoring 27 points, the most by a Timberwolves player this season. He just beat out Ole's 24 - sorry buddy!

At least we're not the Nets...

I feel like I'm going to be saying this a lot this season. We'll be scraping the bottom of the barrel, looking for snacks, and we won't get much. But the Nets. The Nets will probably go pretty hungry this year. I don't want them to, but I feel like they're going to "shatter" the single-season record for least wins in the NBA. Lawrence Frank was a pretty solid coach, pedigree or not, and now they'll have an interim head coach to clean up the mess that is this season. I wonder how happy their new Russian billionaire owner feels right about now. Maybe wins and losses don't count the same in Russia - "In Russia, game wins YOU!"

Of course, with each embarassingly souless loss, the Nets chances of landing LeBron slip futher into the toilet. The guy already saved one franchise, I can't imagine he's going to want to try and do it again. For less money. Even if Jay-Z does have LBJ's ear, who in their right mind would want to wander into that mess. The Knicks look better and better every day - and that is saying something.

Speaking of Interim Coaches...

Have you seen the face that's now coaching the New Orleans Hornets? It's a face that screams "Gimme donuts now!," moreso than Potsy's mind thinks it.

Live Blogging the 24 hour NCAA basketball marathon - Part II

2009-11-17T11:41:00.006-06:00

11:41 am - We're back in! Live from Siena! 5 dollars on Siena to cover 9.5! Go go go!

After a brief nap, and apparently missing Monmouth get their shit rocked, I'm beaned up and ready to rock. Hey, is this the time when most people are working? SUCKERS! I'm listening to Bill Raftery call a game in upstate New York. Life = Win.

Quick look at this afternoon's games.... AR Little Rock at Tulsa. Hmmm... line is 15.5. Do I take my own advice and just bet the dog? Regional game, similar talent pool. Going to have to crunch that one. I like Tulsa. But 16 points? They're not that good.

Binghamton v. Pittsburgh. The line is down, because I assume no one from Keewanuhowak can count that high. If this is under 30 I will jump in with both feet. Pitt is sufficiently ghetto, and early in the season they will be "learning the plays" which means "jitting buckets".

11:51 am - Siena goes into the half down 6 to Northeastern. Neither team looks good at all. I wonder if "under" isn't just the way to bet these games. I guarantee Arkansas LR is going to score less than 40. And they might win.

JAY WILLIAMS IS A COMMENTATOR FOR ESPN. Oh man. He has resurrected his career! And in his new profession, he is allowed to ride cycles! Win win!

Screw it, the money's going on AR Little Rock. They were 15-3 in the Sun Belt last year. Screwed in the tournament by South Alabama. They'll keep it within 16.

Sun Belt.

12:00 pm - Alright, the bets are in and the coffee's up. I'll be back in an hour or so, assuming Siena makes this a game. Get there with Wu Wear.

1:02 pm - Oh Sienna. You are so close to covering. But Northeastern just won't give in. They cut it to 7 with 10 seconds left. Not going to happen.

Live Blogging the 24 hour NCAA basketball marathon

2009-11-17T02:13:00.014-06:00

My very first thought of the evening: "I hope Sportsinteraction is ALSO open for 24 hours tonight". Not likely.

We are beaming in live from East St. Paul, a mile from the loop, on the good side as Dickfer would say. So this obviously won't be much of a "live blog", as that would imply people are reading it as it is posted. Think of it more like a diary. A diary that features me staying up all night to watch MY Bows out in Honolulu, and don't you ever, ever forget about the kids from Drexel.

Welcome to the Terrordome. I've just put the kettle on. It's 2:15am and we're off and running.

Let's recap what we've already seen so far tonight, with gambling for spice.

1. Western Kentucky's going to BE THERE again this year.

They got business handled against Milwaukee. They looked rusty so they didn't cover. They're going to cover these games later in the year. Line was 8, they made 4. No worries. Milwaukee is tough, yes, and they will be a monster in their own right, but W. Kentucky's got it going. Looks like they've got a few games against SEC teams, but they don't play UK this year, so no real test going into the tournament. I'll tell you right now... they're going to get a 7 or 10 seed, and they're going to end up taking out California or whoever in the second round. Book it.

2. Indiana = same as it ever was.

Well, I'd like to say I saw something out of them, but when USC comes to town, and it's not OJ Mayo but rather SOUTH CAROLINA UPSTATE, you've got to take them out by more than 15. Nope. Same old Indiana. Let's take a look at that schedule: Maryland, Pitt and Kentucky, all go to Bloomington. OH OK HOW GOOD IS MY CREDIT AROUND HERE? And the best part? After those three games they've got a home tilt against North Carolina Central. I SMELL A COVER. Pfff, Indiana, whatever.

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2:27 am - Ok, St. Mary's. I understand basketball is boring after midnight, but let's try to hold this lead, hmmm?

2:29 am - FUCK OFF SPORTSINTERACTION. While the Bows get ready to tip against Northern Colorado, some jagoff in Keewaunoawaouk sleeps comfortably in his moose skin pj's. All action is closed. They better be open by Monmouth. Canadians are early risers by trade.

Alright, back to the previous post...

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3. As a rule, when betting early season games, if you know nothing about the two teams other than that they are "average" to "below average", and the spread is more than ten, just grab the underdog.

Eastern Washington? Whatever. Even Duke couldn't cover Coastal Carolina. Colgate EASILY covered v. Uconn. And Kentucky went to the dick with Miami of OH. Which should say something about regional rivalries this time of year. BET THE DOGS. They're playing with pride, and they've been practicing all summer. Guys from UK and Memphis have been stealing laptops. Big difference in preparedness.

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2:34 am - SPORTSINTERACTION MUST READ THIS BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bows favored by 5.5. (quickly reads alumni newsletter, Rainbows Of Today) Gotta go with the home crowd on this one. Bows will win, and we all know they make their throws at the end. Let's put 5 on it and let it ride.

(hesitant pause)

June Jones still coaches them, right?

2:38 am - St. Mary's still rocking the 14 point lead. They only need to win by 6. I thought this line looked too low, and it turns out that it is, for now. The Gaels were pretty good last year, and I never saw anything from San Diego State, at least not anything memorable. St. Mary's looks like they play in an armory. Do they clear this out for the Flint Tropics after the game? San Diego State has a LOT of very large men with lots of tats. St. Mary's has a lot of spindly white guys who can shoot the snack from outside. It's college basketball, so I'll let you guess who's dominating the game.

2:41 am - FUN. DA. MENTALS.

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So the Gophers won by 40 today. Surely in this 24 hour marathon, one of the teams above them is bound to crap their pants. Hmmm, let's check the schedule: Gonzaga is unranked? Wow. And Michigan State is #2? Well ok. State will win, but Zaga might cover that spread. Wish I could see what it is. Moving along, TENNESSEE IS NUMBER 11?!?!?!? That will last for exactly 4 more days. They are hosting UNC Asheville, who used to have a guy who was like 8 feet tall but then had to have his foot amputated. Sad. Volunteers will win big. Memphis at Kansas? DID SOMEONE SAY OVER? Kansas is winning by 40. Memphis will look like more like the Grizz than the Tigers. Ok, so maybe the Gophs won't move up right away. But they will.

They are balanced as HELL now. Sampson looks tougher inside, which you knew he would, because he literally could not get any meeker. And this recruiting class? I read on ESPN that it was top 5 in the country. THE COUNTRY. Oh thank you Tubby. Thank you for restoring prestige to this program. Or should I say "bringing" prestige.... lord knows we haven't had anything legit since the days of McHale and Saunders.

(Gaels run the lead to 20, and it's party time in ESP. That's East St. Paul for those not in the know)

I'm legitimately excited about the Gophers this year.... there is more optimism there than there has been since... what '07 with the Twins? '04 with the Wolves? And we all know how those years turned out. So it's cautious, as it always is in this part of the country, but it's there... a real expectation to do well. A few 40 point wins will do that. I know it's against the Rucker Park all-stars, but hey, 40 points is a hell of a lot. It shows competent defense AND offense. Dig it. And the Big 10 isn't going to be very good this year. Sure, at the top they're alright. But Purdue is WAY overrated, Michigan State is a few ticks up from where they should be, and don't even talk to me about Wisconsin or Ohio State. We'll deal with those scumbags when we see them.

Oh, and Michigan? Two words for you, and it also happens to be the second album from Ol' Dirty.

(Gaels now by 23. Sometimes money just comes easy.)

Is there a reason I should not be this excited about the Gophs? Is a let down coming? Well, let's put it this way: 3 players are on indefinite suspension, including 2 hot-shot recruits. And they're beating ass WITHOUT them. When/if they come back? I can't imagine it's going to hurt. Anyway, someone tell me I'm wrong. Because I don't see it. I think we can grab a 4 or 5 seed this year. And play games in Chicago or something. And possibly win two of them.

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So UCLA pooped the bed earlier tonight. Fullerton looked tough, but UCLA looked like they enjoy playing the game with runny BM down their shoes. It's early. But they were double digit favorites. Regional game. I didn't see it, but now my eyes are wide open. Tomorrow is a new day. Or should I say, this morning. In 4 hours.

2:56 am - San Diego State's coach. UH OH. That is an AGED man. Looks like a retired CPA. Probably is. (quick check)

HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD IT'S STEVE FISHER. HE IS ALIVE, AND DRAWS BREATH. Take a look at that Wikipedia picture. Someone looks "hunched" and is "laboring" on the sidelines. Wow. My mind is officially blown. It is 3am. I'm sitting here stunned. It's like finding out Clem has resurfaced at Directional Oregon Tech and is coaching under an assumed name and nobody knows it. Seriously, do they know this is the same Steve Fisher? The guy who's entire Wikipedia page is just littered with various academic violations that happened to his Michigan teams? You know, the ones that they had to TAKE DOWN EVERY STAT AND RECORD FROM EVERY GAME THEY PLAYED BECAUSE CHRIS WEBBER IS A HORRIBLE GODDAMNED CHEATER?

I just have to block quote this:

While the discoveries have not impacted Fisher's career with San Diego State (and no new allegations have occurred in conjunction with that program), they have caused his reputation to be tarnished in the eyes of some, as is true for other coaches whose schools were found guilty of major NCAA rules violations.

Are you kidding? He's the fucking KING. I mean, Clem never went to the championship game. Clem never had TWO different corrupt teams.

Wow. Ok, back to real life.

3:03 am - And we're in to Honolulu. Thank god. We will soon see Vili. Oh it makes me happy to see that ocean. I'm there in 4 weeks. Looks like good seats available at the stadium. I can't wait. I will go to a Bows game if it kills me. Or if it gets me fired. Either way.

Hawaii fans want this one. They're on the big stage and they know it. This is as close as they get to the tournament. Bring it home, guys. I've got 5 whole dollars riding on it.

Dwain Williams. Dwain. Makes the first bucket. Goes out and gits his bucket. It's going to be that kind of party. They passed the ball around for 32 seconds and then just ghettoed it up. Good to see the Bows are still the Bows. Get ball, score ball.

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So, Dickfer, who's getting the money for the long bet this year? Kansas? BORING. Kentucky? Not likely. I've got the sleeper that will allow for massive hedging... Villanova. They were in it to win it last year. No, seriously, I don't know what I'm talking about. But betting on UNC, Duke or Kentucky to win it is stupid. And Texas? Whatever. Better to put the money on a team that will definitely make the Elite 8. That does not include Duke or UNC.

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Since it's just so random and rambling, not to mention quarter after 3 in the morning, I'll just say this about the Wolves... they REALLY weren't kidding when they said it would be a long season. I predicted 20-25 wins. Ok, now I have officially entered the "10 Win Watch" mode, just hoping they don't top the Sixers for worst record of all time. They don't deserve THAT, but they do deserve to lose a lot of games. They are not good, they are not talented, they are outmatched at every position, possibly including coach, to nearly every team in the NBA. Expecting wins against anyone is folly. Will they surprise some people? Sure. But so will Memphis. Point is they are going to be really tested this year as far as losing is concerned. Hey, how do you guys handle feeling like you'll never win another game as long as you are alive? Because you're going to feel that most of the year. But, yes, confidence is still there for the future. 1. Rubio. 2. Draft picks. 3. Cap money. Kahn! has at least done two of those things right in his short time. And he may end up doing all three. So this team will look different next year, almost certainly better. That's what I tell myself as we continue to piss games away against Portland.

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Dwain Williams is ghetto with a capital G. LOVE IT. He comes from Providence, where he played for two years until their coach was fired. He wears a mohawk.

3:21 am - Ummmmmmmmmm, but he plays like God Shammgod, and not in a good way. Hey, who's gotta dribble faster than the other team? Is it you, Dwain?

Bows down by 5. Can we just run the offense please?

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Alright, the games coming up.... Monmouth at St. Peters. Don't know the line, Keewanauawak sleeps comfy. They are playing at 6am local time. SIX AM?!??! That's got to be an over. You think anyone wants to slap the floor and play defense? Anyone taking a charge at 6am? No way. Both teams are mediocre, low-level mid-major teams.

(by the way, if "mid-major" means "every conference other than the ACC, Big 10 and etc.", then is there anything lower than "mid-major"? Like, the Horizon league. They let North Dakota State in. That's not "mid" anything. That's small time. Have you ever been to NDSU? It's like a giant bar, with different school buildings that have no purpose. They play in a dome as big as this two story rambler. Anyway..........)

Both Monmouth and St. Peters have lost to Seton Hall. Supposedly the Pirates aren't that bad this year... or at least not "absolute garbage of the Big East" bad. St. Peters are the Peacocks. Good mix of upper to lower classmen. Wow, they haven't been good in... forever. Monmouth has made a tournament in the last 5 years. St. Peters hasn't won a MAAC tournament game in that long. Hmmmmmmmmm..... this is going to take some research. Luckily I have until 5am to make that call. I'm sure I can run both the lats AND the plats before then.

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3:37 am - Note for future: HAWAII IS GANG-STER. If they ever play at Stanford, giddy up. Let's look at that schedule.... nope, nothing big. I will bet them over if they EVER play a competent team. Northern Colorado is not bad, but they are herky jerky, just like the Bows. This game is going to be to and fro until the final whistle. At which point Hawaii will be up by 7. Hopefully.

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3:44 am - Apparently Rick Pitino used to coach the Bows. See, this is shit I just would never have found out, ever. Staying up until the wee hours pays dividends again. Next up, a glimpse at Utah State's head coach, Dean Smith.

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This is a surreal experience..... I've watched marathon basketball in my day, but that's on tournament day, when ADD is just commonplace. "OH GOD DAYTON IS WINNING BUT WHAT ABOUT GREEN BAY PLEASE SWITCH TO THAT GAME THANK YOU WHAT ABOUT BELMONT???" In this, you're stuck watching one game at a time, which is fine, but it's fucking Hawaii v. Northern Colorado. I have literally never watched a game with either of these two teams in them, and god willing, I never will again. Next up is Monmouth. Last I've seen of them it was a ticker on the bottom of the screen.... "UNC 96 - Monmouth 43". And then couple all THAT with the fact that it's bearing down on 4am. And I've ALREADY been through 8 hours of ball. It's just awesome is all.

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3:50 am - There it is Dickfer. The first mention of Siena of the evening. According to "Mark", he says Siena "owns the east right now". What, the east side of Albany? The eastern portion of the stadiums they play in? Didn't they get rocked by Louisville last year? But yeah, name.

3:53 am - Halftime. Highlights of Kentucky-Miami. UK is as ghetto as could be expected. Hey Wall, you going to miss those throws like you were Chris Douglas-Roberts? YES. They'll get bounced from the tournament by Ohio State or some shit.

Wow, conversation at this halftime is LOOSE. Lots of laughing uncontrollably. Guys, it's just Kentucky. No need to double over. Of course, I myself am laughing right now, for no reason. So yeah.

Highlights of UConn. Colgate kept it within 14. UConn is a notorious non-cover. They won't do it until game 20. Giddy up.

Coastal Carolina v. Duke. Oh, it's a "tournament" and Duke gets to play it at home. Gee, that doesn't sound familiar. Duke wins by 25 but they don't cover. I don't know what to take from that. Duke will play this season literally exactly like they have every one for the last 5 years. They will be 2nd or 3rd in the ACC, they will get a ridiculously high seed in the tournament because they are fuckfaces, and they will be BOUNCED THE FUCK by Buffalo or Milwaukee. It's a guarantee.

4:00 am - ENTERPRISE RENT A CAR WILL GET YOUR WIFE TO HAVE INTERCOURSE WITH YOU.

4:09 am - Announcer just said Hawaii is dictating "pace and tempo". Thank you.

4:22 am - Oh. Kay. I just saw a commercial for something called "Dave and Buster's". Did you know this exists? Take a look at this. Yeah. "Entrees"? I don't know what Goldfingers are, but I'm sure the guy at the Knight Cap could make some up for you.

BELT BUSTERS.

4:24 am - You know, I sold Sportsinteraction short.... they've got their act together. They just put their lines up for NBA tomorrow. Impressive. Hmmmm, let's see. Chicago at Sacramento, and it's.... THE KINGS BY A POINT? No, this can't be right. It is. Ghetto State is at Cleveland. Cavs by 15.5. They haven't been the cover machine this year that they were last year. Fat Shaq has a lot to do with that. They can't run these crap teams out of the gym. But still, it's not like you're going to bet Ghetto State, ever. So just watch that as a fan.

4:28 am - Still tied. This game is just a tug of war. Except instead of strength, the two teams are using "bad shooting" to fight each other. I don't know that I've seen a team shoot worse than the Bows. Wait, Wisconsin.

4:31 am - Montreal is the ODDS ON favorite for the Grey Cup this year. You find these things out at times like this.

4:32 am - The Hawaii coach just raised his arms up in the "let's go" move to the crowd. Really? The COACH does that? Whatever, it's Oahu. I haven't seen Vili yet. But then again, I've just been clicking "random article" in Wikipedia for the last few hours. HEY DID YOU KNOW ALAN KEYES GOT LIKE 40,000 VOTES IN CALIFORNIA???

4:37 am - Northern Colorado goes up by 7, and Hawaii's ghetto ways have caught up to them. Well, lesson learned. If they play any competition, and I mean like Reno-level, I'm going hard against the Bows. Sorry, but it's true guys. You just don't have any defensive discipline at all, and everyone's gotta jit their buckits all the time. Guys like Dwain Williams are guys we would mock endlessly if he played at Iowa.

Also, the line is down for the St. Peters Monmouth game. Probably a good thing. I'm leaning towards Monmouth. But just because of the use of the word "mouth" in their name.

4:40 am - Annnnnnnnnnnnnd just like that, it's a 12 point deficit for the Bows. When they face adversity, they just get more ghetto. So Northern Colorado goes into the zone, which prompts the announcer, "Hawaii not known for being a good shooting team". You think? They are now completely out of gas and this has turned into a blowout. I paid five dollars to know to never bet on Hawaii again this season.

DONK!

4:53 am - Hawaii goes on a mini run to get it back to 8 with 1:45 to play, but I don't care about that at all. WHERE'S MY MONMOUTH LINE? NEW JERSEY, GET UP.

5:02 am - HOLY GOD. What is going on here? Hawaii was down by SEVENTEEN. Now they are within 2. Basketball is back. God bless it. I literally just fell asleep with my eyes open. Still no Monmouth line. Mad and getting madder.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS FROM DREXEL?!??!?!?!

5:07 am - Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand there it is. Hawaii fights back valiantly, but it falls short. As do I. No Monmouth for me... it's off to sleep sack. They won't let me bet on Drexel OR Siena, either. Bad idea, Sportsinteraction. Expect a letter from my lawyer.

Part two tomorrow....

United We Let The Other Team Run All Over Us And Never Attempt To Get A Stop, Ever, On Defense

2009-11-09T23:15:00.002-06:00

Couldn't keep the Ghetto State Ghettos under 100 in the first three quarters, eh?

Aeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...

Minnesota Golden Felons?

2009-11-06T15:04:00.005-06:00

Wow, so this was supposed to be the Year of the Tubby. His first real recruiting class. His first chance to really put his stamp on the University of Minnesota basketball program. Well, an aggrivated battery charge as well as misdimeanor theft and assault charges have put an early-season dent in the armor of the 18th ranked Gophers.

Royce White decided a pair of pants and a shirt was worth risking his collegiate basketball career after he shoplifted them from the Macy's at the Mall of America. Then, to top it off, he shoved a mall security guard multiple times on his way out.

Trevor Mbakwe on the otherhand is being charged with a fellony for punching a woman in the face. Yeah, JR Rider-style. This was back in April, but still - punched her in the face? Hope whatever she did is worth the chance to spend a couple years in the clink.

Devron Bostick, not a new recruit, has also been suspended, but they aren't saying what he did, which means it's probably not criminal, which is good I guess.

So on the eve of the beginning of a season in which we were hoping to see the Gophers reach new heights, Tubby's new kids are shitting all over the program.

How Did I Miss This!!??

2009-10-30T13:29:00.002-05:00

Mark Madsen was recently hired as an assistant coach for the Utah Flash of the NBDL. He talked about it here.

I have to say that reading this news makes me very happy. Mad Dog seems like such a great person so it's nice that he's getting an opportunity to coach - which he apparently likes very much.

So cheers Mad Dog! Good luck with the Utah Flash. The only advice I can give you is to stick to teaching them basketball and not dance moves.

Game Notes - Wolves 95 Nets 93

2009-10-29T13:42:00.007-05:00

Halfway through the third quarter we almost left. If Condor hadn't returned to our seats carrying beers, we probably would have. And we would've been sorry we had.

For most of the first 30 minutes of the game, the new edition Wolves mostly resembled their 15-win predecessors. They seemed out-matched at every position and looked pathetically bad on the defensive end of the floor - too many lay-up, dunks, and and-ones. But then New Jersey, being the poor-quality team that they are, went to sleep and Kurt Rambis loosened the reigns on the team and - POW! What once was a 19-point deficeit turned into a 2-point victory. It really was a fun game to watch. Well, a fun fourth quarter to watch anyways. A W is a W, as they say, and since we may not see too many of those this season I'll take it. Plus it's always nice to start off the season on the right foot.

"Running" the Triangle Offense

It's pretty clear that most of the players are still pretty clueless on how the Triangle works and, with all the nuances it has, that's completely understandable. That being said, they looked uncomfortable and disjointed when trying to run plays - many of which ended up with someone taking a Kobe-esque shot with the shot clock winding down. It seemed that the two guys taking on the MJ/Kobe role in the Wolves version were Corey Brewer (Kobe) and Damien Wilkins (MJ). So, from this point on, that's how we'll be referring to those two.

"United We Run"

That's the team's slogan this year. It's not a bad slogan. It tells me, the fan, that you're going to get up and down the floor, score a lot, and probably be a pretty fun team to watch, even when it doesn't add up to wins. Of course, if you're not what you've advertised, then of course, maybe you should consider changing it. It took the Wolves almost 3 quarters to get their running game going. Usually running teams run for a MAJORITY of the game, not 30% of the game. Once they started running, they owned the game, turning a blow-out loss into a last-second win. But what sparked the change you ask?

Pressure, pressure pressure

While they were getting owned in the paint early and often, once the Wolves started successfully pressing the Nets, they started forcing turnovers - which make running much easier. They forced 22 turnovers (while only comitting 10 of their own by the way). Sure, the Nets aren't a very good team, but 22 is still a lot of turnovers. Forcing those turnovers did two things. First, it didn't allow the Nets to get into their offense - aka give the ball to Brook Lopez and let him do whatever he wants. Secondly, it led to a lot more fast-breaks and open floor plays - and LESS of the unknown Triangle offense. The youngsters benefited from that by getting a lot of easy shots, while not giving as many of them up.

Jonny Flynn can fly!

If you watched him play at Syracuse last year, you already know how quick Flynn can be. Normally that level of quickness isn't as prevalent at the NBA level, unless your name is TJ Ford. Well, add Flynn's name to that list. Once he got the nervous butterflies out he pretty much got by anyone at will, to the point where he was a little too quick for his own good. He's also a pesky defender and definitely plays the game with a TON of energy.

What you may have also noted by his performances in college - specifically the 6 OT game against Uconn - is how clutch the kid can be. Well, in his first NBA game, he scored 13 of his 18 points in the fouth quarter - 11 of which came in the final run that won the game. He was also charged with taking the game-winning shot and, even though he missed it, there was no fear in that shot. I really like what I see so far out of him.

Corey Brewer, meet Felton Spencer

I'm trying SO hard to like Corey Brewer, I really am. He's a nice kid who plays with a lot of energy, and he knows how to win. But he can't make a layup to save his life. On more than one occasion when we went in for a layup the ball came out of his hands like he had wooden blocks strapped to them - like when you go up for a layup, the ball slips out of your hand, so you try to bat it up towards the rim. It was awful. Of course, he did hit the jumper that gave the Wolves a 92-91 lead towards the end of the game, so I guess he can make them when he needs to? But enough about what he can't do.

The Wolves Kobe can get up and down the floor. He was all over the place - for better and worse. On one play he stripped the ball loose in the corner and was the first guy down the floor. He recieved a pass just inside the three line, did a nice spin dribble - right into a double-team and got his shot blocked. If he can fix the layup problems, he'll be fine - but I'm afraid that still a pretty big if.

Al Jefferson is injured

Don't let the fantasy basketball notes fool you. He is NOT healthy. No way. He was limping around the court all night, grimacing any time there was a stop in play. He was WAY behind on defense, even for Al Jefferson. He doesn't look like he can jump and spent most of the night settling for shots out of his range.

He needs to get deeper in the post, where he can be effective, and he needs to learn how to pass out of double-teams. Most of all though, he needs to be sitting on the bench, resting until that achillies is healed.

The last thing the franchise needs is it's franchise player suffering another season-ending injury.

And Here We...Go

2009-10-28T17:16:00.002-05:00

Ahh, who DOESN'T love the start of the NBA season? A time of fresh beginnings, new starts, the evil, burnt, dead, awful, embarassing, taste of previous failure is but a faint memory. Especially when the last of the Walking Dead have been removed from your teams front office.

With a new GM, new coach, and new philosophy, our beloved Wolves move into somewhat exciting territory tonight with the opening of the 2009-10 season. There's our exciting new rookie Jonny Flynn, the return of Big Al, not to mention our new head coach Kurt Rambis - apparently the Wolves will be running the Triangle offense this year...

Of course with no players with any notable experience in the triangle offense, the depth issues everywhere but the poing guard position, not knowing how Big Al will bounce back from major knee surgery - not to mention the currently-sore achillies, it's looking like wins will be a little rare this season. The injury to Kevin Love doesn't help either.

But that's okay. We, as fans, don't expect much success from them this season - success meaning wins, playoffs, etc. We only expect to see solid effort every night, an exciting brand of basketball that is fun to watch, even when you're losing. We expect to see some growth in the games of Jefferson and Love, we hope to see Corey Brewer find something resembling a jump shot - even remotely. We expect to see Flynn get major minutes. Above all else we expect to see a team - from front office to ball boy - give 100% effort every night. We expect you to earn the money we fans pay to watch this team play. If you lose, that's fine - as long as it was hard fought.

We on this blog are excited for this season to get underway. There are going to highs and lows - and uber lows - but the offseason action has told us one, very important thing: We're heading in the right direction. And right now, that's all that matters.

So bring on the Nyets, and let's get this thing underway!

...And Here Comes the Mafia!!!

2009-09-23T17:28:00.006-05:00

Read the following sentence and tell me it doesn't sound like that:

"Russia's richest man has a deal to buy a controlling interest in the New
Jersey Nets and nearly half of a project to build a new arena in Brooklyn."

So, a Russian billionaire is going into a business deal with a Jersey billionaire? C'mon, how can that NOT be mafia-related!?

Somewhere, Tim Donaghy just shivered...

Same old, same...wait a minute

2009-09-21T17:14:00.002-05:00

The NCAA (that organization that claims college athletics is honest and pure while slapping a logo and advertising on EVERYTHING) made a small announcement about future tournament sites today. Seeing that it isn't basketball season, it was easy to miss the news...and even easier not to finish the article.

Much has been said - all of it fact - that the NCAA looks out for the ACC come tournament time. The farce that is "pod system" is merely in place to make sure the most North Carolina schools are still in the tournament for the sweet 16 will continue in 2011 with games in Charlotte. In 2012, there will be games in Greensboro.

But then...in what clearly has to be a mistake, comes the 2013 schedule.
NO GAMES IN NORTH CAROLINA

and...

The West Regional will be IN LOS ANGELES

How in the hell could this happen? Do they know what they've done? They've brought back NCAA tournament games to Los Angeles County (the county with the largest population in the country) for the first time since 1994. Guess the Honda Center in Anaheim was booked, huh?

No, Anaheim will have games in 2011.

Just making us wait.

Another Seemingly Good Decision By KAHN!

2009-09-04T10:58:00.004-05:00

The Wolves signed PG Ramon Sessions to an offer sheet today for a reasonable contract worth about $4 million per season. The lead guard position is in the best condition it's been in since Sam-I-Am moved his sack-juggling act out of town. We have the youngster who has a ton of potential in rookie Jonny Flynn and we have the old, greasy veteran to help show the youngster the ropes in Chucky Atkins. Assuming Milwaukee doesn't match the Wolves offer, Sessions will give us a little mix of both youth and experience. When he's been given consistant playing time Sessions has had some success and averaged 11 points 6 assists for the Bucks last season.

With Sessions in the mix the Wolves won't have to rely on Chucky Atkins for significant minutes or worry so much about wear-and-tear or injury with Flynn. Plus, like I said, Sessions ain't half bad as a player, and he'll be eager to play and contribute. Worst case is that Milwaukee matches and we don't have to pay another point guard for 4 more years.

I can't help but push the idea that we spend a lot of time pushing on this here blog, but I've been really impressed with the decision-making abilities of Kahn! They may not all work out, but they all seem well thought out, both short and long term, and serve the betterment of this franchise.

No jersey for Dave Sniznawski... yet

2009-09-01T11:29:00.002-05:00

Well, it's official. Mr. Rubio is staying in Spain for 2 more years. He'll be 20 when he comes to play in the Great White North, and by then, we will have gone through two horrible losing seasons.

BUT!

Kahn! knows how to draft them, and we'll be sitting pretty good with young talent and contracts, so this doesn't hurt as bad. The simple facts are that it is what it is, and we can't change it, so it doesn't do any good to talk about the "what ifs". "If Rubio came to the Wolves this year they would sell more tickets and I would eat fried ham at the fair and BURRRRRRRRR" Whatever. Tickets aren't the problem. The Marlins routinely compete for division championships in front of 300 fans. The problem is success... long-term success. People don't go to games to see the hot new rookie who can't shoot. They go to see a team who is good at basketball play another team that is good at basketball and hopefully beat them.

Kahn! handled this as best he could, and I sure would've liked to see Rubio next year, but now we know, and that's that. We'll move into the season with an untested group of young kids and see what we can do. Gone are the Antoine Walkers of the world, and that is a good thing. The roster appears somewhat set, so let's begin.

Wow, should we just hire Barkley and get it over with?

2009-08-30T10:57:00.002-05:00

So Rambis and Kahn! have gone and stuck it in McFail's ear again, this time by hiring ANOTHER former foe - Bill Laimbeer - as an assistant coach. Oh, and Reggie Theus.

Assistant coaches really don't matter in the grand scheme of things (as we all know cough*SidneyLowe*cough) so this is, I think, purely a "name" move. Laimbeer wants to coach in the NBA one day, obviously, so this is the first step towards that (and Rambis would also like to coach in the NBA some day, too, but for now, he has to coach our NBDL team).

About the only thing I have to go on about Laimbeer is from his playing days, so it's not worth discussing. I will say that he coached championships in Detroit - granted it was with the WNBA, but still - and that's always a Good Thing. As Laettner will tell you, winners are important. And when you're going around the locker room and pointing to all the other stalls and saying "Loser, loser, loser", well, the more you can point to and say "winner" (as he did when he pointed at himself), the better.

I miss him.

B-Easy And His Little Bags of....

2009-08-24T14:54:00.002-05:00

I read this today and got a good bit of entertainment out of it. First off, who gets their Twitter ID tattoed on their body? It gets better. The tattoo is actually his old Twitter ID, that he was forced to shut down awhile back - presumably by his employer, the Miami Heat - in the interest of preserving his image. Of course he posted the picture on his new Twitter page, which has since been shut down to, once again, try to preserve his image. Here's the picture, and a recap of the happenings of B-Easy today.

I hope rehab does him well and forces him to grow up a bit. I can't pick on him for being depressed because that is a serious problem. And I can't pick on the guy for what he does by himself behind closed doors. But son, if you're going to take a picture of yourself and put it on the Internet, FOR GOD SAKES MAKE SURE YOUR WEED IS NOT IN THE PICTURE. That's just plain stupid - and that's something I can give him a hard time about. That and the stupidity of his tattoo.

Raise your hand if you want to kiss Kahn

2009-08-10T16:59:00.003-05:00

His second letter to Timberwolves' fans.

Our previous GM couldn't spell words correctly, ergo he could not form complete sentences, ergo he never wrote a letter to fans, ever. Instead, he would pick up a carafe of freshly-made coffee, say 3 words about being a "players' coach", and proceed to dump the entire contents down the front of his pants.

Then he would walk around all day like that, looking as though he had peed in his pants. Nobody would say anything to him, because it was normal. We were all used to the incompetence.

We haven't had intelligent leadership on this team since.... EVER.