November 30, 2009


What Would Doug Moe Do if he was still the coach of a team that lost to the Timberwolves?

We hit our 2-win goal for the month of November, with little time to spare! As long as they win at least 2 games a month for the rest of the season, we'll safely avoid the record for fewest wins in a season.

Gomes led the way by scoring 27 points, the most by a Timberwolves player this season. He just beat out Ole's 24 - sorry buddy!

At least we're not the Nets...

I feel like I'm going to be saying this a lot this season. We'll be scraping the bottom of the barrel, looking for snacks, and we won't get much. But the Nets. The Nets will probably go pretty hungry this year. I don't want them to, but I feel like they're going to "shatter" the single-season record for least wins in the NBA. Lawrence Frank was a pretty solid coach, pedigree or not, and now they'll have an interim head coach to clean up the mess that is this season. I wonder how happy their new Russian billionaire owner feels right about now. Maybe wins and losses don't count the same in Russia - "In Russia, game wins YOU!"

Of course, with each embarassingly souless loss, the Nets chances of landing LeBron slip futher into the toilet. The guy already saved one franchise, I can't imagine he's going to want to try and do it again. For less money. Even if Jay-Z does have LBJ's ear, who in their right mind would want to wander into that mess. The Knicks look better and better every day - and that is saying something.

Speaking of Interim Coaches...

Have you seen the face that's now coaching the New Orleans Hornets? It's a face that screams "Gimme donuts now!," moreso than Potsy's mind thinks it.

November 17, 2009

Live Blogging the 24 hour NCAA basketball marathon - Part II

11:41 am - We're back in! Live from Siena! 5 dollars on Siena to cover 9.5! Go go go!

After a brief nap, and apparently missing Monmouth get their shit rocked, I'm beaned up and ready to rock. Hey, is this the time when most people are working? SUCKERS! I'm listening to Bill Raftery call a game in upstate New York. Life = Win.

Quick look at this afternoon's games.... AR Little Rock at Tulsa. Hmmm... line is 15.5. Do I take my own advice and just bet the dog? Regional game, similar talent pool. Going to have to crunch that one. I like Tulsa. But 16 points? They're not that good.

Binghamton v. Pittsburgh. The line is down, because I assume no one from Keewanuhowak can count that high. If this is under 30 I will jump in with both feet. Pitt is sufficiently ghetto, and early in the season they will be "learning the plays" which means "jitting buckets".

11:51 am - Siena goes into the half down 6 to Northeastern. Neither team looks good at all. I wonder if "under" isn't just the way to bet these games. I guarantee Arkansas LR is going to score less than 40. And they might win.

JAY WILLIAMS IS A COMMENTATOR FOR ESPN. Oh man. He has resurrected his career! And in his new profession, he is allowed to ride cycles! Win win!

Screw it, the money's going on AR Little Rock. They were 15-3 in the Sun Belt last year. Screwed in the tournament by South Alabama. They'll keep it within 16.

Sun Belt.

12:00 pm - Alright, the bets are in and the coffee's up. I'll be back in an hour or so, assuming Siena makes this a game. Get there with Wu Wear.

1:02 pm - Oh Sienna. You are so close to covering. But Northeastern just won't give in. They cut it to 7 with 10 seconds left. Not going to happen.

Live Blogging the 24 hour NCAA basketball marathon

My very first thought of the evening: "I hope Sportsinteraction is ALSO open for 24 hours tonight". Not likely.

We are beaming in live from East St. Paul, a mile from the loop, on the good side as Dickfer would say. So this obviously won't be much of a "live blog", as that would imply people are reading it as it is posted. Think of it more like a diary. A diary that features me staying up all night to watch MY Bows out in Honolulu, and don't you ever, ever forget about the kids from Drexel.

Welcome to the Terrordome. I've just put the kettle on. It's 2:15am and we're off and running.

Let's recap what we've already seen so far tonight, with gambling for spice.

1. Western Kentucky's going to BE THERE again this year.

They got business handled against Milwaukee. They looked rusty so they didn't cover. They're going to cover these games later in the year. Line was 8, they made 4. No worries. Milwaukee is tough, yes, and they will be a monster in their own right, but W. Kentucky's got it going. Looks like they've got a few games against SEC teams, but they don't play UK this year, so no real test going into the tournament. I'll tell you right now... they're going to get a 7 or 10 seed, and they're going to end up taking out California or whoever in the second round. Book it.

2. Indiana = same as it ever was.

Well, I'd like to say I saw something out of them, but when USC comes to town, and it's not OJ Mayo but rather SOUTH CAROLINA UPSTATE, you've got to take them out by more than 15. Nope. Same old Indiana. Let's take a look at that schedule: Maryland, Pitt and Kentucky, all go to Bloomington. OH OK HOW GOOD IS MY CREDIT AROUND HERE? And the best part? After those three games they've got a home tilt against North Carolina Central. I SMELL A COVER. Pfff, Indiana, whatever.


2:27 am - Ok, St. Mary's. I understand basketball is boring after midnight, but let's try to hold this lead, hmmm?

2:29 am - FUCK OFF SPORTSINTERACTION. While the Bows get ready to tip against Northern Colorado, some jagoff in Keewaunoawaouk sleeps comfortably in his moose skin pj's. All action is closed. They better be open by Monmouth. Canadians are early risers by trade.

Alright, back to the previous post...


3. As a rule, when betting early season games, if you know nothing about the two teams other than that they are "average" to "below average", and the spread is more than ten, just grab the underdog.

Eastern Washington? Whatever. Even Duke couldn't cover Coastal Carolina. Colgate EASILY covered v. Uconn. And Kentucky went to the dick with Miami of OH. Which should say something about regional rivalries this time of year. BET THE DOGS. They're playing with pride, and they've been practicing all summer. Guys from UK and Memphis have been stealing laptops. Big difference in preparedness.


2:34 am - SPORTSINTERACTION MUST READ THIS BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bows favored by 5.5. (quickly reads alumni newsletter, Rainbows Of Today) Gotta go with the home crowd on this one. Bows will win, and we all know they make their throws at the end. Let's put 5 on it and let it ride.

(hesitant pause)

June Jones still coaches them, right?

2:38 am - St. Mary's still rocking the 14 point lead. They only need to win by 6. I thought this line looked too low, and it turns out that it is, for now. The Gaels were pretty good last year, and I never saw anything from San Diego State, at least not anything memorable. St. Mary's looks like they play in an armory. Do they clear this out for the Flint Tropics after the game? San Diego State has a LOT of very large men with lots of tats. St. Mary's has a lot of spindly white guys who can shoot the snack from outside. It's college basketball, so I'll let you guess who's dominating the game.

2:41 am - FUN. DA. MENTALS.


So the Gophers won by 40 today. Surely in this 24 hour marathon, one of the teams above them is bound to crap their pants. Hmmm, let's check the schedule: Gonzaga is unranked? Wow. And Michigan State is #2? Well ok. State will win, but Zaga might cover that spread. Wish I could see what it is. Moving along, TENNESSEE IS NUMBER 11?!?!?!? That will last for exactly 4 more days. They are hosting UNC Asheville, who used to have a guy who was like 8 feet tall but then had to have his foot amputated. Sad. Volunteers will win big. Memphis at Kansas? DID SOMEONE SAY OVER? Kansas is winning by 40. Memphis will look like more like the Grizz than the Tigers. Ok, so maybe the Gophs won't move up right away. But they will.

They are balanced as HELL now. Sampson looks tougher inside, which you knew he would, because he literally could not get any meeker. And this recruiting class? I read on ESPN that it was top 5 in the country. THE COUNTRY. Oh thank you Tubby. Thank you for restoring prestige to this program. Or should I say "bringing" prestige.... lord knows we haven't had anything legit since the days of McHale and Saunders.

(Gaels run the lead to 20, and it's party time in ESP. That's East St. Paul for those not in the know)

I'm legitimately excited about the Gophers this year.... there is more optimism there than there has been since... what '07 with the Twins? '04 with the Wolves? And we all know how those years turned out. So it's cautious, as it always is in this part of the country, but it's there... a real expectation to do well. A few 40 point wins will do that. I know it's against the Rucker Park all-stars, but hey, 40 points is a hell of a lot. It shows competent defense AND offense. Dig it. And the Big 10 isn't going to be very good this year. Sure, at the top they're alright. But Purdue is WAY overrated, Michigan State is a few ticks up from where they should be, and don't even talk to me about Wisconsin or Ohio State. We'll deal with those scumbags when we see them.

Oh, and Michigan? Two words for you, and it also happens to be the second album from Ol' Dirty.

(Gaels now by 23. Sometimes money just comes easy.)

Is there a reason I should not be this excited about the Gophs? Is a let down coming? Well, let's put it this way: 3 players are on indefinite suspension, including 2 hot-shot recruits. And they're beating ass WITHOUT them. When/if they come back? I can't imagine it's going to hurt. Anyway, someone tell me I'm wrong. Because I don't see it. I think we can grab a 4 or 5 seed this year. And play games in Chicago or something. And possibly win two of them.


So UCLA pooped the bed earlier tonight. Fullerton looked tough, but UCLA looked like they enjoy playing the game with runny BM down their shoes. It's early. But they were double digit favorites. Regional game. I didn't see it, but now my eyes are wide open. Tomorrow is a new day. Or should I say, this morning. In 4 hours.

2:56 am - San Diego State's coach. UH OH. That is an AGED man. Looks like a retired CPA. Probably is. (quick check)

HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD IT'S STEVE FISHER. HE IS ALIVE, AND DRAWS BREATH. Take a look at that Wikipedia picture. Someone looks "hunched" and is "laboring" on the sidelines. Wow. My mind is officially blown. It is 3am. I'm sitting here stunned. It's like finding out Clem has resurfaced at Directional Oregon Tech and is coaching under an assumed name and nobody knows it. Seriously, do they know this is the same Steve Fisher? The guy who's entire Wikipedia page is just littered with various academic violations that happened to his Michigan teams? You know, the ones that they had to TAKE DOWN EVERY STAT AND RECORD FROM EVERY GAME THEY PLAYED BECAUSE CHRIS WEBBER IS A HORRIBLE GODDAMNED CHEATER?

I just have to block quote this:

While the discoveries have not impacted Fisher's career with San Diego State (and no new allegations have occurred in conjunction with that program), they have caused his reputation to be tarnished in the eyes of some, as is true for other coaches whose schools were found guilty of major NCAA rules violations.

Are you kidding? He's the fucking KING. I mean, Clem never went to the championship game. Clem never had TWO different corrupt teams.

Wow. Ok, back to real life.

3:03 am - And we're in to Honolulu. Thank god. We will soon see Vili. Oh it makes me happy to see that ocean. I'm there in 4 weeks. Looks like good seats available at the stadium. I can't wait. I will go to a Bows game if it kills me. Or if it gets me fired. Either way.

Hawaii fans want this one. They're on the big stage and they know it. This is as close as they get to the tournament. Bring it home, guys. I've got 5 whole dollars riding on it.

Dwain Williams. Dwain. Makes the first bucket. Goes out and gits his bucket. It's going to be that kind of party. They passed the ball around for 32 seconds and then just ghettoed it up. Good to see the Bows are still the Bows. Get ball, score ball.


So, Dickfer, who's getting the money for the long bet this year? Kansas? BORING. Kentucky? Not likely. I've got the sleeper that will allow for massive hedging... Villanova. They were in it to win it last year. No, seriously, I don't know what I'm talking about. But betting on UNC, Duke or Kentucky to win it is stupid. And Texas? Whatever. Better to put the money on a team that will definitely make the Elite 8. That does not include Duke or UNC.


Since it's just so random and rambling, not to mention quarter after 3 in the morning, I'll just say this about the Wolves... they REALLY weren't kidding when they said it would be a long season. I predicted 20-25 wins. Ok, now I have officially entered the "10 Win Watch" mode, just hoping they don't top the Sixers for worst record of all time. They don't deserve THAT, but they do deserve to lose a lot of games. They are not good, they are not talented, they are outmatched at every position, possibly including coach, to nearly every team in the NBA. Expecting wins against anyone is folly. Will they surprise some people? Sure. But so will Memphis. Point is they are going to be really tested this year as far as losing is concerned. Hey, how do you guys handle feeling like you'll never win another game as long as you are alive? Because you're going to feel that most of the year. But, yes, confidence is still there for the future. 1. Rubio. 2. Draft picks. 3. Cap money. Kahn! has at least done two of those things right in his short time. And he may end up doing all three. So this team will look different next year, almost certainly better. That's what I tell myself as we continue to piss games away against Portland.


Dwain Williams is ghetto with a capital G. LOVE IT. He comes from Providence, where he played for two years until their coach was fired. He wears a mohawk.

3:21 am - Ummmmmmmmmm, but he plays like God Shammgod, and not in a good way. Hey, who's gotta dribble faster than the other team? Is it you, Dwain?

Bows down by 5. Can we just run the offense please?


Alright, the games coming up.... Monmouth at St. Peters. Don't know the line, Keewanauawak sleeps comfy. They are playing at 6am local time. SIX AM?!??! That's got to be an over. You think anyone wants to slap the floor and play defense? Anyone taking a charge at 6am? No way. Both teams are mediocre, low-level mid-major teams.

(by the way, if "mid-major" means "every conference other than the ACC, Big 10 and etc.", then is there anything lower than "mid-major"? Like, the Horizon league. They let North Dakota State in. That's not "mid" anything. That's small time. Have you ever been to NDSU? It's like a giant bar, with different school buildings that have no purpose. They play in a dome as big as this two story rambler. Anyway..........)

Both Monmouth and St. Peters have lost to Seton Hall. Supposedly the Pirates aren't that bad this year... or at least not "absolute garbage of the Big East" bad. St. Peters are the Peacocks. Good mix of upper to lower classmen. Wow, they haven't been good in... forever. Monmouth has made a tournament in the last 5 years. St. Peters hasn't won a MAAC tournament game in that long. Hmmmmmmmmm..... this is going to take some research. Luckily I have until 5am to make that call. I'm sure I can run both the lats AND the plats before then.


3:37 am - Note for future: HAWAII IS GANG-STER. If they ever play at Stanford, giddy up. Let's look at that schedule.... nope, nothing big. I will bet them over if they EVER play a competent team. Northern Colorado is not bad, but they are herky jerky, just like the Bows. This game is going to be to and fro until the final whistle. At which point Hawaii will be up by 7. Hopefully.


3:44 am - Apparently Rick Pitino used to coach the Bows. See, this is shit I just would never have found out, ever. Staying up until the wee hours pays dividends again. Next up, a glimpse at Utah State's head coach, Dean Smith.


This is a surreal experience..... I've watched marathon basketball in my day, but that's on tournament day, when ADD is just commonplace. "OH GOD DAYTON IS WINNING BUT WHAT ABOUT GREEN BAY PLEASE SWITCH TO THAT GAME THANK YOU WHAT ABOUT BELMONT???" In this, you're stuck watching one game at a time, which is fine, but it's fucking Hawaii v. Northern Colorado. I have literally never watched a game with either of these two teams in them, and god willing, I never will again. Next up is Monmouth. Last I've seen of them it was a ticker on the bottom of the screen.... "UNC 96 - Monmouth 43". And then couple all THAT with the fact that it's bearing down on 4am. And I've ALREADY been through 8 hours of ball. It's just awesome is all.


3:50 am - There it is Dickfer. The first mention of Siena of the evening. According to "Mark", he says Siena "owns the east right now". What, the east side of Albany? The eastern portion of the stadiums they play in? Didn't they get rocked by Louisville last year? But yeah, name.

3:53 am - Halftime. Highlights of Kentucky-Miami. UK is as ghetto as could be expected. Hey Wall, you going to miss those throws like you were Chris Douglas-Roberts? YES. They'll get bounced from the tournament by Ohio State or some shit.

Wow, conversation at this halftime is LOOSE. Lots of laughing uncontrollably. Guys, it's just Kentucky. No need to double over. Of course, I myself am laughing right now, for no reason. So yeah.

Highlights of UConn. Colgate kept it within 14. UConn is a notorious non-cover. They won't do it until game 20. Giddy up.

Coastal Carolina v. Duke. Oh, it's a "tournament" and Duke gets to play it at home. Gee, that doesn't sound familiar. Duke wins by 25 but they don't cover. I don't know what to take from that. Duke will play this season literally exactly like they have every one for the last 5 years. They will be 2nd or 3rd in the ACC, they will get a ridiculously high seed in the tournament because they are fuckfaces, and they will be BOUNCED THE FUCK by Buffalo or Milwaukee. It's a guarantee.


4:09 am - Announcer just said Hawaii is dictating "pace and tempo". Thank you.

4:22 am - Oh. Kay. I just saw a commercial for something called "Dave and Buster's". Did you know this exists? Take a look at this. Yeah. "Entrees"? I don't know what Goldfingers are, but I'm sure the guy at the Knight Cap could make some up for you.


4:24 am - You know, I sold Sportsinteraction short.... they've got their act together. They just put their lines up for NBA tomorrow. Impressive. Hmmmm, let's see. Chicago at Sacramento, and it's.... THE KINGS BY A POINT? No, this can't be right. It is. Ghetto State is at Cleveland. Cavs by 15.5. They haven't been the cover machine this year that they were last year. Fat Shaq has a lot to do with that. They can't run these crap teams out of the gym. But still, it's not like you're going to bet Ghetto State, ever. So just watch that as a fan.

4:28 am - Still tied. This game is just a tug of war. Except instead of strength, the two teams are using "bad shooting" to fight each other. I don't know that I've seen a team shoot worse than the Bows. Wait, Wisconsin.

4:31 am - Montreal is the ODDS ON favorite for the Grey Cup this year. You find these things out at times like this.

4:32 am - The Hawaii coach just raised his arms up in the "let's go" move to the crowd. Really? The COACH does that? Whatever, it's Oahu. I haven't seen Vili yet. But then again, I've just been clicking "random article" in Wikipedia for the last few hours. HEY DID YOU KNOW ALAN KEYES GOT LIKE 40,000 VOTES IN CALIFORNIA???

4:37 am - Northern Colorado goes up by 7, and Hawaii's ghetto ways have caught up to them. Well, lesson learned. If they play any competition, and I mean like Reno-level, I'm going hard against the Bows. Sorry, but it's true guys. You just don't have any defensive discipline at all, and everyone's gotta jit their buckits all the time. Guys like Dwain Williams are guys we would mock endlessly if he played at Iowa.

Also, the line is down for the St. Peters Monmouth game. Probably a good thing. I'm leaning towards Monmouth. But just because of the use of the word "mouth" in their name.

4:40 am - Annnnnnnnnnnnnd just like that, it's a 12 point deficit for the Bows. When they face adversity, they just get more ghetto. So Northern Colorado goes into the zone, which prompts the announcer, "Hawaii not known for being a good shooting team". You think? They are now completely out of gas and this has turned into a blowout. I paid five dollars to know to never bet on Hawaii again this season.


4:53 am - Hawaii goes on a mini run to get it back to 8 with 1:45 to play, but I don't care about that at all. WHERE'S MY MONMOUTH LINE? NEW JERSEY, GET UP.

5:02 am - HOLY GOD. What is going on here? Hawaii was down by SEVENTEEN. Now they are within 2. Basketball is back. God bless it. I literally just fell asleep with my eyes open. Still no Monmouth line. Mad and getting madder.


5:07 am - Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand there it is. Hawaii fights back valiantly, but it falls short. As do I. No Monmouth for me... it's off to sleep sack. They won't let me bet on Drexel OR Siena, either. Bad idea, Sportsinteraction. Expect a letter from my lawyer.

Part two tomorrow....

November 6, 2009

Minnesota Golden Felons?

Wow, so this was supposed to be the Year of the Tubby. His first real recruiting class. His first chance to really put his stamp on the University of Minnesota basketball program. Well, an aggrivated battery charge as well as misdimeanor theft and assault charges have put an early-season dent in the armor of the 18th ranked Gophers.

Royce White decided a pair of pants and a shirt was worth risking his collegiate basketball career after he shoplifted them from the Macy's at the Mall of America. Then, to top it off, he shoved a mall security guard multiple times on his way out.

Trevor Mbakwe on the otherhand is being charged with a fellony for punching a woman in the face. Yeah, JR Rider-style. This was back in April, but still - punched her in the face? Hope whatever she did is worth the chance to spend a couple years in the clink.

Devron Bostick, not a new recruit, has also been suspended, but they aren't saying what he did, which means it's probably not criminal, which is good I guess.

So on the eve of the beginning of a season in which we were hoping to see the Gophers reach new heights, Tubby's new kids are shitting all over the program.